The Words We Forget to Say

No.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
Kyle was stupid.
I hated him.
Simple.

But that wasn't enough for Kyle.
Nope, now he had thrown my whole world out of balance.

------

I looked deep into Kyle's eyes, searching.
Was it really possible that this boy could love me?
Is this what he was trying to do all along?
He was trying to find a way to me...

I scrutinized him even more carefully, never tearing my gaze from his face.

Earnesty. Sincerity. Relief.
and most of all... longing.

Longing to be with me.
Longing to have me love him.

I closed my eyes as waves of guilt crashed into me.
As I inhaled deeply and opened my eyes, Kyle took a tentative step towards me.

Suddenly, I was overwhelmed.
I couldn't deal with him now.
I needed to sort out my feelings so I could think straight.

As he took that step forward, I took two steps back and I found myself falling.
I felt Jack's thin arms grabbing my waist and hauling me upright again.
"You okay, hun?"

I took one last, unsure look at Kyle and turned to face Jack.
"I'- I'm just," I stuttered, my voice coarse," Sorry I have t- to go."

Before I walked past him I grabbed Jack's arm and gave him a gentle squeeze.
"I'll come over later, okay?" Jack whispered barely audible.
I nodded lightly and gave him a weak smile.

I don't know how I could ever survive without him...

//////

I entered my hotel room and found Jonathan, Caleb, Marc, Kent and Austin all sitting on the floor, playing Uno.

Why now? Why here? I thought dismally.
All I wanted to do was collapse into my bed and cry.

The guys looked up and gave me warm smiles.
"Hey there, Jess." Jonathan said, hesitant.

I gave him a light smile, " Hey."

I saw him look swiftly at Caleb who nodded at him at him and they all stood up.
"we're gonna go take a walk, okay?" Caleb said in a guarded tone.

"Um, okay, sure," I replied.

" Do you want to come with us?" Jonathan asked.

I saw Austin elbow him in the stomach and Jonathan whispering angrily, " Ow! You douche, what was that for?"
He widened his eyes, looked up at me and opened his mouth to speak.

"No thanks I really want to catch up on some sleep," I lied before he could sat anything.

He smiled weakly at me and followed the rest of the band out the door.

I exhaled loudly and fell into my bed with relief.
They were probably just going to go find Kyle.

Kyle...
I let out a whimper as the first tear rolled down my cheek.
I couldn't believe this... I hate myself so much.
How could I have been such a fucking bitch to Kyle?!

All this time he was only trying to find a way to me...
And the only way was through Jack.

I can't believe I let my suspicions get the best of me.
Now I had most likely broke Kyle's heart.
If not shattered it into a thousand pieces.

I buried my head in my pillow and sobbed as quietly as possible when a knock sounded at the door.

"who is it?" I yelled in a cracked voice.

"Jess, open the door. It's me Jack."

I let my shoulders relax as I heard his voice and went to go open the door for him.
As soon as Jack saw my red, swollen eyes, he scooped me up, holding me bridal style, and kicked the door closed.

I cried into his shirt, my tears soaking his thin white shirt.
He went to the bed and sat me down on his lap, hugging me close.
"It's okay Jess, don't cry."

That only made me cry harder.
It was so unfair that he should care so much for me when Kyle was so lonely.
Plus, I was the one who screwed everything up.

He hugged me closer, " Sshh, baby. Tell me why you're crying Jess."

I looked up at him and unwillingly detached my face from his chest," I'm such a terrible person, Jack. I don't deserve to be alive."

He lowered his head and kissed my forehead, " Don't say that Jess. You're not a terrible person, and of course you deserve to stay here."

" No, I don't. I was such a bitch to Kyle. And for all the wrong reasons! I hate myself so much. Now Kyle has his heart broken."

He laid his cheek on my forehead and rocked me gently," Don't hate yourself, honey. It's not your fault that you got the wrong impression."

He kissed my forehead again," And don't worry about Kyle... He'll be fine."
" How can you be so sure?," I asked him, "He's probably a suicide risk by now!"
"what am I supposed to do?" I sobbed.

Jack looked at me with a pained expression, "Go..find him. Tell him that you're sorry. It'll make him feel a little better, trust me."

"You really think so Jack?"

He smiled weakly and said with that same pained look in his eyes, " Yeah, I bet..."
He looked away from me and stroked my hair, a twinge of sadness in his voice, " Remember, I'll always be here for you..."

Jack was the greatest friend a person could ask for.

I jumped a little at the sound of Jack's cell phone ringing obnoxiously.
I got off his lap and sat next to him, leaning on his shoulder as he got out his found and answered, " Hey."

It sounded like he was talking to Alex, but I wasn't sure.

"Oh, okay. I'll be there, " he replied into the phone.

He hung up and looked at me, somehow seeming to look past me," Um, I have to go Jess. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

I nodded ad hugged him, " Okay, I'll see you."

I watched as he left the room and I sighed.
I grabbed my head and moaned.
What a massive headache.
This wouldn't go away with Advil, I was sure.

I strode over to the mini fridge and took out some red wine.
I laughed, sounding on the edge of hysteria, as I realized that I was using Jonathan's home remedy for headaches.

As I started to pour the wine into a Dixie cup, my hand started trembling and I involuntarily dropped the bottle of wine, the red liquid spilling all over my light blue shirt and onto the carpet.

" Crap, " I muttered, staring at the red stain.
I scratched at my head as the headache intensified.

I walked to the phone and dialed for the main lobby," Hello? Main Lobby." answered a male voice the other line.

"Uh, hi. Can you send room service to room 16b please, I kinda spilled something."

"Sure, they'll be up in a minute," he replied in a montone.

"Okay, thanks," I mumbled and hung up.

Just about a minute later I heard a knock on the door.

Wow, I though, he wasn't kidding when he said a minute.

I walked up, opened the door and started," The spill's over the-"

Kyle.

I choked on my sentence as he stood in front of me, a smile on his face.
My lips started to quiver and I cried, " I'm so sorry, Kyle!"
I hugged him tightly, ignoring his surprised look.

He walked over to me bed, sat down, and patted the space beside him.
I sat down and looked at him.

"Don't need to be sorry, baby." he laughed.

"You're not mad at me?" I asked, bewildered.

"You're too lovely to stay mad at for too long."

I shook my head, " I was such a bitch. If you hate me just say it, cause I'll understand."

" I don't hate you.." he said with a frown, " I love you."

I looked at him and bit my lip.
We sat there for a while until he asked," Jessica, can I try something?"

I gulped, " Uh, yes?"

He smiled hesitantly and leaned towards me.
He pressed his lips softy to mine and held them there.

I felt the sparks.
There weren't a lot.
But I felt them.

When he separated our lips he looked at him a grinned.

" Kyle, let me tell you a secret."

"What?"

" I think I might love you too."

***JACKS POV***

It hurt a lot.

I wanted to hold Jessica in my arms forever and never let that perfect moment stop.
But it ended too quickly.

Yeah, you can say I'm in love with my best friend.
For a long time now too.
But I'd been too much of a coward to tell her.

I was just about to go back and confess my feelings to Jessica, but when I arrived at her room, I saw her with Kyle.
Kissing him.

That fool...
He'd beat me to her.