I Can Save You.

"Do you want any?"

Johnny handed me a bag, fine white powder sitting there.
It was practically taunting me.
Tempting me.
Screaming out, 'Just do it!'.
I knew I had lost it when I thought inanimate objects were screaming at me.

I shook my head furiously, thinking that if I just said no everything would be okay.
I wouldn't be tempted.
I wouldn't stare at the rest of them inhaling the drug.
I wouldn't say I changed my mind and wanted it.

I leaned back into the couch as Jimmy stood.
Maybe I should have informed Jimmy of the reason I was on the streets.
Maybe I should have told him I spent every last penny I had on this stuff.
How was he going to save me if he was doing that same thing I had.
Yet he had the home, the friends.
I had the streets.

I tugged on the back of his shirt.
Hoping he would turn around and see the desperate look on my face.
I had to get out of here.
Before I lost it.

"What's wrong?"

Jimmy's voice was soft.
It soothed me.
Made me feel unbearably comfortable.
Even in the situation I was in.

"I can't be here."

My voice was shaky.
Across the room Brian lit up another cigarette.
The flash of light from his lighter distracted me for a split second.
Then I was back to where I was.

Without question, Jimmy grabbed my hand and pulled me off the couch.
Quickly saying goodbye to everyone, we left.
I felt bad.
Because of me, he had to leave his friends.
He put me before his friends.

He could have just ignored me.
He could have just said ,"Go take a walk."
But no.
He took me away from it all.

"Why couldn't you be there?"

His voice broke through the silence.
My head adverted from the glass window, to face him.
He was still focused on the road in front of him.

"Jimmy, that's the reason I was where I was."

I'm sure my statement was confusing.
I'm sure I could have just said, "I'm a bloody addict. I sold myself for it."
But I didn't want him to think I was trash.
Even more then he should already have thought.

Jimmy nodded.

"I should have asked you. I'm sorry."

Jimmy pulled into the driveway.
He turned to me, 'I'm sorry' written in his eyes.
He had no reason to be sorry.
He thought he could help.
But I was too far gone to be saved.

I sighed and looked to the ground.
I let my hair fall in my face.
Covering the tears that were falling.
I was weak.
I didn't want to him to see me weak too.

In fact, I wanted to hide a lot from him.
How was he going to try if I hid from him?

Maybe I should leave.
I should.
Just rid him of me.
So he wouldn't have to bother.
He wouldn't have to babysit a 24 year old women.

Jimmy came to my door, opening it.
He held out a hand, eyes pleading for me to take it.
As soon as my hand connected with his, he pulled me out of the car.
The warm embrace he held me in felt amazing.
I felt warm.

"Your much to beautiful for the world to loose."