Symphony Of Sympathy

For hours, I laid motionless on my small couch. With my lack of movement, I probably looked dead. I probably should be. Conner's body had been taken away shortly after Lee left. The men asked a few questions, but I could hardly answer. I knew they'd come back with more questions, but that was the least of my worries.

I'd have to go back to Sheffield. I couldn't stay in New York anymore, not by myself, not now that Conner was gone. The apartment would haunt me, the pipes constantly reminding me how they helped, how they held up the rope while he hung himself.

The doorknob on the front door twisted, swinging open.

There stood Ella and Alex, both with tears streaming down their faces. "Oh hun, I'm so sorry," Ella said softly, walking over to me. I grunted in response, unable to speak. "Loh, if you ever want to talk about this, I'm here. I'll always be here for you."

"Conner told me he'd always be there. We both see how well that worked out," I snapped at her, finally finding my voice. Ella looked shocked, and took a step back, wiping at the tears on her face.

"C'mon, Loh, don’t do this," Alex said quietly, sitting on the couch by my feet.

"Don’t do what?" I shouted at him, sitting up and pulling my legs away from him. "Don’t be upset? Don’t be angry? Meh boyfriend, fuck, meh fiancé just fuckin' killed himself! Don’t tell meh what to do!"

Alex dropped his eyes to his lap, leaning away, as if to escape my furious glare. "That wasn’t what I meant," he said softly, looking over at Ella. She said on the wood floor, wrapping her arms around her knees as she cried.

I ran my hands over my face, wiping at the tears still there. "I don’t know what to do," I cried, burying my face in my hands. "Conner was the only thing keepin' meh stable. I don’t know what to do without 'im!"

You should have thought of that before you made him commit suicide, Sierra said bitterly, making me cry even harder.

It was true. I pushed Conner to suicide. I was officially the most awful person in the entire world.

Alex grabbed my hand. "You still have us," he reassured, trying to smile, but his eyes gave him away. Even with my blurred vision, I could still see the tears leaking from his eyes.

I ripped my hand away from his. "No," I snarled at him. "I don’t 'ave yeh. Yeh two will leave meh too. Everyone'll fuckin' leave meh because I'm so awful!"

Ella sniffled as she stopped her tears. "Would you shut the fuck up?" she screamed at me. "We lost Conner too, you know. He was our friend too. Just because he was your fiancé does not mean you are the only one suffering! So shut up with this 'everyone hates me' bullshit!"

I'd never seen Ella so angry. Her face was bright red, partially from the tears. Her fists were balled up at her sides, arms tense. Her jaw was clenched as she glared at me.

"Get out of meh apartment," I snapped at her, pointing to the door. "Get the fuck out of meh apartment."

"C'mon, Loh..." Alex said, attempting to grab my hand to calm me.

"No!" I screamed at him, jumping up from the couch. "Both of yeh. Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. Meh. Apartment."

Alex sighed, walking over to grab his sister. He knew she wasn’t going to leave that easily. As he was pulling her out of the apartment by her arm, she turned to glare at me. "Just because he's dead doesn’t mean you get to be a bitch," she said bitterly, slamming the door after her.

I wiped at the tears as I walked into my bedroom. On the bed sat Sierra, her red hair pulled back in a ponytail. Her green eyes glared at me when I walked in.

"Well well, if it isn’t the bitch of the year!" She sneered, crossing her arms over her chest.

I squeezed my eyes shut, a few more tears leaking out. "Yeh aren’t real, yeh aren’t real, yeh aren’t real..." no matter how many times I repeated it, I knew she'd still be there, sitting on my bed, that disappointed look glued to her face.

"When are you going to just grow up, Shi?" Sierra snapped at me.

I rubbed at my closed eyes, wanting nothing more than this delusion to stop. "Yeh aren’t fuckin' real!" I screamed at her. When my eyes opened, Sierra was still sitting on my bed.

But this time, she wasn’t alone.