Like a Fool

"Cain! Come in honey!" My mom looked up at me with a bright and smiling face. I shook my head, I refused to go in there with that deserter. "Now don't be rude, Cain."

"I forgot something at Brian's!" I said quickly and ran out the door and back to Brian's house.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! My mind was a complete mess, my father was back and my mother was actually smiling! She couldn't even say 'your father' with out a tear escaping for Christ's sake! What the hell did he do to her? Or is she so lonely that she'd go for the scum of the Earth?!

I was still sprinting when I flew through Brian's front door and smacked straight into Johnny, taking us both sprawling to the ground.

"What the fuck Cain? Why the sudden round of smear the queer?" He asked slightly out of breath.

"Where's Matt?!" He's the only one who knows the full story of my 'father'.

"Out side in the pool. Why?"

I leaped off of him and bounded out the back door. And for the second time that night I stopped in my tracks. He was out there with Lexi. She was in the skimpiest bikini I had ever seen and he was devouring her with his eyes. I watched him swim up to her, trap her against the side of the pool and kiss her with the most passion I had ever seen him display.

And for the second time that night I fled one of the places I considered myself to be safe.

I ran past a very bewildered Johnny, through the open door, and out into the cold. I glanced down at my sandal clad feet and realized I wouldn't be able to run in these. I quickly kicked them off and threw them at Brian's front door.

Once my feet were uninhibited by clunky material I could run at a full sprint. I hated to run, it was the most vile thing you could force someone to do. But if I was making myself run then I was fine. The one true way for me to release my anger was to bleed it out through exhaustion of the body.

I didn't know where I was going and I wasn't sure I wanted to know but I allowed my feet to push me on. I wanted to out run my problems. I wanted to run to a place where sadness, regret, anger, and betrayal didn't exist. And maybe if I ran long enough I would find that place.

My feet slapped the cold hard pavement. The occasional rock stuck into the soft flesh but I pressed on. The pain only helped.

This truly was Murphy's Law at work. Murphy stated that: If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

Although perhaps 'one' was an inaccurate number to place on my situation but it truly summed up what I felt.

The man who abandoned me when I was five came back looking for forgiveness, the man I've known since kinder-garden and loved since sixth grade won't give me the time of day, and the man I'm dating to make the affore mentioned man jealous is over protective and slightly insane.

So three was really the correct number but hey, who's counting?

I began to tire, my feet felt like raw hamburger, and now my legs felt like giving out. I didn't know where I was. I'm actually amazed that I've been able to stay on the sidewalk considering I haven't been watching where I'm going.

I don't know what finally caused my legs to give out but they did. I plowed into the cement with my hands out to break my fall. I skidded to a halt a foot or two away from the initial impact. I looked down to my hands and saw the blood start to rise. My knees were bleeding as well. I couldn't tell if the cuts were deep, I couldn't even feel the pain but I knew I would. Maybe not tonight but tomorrow.

I took this time to look around me. I first heard the crashing waves, then looked to see the sand only a few yards away. The moon shone beautifully over the water. It seemed like I was finally getting the stable environment I needed.

I limped over to the water's edge and gazed out into the seemingly endless ocean. The longer I looked out the more jealous I became. The ocean never had to deal with crap like this.

The ocean was always there, constantly giving life to those around, showing her anger when people underestimated her power, and giving comfort to a girl that needed it. The ocean never had to apologize for being dangerous or unforgiving, it never had to make exceptions for it's destructive ways. It was always confident be cause it didn't know any better. It didn't know how to doubt or feel selfconcious.

These thoughts consumed me, I didn't know why I was feeling so bonded to a body of water but for some reason it made me think: If I was more like the ocean, I wouldn't get hurt as much.

Oh how I wished I could show my wrath like the ocean, but then what would I be left with? Broken friendships and loneliness.

I glanced down to my newly acquired wounds to see that the life-giving substance was oozing down my hands and legs, I looked horrible but I didn't give a damn. All that I wanted right now was some comfort.

I tried to think of who I could call but none would work. Brian and Zacky were busy with they're girlfriends (or soon to be girlfriends), Jimmy was in the same house as Matt and couldn't drive, I won't even think of Matt, my mother was the reason I fled in the first place, and of course there was Adam.

I didn't want Adam to see me like this, it would make him right, and the last thing I needed was him rubbing it in my face.

I shook my head, he is my boyfriend, he has the right to worry I guess. He really is my only hope. I don't even know where I am!

I sighed and pulled out my phone dialing the number that so annoyed me just a few minutes ago.

"Hello?" He picked up on the second ring.

"Do you think you could pick me up? Something happened at home and I took off. Now I don't know where I am and I don't know how to get home." I struggled to keep the tears in check.

"Oh god. What happened? Describe where you are, I'm getting in the car right now."

I sniffed "There's a 7-11 and a Rite Aide. I think the street says Tamarack. And I'm on the beach right now."

"Shit. How did you manage to get all the way into the worst part of town in a matter of ten minutes? With out a car I might add!"

"I ran! Now please stop lecturing me and come pick me up! I'm freakin' out here!" I let my voice waver, the tears were coming and I wasn't going to stop them.

"I'm on my way just wait for me in the 7-11 okay?"

"Okay." I said as the tears fell slowly down my face. "Bye." I hung up on him before he had the chance to reply.

I dashed across the street and ducked into the convenience store. Luckily there wasn't anybody there except for the dodgy clerk.

I wandered the aisles trying to get as far away from the check out counter as possible. The front bell rang and I looked around hopefully. But all I saw was trouble.

Some guys had wandered in with their pants around their ankles and bandanna's tied around their necks. I tried to duck around the shelves but one of the three had nudged his buddy and pointed my direction.

Murphy's Law was really holding true tonight.

I looked closer at the men and realized I had seen them from school. They were always late to class and loved to harass as many girls as they could. Normally I would ignore that type because that didn't always mean they were bad people but these idiots had been suspended for weeks for bringing knives to school and loved to remind everyone they were in a well known and well feared gang.

Now I knew where I was and it was not looking good for me.

"Hey there babe. Why are you hidin' from us?" The one I knew to be called Mark.

I didn't respond I tried to look for a way out or at least Adam but alas none was in sight. "Why you all bloody?" His buddy asked looking me up and down.

"You get roughed up? Some guy doin' somethin' you don't like?" He had an evil grin on his face. What I wouldn't give for a baseball bat.

"You know I t-think I should go." I had to get out of here.

"Aww, don't be scared, we just playin'. Come have some fun with us sweetheart. We can show you a good time." He was getting uncomfortably close. I tried to push him away but my wrist gave out. It must have been sprained because any pressure made it feel like the fall all over again.

"Hey you better not get blood on this shirt or you're gonna have to make it up to me some how."

"Get away from her!" Adam had finally come to the rescue! And not a moment too soon, they were starting to close in like sharks around a baby seal.