Paint My Skies Black, I Never Wanna See The Sun Again

Sunday’s POV

After my talk with Jack, I decided that my decision to kick Alex out was a little bit too hasty, but I was still extremely upset. I gave the guys permission to go out and look for him. I agreed to give him a place to stay, but that would be it. I was not obligated to utter even a single word to him.

Then why was it that I wanted so badly to?

Jack was asleep in his room, and everyone had left the party hours ago. Zack and Rian left to look for Alex early in the morning, and it was now almost sundown. I was tired of moping around in my room – it reminded me too much of the last time I had burst in here.

I pulled my comforter off of my bed, wrapped myself in it, and walked out onto my balcony. The sun was setting and the temperature was dropping. I gripped the blanket closer to my body. Sitting down on the porch swing that I had brought up from downstairs, I sighed.

There was a shuffling behind me. I didn’t pay attention to it.

“Aren’t you cold?” a familiar voice asked me from behind. I turned my head to see Alex at the door of my balcony. My heart both leapt and broke at the sight of him. I didn’t answer, and I turned back to watching the sun go down.

He sighed –not out of annoyance, but out of sadness – I could tell that much. He came to stand next to the swing.

“I don’t expect you to answer, so I’ll just talk.” He stated. “I’m sorry. So unbelievably sorry, Sunday. I’m not even – I’m not even gonna try to make up an excuse, or even bother to try to explain what I was thinking when I did that, because it would be worse than making up an excuse.” He paused for a moment.

“I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive me – or at least forget me.” He added the last part softly. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I knew that the last thing that you remembered of me was that – but I might deserve it.” He paused again.

“Anyways, I got you something.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him pull out a stuffed animal – about the size of a medium breed dog – except it was a fish. “It’s a fish.” He stated obviously. If I was on speaking terms with him, I would have said something along the lines of, “No really, Captain Obvious?”, but I didn’t.

“He’s kinda like your own little Deuce or Geppetto. Oh, except he’s not little. When you decide what to name him, um – you can tell Jack or something, and maybe they’ll all be friends.” A moment of silence.

He began making his way back to the door, knowing full well that I had nothing to say to him. “I’m just, really sorry, Sunny.”

And with that, he left.

I let go of the breath that I did not know I was holding in.
The stuffed fish Alex had left was looking at me. I gave it a half-smile and picked it up. The sun was almost fully gone now, and it was starting to get colder. Tears brimmed in my eyes again as I replayed what Alex said.

The words I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive me – or at least forget me echoed in my head. Forget him? I wish. I could never forget him. And unfortunately, I could never forget what he did.

I could only forgive. But I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that just yet. The question was now: Would I ever be ready to forgive him?

For that, I had no answers.

I hugged the fish tightly as I mulled it over. I ran in circles in my mind, as my feet began to fall asleep. I wiped my tears and stood up.

“Now, what am I gonna name you?” I asked my new buddy out loud.