If I Could Take It Back

It’s strange what can happen in a day. Emilee Rose realised this almost instantly as she walked back into class after lunch hour. Before lunch, it had been a normal school day. Now, she had seen something ever so simple which had made her almost cry.

She didn’t think it was the fact that she had double maths now, either. She took her seat next to Marilyn and glanced around shiftily. When she realised that the teacher wasn’t actually in the room, she flipped open her cell phone and went into her inbox. Instead of scrolling down, she pressed up once, and went to the very first message she had in her inbox. It was from her friend, Marie, and it was the last time she had ever received a message from her. It was dated two years ago.

Emilee sighed sadly. She felt ashamed and saddened all in one go.

"Teacher," Marilyn suddenly said from her right, and Emilee smiled gratefully at her as she hid her phone just in time.

"Thanks," she replied. The teachers usually didn’t like the students having their phones out in class, though some were more lenient than others. Unfortunately for them, their maths teacher was the sort of teacher who would confiscate a phone until the end of the day, if she saw one.

"I remember when I last got my phone confiscated," Marilyn laughed, seemingly thinking along the same lines as Emilee Rose. "It was because my mom text me, and then she had a go at me when I got home for not texting her back and worrying her."

"Sounds like something a mom would do," Emilee smiled. "It wouldn’t even be worth getting my phone taken away from me today. Nothing interesting happening."

“Just checking the time? Sorry, but you’ve only just got in this class," Marilyn smiled, and the two girls sighed as they realised there was still over an hour left of maths.

"I was actually just reading an old text," Emilee Rose suddenly said. "Do you remember my friend Marie?"

"How could I forget? The two of you were inseparable," Marilyn smiled. Emilee’s face fell and Marilyn frowned. "I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?"

"No, it’s not your fault," Emilee said sadly. "It’s just me being stupid. I haven’t spoken to her in two years."

"Really?" Marilyn genuinely looked shocked. "How come?"

"Nothing tragic happened," Emilee sighed. "When she swapped schools, she got new friends, and so did I. We were always different as it was, and so I didn’t really hold out much hope for when we ended up in different places. The thing is, I know I could have saved the friendship if I could have just text her once in a while."

"Sometimes people drift apart," Marilyn said softly. "You can’t help it."

"I know that," Emilee admitted. "I just think that it could have been saved. I really miss her. Sometimes, when I’m wasting time on MySpace or something, I go on and look at her pictures, and it’s all pictures of her with her new friends, and then I look at the ones of me and her and I just want to cry. But for some reason, I just don’t get in touch. Perhaps I’m scared she’ll be angry at me?"

"I’m sure she looks at your photos and thinks the exact same," Marilyn pointed out. "And I’m sure she wants to get in touch as well. One of you just needs to bite the bullet and go for it."

"Do you really think? I think that, when you take into account how different we were when we were still together all the time, we’ll be way too different now to get along."

"How do you know, if you never try?" Marilyn asked, and Emilee Rose sighed, knowing that she had a valid point.

It was something that she had thought she had gotten over ages ago. Sure, she and Marie had done everything together when they had been friends, but they had always been different. Marie spent hours perfecting her makeup before school. Emilee Rose threw a comb through her hair. Marie poured over magazines full of celebrities and hunted down the latest fashions. Emilee Rose dug through her wardrobe and wore what she liked. Marie liked the sort of music that was in the charts. Emilee Rose was more inclined to rifle through her father’s music collection. They had always been so different, and Emilee didn’t know how they had managed to stay friends for so long.

But then, they hadn’t. Not really, anyway. It had taken mere weeks for years of friendship to wither away into, first, a few polite texts and comments on MySpace, and finally down to nothing. Most of Emilee Rose’s group had stayed in touch with Marie. Why hadn’t Emilee text her? Why hadn’t Marie text Emilee?

The question continued to bother Emilee as she struggled through the dreaded double maths period, and soon the bell was ringing, but it didn’t give her the joy that it should have done.

She walked slowly to the locker area and dropped off her books, before she decided to go for a short walk. The back of her mind told her what she was going to try and do, but she didn’t know if she would go through with it or not.

She walked out of the back of the school and around the edge of the sports pitch for a while. before she decided to take the plunge. She whipped out her cell phone and quickly pressed Maria’s number, holding it against her ear, her heart thudding. She didn’t know what she was going to say, how she was going to say it, or if Marie would even want to speak to her.

The phone rang. And rang.

It rang for an insanely long time, before Emilee Rose heard something that, in her personal opinion, was worse than if she had heard her friend’s angry tone, demanding as to what she wanted now.

"The number you have dialled has not been recognised," the pre-recorded voice told her. "Please try again."

Emilee Rose slowly took the phone away from her ear, tears stinging at her eyes. The number hadn’t bee recognised. Marie had changed her number, and Emilee Rose didn’t know what it was. How was she ever going to set things right if she hadn’t even been informed of the new number?

Why – and how – had she let things go this far? Why had she let her go? Why had she let her go so easily, and without a fight?

Emilee Rose had never felt so dejected in all her life as she started to drag her feet back towards the school, clutching her cell phone tightly, trying her best not to cry. This had been building for some time, and she didn’t know where to turn now.

She dragged her feet past the maths mobile wall, which was now being spoken about around school as simple, the Regrets Wall. She looked at it for a while, knowing that she wasn’t alone. She noticed that a few people had written anonymous replies.

One regret read, I regret doing what I did. There was no elaboration, just those simple words. In another colour, someone had written next to it, No matter what you’ve done, know that everyone forgives you for it, and forgive yourself, too. One other one read, I regret being such a drama queen. Emilee Rose allowed herself a little smile as she read the reply.

Everyone’s allowed a little drama sometimes! I’m sure we can forgive you.

Emilee was glad that the teachers hadn’t gone ahead and painted it over as she took out her own orange Sharpie and put it against the stark white of the wall. There, she printed her regret, which looked so simple, yet meant so much.

I REGRET EVER LETTING HER GO.

Such a brief confession, but Emilee Rose meant it with every ounce of her being. But, looking at everyone else’s regrets and reading the replied, she felt a small flame of hope in her heart.

Something deep inside her told her that yes, she had made a mistake and, yes, perhaps she had let a friend down. But it was only her stopping herself. She could easily enquire and fine Marie’s new number, and she would.

Something told Emilee that a regret was only a regret when you refused to acknowledge it and learn from it. And, if she could change it, even in the slightest way, she was certainly going to try.

She smiled at the wall, thinking that they might be onto something with this project. She would definitely be checking back, but for now, she had a number to track down. Years and years of friendship were not getting away from her that quickly.