Dear August

I sat forward on the bed, my head in my hands. Nothing in the room looked right, the lights were too dim, they cast too green of a color, the floor was too close, and all the walls seemed taller then they should have. I only had to wait two more days for Christmas break to start, but it took forever. All I could do for those two days was block out what happened…Now, though, I had all the time in the world to think about it. I couldn't stop replaying the last twenty four hours with Brendon in my head.

Pete came over to my house, which was terrifying in itself. It was raining and I had a horrible day at school, getting shoved around in the hallway was never a pleasant thing. So, while I was laying, much like I am now, trying to forget the names I was called unfamiliar headlights pulled into the driveway. They were too low on the ground and the sheen of the paint didn't look right. Then ten seconds later I was proven right when the door bell rang, which caused the dogs to bark in warning.

Getting up quickly out of curiosity I opened the door to a nervous looking Pete. Before I could say anything or shut the door Pete started talking and casually walked in, placing himself in an armchair.

"Brendon isn't doing well- I mean yeah he's stayed home from school. I talked to his mom and she sounded worried you know? She didn't say anything directly but her voice, man," He talked to me like they had been friends all along, "You might not be the best thing for him… I think it might help- a little."

"So you want me to see him?" I asked still standing awkwardly as I watched the almost-stranger.

"….Yeah." He said quietly and sighed.

"My dad left for work with the car." Pete finally looked away from him and I tried to hide the concern in his voice.

"It's fine. I can give you a ride."

"O-ok." I nodded and went to my room to grab a sweatshirt.

By the time I wrote a note that dad probably wouldn't notice and gotten ready the rain was falling harder. Pete was getting a little impatient with me too…

"Ready?" Pete asked as I came out shoving my house keys in my back pocket.

"Uh-huh… let's go." I stepped out the door first and locked it.

We scurried through the pouring rain and drove off at a some-what slow pace. By the time they were halfway to Brendon's house the CD player began skipping. Pete hit the dash and mumbled to himself. Then it suddenly erupted to shouting.

"God damn it! I can't believe I'm doing this!" I sat surprised in the seat next to him as he calmly put in a new CD and went on like nothing happened.

Luckily, when this started and ended we were five minutes from his house. The last few minutes were wordless. Sitting a second more we let the complete silence fall over the car only to feel a darkness coming from the house. That's when I really knew what Pete meant. Lights were off and little movement from the normally lively house wasn't apparent. The second we walked in the feeling grew. I saw Brendon's fairly young looking mother with dark eyes and wrinkles showing all over her face. His father was unshaven and the three siblings had a slumped posture to them.

Pete walked straight by as if he'd be looking in a mirror saying bloody Mary three times. I guess his presence in the house wasn't uncommon, so I stuck close to him. I had to swallow the lump in my throat as we stepped into Brendon's room.

"Hi Brendon." I tried to say softly so it wouldn't disturb Bren too much. He seemed ill, but peaceful.

"I'm going to get out of here. Ryan just needed a ride." Pete pointed out and picked through the keys so he could get in his car quicker.

"But wait! I wanted to- talk- to you… ok guess not." Brendon whined.

Brendon was sick, anyone could see it. His normally plump and pink lips were white and cracked and his usually live features seemed weak. My sense of feeling was coming back all at once and I was at a loss of words, of course, at the worst time. I gasped for a breath as Brendon rolled over so he wouldn't face me. I couldn't blame Brendon for not wanting to talk to me. Judging the situation I thought it'd be best if I didn't touch Brendon, no matter how badly I wanted to.

"Everybody misses you." I choked out the first thing I was thinking. Brendon's breathing became sharp and I convinced myself what I had just said wasn't stupid.

"Does that include you?"

"Yes it does."

"That's what you said last time." I couldn't veil the guilt anymore and I was starting to crack, yet I knew not saying anything would be the worse thing. I found that out the hard way.

"I meant it both times. Brendon, I'm scared you look sick."

"I feel fine." He turned rigidly and faced me. "I'm just tired."

"I don't know why Pete told me to come. But I want, well need to say so much- really… I just- Bren I'm sorry for what I've done. Please forgive me? Please?"

"That day in August, it was just like this- You remember…. we were wrong."

The atmosphere in the room was changing. It was happening. The anger, the sadness, was finally allowed to be in room- the moment at the same time for both of us. At each other…kind of. I heard the anger and felt it at myself too, which meant I couldn't take offense like I normally would have.

"I know, I know, I should have been there for you."

I stared at Brendon, just in general. Brendon slowly reached over and gabbed my hand and put it onto his belly. I felt the corners of my mouth twitch in happiness as I became slightly acquainted with the belly.

"I was scared. -And I want to know the whole story. About James and Roger, about the tests and ultrasounds-"

"Ry. Just let it be for now."

"When this is over you can come back to school and we'll go out more." I let the corners of my mouth come to a full grin now. But it was a small grin, more worry was overtaking me as I watched Brendon's eyes flutter and his body heave every breath with tons of effort.

"I never want to go back. We'll just stay here."

Brendon sunk down in his pillow even more and kissed me on the tip of my nose and then my lips. The rain was even harder and hail was starting to come down loud enough to block out someone's own thoughts. My heart had a new type of jolt through it. It swelled in a bitter-sweet way.

"Exactly like this." I said surprised as Brendon snuggled into my side.

I liked it at first. It was comforting to know that I was comforting him. Then realized how badly Brendon was shaking. He wasn't cold either, he was burning up and now his air was barely noticeable. Soon the shakes turned into convulsions.

"Help!" I yelled, "Someone?! Mrs. Urie Mr.- !" I shouted louder and more urgently seeing the stream come down Brendon's leg.

"What?" Kira said running up the stairs with panic over flooding her. His parents came up only seconds behind.

"Kayla! Ben- someone call an ambulance!" Mr. Urie shouted down the stairs.

Everyone in the room felt rushed and helpless as they watched the dark haired boy having a seizure on the bed. I wanted to-- to faint, but was too shocked to do anything, tears weren't even coming to my eyes. The ambulance arrived within' minutes and Kayla, me, Ben, and Kira headed toward the hospital. It was a tense, nervous ride. They got there just about as quick as the ambulance, even with the rain and hail putting dents in the car's hood.

Once in the waiting room I was told to call Pete and William by Brendon's parents. I made the calls, with tons of static because of the storm, while he paced in the shadow covered and overly clean smelling waiting room.