Always and Forever

My insides felt like they were boiling and I was breathing rapidly. I wished I took a shower this morning, my hair felt so oily, so did my skin. I was wearing a horrible hospital gown and had no makeup on; the least they could’ve done was give me a mirror to keep myself looking half decent, even if I wasn’t feeling it.

I was about to start crying all over again, Brendon was here to see me, and then we could just start over and then everything would be okay again. I sighed impatiently and lay back onto the bed waiting for them to bring him though. My hands were shaking with nerves and anticipation; I just wanted to see him again.

“Oh my god Holly” The voice was high pitched and shrill, it was Amanda’s, not Brendon’s “Your mom said you had food poisoning” she quickly wrapped her arms around “Please don’t throw up on me.”

I managed a smile, as fake at it was, I managed a smile at her. After everyone else realized I wasn’t going to throw up on them they came down for hugs too. As sad as it was, this was the first time in two weeks I felt loved.

After about half an hour the girls left and I found myself feeling a bit better, a bit brighter, I felt that I might actually be able to go back to school soon. But then I thought of him and I thought about how he should have been here comforting me and not them, then I was back where I was two weeks ago, crying.

“Were they your friends?” Emma walked into my room with a smile on her face.

I shrugged, tears still running down my cheeks “I don’t know.”

She sat down on the bed “They’re here visiting you aren’t they?”

“I- I guess” I broke down crying again.

Emma sighed and wrapped her arms around me “I think it’s time you told me about Brendon.”

When you break up with someone, you immediately realise how amazing the really are, or maybe in your head they seem even better either way, I could only describe Brendon in one word; amazing, because that’s what he was. I hated myself for thinking of him like that. He made me like this, it’s his fault. I wanted to hate him; I wanted to feel my blood boil every time I thought of him. But I couldn’t, I couldn’t lie to myself like that.

Emma sighed once I was finished “Holly, I’m sure he was great but, you need to realise that you’re making him out to be something he’s not.”

“But he was amazing, just, just perfect” I whispered.

Emma laughed “There has to be something wrong with him.”

“Are you trying to make me hate him?”

“You’re accusing me for something I haven’t done” Emma said sternly “I’m saying that no one’s perfect so what was wrong with him?”

“I dunno, he had a bit of a temper-”

“See! That’s it, he’s not as perfect as you-”

“But I liked that about him” I cried “Because...” I trailed off. I didn’t like his temper but I didn’t hate it either, I didn’t hate anything about him, but I wished I did.

I had to, I had to hate him, it was the only way I could get through this.

“Holly, you need to get over him, otherwise everything is just going to seem hopeless to you.”

I nodded, I knew she was right.

“Excuse me Miss Miller, a boy, Aaron, is here to see you, do you want me to send him through?”

“Here’s your chance” Emma squealed.

I rolled my eyes but let him come in anyway.

“Wow, Holly you look really sick” were the first words Aaron said to me...yeah, this one’s a keeper.

“Thanks” I said quietly.

“Oh no, I didn’t mean it in that way, I-I mean, y’know, you are in hospital for a reason.”

I shrugged coldly “Yeah.”

Moving swiftly from the foot of my bed to right next to me he carefully brushed a few stray strands of hair from my eyes “I wanted you at school this week, it wasn’t good without you” he knew what to say, even if it didn’t come out right “are you gonna come back.”

I shrugged my shoulders.

“Please come back” he whispered quietly “You’re so hot.”

Aaron was smart; he said the right things at the right time. I wouldn’t say I fell for his plan because honestly, he was genuine. I listened to Emma’s advice, I needed to get over Brendon and Aaron was a good way to do so.

So if I was to say that I wasn’t thinking when I kissed Aaron I’d be lying. I was thinking, I was thinking how good it would be to kiss someone else how it’s just what my friends wanted me to do. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thinking about Brendon because I was. I was thinking of how Brendon would react, I knew he wouldn’t be happy but why would he care we’ve broken up. Another tear slid down my cheek.
Aaron sighed and wiped it from my face with his thumb. It was soft not calloused like Brendon’s. I didn’t completely like it but I didn’t hate it either, it was...different.

I grabbed Aaron’s shirt and pulled him closer to me letting my lips mould into his. His lips were...nice. They were nothing like Brendon’s; Brendon’s lips were plumps and soft and felt like cushions on my lips. Aaron’s lips were thinner, harder but just like his hands weren’t completely horrible.

“You taste good” he smirked once I pulled away and I immediately knew that his words had a double meaning.

I smiled and another tear slipped down my cheek.

I guess this is what most guys are like, completely perverted. Aaron was good enough, but he wasn’t Brendon.

Aaron leant in giving me another, deeper kiss. What was I doing?