Can I Ever Really Love You
Cutting Again
I woke up with Frankie’s arm around me. I felt like I finally am where I want to be. I looked at the room that we were in and then back to his arm. I saw something but I couldn’t figure it out. I slide up his sleeve a bit so I could see it better and there was my worst fear coming alive again…. no he cant be cutting again… not cause of me god no….he knows I love him and I left to protect him…shit its just like last time he did it. I thought and started crying. I didn’t want him cutting because of me again. Last time it was because I couldn’t love him now that I do love him and I left he cuts. I can’t do anything good for him. I’m gonna be the death of him.
“Sarah what’s wrong” Frankie asked
“Your arm” I said not looking at him.
“Sarah it’s not what you think”
“You cut because I left you”
“Yea but I lost the one I loved”
“Frankie you have never lost me I’ve always been yours I didn’t even date anyone while I was gone because I knew you would have hated it”
“Well what about “mikey””
“I did that cause I was sick of being alone”
“Then why didn’t you just come home to me” he said and this time I turned around to look at him
“Did you want my dad to kill you and then I’d be here on this world alone without you…I’d have to kill myself if I lost you forever”
“I would live your dad could try anything he wont kill me”
“Yea right Frank he has ways to kill everyone…Justin and then Bob and you were gonna be next but my dads allowing me to be friends with everyone around here” I said
“Just friends?”
“What he doesn’t know wont kill him” I said and kiss frank on the lips
“Oh good”
“Now about your arm… how long have you been doing this…it looks like it was fresh a while ago”
“I started right after you left and I did it 4 days a week for the 2 months but it wasn’t just 4 times a week it was more times and then whenever you called I would stop myself and it was cut down to 2 days a week and then I eventually stopped when you said you where coming back to visit and then when you said you weren’t coming out. I have cut myself everyday 3 times and I did it last night and then fell asleep on the couch.” He said
“I shouldn’t have lied to you…but I never thought you would go and do this again…I’m sorry I wont try an surprise you that way ever again” I said holding on to frank
“I don’t want to loose you” I said and let a few tears drop
“You won’t lose me ever I promise” he said and kissed the top of my head.
“K well you better stop cutting” I said finally stopping my tears
“I will I promise” he said and we just laid there. Frank held me till I felt better and I didn’t want to see anyone today so me and Frank decided to just watch some TV and stay inside. I made us some food and we were talking about what we have done for the past 3 months and we both saw how miserable we were without each other. I am so completely happy now that I’m back in New Jersey with Frankie. I never will leave again and if I have to leave I’m making Frankie come with me so we won’t be like we were again.
“Sarah what’s wrong” Frankie asked
“Your arm” I said not looking at him.
“Sarah it’s not what you think”
“You cut because I left you”
“Yea but I lost the one I loved”
“Frankie you have never lost me I’ve always been yours I didn’t even date anyone while I was gone because I knew you would have hated it”
“Well what about “mikey””
“I did that cause I was sick of being alone”
“Then why didn’t you just come home to me” he said and this time I turned around to look at him
“Did you want my dad to kill you and then I’d be here on this world alone without you…I’d have to kill myself if I lost you forever”
“I would live your dad could try anything he wont kill me”
“Yea right Frank he has ways to kill everyone…Justin and then Bob and you were gonna be next but my dads allowing me to be friends with everyone around here” I said
“Just friends?”
“What he doesn’t know wont kill him” I said and kiss frank on the lips
“Oh good”
“Now about your arm… how long have you been doing this…it looks like it was fresh a while ago”
“I started right after you left and I did it 4 days a week for the 2 months but it wasn’t just 4 times a week it was more times and then whenever you called I would stop myself and it was cut down to 2 days a week and then I eventually stopped when you said you where coming back to visit and then when you said you weren’t coming out. I have cut myself everyday 3 times and I did it last night and then fell asleep on the couch.” He said
“I shouldn’t have lied to you…but I never thought you would go and do this again…I’m sorry I wont try an surprise you that way ever again” I said holding on to frank
“I don’t want to loose you” I said and let a few tears drop
“You won’t lose me ever I promise” he said and kissed the top of my head.
“K well you better stop cutting” I said finally stopping my tears
“I will I promise” he said and we just laid there. Frank held me till I felt better and I didn’t want to see anyone today so me and Frank decided to just watch some TV and stay inside. I made us some food and we were talking about what we have done for the past 3 months and we both saw how miserable we were without each other. I am so completely happy now that I’m back in New Jersey with Frankie. I never will leave again and if I have to leave I’m making Frankie come with me so we won’t be like we were again.