Janice No More

**Katherine**

I was standing in front of these still nameless monsters and their leader. Their leader looked so much stronger than I imagined. His followers were coming toward me at full speed. Joanna and the rest of Roland's army were behind me ready to attack. I killed the monsters who weren't smart enough to avoid me and headed to their leader. I slid my hand across the blade and jumped forward aiming for his unprotected head. Just before my blade was able to pierce his skull he kicked me to the wall and pulled out Skylar's dead body from behind him.

"NO!" I shrieked. The others looked up at his dead body then looked toward me. I was on the ground with tears falling beyond trying to stop. I heard a voice inside my head.

"Kill him. Kill him for what he has done. Lose yourself and murder everyone here." I started to follow the command.

"Kill everyone?" I whispered."Even my sister and allies?"

"Especially them." The dark voice whispered.

'No I can't," I screamed.

"Do it!" He screeched. His shrieks burned my ears.

I opened my eyes and woke up in my bed. I looked around the room making sure it was a dream. Eric was not here. I got out of bed and walked down the hallway slowly heading toward the sound of voices. I reached th lobby. Eric is probably just relaxing in front of the fire or something. I stopped at the end of the stairs and looked forward. Joanna and others were surrounding a couch looking down the back up. They were having a meeting or something.

"Why did you have to knock him out, Eric?" Joanna growled.

"At first I thought he was one of those things, then when I caught him he said he was looking for the woman he loves. Janice." Eric replied through gritted teeth.

I went rigid. I started walking toward them."Is it Skylar?" I said aloud.

They all turned away from the loveseat and faced me. I stood next to Eric and looked up at him."It's okay he's my friend. He wouldn't betray us." With those words everyone else headed to their rooms except Joanna and our bodyguards Nathaniel and Eric.

I held my hand under his head. He groaned and I brought my hand back. there was some blood. As soon as I saw that blood I started to feel crazy inside like the monster inside wanted to come out destroy everything I hold dear. A yearning in my stomach, my throat growling with desire, and my common sense just trying to to stop myself from killing him.

"Someone hold me back." I whispered. Joanna got a towel and wiped the blood off my hand as Eric held onto me by my wrists. Joanna wiped it with bleach. The smell completely ruined my appetite for his blood. I scrunched up my nose and shook my head. I sighed in relief. Joanna put a wet towel under his head trying to stop the bleeding. His eyes opened slowly.

"Alice?" He mumbled.

"I thought he said your name was Janice?" Eric wondered.

"It was. He calls me Alice when it's just me and him." I whispered.

Skylar wrapped his hand around my neck and pulled me to face him. I was inches from Skylar. His eyes were barely open, but I could tell he was totally out of it.

"I love you," He whispered.

He passed out and I never replied back. Why didn't I say the same? Joanna picked him up and carried him off.

"Where is she taking him?" I asked Eric.

"To a room near you and her, so we'll be able to hear if he is doing something he shouldn't." Eric said picking me up into his arms. He ran to our room and put me down on the bed."You should go back to bed." He said lying me gently on the soft silk. He stopped for a second as his arms were on the bed looking at me.

He leaned in closer then stopped barely breathing. I didn't know what to do. Do I move and tell him to go to sleep? Or do I let him kiss me like he is obviously planning on doing? He kept getting closer and stopped close enough I could taste his hardy scent from his breathing and I wanted it. He did nothing. I leaned in slowly with hesitation. He was still. I pressed myself against his hard lips and he did the same. Our mouths parted. I let out a gasp as his tongue reached into my mouth and I began to play with his.

For some unknown reason he pulled away. I tried to put my hands around his neck, but he put my arms to my side and went to lie down on his couch.

"Good night, Katherine." He said sadly before drifting to sleep.

"Good night, Eric," I said feeling slightly rejected. I didn't know feeling rejected would hurt so much. Am I ugly in his eyes? Am I not as pretty as my sister? I literally threw myelf at him and he did nothing but kiss me. A tear escaped my eye. I let out a heavy sigh as I lied down underneath the silk falling asleep.

* * *

I woke up to the smell of a delicious food. I straightened my back still sniffing in the air. I opened my eyes and looked down and smiled. Bed in breakfest. There was pancakes, eggs, bacon, and something I didn't think would be there. I picked up the glass and tried to inhale the scent of the red liquid. I sould smell human in the drink. I put it back down with a groan and went for the eggs first.

"Ah-ah-ah," Eric came to me from the couch he was sitting on,"You have to drink this."

I grimaced at him and swallowed the small bite of eggs. I reached for the glass and held it to my mouth, hesitating to swallow. I let a few drops slip by my tongue. As it traveled through my throat I tasted the vile liquid. I started to gag.

"That's disgusting!" I said as I was spitting up the liquid.

"You'll get used to the taste,." Eric smiled, "Here's a trick. It's so simple a five year old could do it," Was he implying I was dumber than a five year old? "Just keep drinking for a little while and let your taste buds wallow in the taste and soon you'll be addicted to the stuff."

"I don't want to be addicted to something that came froom another person. Especially what keeps them alive," I looked down at the half-empty glass and sighed.

"It's not from a person," He said quietly.

"Are you fucking kidding me? I can smell the human." I accussed.

"Do not be angry with Eric," Joanna's soft voice said,"I told him not to tell you it was human," Joanna was in front of me with Nathaniel by her side,"You are always supposed to drink human blood when you first become a vampire again. That's the way things are." She came around the bed and put her hand on my shoulder,"Just drink."

She was able to help me think for a momennt."I'm sorry, Eric."

"It's okay. It was kind of expected," He smiled again holding back a chuckle.

I tried to contemplate what I should do."What the hell," I whispered. I picked up the glass and chugged it down. I slammed the glass down to the table and still felt the taste of it in my mouth.

"That was the worst taste I've ever had slip down my throat!" I tried not to throw up what I needed to have to keep myself from killing Skylar. Which reminds me. We should send him back. "Joanna?" She turned and faced me."Can I speak to you in private?"

"Sure," She shrugged and Eric left with the Nathaniel.

"Joanna, where are you going to take Skylar?"

"Back to his home, of course," She said simply.

"He'll keep coming back if we don't explain," I said.

"I'll have Eric and Nathaniel deal with him."

"No," I said interrupting,"I don't want them to."

"Why? You've known them almost as long as you've known me, my sister."

"How long?" I asked.

"As long as we have been vampires," She said in a stern voice that reminded me of my father.

“Oh,” Then I started to wonder.“Are you and Nathaniel together?”

“Yes. You and Eric were once together, but you forgot all about him when you went crazy in Russia. You even attacked him. He hasn’t been the same. He didn’t try to hurt you, but he defended himself against you and tried to soothe you back to your normal state. He failed, and he was scarred on his back from your attack to him,” Joanna finished sadly, "Usually, scars heal over time, but when another vampire's blood causes it then it's permanent." I guess she didn’t want to recollect those horrible times.

I didn’t know about any of this. I tried hard to focus on the memories she described to me, so I could see for myself. A yawn escaped my lips.

“You’re tired?” Joanna asked.

“A little. Let me take a little nap.” I said politely. This could lead me to dreams about my past.

She nodded and left with Eric replacing her spot. My eyes started to blurry and my vision was fading into black as my head fell onto the pillow.

I saw everything.

I could feel the coldness of the snow below my feet, feel the snow that was coming down so slowly, and smell the blood of innocents. I kept watching from a distance while I saw myself with much longer hair than I had now. She only wore a Victorian dress-well remains of it- that was cut up with tears along her sleeves and torso. The clothing around the cuts were covered in blood, but the cut itself was nearly gone. I suddenly realized she was running with my sword in hand. Her sword. Villagers stared with eyes wide as she closed in on them. I ran as fast as I could to catch up. I screamed stop even though it did me no good. I heard other voices, however, behind me said the same. She stopped and turned to them. I turned, too. It was Eric and Joanna with Nathaniel. Eric started to walk forward.

“Katherine,” He said shocked, softly. “What’s happened to you?” I turned to the crazed girl he was reaching out to. She was shaking with her eyes crimson looking to him growling slightly holding the sword to a woman’s throat as her children behind her stood crying and shaking scared. I wanted nothing more than to kill her right now to save the horror of watching these innocent villagers dying. My eyes could not bear to see it first hand. I stayed focused on Eric. He was getting dangerously close to her.“Katherine. Love. Don’t do this. I love you, and I don’t want you to regret this for the rest of eternity.” I gasped at his words. He loves me and I never knew.

He pulled her in for a tight embrace. She was stiff with her sword away from the woman’s throat. The woman ran off with her kids shortly after. She wrapped her arms around his back, but then she pulled one arm back with the sword in hand and stabbed him deeply in the chest from behind. He let out a groan and slipped to the snow that was being colored red with his blood. I started to cry, shake, and gasp for air. I ran forward to try and touch Eric, but my hand slipped through his figure. She ran and killed the villagers one by one. I stayed by his side as Nathaniel and Joanna ran to block her attacks.

“Why?” I turned to Eric.“Why, Katherine? My Katherine,” He fell face first into the snow with blood tears from his face. Many hours later when they were finally able to snap her out of it with the village burning around her. She was horrified. She looked down at her bloody hands and screamed loud and horrified.

“Eric?” She said quietly as she sniffed the blood. She looked my direction and saw him.”Eric!” She shrieked. She dropped her sword and pulled him from the snow holding him in her arms crying blood tears also.“Please! Wake up! I love you! Please!” I stopped frozen as I scooted over away from them. When she said she loved him, I felt like I did. I started to see images flash through my vision. I saw images of us: our first meeting, first kiss, first time we made love, and back to this moment. I love him. I finally realized.

I finally opened my eyes and saw a hand stroking my cheek. I angled my face to the body standing above me. Eric.

“Good morning, sleepyhead. Why did you go back to bed?” He asked moving the blonde hair from my face.

“Trying to remember things. I’ve learned a lot about my past,” I threw a little hint in for him to see if he would understand.

“What did you remember?” He asked simply, apparently not getting the hint. I let out deep irritating breath, and started to think. I know, I thought.

“This,” I said as I got onto my knees and wrapped my arms around his neck kissing his lips hungrily and passionately not stopping, even for air.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pushed down against the mattress. He lied on top of my body kissing me from my breast, to my throat, and then finally to my lips. He stopped suddenly as I moaned his name.

“So you do remember me?” His eyes were closed as his lips lie inches from mine.

“Yes,” I said with my eyes closed starting to lean my lips forward.

“How much?” He asked as his body started to disappear from the top of mine. I opened my eyes looking at him.“How much?” He asked again.

“Enough to know I love you. I had a dream when I was in Russia,” His eyes fell.“I killed the villagers with no mercy. Even the children,” My voice started to break and his face looked up to mine.“I did that after I betrayed you. I stabbed you. I hurt you,” I wiped the tears from my eyes.

“You didn’t mean to. You just lost control,” He tried to defend my actions.

“You even thought it was actually me. I was standing next to you when you said,”Why? Katherine why? My Katherine.” That hurt so much to hear when I realized I loved you. I can feel it deep inside me. I can feel the love growing each day I’m with you. This is not fake,” I said while tears were forming in my eyes.

“I don’t want to make you cry. I love you,” He said so simply, yet I had to catch my breath because my heart stopped almost completely.“Let’s just give it some time. Wait until we get to know each other more.”

“Fine,” I smiled.“I can live with that. We are friends. For now,” I kissed him slowly on his lips slipping my tongue in to trace his lips. I pulled myself unwillingly away from his grinning face to the bathroom carrying my duffle bag with my clothes and toothbrush inside. I stripped down quickly to my bare naked body and I took a quick shower trying not to cry as my life kept getting more complex. I jumped out with a pure white towel that wrapped protectively around the frail skin of me.

As I looked into the mirror and looked into my green eyes I started to think. One of the things I liked to do most. In the recent years I always thought I had no real purpose on this God-created world. I do, but I am not God’s child. I am now Satan’s spawn. I guess I will never be able to die and see heaven or hell. I may not be the ideal Christian, but I am. I do believe in God and Jesus Christ, but I doubt I would be accepted into heaven. I have no respect for myself, I have had sex before marriage long ago, I have coveted, and killed. Against my will but still murder. If I ever die, I will burn in hell with the many dead I once knew.

Why was I thinking this? I shouldn’t be thinking of such negative things. I shook my head left and right trying to get these pessimistic thoughts away. I reached for the hair-dryer and the small machine blew hot air into my wet tangled hair spreading it over my face like wildfire. I combed through it gently. “What about Skylar?” A voice in my head asked.

I stopped dead as I finished brushing through my hair. What would this decision mean for him? He said he loved me and he risked his life to try and save me, even though I did not need saving. I’ve always loved Eric even if I never knew, but Skylar has been there for me for so long. I hurt Eric so badly, miraculously, he still loves me and cares for me, and so does Skylar.

What do I do? Wait. I don’t have to decide now, but when Skylar sees me again what will I say? He declared his love for me, I can’t just walk up to him and say ‘hi’. I had to stop thinking so much. I put the hair-dryer down on the counter of the black marble counter-top and looked through the duffle bag for something simple after slipping into my underwear and strapless bra. I found a small Hot Topic bag inside with some skinny jeans and shirts. I pulled a pair of the skinny jeans out and a nice black corset out with a jacket to wear over it. I zipped the black jacket up halfway leaving space to show off some of the corset I had underneath. I left the duffle bag in the bathroom and headed back into my bedroom where Skylar stood there looking at me.

“Skylar? What are you doing up?” I said slightly urgent.

“I just wanted to see you.” He came closer and gave me a hug. I hugged him back. He pulled back and tried to kiss me.

“Skylar,” He stopped leaning in. “We need to talk.” I led him over to Eric’s couch. We both sat down.“I need to tell you something, but you have to promise not to tell anyone.”

“I promise.” He smiled.

“Okay. I’m a vampire.”

He started to laugh. “Funny. Seriously, what do you have to tell me?”

I looked at him seriously not changing any emotion only feeling a little hurt inside that he thinks I’d lie about that.

“It’s true, I am a vampire. I’m not lying or tricking you.”

He understood and started to look scared.

“I’m still the Alice you know," I reached for his shoulder, but he umped off the couch and against the wall, "but my real name is Katherine Octavia Sinclair. I was turned in the eighteen hundreds in France. I know you must be a little freaked out, but I’m still your friend.”

“You’ve lied to me all this time.” He accused with anger in his eyes.

“No! I didn’t even know until yesterday. You have no idea how hard this is for me.”

“You, you, you! Is that all you think about?” He said fueled with enough anger and frustration to start a wildfire.

“No!” I screamed through blood tears falling down my face.

“Then what do you care about?” He screamed through anger again.

Before I could answer three people burst through the door. Joanna came to me and held me in her arms. Eric and Nathaniel went to Skylar only Eric reached him first with his normally gorgeous mind-boggling eyes were cold and looked ready to kill. He pushed him against the wall by the collar of his shirt.

“Stop!” I screamed through the tears that made my vision red. I held back the tears for a moment and looked to Eric who stared into my bloodshot eyes. I used all my strength to stop crying and say these next words. “Skylar,” Skylar looked my direction. “Nathaniel will take you back home, and you will not ever come back. You will never see me again. Ever. You will never be put in danger because of me or have to see the face that you hate.” I angled my face to Nathaniel and nodded to him. “Eric,” I said softly. His face was looking to mine. “Come here.” He gritted his teeth hard against each other before he finally threw Skylar to Nathaniel.

Skylar stared at my face probably seeing a girl he once knew gone forever. That moment I didn’t care. I gave him a cold stare as he was carried out the room. Eric took me from Joanna’s arms and pulled me into his letting me cry into his navy blue shirt staining it with blood. Joanna stayed with us comforting me the best she could without crying herself.

Soon Nathaniel was back and his long black greasy hair was wet from the rain that I didn’t notice. He left with a regretful look on his face as Joanna left with him. I stayed with Eric through the whole night only letting sobs escape my lips and tears escape my eyes. My best friend didn’t care about me any longer. All he saw was a monster. He can be with his Rachel and be away from danger and myself forever. I finally stopped crying when Eric pulled me to my bed and put covers over my body.

I begged him to lie in the bed with me and keep me in his arms and he did. He lied down behind me through the night, but he fell asleep before I did. I turned my body around on my side to face him. His face was so peaceful not like the first night he were here. He was smiling and he was not shivering. He was warm to the touch. I traced his face with my index finger being careful not to wake him. He was so beautiful asleep. Like an angel. The lips of the angel were almost irresistible. I have tasted them before. I leaned my body closer wrapping his arms around mine pulling myself closer to his body. I noticed the shirt I cried into was no longer on him. I looked to his chest and saw his ripped abs and nearly swooned. I closed my eyes finally feeling sleepiness and felt lips touch my forehead. I opened my eyes slowly and saw him looking to me.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” He whispered.

“You missed.”

“I missed?” He questioned.

I put my hand to the back of his head and pulled him to my lips. He kissed back. The kiss ended when I let out a yawn away from his mouth. He pulled me against him as we both fell asleep in each others arms.