Only You Can Save Me

The past two weeks flew by for me. Each day it gets easier and easier to be myself. I've gotten to know The 69 Eyes better and they're all really cool. Jussi and Jolene have helped me sort of get over what happened to me. There's nothing I can do about it now, so I should just concentrate on what's going on around me. I've been drinking more and I've blamed that on hanging out with rockstars, but the truth of the matter is, I'm trying to forget. Forget about all the negativity in my life and it kind of works, at least for a little while. I still have nightmares though. Some nights I wake up screaming and one of the guys comes to make sure I'm okay.

During the two weeks we've been on the road, I've helped set up and sell the band merchandise. I've met a lot of crazy fans and this one girl kept asking me personal questions about the guys. I just ignored it and gave her her shirt and took her money.

The 69 Eyes were now playing their set, but before they started, Jussi and I started talking about Finland and what we miss about it. Now I can't get it out of my mind. I haven't been back in Helsinki for a few years and I miss it. Even though thinking about it brings back bad memories of my father, Helsinki is my home. After the tour, I think I'll take a trip back. Maybe I'll even move there permanently.

I now sat at the merch booth with my flask filled with vodka in my hand. It probably wasn't a great idea to drink alcohol on a hot day like this, but I was past caring. I brought the flask to my lips and took swig of the clear liquid. I screwed the cap back on and put it on the ground.

"Hey, sexy." A familiar voice said in front of me. I looked up and saw the smiling face of Jolene staring back at me.

"Hey, babe. What's up?" I stood up from my seat, smoothing my clothes out and walking to the other side of the table to stand in front of her.

"I have a break and I decided to come see how you were doing." She said.

"Well, I have twenty minutes before their set ends and it gets busy around here, so let me ask Brandon if we can take a walk." I said and texted Brandon. He said he'd be there in a minute to take over for me. Brandon is another merch guy. He's twenty-two and he's got a bit of a crush on me, so I figured if I asked him, he'd do it. I was right.

Brandon showed up a minute later just like he said and Jolene and I were able to leave. We started walking around the venue, which by the way, is in a parking lot where they had multiple stages set up. We walked to a somewhat quiet place and Jolene went to get us some water. I felt my phone vibrate in my jeans. I pulled it out and looked at the caller ID. Kyle. A huge smile broke out on my face as I sat down on the pavement and quickly answered it.

"Hey, babe!" I yelled excitedly. It's been a few days since we last talked and I missed him.

"Hey, sugar, how's it goin'?" Kyle's slightly feminine voice sounded in my ear.

"Pretty good. What about you? How's the boyfriend?"

"Ugh, don't even get me started." He said.

"He broke up with you." It wasn't a question. I could just tell by his tone of voice.

"How'd you guess?"

"I know you, babe. You can't hide anything from me."

"True. You always know what's wrong."

"Mhmm. Maybe I'm psychic or something."

"You wish."

"Yeah, yeah. I could probably make some killer cash though."

"Even if you sucked, they'd probably pay just to see your beautiful face."

"Aww, you're such a sweetheart. Why can't all men be like you?"

"You mean gay? That would kinda suck for you, hun. Although, it would be awesome for me.." He trailed off, no doubt ensnared by thoughts of a world filled with gay men.

"No, I meant sweet and thoughtful."

"Ahh. Yeah, that would make more sense." He said, just as Jolene came back with a cup of water.

"Four bucks for water, my ass." She muttered unhappily to herself as she sat down beside me. "Who's that?" She asked, gesturing to my phone. Kyle heard her voice in the background.

"Is that my Jo-Jo?!" He exclaimed and I laughed.

"Yeah, wanna say hi?" I asked.

"YES!" He yelled and I handed the phone to Jo. He's always so hyper. Jo and Kyle talked for a minute before she handed the phone back to me. "Lyss?"

"Here."

"Look, I gotta go now, sugar. We'll talk soon though, okay?"

"Okay, hun. I'll talk to you later." I said.

"I love you, Lyss."

"Love you too, babe." I said and hung up. I checked the time and realized I needed to be back at the merch tent soon. I drank some of the water Jo had gotten and then we went our separate ways.

When I got to the merch tent, a girl with pink pig tails had just bought a shirt. A small line was starting to form behind her, so I hurried behind the table.

"Thanks, Brandon." I said and he looked at me, smiling.

"No problem." He said and we went to work.

Three hours later, we had sold a lot of clothing and CD's and I was pretty exhausted. My feet were killing me because of my selection in shoes and the heat of the sun wasn't helping me any. We packed up all the unsold merch into boxes and started carrying it to the van. That's where we store all the merch.

After doing that, walked back to get my flask from the now bare merch tent. Then, I walked back to the bus and climbed on. The couch was empty, so I collapsed on it.

"Someone's tired." Bazie said and I turned my head in his direction. He was drinking a beer and sitting at the table with Jussi and Archzie, who were also drinking.

"Mhmm." I said. "Is anyone in the shower?"

"Jyrki." Jussi said and I nodded, closing my eyes. The boys started talking about something and a few minutes later, the bathroom door opened. I looked in that direction and saw Jyrki walking out, wearing nothing put a pink pair of Calvin Klein's. I laughed slightly and got his attention.

"Those are some pretty sexy undergarments you got on there." I said.

"I know." He said, smiling and walked back to his bunk to presumably find more clothing. I got up and made my way over to the shower.