Fighting Addiction.

To most people, the sound of a drop of water falling out of a tap over and over again would drive them crazy. Actually, it was a form of torture. The Chinese Water Torture. Except the person's head would be put under the water, so that the drips would land on their head, over and over. This dripping wouldn't stop, at least until the torturers decided that the victim had been through enough or the victim had told them what they wanted to know.

To me, dripping water was extremely interesting. In fact, dripping water was the most amazing thing in the world. Especially compared to the riot that was happening downstairs.

I should have known. I should have known that leaving my home, my family, to come to England would be the biggest mistake I'd ever make. I hated living with a group of insane, drugged up, fucked up men. My life consisted of waking up, kicking passed out bodies to get to my shower, going to work, and coming home to listen to a bunch of drunken idiots.

The only time I ever got peace is when they boys decided to go to someone else's home, or when they decided to record.

They had 2 months of recording coming up. I was hoping those months would come sooner.

No doubt, I loved Oli with all my heart, but I couldn't handle this lifestyle anymore. I wouldn't be sane for much longer. I couldn't understand how they could do that to their bodies everyday and think it was fun. I was almost certain they were addicted to it. Partying is what they lived for, and as much fun as it was, I was sick of getting high, of getting trashed.

But I couldn't leave him again.

I loved him. I could see his true colors, who he really was.

Suddenly I felt the urge to listen to that song, from Cindi Lauper.

"Hey, Charlotte! Can we get 'True Colors' from Cindi Lauper on the speakers now?" I questioned, foiling my customers streak. I placed my bowl of bleach down and turned to look for my co-worker. Charlotte looked up from the front desk, smiling up at me.

"That can be arranged." She said, getting up and going into the back, probably to grab the CD from her car. She came back quickly, pushing the CD into our small stereo, and the song I wished to hear flowed through the speakers. I smiled, picturing how peaceful my life with Oli was before I had to leave him the first time. I may have been drugged up on all sorts of things, but I loved it. I loved just to two of us.

But he would most likely have to leave for tour soon. Then, instead of the boys driving me nuts, loneliness would creep up on me and drive me nuts.

I hummed along to the song, picking up my work tools again and continuing to place bleach streaks in the customers hair until there was enough. Once I'd finished I walked away momentarily, telling the young girl that I was just going out for a moment and I would be back shortly.

"I won't be left too long that my streaks will be green right?" She questioned, looking at me with slight fear. I laughed lightly.

"No hun, but I do suggest rinsing your hair out after swimming in a chlorine filled pool." I replied, turning away from her once she smiled back at me, and exited the back of the building. Quickly I fished out my pack of cigarettes, lighting one just as quickly. I inhaled a decent sized drag, letting my eyes close in relief. I exhaled, letting my back slide down the wall until I was sitting on the dirty ground. But I didn't care.

Would I be able to handle Oli being gone for too long? What if they loneliness really drove me insane? What if I couldn't handle it?

I sighed out another drag, letting my left hand run over my face.

Work ended soon after that, and once again I entered a riot. Instead of beer, today the boys had invested in liquors, the empty bottles now lay on the carpet. There was only 3 empty bottles of whatever they'd gotten into on the ground, but I looked into the living room to see at least 10 people scattered randomly throughout the room. Oli wasn't one of them.

Not caring about whether or not the boys noticed I was home, I walked into the kitchen to grab a quick snack, choosing something quick. Popcorn was the quickest thing I found. I snatched the bag out of the cabinet, pulling it out of the plastic wrap and shoving it into the microwave. I dialed in 2:30 and leaned against the kitchen table.

The boys yelled about the most random things when they were drunk. Today they discussed how they thought a platypus was created, mainly mentioning the fact that they thought a duck and a beaver screwed one day and then, "Bam, there was a platypus!" (as they so intelligently put it). I shook my head at their discovery, holding back laughter as they cheered, congratulating each other on their accomplishment.

The microwave beeped, signalling that my snack was finished popping. I made my way upstairs with my food, hoping the boys would smell the popcorn and chase after me.
I entered my room, plopping on my bed and grabbing the remote for the small TV Oli and I had. I didn't really watch TV, and being in a country I wasn't use to made it hard to find something I liked, but I eventually settled on a game show.

The bedroom door opened shortly after I'd gotten comfortable, Oli walking in. He smiled down at me before he sat down beside me, reaching out and pulling me close. I giggled in his arms, letting the popcorn bag fall out of my hands.

"We're going to record soon..." Oli began, holding my face in his hands. "And then we're gonna go tour. Are you coming with us?" He asked, letting his thumb rub my cheek lightly. I sighed, dreading that very question.

"You know I can't just up and leave Oli. I have a job." I replied, looking away from his eyes and to the wall behind him.

"Yes you can, just come with me, please?" He asked, moving my face so I was forced to look at him. I bit my lip, wishing I could get out of this position.

"Oli, to be honest with you, as much as I love you, I need a break from the boys. It's too hectic of a life for me..." I spoke with complete honesty. Oli looked down at me, his eyes saddening at my words. I heard him mumble a quiet 'okay' before he let me go and rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling.

"Oli, you know I'd love to be with you, all the time, but I can't handle that lifestyle you love so much..."

"Are you saying you can't handle being around anymore? Are you saying that you want to leave me?" Oli said, his voice becoming even more quiet as his sentence continued.

"Oli, I don't want to leave you, I want to leave this hecticness. Why can't we get a place of our own, without the guys over all the time." I questioned, propping myself up on my elbow, facing him.

"So you want me to get rid of my friends, my life for you."

"Stop being ridiculous Oli, I just want to have a normal life. We don't have to live in a house with your friends anymore. We can get our own place. I mean, they can come over occasionally..."

Oli sighed, dragging his hand down his face.

"I don't know Christiane. Can I think about this?"

"Whatever Oli." I answered, letting myself drop onto the bed, grabbing my popcorn, and focused on the game show once more. Oli squirmed beside me, obviously not liking the angry answer I gave him. But he did nothing.

Within 10 minutes, he was back downstairs, partying with his friends.

I started to wonder whether he'd be able to give up that lifestyle for me. If I'd be able to live alone while he was touring for him. Would we be able to sacrifice for each other?