All I Ever Wanted

Basically, I’m a mess. My college letters are coming today, and I’m an effing mess. Okay, not all of my letters are coming; just my early application ones… LIKE FIT! I have no idea what I’ll do if that letter is a rejection letter. It’s my dream school, and I need to go there.
“Could you quit pacing? It makes me nervous.”
“You’re nervous?” I ask Alex with a hint of disbelief in my voice, and I sit down on my bed. “I think I have the right to be nervous, not you.”
“Sorry, babe.”
He adjusts his guitar and continues to write in his notebook. He’s sitting on my bedroom floor and he looks especially hot today.
“I’m so nervous. You have no idea.”
“Trust me. Take it from someone who has panic attacks. I know nervous.”
“Oh… right.”
I stare at him from my bed. His hair is covering his eyes as he writes, and I really just want to kiss him. I can do that later.
I’ve never witnessed one of Alex’s panic attacks, but Jack told me they can get pretty bad… I’d rather not ever witness one, to be honest, but I know that it’s ridiculous to even think he won’t have one around me.
“Lex?”
His voice brings me back from my thoughts. He’s no longer on the floor, but now on the bed next to me.
“Hey.”
“You need to stop being so nervous.”
His lips meet mine and he pushes me back onto the bed so I’m lying down and he’s hovering over me. I can’t help but get this overwhelming feeling in the pit of my stomach. Not a bad one. It’s more of a ‘how did I get this lucky?’ feeling.
“I’m taking you out tonight. Somewhere special. No matter what is in those acceptance letters, okay?” he asks me, putting one hand on my waist.
“Okay,” I nod in agreement and pull him down for another kiss. His hand slips under my shirt a bit and rubs my side. We’ve gone farther than this, but I really can’t risk anything with all of my brothers being home.
“Alex,” I start, but he’s way ahead of me.
“Imagine if one of your brothers came in? I’d be dead.”
“Exactly.”
I reach over the side of my bed and grab my sweatshirt to pull on. My room is freezing. It’s the second week of December, and it’s snowed twice so far – last week, and now today. It’s reduced to flurries, though, so I think it’ll be stopping soon. I feel bad for the mailman who has to carry around all those early acceptance letters today.
“So, which letters are we expecting today?” Alex asks, lying back on my bed next to me.
“FIT, St John’s, Hofstra, NYU and Cortland.”
“What about Colombia and Fordham and all those really good schools, or whatever?”
“Well they’re regular decision. I won’t get those until like, March. Which is fine. I can wait.”
Alex nods and closes his eyes. He doesn’t rest for long, because Max throws my door, which I could have sworn I locked, open and holds out 5 envelopes. 3 are big, 2 are small.
“Okay, so… I basically gave the mailman a heart attack.”
“How?”
“I opened the door before he could even close the mailbox.”
I stare at the letters in his hand. They basically contain my future, if you really think about it. The two small envelopes are causing me the most panic.
“I can’t open them,” I say, because I really can’t. Too much pressure.
“You have to.”
“Fine.” I take the envelopes back to my bed and sit down next to Alex. Steven and Jacob come into the room as I open the one that’s from NYU.
I skim the first paragraph and breathe a sigh of relief when I get to the word ‘accepted’. Alright, one school.
“I got into NYU.”
“Seriously? Fantastic!” Jake grabs the letter from me and reads it with Steven reading over his shoulder.
“Good job, baby.” Alex kisses the side of my head and puts his arm around me as I open Cortland’s letter.
“Accepted,” I say and grab the next one. This is turning out to be alright.
Now I have FIT’s letter in my hand. It’s thick, but not as thick as the other two.
“Just open it,” I hear Alex whisper.
“Okay….” I rip it open and pull out the papers that are inside. There are a few pages, so that must be a good sign, right? I mean, they wouldn’t waste more than a piece of paper to reject me…
“What’s it say?” Max asks, trying to grab the paper from my hands.
“Um… it says I’m waitlisted.” I hear myself say as I scan the paper again. But I didn’t read it wrong. It’s there, in black and white that I’m freaking waitlisted at FIT.