All I Ever Wanted

Well didn't I think you would always love me?
And didn't I want you to take care of me, baby?
Well that ain't happening, no
And wouldn't I love just to rise above this?
You've gotta believe I've suffered enough to be free
So I'm officially leaving
A kiss on the cheek and I'm gone-
I'll be on the seven o'clock
Oh, oh, the seven o'clock to Chicago

It's never easy
Breaking this old addiction
I've got the reason
But no rationale

I wanna hate you
Cause you don't give me no conviction
Your betrayal oughta make this breakdown
No trouble at all

So let the rubble fall
Cause I'm running off
I broke. I got a call from Danny Allen and I broke. I can’t even remember the last time I cried so hard over him. Probably about 2 months ago, I guess. I broke down so badly that I even put on the song I used to listen to over and over. Kate Voegele knows what it feels like to be dumped. I love her song ‘Chicago’ for so many reasons. The main one being that she’s walking away from the guy who hurt her. I did that. I got over Danny. I got over him so fast, I was shocked at myself. But one phone call can remind you of a lot of things.
I think he does it for kicks. Well, I mean obviously he doesn’t love me. He probably never even did love me. He must call all of his ex-girlfriends (there are a lot of us) just to remind us of what he did. He never did like to be forgotten.
That one phone call ruined my whole week. It made me not pay attention in class. It even made me ignore Alex. How can I possibly have any future with Alex when my past keeps dropping in to say ‘I’m still here’? I try to remind myself that just because one guy did something to me, not every guy will do the same, but it’s hard. It’s hard because that’s all you hear about, see on TV. There’s always the story about the girl who was in your math class and now she’s gone. She slept with her boyfriend and is now a single mother. That didn’t happen to me, I know, but what if it did? What if it does?
It’s Thursday. November 24th. I’ve known Alex for almost exactly 2 weeks. I don’t know a lot about him. Not nearly as much as I wish I did. The only way to fix that would be to actually call him back. He’s left about 4 voicemails on my phone. They’re always the same; ‘Hey, are you okay? I know you’re probably busy with school stuff but… just call me back when you get a chance, okay?’ Always the same. He’s adorable. I can’t even lie.
He calls at the same time, too. It’s always exactly 6:30 when my cell phone rings. I’m usually in my room; that’s where I spend most of my time this week. But this time, I’m in the kitchen, helping Max make dinner. I only answer because Max threatens me with the pot of boiling water he has on the stove.
“Hi Alex.”
“Alexis! You finally answered!”
“Yeah… I’m sorry about that… It’s just been kind of weird.”
“Oh… like…what do you mean by weird?” he asks. He sounds concerned.
I leave the room so Max can’t listen to my conversation.
“Um, I just… I’ve been thinking a lot, which is never good.” I force a laugh, and I know that he knows it’s forced.
“You’ve been avoiding me.”
It’s not a question.
“I have, yeah.” I admit with slight hesitation. I mean, I don’t want to hurt him, but I can’t lie. It’s too obvious.
“I don’t… I don’t know what I did.” He sounds helpless.
“Nothing. Honestly you did nothing. You’re… amazing, and I really, really like you.”
Everything comes out of my mouth too fast for me to stop it. It’s as if my heart is speaking for itself, completely ignoring my brain.
“Then what’s going on? Was it my friends?”
“No.”
“Okay, well I’m officially out of ideas. I have no clue what’s going on with you. And honestly, I’m not very good at guessing games.”
His voice has a slight edge to it; he’s getting pissed.
“I’m sorry.” I whisper, hoping he hears me. He does.
“What is going on, Alexis?”
I can tell that this is his last attempt to get me to talk, and I think after this, he’s not going to want to deal with me anymore. Do I really want to do this to myself? No. Of course not. I should be happy, and Alex makes me happy.
“I got a call from this guy I used to go out with.”
That one sentence kept him with me.

“So wait, let me get this straight… Danny Allen broke up with you after he fucked you?”
“Wow, Luke, way to put it bluntly.”
“Sorry. You’re right, that was a little harsh.”
I look up from my soda and glare at him. He’s such an ass sometimes. I glance around the McDonalds we’re in to make sure nobody overheard him.
“Anyway… So you and Alex are okay now?”
“For now, yeah. I told him everything that happened… I’m seeing his band practice at 6 tonight. You want to come?”
“Of course I do!”
“Okay, cool. You can drive there.”
“Ugh, fine. Why don’t you like driving?”
“I don’t know. I just hate it.”
“You’re so weird, you know that? No 17, almost 18, year old girl hates driving. I love driving.”
“You’re a boy.”
“I’m a gay boy.”
“Yeah but… You’re not one of those guys who you can automatically tell if he’s gay.”
“Of course not. Where’s the fun in that? Neither is the guy that I’ve been talking to…”
“Oh, yeah! You never finished telling me about him.”
Luke goes into extreme detail about his ‘possible love interest’. I even know the guys GPA, which makes me feel like a total creep, but hey, whatever.
“AND, he said he likes me… but he hasn’t done anything about it. WHAT GIVES.” Luke bursts out, causing a mother to look over at us from her table. Oops.
“That’s kind of weird… maybe he’s shy?”
“He’s not shy. Trust me.”
“Oh… I’ll take your word for it then.”

I’ve only known Luke for about a week, but he’s already become the closest thing I have to a friend. Jessica’s still ignoring me. She made that painfully obvious in History the other day when she refused to be my partner for a project in front of the whole class. That was embarrassing. But Luke is cool, and funny, and he’s nice to me so why not hang out with him? He seems to be in need of friends like me, anyway.

First, we stop at Luke’s house because he needs to change into some clothes other than his uniform. I change into the clothes I brought with me in his bathroom. I finish before him and wait downstairs near his front door, hoping nobody’s home. It’s awkward standing in someone’s house when you’ve never been there before, especially without the other person there.
“Hello… can I help you?” comes a voice from across the room, and fuck, I knew this would happen.
I turn and see a woman standing about 10 feet away from me with a confused look on her face. She must be Luke’s mom.
“Um, I’m Alexis… I’m Luke’s friend, I was just-“
“Oh, you’re friends with Luke? Oh that’s so nice, he never brings any friends around anymore. It’s so nice to meet you, I’m his mother, Kara.”
“Nice to meet you, too.” I smile and shake her hand. She must be happy that Luke has a friend.
“So where are you two going?”
“My boyfriend’s having band practice and Luke and I are going to watch,” I tell her.
“Oh, that’s nice,” she says. She starts to say something else, but that’s when Luke decides to come downstairs.
“Oh, hi mom. I’m going out. Did you meet Alexis?”
“Yeah, I did. Just be home kind of early, ok? You have a dentist’s appointment tomorrow.”
“Are you serious?! I hate the dentist!!!”

After Luke’s almost temper tantrum, we get to Alex’s house 15 minutes late, which is fine by me. I mean, how much band practice can one person possible watch, right? Wrong. Watching Alex sing is probably the best sight I have ever seen in my life. His voice is amazing, and the way he plays his guitar is unbelievable. I wish I had gotten here earlier. But I must say, the best part of the night so far has been when I introduced Luke to Alex.
“Alex, this is my friend Luke,” I had said when Alex gave me a ‘who is this guy’ look.
“Friend?”
“Don’t worry. I’m no threat to your relationship with Alexis,” Luke told him, and I just knew he was trying to be a smartass.
“And… why’s that?”
“Well, to be honest, I’d rather be with you than her.”
And although Alex was partially creeped out, he got over it. Now he thinks Luke is a pretty cool guy. Jack thinks he’s awesome.

“So are you feeling any better?” Alex asks me while we’re in the kitchen getting everyone drinks.
“Yeah. After talking to you about everything yesterday, I feel a lot better. Thanks for listening.”
He leans in and his lips press against mine in a soft kiss that I quickly push a little bit further. His hand moves to my waist and before we have a chance to go any further than that, Jack comes inside.
“Holy shit! I send you to get me water, and I find you doing this?!”