Dear Jane Doe

The rest of the week flew by in a blur of disgruntled dazed rain. I couldn’t shake that horrible overcast depression no matter how many girls I slept with. In fact, that seemed to only make things worse. Every thrust was digging the dagger deeper, every caress was poisoning my mood still further and every kiss I imagined planting on her soft mouth.

What I needed was some good old alcohol rushing through my system to remind me what being 18 felt like.

A party.

A party was the perfect solution and all I had to do was accept one of my many invitations. I chose Josh Littlewood’s house on Saturday night because Josh was renowned for his alcohol consumption. If there were any place to get hammered it was at his house.

The music pumped like a heart-beat, resounding through the floor and into my body. Swiftly, I made my way to the kitchen after being rained down with hollers and sex proposals. As soon as the beer was surging through me, those proposals started to sound even more appetising.

“Hey Alec” I swung round at the sound of my best friend’s voice, Jo. Slowly, I allowed the warm smile to enlighten my normally firm lips. “Yo.”

My eyes passed on to the girl timidly shifting from foot to foot on his left side. Suddenly I was terribly glad that the alcohol within me kept all nerves and anxiety at bay. It was her… of course it was her. My karma was pretty shit after all. Taking another huge gulp from my life-support bottle of beer I felt that sickening notion of my ego being crushed.

“This is-” but I cut across him.

“We’ve already met.” In wild defence my ego had blocked out the pain with anger. Anger that my best friend was with my girl… mine! My tone turned acid and I couldn’t suppress the words from tumbling out “it’s sure nice to see you again when you don’t need rescuing. I believe you still owe me a thank you for that.” It was horrible, horrifying, horrific. I wouldn’t have even addressed my cat in such a malevolent way.

Her beautiful blue eyes glazed over. Oh god how could any living thing be so heart-stoppingly stunning? And I couldn’t be the one to hold or comfort her when jerks like me broke her.

“Thank you” she murmured quietly and I was horrified to see that her knees were trembling with emotion. Jo shot me a disbelieving look but I didn’t see. All my eyes were trained on was her, this beautiful terrified girl who I’d just hurt. Before there was a chance to even begin to apologise she was gone. Run out the back door between a couple attached to each other by the lips.

“You’re such a jerk sometimes Alec” Jo rushed out after her like the whimpering betraying bastard that he was.

I didn’t need them.

I didn’t need her.

She was just some stranger that fate had rudely tempted me with but she meant nothing. The beckoning bottle in my probably-too-tight grip helped back up these notions.

Alcohols tender embrace soon held me in its drunk clutches and things became suddenly a lot happier. Blurred around the edges slightly but still happier.