I Think About You Everyday

Sunday. I spent all day lounging on Gustav’s sofa. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t eat anything. The only thing I did was watch TV and sulk. It wasn’t till that evening, around 10pm, did I say something. That was only because Bill came to Gustav’s room with Freddie to see how I was. Bill pouted at me, and as much as I wanted to say no to him, I just couldn’t. Not to his pout. So I explained everything that happened that morning. I explained what I saw on the TV. How Tom entered the room. How I asked him one simple question. How it blew out of proportion. How we screamed at each other. And, how I left him with just a “I don’t know”. Bill hugged me like there was no tomorrow, telling me it was going to be alright. And then he left, saying that he had to sort some stuff out. Or in other words, he went to go talk to Tom, leaving me alone with Freddie.

We got to chat, and I explained to her about these weird feelings I have. She too, like Hannah, thinks I’m pregnant and wants me to take a home pregnancy test. She asked me the vital question of “when’s your next period?” my reply? “sometime this week,”. It was a lie. It’s a week late. My period’s have never been late. But, I didn’t want to think that I was pregnant. I don’t want to be pregnant at the age of 17. What about my future? A baby would just wreck it.

Freddie then left me to get some rest. Heh.

Monday. I moped around the hotel room again. I was awake by 6.30am. I couldn’t sleep. Breakfast came. I had nothing. Dinner came. I had nothing. Hannah got worried and came over to see how I was. She tried to force me to have a packet of potato chips, but I refused to eat it. The only thing that’s entered my mouth is water. Hannah automatically put it to the argument with Tom yesterday morning. Well, she’s half right. That had gotten me quite bummed out, but also, the feeling in my stomach. The sickness. Every time I looked at food, I just wanted to throw up. Of course I wasn’t going to tell Hannah that. She’d force me into the bathroom to pee on a stick.

Hannah tried to get me to go out shopping with her. I refused to go. She still went out though. Leaving me alone in the hotel room. The boys had an interview. I watched it. The interviewer brought me up. Tom stuttered and just said, “We’re not officially over, we’re just going through a rough patch at the moment, that’s all. Next question please,” I could tell it nearly killed him to say that, but it serves him right.

Tuesday. Today. The morning sickness was worse and I was sat at the toilet for at least half an hour. I heard someone walk into the bathroom and pull back my hair and rub my back. I quickly moved my head to see who it was, thinking it was Tom. I sighed seeing that it was only Gustav, and turned back to the toilet to throw up again.

“We’re going for a photo shoot. We’ll be back in about 2 hours, maybe 3 hours. Then we’re all coming in here for a short meeting with Jost. Okay?” I nodded my head and felt the presence of Gustav leave the bathroom, leaving me to finish my business.

I walked out of the bathroom and into Gustav’s bedroom. I looked at my suitcase, which Gustav had ever so kindly agreed to getting for me, and decided that staying in my pyjamas all day was a much better idea.

I stepped into the main room to see Hannah sitting on the couch. She looked up and saw me giving her a strange look.

“Gustav was worried about you and wants me to check on you. Make sure you’re okay. So, are you?” I just stared at her. “Ebony? You there?”

“I. Um. Can you get me a. Um,” before she could finish my sentence, Hannah stood up and walked out of the hotel room, smiling at me before she left the hotel room.

I flung myself onto the couch and just lay there. Thinking. Thinking about everything. Thinking about everything that had happened between Tom and I. I’ve not seen him since Sunday morning, and I have to admit, I miss seeing his face. Ever since Tom and I got together, I’ve been used to sleeping next to someone, being curled up next to them. But, now, the bed just seems empty. Yeah, I share Gustav’s bed, but that’s not the same. It’s not like sharing it with Tom. I’ve been thinking, as much as I hate the thought, that I need to find a reason to feel like everything is meant to be let go. That I need to let go of Tom. It obviously wasn’t meant to be.

I was snapped out of my thoughts at the sound of the door opening, and in waltzed Gustav, Georg, Bill and... Tom. “The photo shoot finished earlier because someone wasn't concentrating,” Gustav glared at Tom, sitting on the single chair opposite me. I stood up from the sofa and walked into the bedroom, closing the door behind me.

“I’ve got the stu- where’s Ebony?” I heard Hannah call from the main room. The next thing I know, the bedroom door swung open and Hannah stood there holding a bag and 3 bottles of water. Here you go. Get to work,” I nodded and took it all with me into the bathroom, where I may be for some time.

***

I stepped out of the bathroom at least half an hour later, all the bottles of the water and the brown paper bag empty.

“Well?”

“All the pregnancy tests are upside down. I’m waiting for the last one to come up with the result,” I told her, sitting next to her on the bed.

“I spoke to them all. Apart from Tom. He was deadly silent. He looks awful too. Like he hasn’t slept in days,” I looked over at Hannah.

“Do I look like I care right now?” she shook her head at me, “so shut up.” An uncomfortable silence crept into the room for about 3 minutes, when Hannah said, “what do you want to do about the tour?” I stared at her. I had no idea. I mean, it would be weird to stay. And uncomfortable for everyone. “I think we both know the answer to that,” I whispered, looking at the clock that was above the door. “I have to go look at the tests. Be back in a sec,” I stepped into the bathroom, closing it shut behind me and turning over all the pregnancy tests.

12 were blue. 3 were red.

I checked the box to see what the colours meant, my jaw dropping as I scanned the box. This is getting too much for me.

I picked the sticks up and slowly opened the bathroom door to come face to face with an eager looking Hannah.

Tears swelled up in my eyes as I whispered, “I’m going to be a mum,”