Addicted For Life

The sun was slowly fading into the horizon. Matt and I were walking back to his house, with Bella right at his heels. He explained to me how it was going to be while living with him; like a rehab, but I can go places—as long as I’m with him. He wouldn’t let me even touch alcohol. I’m starting to fall on the side of hate with this man instead of love and friendship. We finally walked into a richer area in Huntington Beach, this guy must be loaded. Of course, I was right, and we walked up the long driveway to his house.

“If you’re so loaded, why do you even bother helping me?” I asked breaking the silence between us.

“I don’t take this house for granted, Nicole, I’m in a band. Our record sales went pretty high—only reason I was able to afford this. Without this band, I’d be living on the streets beside you. The only thing I can do now is help you out.” He said nothing more and unlocked the door. I walked inside, and couldn’t believe what I saw. Everything was perfectly place, the floors looked as if they were brand new, and the light colored walls made it feel like a home already. I was now jealous of Matt. He had everything I’d ever want.

“Hey—what band are you in? And when you tour, what are you going to do with me?” I was throwing out questions left and right. As jealous as I was, I wanted to know more about him.

“The band’s name is Avenged Sevenfold, or A7x, whichever you prefer to say. And when we go on tour, I’ll simply take you with me. You can’t drink with the rest of the guys until I can trust you, don’t worry, I won’t drink either. It’s only fair and my liver can use a break from being damaged from alcohol.” He smiled at me and waved for me to walk up the stairs.

I don’t know how one man can possibly live here with just a dog and no one else. He must get bored. As we toured through the house, he showed me his game room, pool, living room, and backyard. I stand corrected, he can’t get bored. He showed me the room I’d be staying in, it was nice. It the furniture was brown and had a tan like color for everything else.

“I hope you’re up for dealing with my withdrawal. I’m not thrilled about it at all, and you’re going to hate it just by watching me.” I groaned. I hate withdrawal, you vomit like crazy. You feel like you’re dying basically. That’s the worst part or recovering.

“I’m prepared for it. Now go take a shower and get some sleep, it’s late. We’ll go shopping tomorrow and get you all situated.” He pointed out where the bathroom was, and where his room was in case I needed him, and I knew I wouldn’t at all.

“Oh, Matt, I don’t have any clothes to change into.” I felt my cheeks turn red as I said that. He gave a slight laugh, making them get redder.

“I’ll get you some of my old clothes, they’ll probably be big on you, but they’re the smallest articles of clothing I have.” He disappeared behind his bedroom door for a good five minutes before returning with a shirt and top for me. “When you’re done, throws those clothes in the hamper in your room; I’ll clean them tomorrow.”

“Thank you so much, Matt.” He nodded and closed the door to his room.

I stepped inside the hot steamy shower, and treasured the feeling. I needed this more than anything right now, but not as much as I need heroin. After I cleaned myself of all the filth that contaminated my body, and put on some of Matt’s clothes. I didn’t have any of mine own, and I wasn’t wearing the ones I had. They were a little big, making me feel like I was a gangster. Oh well, it’s better than the clothes I’ve been wearing. I walked back into my room and laid my head back onto the soft pillows of my new bed. I never had been so comfortable in my whole entire life.

Then, it hit me, heroin. I forgot about my need for it, since I’ve been wrapped up with Matt. I heard snores coming through the wall, he was asleep. A smirk spread across my face as I checked the hamper of which I threw my clothes in for the $100 bill I had put in my pants from before. Thankfully, I found it. I did a little happy dance and tiptoed out of my room. Once downstairs, I found my way outside.

I’ve never walked outside at night, and I was terrified for my life. My paranoia was coming back to me. I continuously looked around, hoping no one was following me. I eventually had to stop walking because I had such a bad panic attack, and got sick. I continued on despite the fact I was sick, scared, and tired. I found my alley, the alley Matt said I should never see again. I dug around in it to find my cooker and needle. Thankfully, no one robbed it.

I continued down the streets in hopes to find my drug dealer, or some random dealer to give me anything for a hundred dollars. I headed to the deli where my dealer normally sold at late night, I prayed to God he was there. As I was running, I saw some other druggies shooting up in an alley. I couldn’t buy it off them; they were already filling up their needles. I made my way around the corner to the deli, still terrified that tonight could be the night I ended my life. Luckily, John was there. John is my drug dealer, and never lets me down.

“John, give me whatever you want to give me with this I need heroin, now!” I slammed the bill in his hand and his face lit up, he immediately walked back to his car-you got rich if you sold stuff. He handed me 6 little baggies of heroin and I smiled, satisfied I got my love. I thanked him and went back to the alley. I cooked up the heroin quickly and injected it into my arm. I was in heaven. Once my high died down a little, I walked back to Matt’s house.

Once I got there the lights were still out, I vomited at least 10 times on the way back. I felt this is a punishment for betraying Matt, but I didn’t care, I need heroin. The door opened quietly as I slipped inside, and back up to my room. I stuffed the baggies under the bed, hoping Matt wouldn’t wake up and ask me why the hell I’m halfway under the bed. I laid down once again in my bed feeling completely satisfied, but also filled with disgust in myself for how I betrayed Matt. I never thought there would be a night I would cry myself to sleep, but I guess that was tonight.

Why, God? Why do I make such fucked up choices? Please let me change—for heaven’s sake, I’ll do anything.