Addicted For Life

I dug hopelessly through the bags, trying to find the one that had the bathing suits I bought today. I looked through at least 15 bags before finding my red bikini. I put it on and looked in the mirror. My hair was long, and had a bunch of dead ends. My ribs showed threw my skin; I looked like a walking skeleton. I guess that’s the price I have to pay for my own choices. I never thought I’d look like that.

I walked downstairs, Bella on my heels, and out to the pool. Matt was already in, swimming around. He was extremely fit, and staring at him with his shirt off made it hard for me to speak. I swallowed my thoughts and dove into the pool. Matt swam over to me and started splashing me, and then getting Bella, who was minding her own business, wet as well. We raced each other in the pool; I won both times. I was like a fish when I was a kid, I never left the pool.

“Matt, face it, you can’t beat me swimming.” I giggled and splashed him with water.

“Shut up, I know I can uhm...hold my breath longer!”

“Want to try me?” I asked, ready to take on any challenge given to me.

“I’m going to win, so let’s do it!” Matt counted down to three and we dove underwater. I swam carelessly under the water, while Matt flailed his arms about and eventually went up for air. I stayed put underwater.

“I win, again.” I smiled as I finally surfaced from the bottom of the pool. Matt groaned and folded his arms; he’s a little kid.

“I fail at life!” He whined

“You can sing and play piano.” I reminded him of his talents, which I don’t have.

“I bet you can Mrs. I-can-do-everything-better-than-you.” He grunted and swam away from me.

“I’m sorry, Matty!” I yelled as I jumped on his back, trying to give him a hug. Bella barked at us and jumped into the pool. She started freaking out that she couldn’t swim. I rushed over to her and picked her up out of the water, and scolded her for jumping in. Matt just laughed at his dog and dove off the diving board. Bella almost followed his steps, but chickened out once she got to the edge. She let out a whimper and ran onto the patio where she sat on the chair.

I excused myself from the pool, said I felt sick, but in reality I wanted heroin. I walked into the kitchen and dug through the garbage. I found a needle that Matt threw out, grabbed a lighter from the counter by the candles, a spoon, and ran upstairs. My self control was lost. I reached under the bed and grabbed the bag of heroin. I set up my set, and fixed myself a large dose of heroin; more than I normally took at a time. I injected the needle and felt satisfied—but completely out of it. I vomited on the floor; I couldn’t make it to the bathroom. I dragged myself onto the bed and had darkness fall over my face.

I woke up later on, blood on my arm; the needle had fallen out in my sleep. I cringed at the sight and ran into the bathroom to clean up; hoping Matt hadn’t walked into my room since I went upstairs. I dried off the blood and stuffed the needle in my baiting suit just in case Matt was outside the bathroom waiting to yell at me. I felt like a little kid crossing the road as I looked both ways before running across the hall to my room where I stuffed the needle under my bed next to the leftover heroin. Bella ran into my room and jumped on my bed, licking my face.

“Get out of here you bitch!” I yelled at her, and laid down under the covers. I started seeing weird shit, like people in the window and hearing voices that I’ve never heard before. I clutched the pillow over my head tighter and shut my eyes tightly. I soon heard a voice that was familiar to me.

“Nicole, let’s go out to eat.” Matt suggested, but the other voices were still whispering to me.

“No! No! No! They’re going to get me, Matt. They’re going to get me!” I screamed, and began to sob.

“Fucking shit Nicole, what are you talking about?”

“Can’t you hear them? They’re after me!” I wailed

“No one’s there, you’re hallucinating. You fucking shot up again. How did you do that?”

“You missed a bag, and I needed it.” I cried, clutching the pillow even harder now.

“I don’t know what to say to you, besides be an asshole and say get out of my fucking house. Tomorrow, Nicole, we’re going to see an old friend of mine. But as of now, get the fuck up and we’re going to get something to eat. You’re so thin I could lift you up with my pinky. I’m not going to let someone else in my life die from an addiction. I helped someone just like you before, they were living on the streets but I knew about their addiction, so I helped them after watch them dig themselves a deeper hole in the sick fucking dug world. You know what happened to him? He died. Fucking died right in the hotel bathroom in New York from an overdose. It’s not happening to you too, no matter what it fucking takes to get your head straight.” Matt hissed and slammed the door behind me.

I lifted my head up from the pillows, tears still streaming down my face, the voices quieted down. I looked at Bella and bent down to pet her. She growled at me and scratched the door to be let out. She must’ve been pissed since I upset Matt. I let her out and changed into jeans and a plain green t-shirt before meeting Matt outside to go to dinner. I fastened my seatbelt once I sat in the passenger seat side of the car. Matt drove silently, even without the radio on, not saying a word all the way to the restaurant. He pulled into some middle-class place and walked inside, still not speaking. We grabbed a table and ordered our food. I hate silence.

“So, have you eaten here before?” I asked, trying to break the tension between us.

“Yeah,” He said, not looking up from the menu the waiter had forgotten to take from him.

“I’m sorry.”

“How many times are you going to say that? Really, you can only apologize so much. And getting to have me accept this apology is going to take a million years to happen.” The silence grew between us again.

“Here is your food.” The waiter said cheerfully, with a fake smile plastered on his face. I could tell he hated working here, and was just putting an act on. Almost all of them do.

I pushed the food around on my plate, eventually taking a few bites of the pasta that sat on the table in front of me. Matt had gotten a steak. Once I finished I walked into the bathroom and looked into the mirror again. I cried as I saw a hideously skinny girl, with scars on her arms from the needles injected over the years. My fingertips traced lightly over them and I felt a tear run down my face. I washed my face and walked back out to where Matt was already handing the check, then out to the car.

“So, who are we actually going to see?” I asked curiously.

“You’ll see, and he’ll do a lot for you. Don’t even ask his name because I won’t tell you. You just have to wait for tomorrow. I’ll partially forgive you for now, and we can go rent a movie. But as of today you’re officially heroin free. Understand me?” He looked at me, his eyes burning a hole in my skin.

“I understand.” I sighed.

“Good, now let’s go get a movie and make some popcorn. Tomorrow, you start your first full day heroin free, and I’ll be there through your withdrawal, don’t worry.” Matt put his hand on mine, and smiled at me. I nodded my head in response.

“Don’t forget my puppy that we have to get tomorrow.” I added and focused at the view of the world outside this car while Matt’s hand still rested on mine.