Freight Hopper

Frank knocks, looking around feebly. It looks even worse than it had; before it was neglected, uncared for, pushed aside, now it just appeared to be abandon. Gerard gives his hand a supportive squeeze. He opens the door, unshaven, a dirty wife beater hanging on his hairy, overweight body.

He grunts, “Knew you’d come home one day, boy.”

“I am not here to see you,” Frank snarls, pushing his way past him. Gerard steps in behind him, nervously, and Frank’s father gives him a sickening glare. But his attention is drawn to Frank, who is clambering up the stairs with more bravery than a solider.

“BOY!” he roars, heading for the stairs, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing!?” Frank doesn’t turn, never even flinches, and Gerard admires his courage, really, but he knows where this will lead. Frank father flies up the steps, grabs his son by the scruff of the collar, hand raised, but Gerard is right behind him, “Don’t even think about it,” he warns maliciously. Frank’s father glances at what Gerard is threatening, his finger conveniently placed on the green send button of his phone, 911 glowing ominously on the screen. His eyes narrow, and Frank tears out of his grip, darting to the end of the hallway, and Gerard hears the slam of the door and the haunting click of a lock.

“Madeline?” Frank says in a low whisper. He flips on the light, and she’s tucked into a corner, curled into herself. Frank cautiously approaches, “Maddy? It’s okay, it’s all right,” but the child shivers, “It’s me, Maddy. It’s Frank.”

She looks up with fear, but recognition wipes it away, “Frankie!” she cries, throwing herself into his outstretched arms.

Frank’s breathes a sigh of relief, hugging her closely, “Come on.” He lifts her tiny body, “Don’t let go, okay?” Maddy nods into his neck, and they squeeze each other tighter.

He’s right there, right in Frank’s face, belligerent words thrown at him so harsh and fast he can’t react, but he takes a breath, and fights his way down the stairs. When he takes hold of her, furiously trying to rip her grip from Frank, they both protest, and Frank shoves the man with his shoulder, leaving the second fate allows him.

They are panting by the time they’ve reached the car, and Frank’s father is standing in the doorway, fury seeping for every pore. Maddy is crying into Frank’s shoulder, and Frank is crying with her out of sheer happiness, terror, everything. Gerard drives, as Frank is far too focused on his sister to do much else. He is holding her, cradling her against him, gently, running his fingers through her dark hair. When they’ve calmed and all that is left are tear stained cheeks and lightened hearts, Gerard perks up, “Anyone hungry?”

Frank chuckles, “Yeah,” and turns his attention back to Maddy, who is buckled in the backseat now. “Maddy,” he says, “this is my very good friend Gerard. He’s nice; he won’t hurt you.” Maddy nods and sniffs a hushed, “Hello.”

Gerard smiles at her from the rearview mirror, “Hello. We met a long time ago; do you remember me?”

Maddy shakes her head, but Gerard just shrugs. They pull up to his favorite diner, and Frank picks Maddy up from the backseat, and puts her down carefully.

“She looks like she hasn’t eaten in weeks.” Gerard whispers to Frank, and guilt clouds Frank’s face. Maddy is gripping his hand tightly, and swinging their arms in a soft, rhythmic motion. Frank smiles at her, and she grins back at him.

Their waitress’ name is Caroline. She has a thick Georgian accent, wears too much makeup, and is as sweet as southern tea. “What can I get ya’ll? Well hey there darlin!” she leans at eye level with Maddy, “My, my look at those ocean blue eyes. Would you like a colorin’ page, sweetie?” She asks Maddy, who nods nervously. Caroline smiles and takes their drink order.

They order milkshakes, and when Caroline returns with crayons and a picture of a princess, Maddy smiles and is happily distracted.

“What’ll ya’ have?” she asks, whipping out her notebook. Frank orders a kids macaroni and cheese with fries for Maddy, but when she scarfs her food down in less than ten minutes he orders a whole plate of fries and a large, hot fudge sundae.

___________________

Maddy is asleep in Frank’s arms when they leave the diner, and Gerard has abandon them to reckless thought, and is too lost within himself to take notice of much else. Frank buckles the child in the backseat, her head drooped to the side, thumb stuck securely in her mouth.

Gerard deserts his thoughts and glances at Maddy, “She still sucks her thumb?’ Gerard says, a smile playing at his lips.

“Yeah,” Frank nods, looking fondly at her, “She always has, only when she sleeps though. We...” he pauses, “I could never get her to stop. Tried everything,” he smiles, and stares for just a few moments longer. Gerard starts the car, thinks, realizes, and cuts the ignition.

Frank just looks at him and murmurs, “Gerard, I can’t take her back there.”

Gerard sighs, “I know, Frank, I know....” he replies honestly.

“What are we going to do?”

We. They are in this together, Gerard knows that and he likes it that way, likes it so very much. “I don’t know.”

“I’m scared,” Frank whispers, and Gerard places his hand on Frank’s shoulder, “It’s going to be okay. What if...well, I don’t think your Dad is going to come after you two; he knows he’ll be the one that ends up in prison, not you. So...maybe, maybe we could just work out some sort of arrangement with him? Like, without getting the law involved.” Frank looks extremely doubtful, but Gerard continues, “She could live with us, I-I mean you, you know if you got him to agree to it.”

Frank is considering, but something strikes him, “You said us,” he whispers.

“I, well, um...I just meant...”

“Do you want me to live with you?”

“Do you want to live with me?”

Frank wonders, pondering, “I don’t know,” he says truthfully, “I mean...i’m not really sure what this is, what we are, Gerard. I mean, yesterday...do you think it’s way too soon for me to move in?”

“I...what do you want us to be?”

“Gerard, you have always known what I want us to be.”

Gerard shakes his head, “I don’t know anymore, though Frank. I’m different, you’re different. I lost you three years ago, and I just got you back yesterday, I don’t know what we are...but I know that we kissed yesterday, and I know what it felt like.” Frank looks away, but Gerard takes his chin gently and makes him look, “It felt like bliss, pure, unadulterated magic. I know that I slept better last night with you next to me, better than I have in three years, and...and I know that I love you. I’m different, we’re different, but I know we work together, maybe even better than we did before.”

Frank is smiling, but just barely. Mostly, he looks scared, and Gerard wants to kiss him so badly, but doesn’t know if he should, doesn’t know if that would be okay.

“So, where are we Gerard?”

“I love you, Frank,” he says, stark honest, “I want to be with you. I don’t care if it’s ‘too soon’ according to society because the way I see it, I have always loved you, despite what I have said, and I feel like I need to make up for lost time. I just want you to be okay with everything,” Frank is being shy and quiet, and Gerard desperately wants him to open up, but knows pushing him will do no good. Frank is speechless still, but when he finally looks at Gerard he is smiling brightly, and there is an unfathomable amount love within his eyes, and “I love you, Gerard. Please, make me yours,” he whispers. Gerard touches his cheek, something Frank absolutely loves, and he kisses him, gentle, slow, and sweet. Their foreheads meet, and Frank looses himself for a moment in the depths of Gerard’s hazel eyes. “You are mine,” Gerard breathes, and the moment ends with a kiss on the cheek. They smile, and Gerard starts the car again, his hand looped with Frank’s.

Halfway to his apartment Gerard remembers, “Did you decide?”

“About?” Frank says, knowing perfectly will what Gerard is referring to.

Gerard throws him a playful look, and Frank giggles and decides he loves laughing with Gerard, loves the lightheartedness.

“I’m not sure,” he says eventually, “I want to live with you, Gerard, I do,” he smiles, “buy I don’t know how Kamry feels about everything, and I care about her opinion. Plus, if we live with Kamry, it might be really good for Maddy, ya’ know?” He looks at his baby sister lovingly, but he is overcome with guilt, for she is clearly underfed, under loved; not at all how a ten year old girl should look. “I think she needs a strong female influence in her life. I love her and all, but I can’t replace our mom.”

Gerard understands, he really does, but he can’t help himself in muttering, “Yeah, Kamry might be sticking around....”

“What?” Frank asks.

“Hm? Oh um...” Gerard clears his throat, “Well, I just meant Kamry might be hanging around my place a lot for a while....”

“Why?”

Gerard chuckles a bit uncomfortably, “Well, yesterday when we were talking, ya’ know?” he says, “Kamry and Mikey were alone for a really long time, and Mikey says they really got on well. He even gave her his number, and Mikey tends to play the hard to get card with girls,” Gerard wiggles his eyebrows and they giggle.

“Well,” Frank says softly, “Maybe, um...maybe Maddy and I could live with you...?”

Gerard is elated, but doesn’t want to overwhelm Frank with excitement, so he calmly replies, “Of course,” he pauses, “you know, we still have to talk with your dad.”

Frank sighs, “I know, but not today.”

Gerard nods empathetically, and Frank’s turn the radio on, the volume low. They hum along to Smashing Pumpkins and Maddy awakens just before they reach Gerard’s apartment.

“Hey, little girl,” Frank says, squeezing her hand. Maddy smiles timidly at him, and Frank helps her out of the car.

“Where are we Frankie?” she whispers.

“We’re at Gerard’s apartment. We have lots to talk about when we get inside. Is that okay?” Maddy nods, staring up at the tall building with fear and wonder. Frank leads her inside, Gerard in front of them. When they reach the elevator, Maddy tugs on Frank’s shirt, and Frank smiles down at her when she sticks her delicate arms out. He lifts her up, in his arms once more and she clings to him fervently.

The door to Gerard’s apartment is unlocked so Mikey must be home. What they do not expect is Kamry on the couch, hooked under Mikey’s arm, and onto his face, “watching” Sixteen Candles. They jump apart at the sound of the door closing, and Mikey hastily presses pause. Kamry stands just as Frank drops Maddy from his arms, who promptly takes covers behind his legs. Kamry is smiling brilliantly, and her hug is warm and comforting; she pats his cheek happily, looking with a clever expression between him and Gerard. Frank blushes and Kamry giggles softly, then notices Maddy.

“And who’s this?” she asks, peering at the girl.

“This is my little sister, Maddy. She’s ten.” Frank supplies.

“Hi Maddy,” Kamry says with just the right tenderness, “I’m Kamry. It’s very nice to meet you.”

Maddy sticks her head out from behind Frank’s leg, assesses Kamry, then says, “Hello, Kamry. It’s nice to meet you too.” Kamry chuckles a bit. “I have to go to the bathroom,” she tells Kamry, and Frank is mildly surprised by his sisters sudden friendliness, but Frank understands because Kamry has this unspoken energy, charisma about her that radiates onto everyone around her, and it is so trusting, so comforting, one can’t help but feel secure and relaxed in her presence. Kamry takes Maddy’s hand with a grin, and leads her away to the bathroom.

“So, what’s the deal?” Mikey questions, gesturing towards the girls.

“Frank and Maddy are moving in,” Gerard says, clasping Frank’s hand. They smile, and Mikey approaches him cautiously, opens his arms for a hug, and when Frank accepts, says, “It’s good to have you back, man.”

“That is,” Frank says, pulling apart, “if we can get my dad to agree without getting the law or anything involved.” Mikey nods, and Kamry reappears with Maddy.

“Come ‘ere, little girl.” Frank says, and Maddy shuffles over to him. “We have a lot to talk about....” They meander their way to the sitting area, and “No, no,” Maddy says, “I want to sit by Kamry!” So they reposition, Frank and Kamry on flanked on either side, and Gerard and Mikey in chairs. They speak slowly; they need Maddy to understand, need her to agree, and, most importantly, figure out if she is all right. Maddy doesn’t like being questioned, and Frank knows this, but they’re patient, ever so patient with her, and Frank almost breaks when he mentions their father and Maddy stops, looks at her hand, and says with frightful maturity, “Please, don’t make me go back there.”

“Oh Maddy,” Frank whispers, and hugs her, “You’re never gonna have to go back there again, okay?”

She nods feebly, “Are you going to leave me again?”

Gerard touches his back supportively when she says this, and he is grateful, but he shuts his eyes tight in fear of tears and says, “No, little girl. I’m not ever going to leave you again. I made a choice when I left a long time ago, and it was the wrong choice,” he admits, and Gerard is so ridiculously proud of him for saying that, “It was a bad choice, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry it hurt you.”

Maddy smiles forgivingly, and Frank knows she is done with this conversation for now, but they’re in a good place, right now anyway, and it’s okay, things are okay.
Tomorrow, Frank will face his father with even more bravery and determination than before because now, now he is fighting for something. He is fighting for his baby sister, and she deserves to be fought for.