Blood Soaked Black Rose

Fate

A Week Later
I sat in bed feeling weird. I didn’t know what was wrong. I told Matthew what had happened. He hadn't cared. He said that technically Eddie and I were still married since the divorce had never been finalized. He told me that if I wanted to, he had no problem with letting me see if Eddie really was the person I had fallen in love with. That sweet little boy that lived across the street. The boy I told everything. The boy that I used to camp out in his and my backyard with, telling ghost stories, staying up all night. Eddie came in to my bed room.
“Hey.” He said smiling at me.
“Hi.” I muttered. I didn’t feel like going anywhere. I wanted to lay in bed all day. I had been getting sick lately. It reminded me of when Matthew found out about my being a stripper and hating modeling. He had made me quit. Made me go to The Academy, the best cosmetology school around here. I had hated, yet loved him so much. That’s what it was like. Feeling two things at once. I never liked it.
“How are you feeling? Matthew said you were sick.”
“I’m fine.” I said. I was slightly worried about other things, but I didn’t want to freak him out. Not now. Not when I could finally have my big break with him.
“So…date in tonight?”
“I guess.” He climbed in bed.
“So when are you gonna tell Krys about me?”
“Eddie, she’s not even three yet.”
“So?”
“So…I can’t tell her now.”
“Sure you can. It’s not that hard.” I sighed and felt a wave of nausea. I ran to the bathroom and emptied my stomach in the toilet. Eddie rubbed my back and played with my hair like he did when I would pretend that I was sick when were in high school and married. I never told him I was an anorexic/bulimic and that was the reason I was puking so much.
“Sorry.” I mumbled as he handed me a glass.
“It’s fine.”
“I hate being sick. I used to have to take care of Kryssi anyway, but since Matthew has moved in, he’s taken care of me and her well.”
“That’s good. Are you ok? Do you want me to get you something? Chicken noodle soup?”
“No…and ew.” I threw up again.
“I’m sorry. I forgot. You’re vegan.”
“It’s cool.”
“Come on.” I felt a little better. I had a doctor’s appointment with Dr. Chad tomorrow. I led him to the guest room and put in a movie.
“So…my parents said that you went through hell.” I nodded.
“What happened?”
“Uh…well I was pregnant and that’s not easy. I mean I thought, hey, that’s not so hard. Why do girls complain so much? That was back in high school. And then like the whole giving birth…rip me to pieces. OMFG! I hate that part. And then there’s the whole infant thing. It’s hard.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s cool.” I kissed his cheek. “Hey, um, I’m kinda tired. Mind if we call it a night?”
“Okay.” He left and I laid on the bed. Kryssi came in with a picture she drew.
“Here Daddy.” I looked at it. Get well daddy, it said. I could tell Matthew wrote it for her. I hugged her.
“Thanks sweetie.” I went to my room and looked at the clock. It was eleven. “Hey, Mattie?” I called walking into the kitchen. His brother Corey was over and they were sitting on the couch watching some design show. Corey looked thoroughly bored. He was pretty cool. I wasn’t used to his gangster style, but he was nice.
“Yeah sweetie. Are you feeling better?”
“I’m fine.”
“See, all natural meds work.” He smiled.
“Yeah. Um, can you put Kryssi to bed? It's really late. I would, but I’m kinda…”
“No problem. Go to sleep.” He hugged me and I went to our room. I fell asleep instantly.

The Next Day
Kyler sat on my couch eating a bowl of ice cream. Ever since I can remember he’s loved the stuff. He was so awesome. I sat down next to him with a bowl of ice cream too. “You know what?” He said suddenly.
“What?”
“I’m glad I’m only mildly schizo. There are these kids, and it’s sad. Scary really.”
“Don’t say schizo. It’s mean.” I said. Kryssi was sitting on the floor coloring. Matthew was in the kitchen doing something. Who knows what.
“Sorry. But can’t I say it? I mean I am.” He looked at Kryssi. “You know I haven’t seen Emily since I went to that hospital. Or Addie. Just J.D.” He sighed.
“She’s getting big.” He nodded. I knew that he loved her. I knew that he missed her. Maybe it wasn’t his fault that she existed, but he didn’t care.
“Zakky? Do you want me to wash blacks?”
“Yeah.” I called to Mattie. He was so helpful. He knew the possibility of me being pregnant, but he took care of me.
“So what’s new?” Kyler asked sucking his spoon.
“Um…Eddie’s back. I might be gonna have another kid. Yeah. How about stuff at the hospital?”
“Um…okay. Fire and I are so close to making out!” I smiled. He was bi, but you could tell he was more for the guys. Sure his track record was two for two, but you could tell. Mattie sat in my lap.
“You have a doctor’s appointment soon.” I looked at the clock.
“Yeah. Hey, Kyler, you ready to go?”
“Um…I guess.”
“You can finish your ice cream in the car. I have to get you back so I won’t be late.”
“Okay.” I kissed Matt and Kryssi bye and left. Kyler put in Alesana. I had just bought him their CD. I thought they were good.
“So are you gonna find out today?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you nervous?”
“Um, I’m wearing some of my old Abercrombie. What do you think? I’m not comfortable in anything but my Goth clothes, so I don’t know.” Kyler nodded.
“I like this band.” He smiled.
“Yeah, I figured. Here.” We parked and I got out. Kyler behind me. I signed him in and hugged him bye. “Take your meds.” I said.
“I will.”
“What’s it called again?”
“Lithium. Zakky, I don’t want to take batteries.” I laughed.
“They’re not batteries.” I messed up his hair and hugged him again. “Bye.”

I sat in the waiting room. Dr. Chad had done a blood test and was going to call me to tell me the results shortly. I didn’t want to leave, so she said I could wait in the waiting room. She came out and handed me a notice for a follow up. “Prenatal starts in two weeks.” She said. I nodded and took the sheet of paper. Shit…
Ashlie was at my house when I got home. She was watching Kryssi. “Hey sweetie. Eddie’s here. Out on the balcony.”
“Thanks.” I said. I couldn’t tell him. Not yet. I went to my room and saw Matthew packing. “Where are you going?” I asked.
“Uh, Zakky, I’m sorry. I love you. I really do, but I know that you’re going to be back with him. It’s time I stepped out of the picture. I’m just complicating things staying here.”
“No you’re not. Really.”
“Yeah I am.”
“Mattie…”
“Hey, we’ll always be friends. If things don’t work out with Eddie, I’m here.” He kissed my cheek and left. I felt oddly relived. I set the reminder in my desk drawer and went out to the balcony.
“Hey.” I said.
“Hey. So, um, did he leave?”
“Yeah.”
“Don’t be mad, but I asked him.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. Zakky I love you. Isn’t that enough?” He put his hand on my cheek.
“You don’t treat people you love like this. You don’t always criticize them. You don’t always make them feel like shit. You don’t leave them pregnant. You don’t rape people you love.” I whispered the last part. Tears were falling down my face. “And last time, it wasn’t, but after I had Krys. That was.”
“I’m sorry. I was so off my rocker.”
“Eddie, prove that you’re better. Prove that you love me.”
“How?”
“Stay with me.”
“What? Of course.”
“Eddie, I’m pregnant. And it’s not Mattie’s either. He never fucked me there. Only you. I think you have a slight obsession.” He stared at me.
“You’re…pregnant?”
“Yeah.” He looked shocked then a crazy grin spread over his face. He hugged me.
“Oh fucking halleluiah!”
“Glad to see you’re happy.” I laughed.
“Yeah, well…” He smiled at me.
“I’m like Kyler aren’t I?”
“What?”
“I forgive way too easy.”
“It’s a good thing.” He kissed me. “Do you want to go tell Kryssi that I’m her real daddy, not Matthew Lush?”
“Not right now.”