Soul Salvation

Upon entering Michelle’s home, Rania was escorted through the kitchen to the living room. Brian couldn’t help but feel the pang of sadness in his gut when he saw another man in the kitchen – a man that most obviously was not him. He felt so conflicted in his emotions, so torn between jealousy and an odd sense of complacency that Michelle had been able to move on after his death. He was glad she had been able to find someone to love her and to help take care of Kale.

“Have a seat,” Michelle said quietly, and Rania nodded as she made herself comfortable on the couch, Michelle sitting on a loveseat adjacent to her.

“What is it you would like to know, exactly?” Michelle then asked, looking solemn. No one had really ever mentioned her former husband’s death to her, and truthfully she liked it that way. It had been a rather painful event in her life, and the less she thought back on it, the better. But something about this young girl on her doorstep made her feel like she needed to tell someone, even if it was hardly information at all, and even if it was someone she had never met before.

“Well, it seems that all the public information surrounding Brian’s… I mean, Mr. Hander’s death… doesn’t go any further than stating the obvious – that he died. I was just wondering if you had any specifics about that day, or how he died. Any information you have would be entirely appreciated,” Rania explained as she pulled a notebook and pen out of her bag.

Michelle gave a sad sort of smile before looking down at her hands. She was quiet for some time but Rania knew not to rush her.

“I’m afraid I don’t even really have too much information for you, regarding his actual death. When he died, the hospital called to let me know, but I was too distraught to hear any of the details so I hung up.”

“When did you receive the call?” Rania asked, wondering if she could at least help draw some conclusive details for her search.

“Actually, it was the last day I saw Brian,” Michelle said. Rania quickly wrote down the small amount of information, hoping to learn of anything that happened that fateful day.

“I was actually so worried that he had… had killed himself,” she continued, stuttering through some of the words as she discussed such a difficult topic.

“I would never…” Brian whispered from beside Rania. “I would never ever leave you and Kale alone like that.”

“But then I knew that… Brian would never do something like that. He wasn’t that type of person, at all,” Michelle continued, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes.

“What all can you tell me from that last day you saw him?” Rania quietly asked. “Take your time, I know this is a difficult topic to discuss.”

Michelle nodded, remembering back to that day as she took a deep breath.

“We had been fighting a lot. More than usual, and about the dumbest things,” Michelle began. “I want to say it was more my fault than his… I was moody all the time, and I never told Brian this, but I had been seeing a psychiatrist for a recently developed bout of depression. I didn’t want him to know because I didn’t want him to think it was his fault I was feeling that way. And I didn’t want Kale to be put in the middle of all that,” she explained. “He was only three at the time. So… I decided I needed to go away, and I was going to take Kale with me…”

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”I’m not really sure how you leaving an taking my son with you is supposed to be a ‘simple event’,” Brian shot back. “How do you expect me to be calm about something when you’re breaking my heart?”

“I’m sorry, but I really can’t stay. And I’m not going to try anymore, because I won’t put Kale through anymore fighting.”

“Maybe if we just tried counseling, like your mother suggested,” Brian began, but Michelle put her hand up to stop him.

“It won’t work. We’re done here.”

With that, she took her packed bags and headed out of the room.

“Baby, please,” Brian called after her, following her every move. “Don’t… don’t take Kale from me. Just stay. We can work this all out, I promise.” He could feel his stomach doing flips inside him, his blood beginning to run cold with fear that he may lose the two most important things in his life.

Without bothering to drop the suitcase in hand, Michelle entered Kale’s room, where he was playing with his blocks on the floor.

“Come on, sweetie. Time to come with mommy,” she said, bending down to scoop him up. Holding him against her side, Kale not knowing well enough whether he should be laughing or crying, and his eyes wide and full of confusion. Michelle then carried him back into the hallway.

“You can’t do this. You can’t take him away,” Brian said, feeling his eyes burn with the oncoming tears. “Please just stay.”

“Brian, if I don’t leave, I’m going to go insane,” Michelle finally admitted.

“Then tell me what it is I’m doing and I’ll fix it!”

“There’s nothing to fix, Brian. This is just how things need to be. I need to get out of here.”

In one last-ditch attempt to pull Michelle and his son back into his life, Brian reached out to gently grab her arm. But Michelle was already descending the large staircase down into the grand entrance, and when she felt Brian’s grasp on her arm she quickly shook him off. Without a single look behind her, she made her way down the stairs and out the door, going all the way out to the car. Quickly she buckled Kale into his car seat in the back, turning back and looking at the house once she was at the driver’s side door. Her heart sank when she realized Brian wasn’t coming after her now, and with one last heaving sigh, Michelle got in the car and drove away.

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“I had thought that maybe if Brian had followed me all the way out to the car, had pleaded one more time for me to stay, that I would have caved in. But he never did, and that was the last I’d seen of Brian. Later that night, while I was at my parents’ with Kale, I got a call from the coroner’s stating that he’d been found dead in our home,” Michelle finished, wiping the tears from her eyes with a tissue she’d grabbed during her story.

Rania nodded as she finished jotting down everything Michelle had told her.

“And that’s all you remember/”

“Yes. That was all there was to that day. We fought, I stormed out, and then he was dead.”

“Well, I really appreciate all your help, Michelle. Hopefully the addition of your information will help me figure out how he died, so I can--… get a good grade on this report. I know the teacher is rather intrigued about finding out as well,” Rania said, catching herself before she blew her cover story.

“I hope it helps, too.”

“I guess I’ll be going now. Thanks again for all your help,” Rania said with a smile as she stood, making sure out of the corner of her eye that Brian followed her. Michelle nodded and led her back out of her house, bidding her goodnight as they parted.

As Rania and Brian walked back to the manor, it was silent. Rania knew that seeing Michelle and hearing her story about the day he died had to have been tough for him. But the longer they walked, the harder it was for Rania to keep to herself.

“So… do you remember anything now? Did it trigger enough?” she asked, and Brian stuffed his hands into his pockets and kicked at a loose rock on the sidewalk.

“Not really. I remembered everything she said as she said it, but that was about it. Though something doesn’t make sense to me.”

“What do you mean?” Rania pressed.

“When she said she’d have changed her mind if I followed her? I did follow her. I stood outside, at the top of the driveway, begging her to stay. She even looked right at me as I called for her… and she still left,” Brian explained.

“But if she said you never came outside after her…” Rania began, brows furrowed as she tried to piece the new information together. “That must mean you died between when she left the house and when she was at the car. Maybe it just happened so quickly that your soul didn’t even have time to realize it had departed from your body, and followed her out. That would explain why she assumed you never came out after her,” Rania finished, feeling rather proud of her thought process.

“I still only remember what Michelle said and then following her outside to the car. It’s like the middle part between that doesn’t exist… like it’s just a big, gaping hole in my memory,” Brian said, sighing in frustration.

“That must be the point where you died. Something must have happened between those two points, and that’s what you’re blacking out. We’ll find out what it is, I promise,” Rania said, feeling just as frustrated but also a bit excited that they were one step closer, even if it was a baby step.

“Ultimately that visit was just depressing for me. All I wanted was to hold her, and hold Kale. And I couldn’t. It was just too much. I just wish there was something I could do to see them,” Brian said, and Rania could feel he sadness in his voice.

“Maybe I could talk to her… tell her you’re still here, so that she believes and will be able to see you,” Rania suggested thoughtfully.

“It won’t work. But I appreciate the gesture,” Brian said with a sincere grin of appreciation, and Rania just nodded, falling silent the rest of the way home.