Shadows

I sit in the grass.
I sit in the grass, watching a hummingbird hover by the feeder.

It is noon.
It is noon, the clouds are rolling in.
It is noon, the clouds are rolling in for a summer storm.

“Hey.” Alex stands beside me, his filthy checkered shoes flatten the grass.

I frown, the hummingbird zooms out of sight.
I frown, the hummingbird zooms out of sight, and Alex is holding his keys.

A rumble of thunder fills the heavy air.
A rumble of thunder fills the heavy air, it is very hot out today.

“Feel like going out to eat?”

I look at Alex from the ground.
I shrug.

I am hungry.
Am I hungry enough to go out?

Alex looks down at me, his hair contrasting against the gray sky.
Alex looks down at me, his skin bright against the gray sky.
Alex looks down at me, his chocolate diamonds sparkling against the gray sky.

A baby’s cry floats out the open window.
A baby’s cry floats out the open window, a rain drop lands on the tip of my nose.

I nod my head.
I nod my head, Alex smiles down at me.
I nod my head, Alex smiles down at me and extends his hand for me to take.

&&

The car ride is quiet.
The car ride is quiet, Alex cannot read while he drives.

We listen to the radio.
Alex drives his monstrous vehicle.
I watch rain drops race down the windows.

My finger nails digging into the leather, he drives.
My finger nails digging into the leather, he parks.

We run across the parking lot.
We run attempting to dodge the rain.

His fingers mashed with mine.
My fingers mashed with his.

It is loud.
It is loud, fifty different voices fill my head.
It is loud, fifty different voices fill my head, and it makes me dizzy.

“I can believe he would do that!”
“Can I have a Coke?”
“No pickles or mustard, please.”
“Holland! Party of seven!”

Instinctively, I pull Alex toward the door.
Instinctively, I want to run away.

“It’s fine. You can handle this, I promise.” Alex reassures me, squeezing my hand tighter.

A woman leads us to a table.
We sit.

She asks us what we want to drink.
My heart is going frantic.
Alex tells her a root beer for me and a Dr. Pepper for him.
My head is spinning.

I feel their eyes on me.
Everyone is looking at me.
I hear their voices speaking of me.
Everyone is talking about me.

“Calm down, you having a heart attack would really put a damper on my day.”

No one is looking at me.
Only Alex.
No one is talking about me.
Not even Alex.

I scan the menu.
I scan the menu, pointing out to Alex what I want.

He orders for both of us.
He orders for both of us and then he starts.

“Did you ever feel like you just really need to get? Just leave and never come back?”

I shake my head.
I shake my head, I have never felt that way.

Alex sighs. “I hate it here. There isn’t a goddamn thing for me in North Carolina. I swear to God, if it weren’t for my scholarships I’d be out of here. I’d go to fucking California and never have to see any of the people here ever again.” Alex says, his voice full of anger. He keeps a hold on my hand the entire time.

My heart sinks.
My heart sinks, I want to be his reason to stay in North Carolina.

‘Scholarships?’ I push my notebook across the table.

“I have scholarships for Duke. I like math and I’m good at it.”

‘Good?’

“Okay. Really good.” Alex says with a smile.

This is the real Alex.
The Alex who loves math.

I am Carson McCoy
I am falling for him.