Shadows

It's dark.
It's raining.

I lay on my back, lost in my own thoughts, I stare at the ceiling.
Alex lays on his side, lost in his own thoughts, he plays with my hair.

Tomorrow Vivian, Dave, and the kids will be home.
Tomorrow it won't be Alex and I alone anymore.

I turn onto my side.
I turn onto my side, facing Alex.

It's dark but his eyes are still diamonds.
It's dark but his hair is still brilliant waves.
It's dark but his skin is still glowing gold.

"What do you want to do today?" Alex asks, pain medication slowing his mind.

I shrug my shoulders.
I shrug my shoulders, no paper to write on.
No way of saying 'Anything as long as you're with me.'

"We can go see a movie...but I can't drive under the influence so...we can stay here and watch one." Alex suggests.

I shrug.
I shrug and close my eyes.

Lips press against my collar bone.
I think I love him.
Lips press against my neck.
I think I love him.
Lips press against mine.
I love him.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." Alex whispers into my ear, kissing the spot right beneath it.

I blink at him.
My breath caught in my throat.

Does he know what he's doing to me?
Does he know how wrapped around his finger I am?

"I love the way that you make feel like I'm on top of the world, the way you make me forget about how fucked up my life is." Alex whispers, his eyes on mine the whole time.

He has to know.
Surely, he has to know.

"You're everything I could ever ask for. I'm so happy that I broke that fucking window." Alex grins at me.

I grin back at Alex.
Alex pushes me onto my back.

"I love your smile."

His hands find their way under my shirt.
My heart races, I tense.

"It's alright, just relax." Alex reassures me.

I breathe deep.
I breathe deep, my skin burning under his finger tips.

He kisses me.
I kiss him.

I can't seem to find my own brain.
I can't seem to find my own brain, just a voice telling me not to stop.

My shirt is laying on the floor now.
My shirt is laying on the floor now, he's straddling me now.

"You're beautiful." Alex tells me, he's running his hands up my sides.

His kisses are slow.
His kisses are slow but the feel much more dangerous.

My pajama pants are on the floor now.
My pajama pants are on the floor now, he's in his boxers.

"We don't have to do this. Only if you want to." Alex says, his diamond eyes hovering above my ocean eyes. "Do you want to?"

I've never given it much thought.
Sex, It's not something social diseases do.
I've never given it much thought.

Maybe I'm not a social disease.
Maybe I'm not a waste of a human.

I love him.
He loves me.
Right?

This is what people in love do.
Right?

I nod my head up and down.
Alex kisses my collar bone.

I am Carson McCoy.
I am in love with him.