My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Weapon

The next morning, at seven, I walked over to the rooms where My Chemical Romance was staying, both across from my own room. I had thought about the night before, and decided it was no big deal.

I’d just tell Frank the next morning that I was actually engaged. He shouldn’t be too mad at me, right? I mean, he doesn’t even know me enough to get upset over a little slip of the tongue.

I knocked first on the room Frank, Gerard and Ray were sharing. The door opened to reveal a tired looking Gerard.

“Good morning!” I said cheerily, walking into their room, and seeing Frank still asleep on the bed. The bathroom door was shut, and I guessed Ray was inside.

“I don’t see anything good about it.” Gerard said, pointing out the window. It was raining.

“Wake up Frank for me while I make sure Bob and Mikey are conscious.” I told Gerard.

He nodded and I walked out the door, knocking loudly on the other door that led to Mikey and Bob’s room.

“Wake up! Breakfast is at 7:30, and we’re leaving at 8 sharp!” I called, heading back towards the other boy’s room again.

I decided I would tell Frank before we got on the tour bus. Hopefully I could get him on his own, so I could avoid the other band members learning all about my personal life.

“FRANK!”

I jumped, wheeling around and seeing Gerard screaming into Frank’s ear.

Frank groaned and rolled over, cracking an eye open and spotting me. He automatically smiled and sat up, stretching his arms above his head.

I gave him a tight-lipped smile back, feeling slightly guilty.

I don’t mean to sound like a vain person, but I am not unattractive. I also have realized over the years that guys, well, try hard to get my attention. Thankfully, I had Dylan as my boyfriend, so it was easy to ignore the obvious attempts of other men trying to hit on me.

I recognized the eagerness in Frank’s face easily. He was hoping for something out of me. It was like one of those crushes you have on celebrities. You know there’s no chance for you to hook up with them, but you can’t help but hope.

I realized I would need to crush this thing Frank had for me, and quickly, especially now that he suspected I was single. I felt bad about it, mostly because it was my fault that Frank believed I was available in the first place, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers.

“Morning.” Frank hopped out of bed, promptly beginning to strip off his wife beater and pyjama sweat pants.

“Frank, Jesus, don’t you know not to change in front of a girl that’s not your girlfriend?” Gerard rolled his eyes, “This is typical Frank behaviour.” He added to me.

I just shrugged and sat down on the armchair, staring in the opposite direction of Frank.
When he had changed into his day clothes, Frank walked over to me, standing directly in front of me.

“Want to go get breakfast?” He asked.

“What about the other guys?” I wanted to know, “You’re just going to leave them here alone?”

Frank shrugged, “I spend everyday with them, and I’d rather spend time with you.”

I felt myself flush. Stop, I screamed in my head, Frank, I’m not single!

“No thanks, I think we should wait.” I said coolly, crossing my arms over my chest and trying to ignore Frank’s surprised face.

“Alright?” Frank said, his voice sounding more like a question than a statement, “Okay, fine, I’ll just get breakfast myself then. See you on the bus.”

He walked out the door, and I watched him go, feeling kind of bad.

“Frank likes you.” Gerard said immediately, as soon as the door shut.

I sighed, “Does he?”

“It’s kinda obvious, isn’t it?” Gerard sat down on the bed, examining my face, “You know, even if you didn’t like him back, turning him down will just make him try harder.”

I stared with confusion at Gerard, and he continued, “If you really want him to stop, just ignore him for a couple days or so, he’ll get the hint pretty quick.”

“That’s kind of mean, isn’t it?” I questioned, “How would you feel if someone did that to you?”
Gerard bit his lip, “Trust me on this one Lindsey. Frank doesn’t give up easily. I hate to say this, but treat him like dirt for a bit and he’ll completely back off. It’s just… easier on all of us if you guys aren’t together. Frank's gone through some shit with girls while we were on tour before and it never turns out good. I know it seems strange that Frank could like you after three days of knowing you, but still, me and the rest of the guys don't want to see Frank hurt again.”

“We’re not going to get together.” I said quickly, trying to control my curiosity about Frank's past with other girls, “I promise.”

This is the moment when I should have just admitted to Gerard that I screwed up by accidentally telling Frank that I was single. If I had, the next seven months would have been a hell of a lot easier. But… it was just so embarrassing to confess that I had told Frank a lie, especially because I knew Gerard would want to know why I didn’t tell the truth. And what could I say? ‘Oh, it’s nothing, just his amazing eyes that captivated me and completely numbed my senses.”

Maybe some girls could own up to that humiliating statement, but not me. Plus, how would it sound if I told Gerard I was engaged, and then confessed that the reason I couldn't tell Frank the truth was because his gorgeous eyes made me wish I could look at them forever.
I’ll tell you how it would sound: It would sound creepy, and also like I didn’t give a rat’s ass about Dylan, when I did. I really did.

So instead of just telling Gerard the truth and backing myself out of what was sure to be a horrible mess, I did something much worse.

I listened to Gerard’s advice.