Your Guardian Angel
Chapter 21: The First Cut Is The Deepest
“Jesse, will you please just listen to me?” I pleaded, running down the stairs after him. He didn’t stop running until we were outside on my front lawn and then he turned around to face me.
“You know, I wanted to come here and surprise you. I never thought that I would be the one getting the surprise. I never should have trusted you,” he said angrily. “I should have known that, as soon as you moved here, you would cheat on me with another guy.”
“Well, if you would only hear me out, you would know that it’s not like that. I never cheated on you and you just happened to walk in at the wrong time.”
“The wrong time? You bet I walked in at the wrong time. After all we’ve been through, how could you do this? How could you be carrying two relationships at the same time?”
“I never did that! I would never, ever do that to you, Jesse, and you know that,” I replied, tears pouring down my cheeks.”
“Before I thought so, but now I’m not so sure…”
“How can you say that? Don’t you trust me at all?”
“How can I? I just walked in on you kissing another guy.”
“Like I said before, it’s not what you think!”
“What is it then?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“Yup, that’s exactly what I thought you would say. I’m leaving.”
“No! Jesse, please don’t go!” I begged.
We heard the front door slam behind us and we both turned to look who it was; Eric walked up to us. Jesse’s face was filled with hatred at the sight of him, so he slugged Eric as soon as he came up to us. Once Eric was down on the ground, Jesse started punching and kicking him as hard as he could until I was finally able to pull him off of Eric, who had a bloody nose.
“Jesse, stop it!” I screamed at him, while helping Eric up off the ground and giving him a tissue from my pocket. “What the hell do you think you are doing?”
“Giving this guy what he deserves.”
“I cannot believe you. What has gotten into you? The Jesse I used to know would never get into fights.”
“Yeah, well that was then.”
“I can’t believe you don’t trust me enough when I say that this is not what you think.”
“It sure doesn’t seem that way.”
“Dude, will you just listen to her?” Eric asked. “She’s telling the truth. This whole mess is my entire fault. I just told her that I loved her and kissed her right as you walked in and I wouldn’t let her go. She was just telling me how much she loved you and how she couldn’t cheat on you, but I made her kiss me. If you want anyone to blame for this, then blame me.”
“I do blame you,” Jesse responded.
“Jesse, you are being so unreasonable. It really hurts me to know that you won’t believe whatever I say, even though I never lied to you in the first place,” I cried.
“I need to go,” Jesse responded.
“No, please don’t go! We need to talk about this.”
“Not right now,” he said. He pushed past me, got in his car, and drove away.
“Riley, I’m so sorry…” said Eric.
“Eric, please just go,” I said. “I need to be alone right now.”
He gave me one last sad look and then got in his car and left. I went back inside, ran upstairs to my room, collapsed on my bed, and cried softly.
An hour later, I heard the doorbell ring and ran downstairs to get it. Jesse stood there holding a dozen red roses in his hands. We stepped outside on my front porch to talk.
“Riley, I am so sorry about before. I didn’t mean to act like such a jerk, but it really hurt me to see you kissing another guy,” he apologized.
“I’m sorry too that you had to walk in on that particular moment and see that, but it made me realize a lot of things about you that I didn’t realize before,” I replied.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“I have always been told that, no matter how much love two people might have for each other, without trust, they have nothing and the relationship does not have a prayer of working out. I realized that you don’t trust me. Jesse, you know that I love you so much, but I don’t know if I can be with a man who doesn’t trust me.”
“S-so what are you saying?” he asked. I saw his lips start to quiver.
“As hard as it is for me to say this, I think we need to take a break to figure out who we are and the people we want to be.” My voice started to shake slightly. “I don’t think I can go on in this relationship any longer knowing that you don’t trust me. It will never work since we are so far away from each other. We mind as well just end it before it gets any worse. I don’t want to lose you, Jesse, but if we carry on like we are now, we are going to end this relationship with animosity and I don’t want that for us.”
“Neither do I. You are the best friend I ever had, but I don’t think you should give up on us,” he replied.
“I’m not giving up on us, though,” I persisted. “I’m actually trying to save us. We can’t go on acting like this. I would rather just be friends with you than nothing at all.”
“If you are trying to save us, then why does it hurt so much?” he asked, tears running down his rosy cheeks.
My voice cracked from trying very hard not to cry as I replied, “It hurts so much because we love each other and love hurts.”
We held each other and cried for a few minutes. Never in my life had I imagined heartbreak to hurt this badly.
“Well, I guess I should go. I only had time to come here for the day and my plane leaves soon.”
I sighed. “So I guess this is goodbye.”
“I guess so.”
“Even though we are not together anymore, I’m still going to miss you,” I admitted.
He smiled sadly at me and said, “Ditto.”
I hugged him and cried a little bit on his shoulder, but then he had to leave. I watched as his car drove away and left me for good, or so I thought. Then, I shut the door behind me, slid down to the floor, and sobbed hysterically.
I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And he's taken just all that I have
But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know
The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to being lucky he's cursed
When it comes to loving me he's worst
I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure going to give you a try
And if you want I'll try to love again (try)
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know
The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to being lucky he's cursed
When it comes to loving me he's worst
I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
But I'm sure gonna give you a try
'Cause if you want I'll try to love again (try to love again)
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know
The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know, the first cut is the deepest
When it comes to being lucky he's cursed
When it comes to loving me he's worst
The first cut is the deepest baby i know
The first cut is the deepest try to love again...
“You know, I wanted to come here and surprise you. I never thought that I would be the one getting the surprise. I never should have trusted you,” he said angrily. “I should have known that, as soon as you moved here, you would cheat on me with another guy.”
“Well, if you would only hear me out, you would know that it’s not like that. I never cheated on you and you just happened to walk in at the wrong time.”
“The wrong time? You bet I walked in at the wrong time. After all we’ve been through, how could you do this? How could you be carrying two relationships at the same time?”
“I never did that! I would never, ever do that to you, Jesse, and you know that,” I replied, tears pouring down my cheeks.”
“Before I thought so, but now I’m not so sure…”
“How can you say that? Don’t you trust me at all?”
“How can I? I just walked in on you kissing another guy.”
“Like I said before, it’s not what you think!”
“What is it then?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“Yup, that’s exactly what I thought you would say. I’m leaving.”
“No! Jesse, please don’t go!” I begged.
We heard the front door slam behind us and we both turned to look who it was; Eric walked up to us. Jesse’s face was filled with hatred at the sight of him, so he slugged Eric as soon as he came up to us. Once Eric was down on the ground, Jesse started punching and kicking him as hard as he could until I was finally able to pull him off of Eric, who had a bloody nose.
“Jesse, stop it!” I screamed at him, while helping Eric up off the ground and giving him a tissue from my pocket. “What the hell do you think you are doing?”
“Giving this guy what he deserves.”
“I cannot believe you. What has gotten into you? The Jesse I used to know would never get into fights.”
“Yeah, well that was then.”
“I can’t believe you don’t trust me enough when I say that this is not what you think.”
“It sure doesn’t seem that way.”
“Dude, will you just listen to her?” Eric asked. “She’s telling the truth. This whole mess is my entire fault. I just told her that I loved her and kissed her right as you walked in and I wouldn’t let her go. She was just telling me how much she loved you and how she couldn’t cheat on you, but I made her kiss me. If you want anyone to blame for this, then blame me.”
“I do blame you,” Jesse responded.
“Jesse, you are being so unreasonable. It really hurts me to know that you won’t believe whatever I say, even though I never lied to you in the first place,” I cried.
“I need to go,” Jesse responded.
“No, please don’t go! We need to talk about this.”
“Not right now,” he said. He pushed past me, got in his car, and drove away.
“Riley, I’m so sorry…” said Eric.
“Eric, please just go,” I said. “I need to be alone right now.”
He gave me one last sad look and then got in his car and left. I went back inside, ran upstairs to my room, collapsed on my bed, and cried softly.
An hour later, I heard the doorbell ring and ran downstairs to get it. Jesse stood there holding a dozen red roses in his hands. We stepped outside on my front porch to talk.
“Riley, I am so sorry about before. I didn’t mean to act like such a jerk, but it really hurt me to see you kissing another guy,” he apologized.
“I’m sorry too that you had to walk in on that particular moment and see that, but it made me realize a lot of things about you that I didn’t realize before,” I replied.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“I have always been told that, no matter how much love two people might have for each other, without trust, they have nothing and the relationship does not have a prayer of working out. I realized that you don’t trust me. Jesse, you know that I love you so much, but I don’t know if I can be with a man who doesn’t trust me.”
“S-so what are you saying?” he asked. I saw his lips start to quiver.
“As hard as it is for me to say this, I think we need to take a break to figure out who we are and the people we want to be.” My voice started to shake slightly. “I don’t think I can go on in this relationship any longer knowing that you don’t trust me. It will never work since we are so far away from each other. We mind as well just end it before it gets any worse. I don’t want to lose you, Jesse, but if we carry on like we are now, we are going to end this relationship with animosity and I don’t want that for us.”
“Neither do I. You are the best friend I ever had, but I don’t think you should give up on us,” he replied.
“I’m not giving up on us, though,” I persisted. “I’m actually trying to save us. We can’t go on acting like this. I would rather just be friends with you than nothing at all.”
“If you are trying to save us, then why does it hurt so much?” he asked, tears running down his rosy cheeks.
My voice cracked from trying very hard not to cry as I replied, “It hurts so much because we love each other and love hurts.”
We held each other and cried for a few minutes. Never in my life had I imagined heartbreak to hurt this badly.
“Well, I guess I should go. I only had time to come here for the day and my plane leaves soon.”
I sighed. “So I guess this is goodbye.”
“I guess so.”
“Even though we are not together anymore, I’m still going to miss you,” I admitted.
He smiled sadly at me and said, “Ditto.”
I hugged him and cried a little bit on his shoulder, but then he had to leave. I watched as his car drove away and left me for good, or so I thought. Then, I shut the door behind me, slid down to the floor, and sobbed hysterically.
I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And he's taken just all that I have
But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know
The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to being lucky he's cursed
When it comes to loving me he's worst
I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure going to give you a try
And if you want I'll try to love again (try)
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know
The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to being lucky he's cursed
When it comes to loving me he's worst
I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
But I'm sure gonna give you a try
'Cause if you want I'll try to love again (try to love again)
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know
The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know, the first cut is the deepest
When it comes to being lucky he's cursed
When it comes to loving me he's worst
The first cut is the deepest baby i know
The first cut is the deepest try to love again...
♠ ♠ ♠
The song I used at the end is "The First Cut Is The Deepest" by Sheryl Crow.