You Mustn't Give Your Heart To A Wild Thing

Alex Gaskarths revelations, were the matchsticks keeping my eyes wide open.

Sleep had never come easy whilst on tour. The constant whirring of the bus, the continuous motion and the relentless, loud banter of over zealous bandmates, kept me awake until the smallest hours of the morning. My eyes rarely closed before the sun had risen on another day and I was yet to feel my body entirely succumb to blissful unconciousness, without the involvement of alcohol or substance.

Alex Gaskarth had not made this any easier. Alex Gaskarth and Verity, my Verity, together, made anything short of insomnia damn near impossible.

It hadn't once crossed my mind that maybe Verity had moved on, as I had done, briefly, with SJ. And it was a complete surprise; and a thought turning my stomach constantly, to know that not only had she moved on and found a new relationship with Alex; as I had with Sarah, but that Verity had maybe found something more than what she and I had ever posessed, or more than I could ever hope to have with anyone bar her, herself.

I was exhausted to the point of barely functioning, and I had exhausted the patience of everyone around me tenfold. Thomas had muttered a simple 'Morning' over our breakfast and Curtis had offered a 'Cheers' when I'd held a door open for him earlier, but other than that everyone was avoiding me like the plague and I was yet to hear so much as a sigh from their lips. I couldn't and didn't blame them for such behaviours. I was a drag to have around and I was unfortunately dragging them all, kicking and screaming, down with me.

"I need more vocals in the monitor mate" I mumbled, dragging myself from my knees and giving the guys behind the sound desk a nod. "Can't 'ear fuck all righ' now"

"They're as loud as they can go man" One of them; the taller of the two, sporting a huge ginger beard and horn rimmed glasses, hollered over Lee tuning his guitar. "We won't be able to hear the bass if we turn ya up anymore buddy"

"Don't blame me if we sound shit later then aye" I grumbled, letting the microphone drop from my right hand to the floor with a loud, echoing thud and turning to exit the stage.

"Are we done here?" the second guy asked timidly, brushing a hand through his shoulder length black hair as he fidgeted on the spot. "Because I think we could do with a little more with the..."

"We're done"

"Ol"

Keans voice was quiet, and his tone far from forceful enough to make me reconsider calling it a day. I had come to ignore any mention of my name and I no longer flinched at 'Oliver' or sought out where, or whom the voice was coming from. "D'ye think that maybe ye could get over ye'self f' one minute, so we could maybe 'av the chance t' sound like an 'alf decent band tonight?"

His revised, sterner tone had my feet glued to the floor and I could do nothing more than glare at him to show my distaste at his words. "We're done. 've got shit t'do"

"We've all got shit t'do Ol, important shit" He reasoned, his fingers fiddlingwith the frets of his bass as he spoke; giving his nervousness away and discrediting his new found bravery to speak up. " but this' important, t'all of us. Maybe ye could take tha' into consideration before ye storm off again"

It was true. My focus had strayed.

My concerns for the band had been forced to the back of my mind by the ever present worries of Verity and I had thought of nothing but the words of Alex Gaskarth for three days now.

Every call I receieved, made my heart stop dead, and each time I realised it was just another journalist or radio DJ jostling for an interview, the phone would be passed to whoever was closest and I would slip quietly from the room; the only person less impressed than Sheep when he was forced to give an impromptu interview to Revolver Magazine, was the journalist herself on realisation of what was happening and who exactly she was, or wasn't talking to.

When the bus had overheated earlier that morning, en-route to Cleveland, I had grabbed my phone and laptop, whilst the others had frantically retrieved their instruments and our equipment from a bus that could blow up at any given moment, and had slumped at the side of the road to give a call to my voicemail for the twenty first time that hour.

And, when we had finally rolled into the Agora Theatre at around two thirty, I had bypassed the 'meet and greet' completely; feigning a headache, and excused myself to the couch in the dressing room the instant we stepped inside.

This band meant everything, to all of us, and I had forgotten that. This band was bigger than just me.

"Chelsea, from the top" I mumbled, striding back towards the microphone and retrieveing it from the ground. "Le's make it a fuckin' good one yeah?"

&&

The air was refreshingly cool against my damp skin and the goose pimples that spread across every inch of me, sent a welcome shudder down my spine and forced my eyes to close for a brief second in appreciation. It was rare to get such an evening and even rarer to get such a feeling.

The show had been our best yet. It's greatness only magnified by the bruises appearing down each set of my ribs from throwing myself onto the floor, and the rips in my Pink Floyd shirt from the grabbing hands of the crowd as I crawled up and over their heads. My ears were ringing loudly from the sounds of the music I loved with all of my being, and from my heartbeat pounding relentlessly as I looked out at the beaming faces and realised the fans loved it with all of theirs too.

I couldn't remember the last time I had felt such relief and simple happiness, and I couldn't pinpoint the last occassion when things were so perfect I could remember nothing, bar that single moment, at all.

On opening my eyes I let my legs carry me clumsily down the fire escape stairs and I felt the second from bottom step against the small of my back, before I'd even realised I was sitting on the bottom one. The parking lot before me was eerily quiet, but it was a silence that I was comfortable with and one I didn't feel like disturbing with some mindless humming or tapping of my feet.

"Hey man, you okay?"

The sudden voice made me jump. I hadn't noticed her.

Her head was bowed and her face hidden behind dark hair and within the large hood of what appeared to be a Brand New hoodie. She was sat a few feet away from me, her legs crossed in front of her and her hands were moving seamlessly, in well practiced moves, about a large rizla paper. As I imagined she had been the whole time I'd been sat here. There had been no footsteps, there had been no noise.

"Aye, 'm good cheers" I replied truthfully, running my hand through my hair that had become slicked to my forehead throughout the show. "'ow about you love?"

"A little bummed out" She sighed, moving the rizla closer to her face and peering at it intently. Before running her tongue along the edge furthest from her and rolling the paper between her fingers. "You don't have a light by any chance do you?"

I shuffled awkwardly and tapped down the pockets of my jeans, smiling as I felt a zippo in my right back pocket. "Ye in luck"

She smiled appreciatively as I held it out toward her and I caught a small smirk in the corner of her lips as I pulled it from her reach quickly.

"You want some, right?"

"'s only fair sweetheart"

She nodded in agreement and caught the lighter that I tossed her way, flicking it into life and igniting the end of the joint in one swift move of her fingers. "I'm a seasoned pro" She chuckled, catching my expression. "Using two hands is a cop out man"

I chuckled softly and let my body collapse back against the stairs, tilting my head upwards to gaze at the few stars that had pushed and forced their way through the cloudy evening and letting the sweet smell of weed tickle at my nostrils.

"And I'm no longer bummed out"

I shifted, once again, to peer at the girl in front of me and offered a small 'Thank You' as she passed the joint to me. "Why were ye bummed out in the firs' place?" I asked, smoke billowing from my nostrils as I spoke. "Ye look like ye've got everythin' in order"

"You can tell that? From this?" She smirked sceptically, pointing between the pair of us. "In like two minutes of conversation you can tell that I'm togeth..." She stopped abruptly at the shrug of my shoulders and I swore I caught a roll of her eyes. "Well you look like you've got everything in order too, and we both know that's not true"

The words she'd offered up so easily were hard for me to swallow and I found myself choking a little, coughing and spluttering thick white smoke into the night sky.

"Steady there man. I don't want to be held responsible for the death of 'Oli Sykes', the backlash from fangirls would be..."

"'scuse me?"

"The fangirls...they'd have my head on a fucking..."

"Not tha'...what ye said before. 'ow d'ye know I've not got my shit together?"

"What would make me think that you do?"

"'s unfair that"

"And it's bad to lie. Cry me a river dude"

"Ye a cocky little shit ain't ye?"

"And you, are wasting a perfectly good smoke"

I was a little dazed as she lunged foward and snatched the joint from between my fingers. and more than a little confused when she slumped onto the step next to me. Her shoulder coliding with my own in the small space and her foot resting atop my own. "Ye clumsy aye"

She looked at where she'd come to rest and shuffled to the side with the briefest of blushes flashing across her cheeks. "I'm baked"

The silence of the parking lot returned and the two of us opened and closed our mouths in quick succession, but no words escaped either pair of lips. I chewed lightly on the lip ring in the corner of my mouth, whilst she fiddled with her septum piercing and I began drumming lightly on my knees, whilst she tapped softly at the ground with her converse clad feet. "In answer to your, 'how do I know...' question, I saw you soundcheck. I go to school here, I'm writing a review for the campus paper"

"I shoulda known, all journalists are shady fuckers"

She looked embarassed for a second, but a smile creased across her lips as she noticed the one sneaking across mine and the spliff was placed between my fingers once again as she climbed to her feet. "You did the right thing, for your band, for your fans."

I nodded slowly and took a deep, long toke. Holding the smoke in my mouth as I raced through the alphabet silently in my head.

"V, right?" The smoke billowed from my lips and I stopped dead. What was with this... "The alphabet, I'm guessing you got to V?"

"S" Was all I could muster; my mind was racing and I could feel my body beginning to shake.

She nodded and stole the joint back from me, taking one final toke and tossing it to the floor. From the way she was bobbing her head from side to side and the puff of her cheeks, I could tell she was trying to beat me.

"I jus' need to do wha's righ' for me now, aye?"

She knew my game and she wasn't going to play. Instead she squeezed her eyes closed tightly and carried on bobbing her head. I was seconds from reaching out to jab her in the side when her eyes burst open and she finally breathed out. Her body seemed to wilt as a balloon does when you let the air out of it and I was half expecting her to go whizzing around the parking lot.

"Z" She grinned proudly, holding her arms in the air and thanking her invisible crowd for all of their support, with a wave and a couple of blown 's kisses. "And yeah dude, you totally have to do what's right for you. What's the point in making everyone else happy and making yourself feel like shit?"

"Shouldn' ye take some of ye own advice. Ye said ye were bummed out earlier. Go make ye'self 'appy"

"Ask me why I was bummed out Oliver"

"Why was ye bummed out..."

"Marissa. Well, Rissa" She smiled, digging her hands deep into the front pockets of her hoodie and swishing from side to side.

"Why was ye bummed out, Marissa?"

"Because I didn't get a meet, or a greet as promised, from you"

I chuckled lightly and rose to my feet to join her. A small smile spread across her lips as I held my hand out toward her and a small laugh escaped her lips as she accepted the handshake. "'s nice t' meet ye Rissa"

"It's pretty cool to meet you too O..."

But have you seen this girl? She's been running through my dreams and it's driving me crazy, it seems, I'm going to ask her to marry me. Even though she doesn't believe in love, he's determined to call her blu..

"I just have to grab that" She sighed, pulling her hand from mine and digging into the back pocket of her jeans. "All Time Low huh, way to win cool points... I'll, I'll just be a second"

"Take ye time" I mumbled, my knees bending and my back hitting that second step once again. I was motionless, I was speechless, I was wrong.

Alex Gaskarth had meant everything he'd said.