You Mustn't Give Your Heart To A Wild Thing

“We’re going to have to come up with our own language or something, Tom” Sam sighed, scooping some ice from the cylindrical metal bucket with her hand and dropping it into the balled washcloth. “That, or y’know, you could stop snooping, Oliver”

I winced a little as she placed the scrunched ball of fabric to my aching knuckles; an action she took a little pleasure in, or so it would seem from the grin she had waiting in the wings.

“D’ye have t’ be so rough, love?”

“Me? Rough?” She snickered, “I wouldn’t need to do this if you hadn’t just punched someone square in the face”

“I wouldn’ go so far as t’ say ‘square in the face’. I caught ‘im though, stupid tosser”

Sam sighed loudly and continued pressing the homemade ice pack softly against my hand. My knuckles were raging in patches of scarlet and purple, and they’d be doing so since the very second they’d collided with Alex’s face.

“So what’s the damage, do you think?” Sam asked, lifting the corner of the washcloth carefully and taking a peek. “With Verity I mean, not with this. I think the damage is obvious with this”

I shrugged sullenly; my silent admittance that I didn’t have an answer and more worryingly, that I had no idea where to start about getting one. It wasn’t as if I could just waltz back into the bakery and ask where I stood. In fact, I doubted that that poisoned little troll of a woman would allow me within a mile of the place.

“I wouldn’ imagine I’m her favourite guy at the moment” I reasoned, “but I wouldn’ go so far as t’ say I’m hated”

“You wouldn’t?” Sam enquired, carefully. “After you punched Alex?”

“Ye said ye’self ‘s nothin’ serious. I know she won’t think me a hero, but she should enjoy the thought, right? that I came all this way to find ‘er. Isn’t that chivalry or somethin’?”

“Punching a girls…whatever, isn’t usually seen as a chivalrous act, Oli” Sam smiled small, “I get where you’re coming from, but maybe start with the small stuff first”

“The small stuff?”

“You couldn’t have sent her a gift or something?”

“I couldn’ of, no; I’ve not known where she is have I, Sam”

“You do now”

Silence fell over the room as realisation set in. I knew where she was or at least where she could be. I was close to Verity, maybe too close in reflection of my actions.

“D’ye think a grand gesture is in order?”

“Grander than punching her…” She caught herself. “Alex, in the face?”

“Ye gettin’ a little enjoyment from sayin’ that aren’t ye?” I mused, noting the smirk tucked in the corners of her lips and dancing behind her blue eyes. “Ye sick, Sam”

“I won’t and don’t condone your violence” She chuckled softly, withdrawing her hand from the cloth and taking a seat on the side of the bath tub, beside me. “But you know my thoughts and feelings about you and Verity, and you know that I’m beyond happy that she finally knows your out here, looking”

“Ye don’t think ‘ve blown it, do ye?”

“Despite everything you’ve not blown it before, why would you have done n…”

The fervent knocking on the door demanded attention, all of our attention, immediately. It was loud, vehement and unrelenting. As if someone were slamming a hammer against the hard wood again and again, and then again for good measure. Sam’s eyes were wide as saucers as we jumped to our feet and scurried from the bathroom into the hall. He wouldn’t have the balls or inclination to…

“Would ye answer the damn thing?” Tom whined, appearing at my side. His dishevelled hair and glossed eyes giving away his sneakily sought nap. “’s no doubt for you”

“Is that something you’d want to answer?” Sam questioned, shaking Tom’s head from her shoulder where he’d let it collapse heavily. “Tom!”

It wasn’t slowing or waning. If anything it was becoming more feverish, more intense.

“Ye should get makin’ another ice pack, Sam” I joked wryly, “They’re gonna need…”

“Oliver!”

The knocking stopped abruptly, along with my heart. I’d never been so happy to have my words cut short.

“Oliver Scott Sykes, ye best open this door right now” She shouted, mixing her words with a couple of harsh knocks. “or I swear to God I’ll kick the fuckin’ thing down”

Both Sam and Tom were shuffling uncomfortably at my side and while I would’ve loved to open the door, to see her, to embrace her even. The possibility seemed a million miles away. The tone of her voice confirmed I’d been a fool to think she was anything but livid about my behaviour. The tone of her voice made me want to build a barricade.

“Do we jus’ wait?” I whispered briskly, “She’ll go away won’t she, she’ll…”

“Is that what you want?” Sam queried, “For her to go away?”

“ ‘s might be ye chance Ol” Tom piped up, his words suddenly void of the exhaustion he was clearly feeling. “Ye’ve been waitin’ to talk to her, t’ apologise. Talk”

“Oliver!” She screeched once more. “Ye can’t do this! Ye can’t jus’ storm in and fuckt hings up again! I won’t let ye, ‘s not…’s not fair Oli”

She appeared to be faltering, blurring a little at the edges; she’d grown hoarse and raw. “I know ye in there…I, I followed ye here. Please, just…” There was a feeble thud against the door and then, silence.

“Open the door mate” Tom sighed, giving me a quick nudge in the ribs with his elbow. “Ye wanted her, she’s here”

My heart was beating what felt like a raucous samba in my chest and I could feel pearls of sweat gathering at the nape of my neck. This was important, perhaps overly so. She wouldn’t give me another chance and I, begrudgingly, wouldn’t blame her, but as she’d said, I’d stormed in to fuck it all up again, only this time there was a difference, this time she’d come looking for me, knowing I could make it better. I was sure of it.

“Oliver, please. Ye need…”She fell silent the second I clicked the lock and her lips remained parted; words tucked behind her teeth, as I pulled open the door. Her eyes latched onto me instantly and unflinching, and I couldn’t tell whether the shade of red that seemed to glow from them was a remnant of her tears or her anger and distaste bursting forth.

“Ye a piece of shit!” She screeched, launching herself towards me and colliding heavily with my chest. “What were ye thinkin’?! hitting ‘im like that. Are ye mental, Oliver?”

I couldn’t help but yelp as she caught my cheek with her flailing hands, sending me stumbling to the right and careening into the wall.

“Verity!” I shouted, with no plan as to what I would chase the sudden exclamation with.

“Ye a bastard Oliver!” She seethed, drawing her lips back tight against her teeth. “Why can’t ye keep ye’self to ye’self? Why d’ye always have to be in the thick of it, aye? Ye have nothin’ t’ do with it Oliver and quite frankly, ye’ve nothing to do with me. Not anymore. Ye chose not to, remember. You! Ye chose to…” She’d become increasingly breathless and her shaking pupils reflected the spinning of the room I knew she was experiencing.

“Get ‘er some water!” I barked to no one in particular as she pushed me from her way and continued down the narrow hall, further into the suite.

“I don’t need water” She grumbled, crashing her hip into the chest that held the mini bar. “I need ye to leave me alone”

“ ‘s kinda hard when ye in my hotel room” I quipped, completely missing Sams warning glance that must have screamed ‘not now, for God sakes’, as she hurried past me, a glass of water in hand.

“I didn’ think I’d end up here, today” Verity spat, accepting the water but refusing to meet Sam’s eyes. “but ye made it a necessity didn’t ye, Oliver. How could I not follow ye when you turned up at the bakery an’ caused that scene? Almost cost me my job?”

“That bloke behind the counter loved me” I insisted childishly, “He wouldn’ ‘av…”

“He’s not the one wearing the trousers in that place though, is he? ‘m sure even you’re intuitive enough t’ realise that” She scathed, her right eyebrow crooked and hiding beneath her fringe. “Ye brought our shit, well, your shit t’ my work, Oliver. D’ye know how…”

“Would it be different if I’d pulled that shit elsewhere? Like would ye care ‘alf as much if I’d smacked that prick in the street? Because ye seem to be concentratin’ a whole lot on the place, not what I did”

“I think ye a twat for hittin’ him” She stated, as if it were a matter of fact. “I’d think that had ye hit him in the street, in the bakery…on the fuckin’ moon, Oli”

I waited patiently for the ‘but’, but there wasn’t one. She was done, I was a twat.

An uncomfortable silence washed over the room as four tongues were bitten; almost to the point of bleeding. There were infinite amount of truthful words behind each of our eyes like fireworks, but that’s where they were destined to stay. Unspoken and unheard.

“Despite my better judgement, I think Tom and I should leave the two of you alone” Sam croaked, not altogether convincing. “You’ve got a lot to talk about, and we’re doing no-one any favours by being he…”

“Why are ye here?” Verity questioned softly, more genuinely confused than angry. “I don’t understand why ye all here, together. Have the lot of ye formed some little club, some little gang intent on screwin’ up my…”
“A club of people that care about you, maybe” Sam answered, an uneasy smile creasing across her lips. “ Possibly a gang intent on ensuring that you’re doing the right thing, that you’re happy”

“How would any of ye know what’s right for me?” She guffawed, “If any of ye had the smallest, tiniest clue, d’ye think this would be happenin’? D’ye think we’d all be holed up in this room, arguing?”

Sam, Tom and I opened our mouths to speak, simultaneously; but no words escaped. Instead the three of us stood motionless, mouths flapping open and closed like fish on dry land, as we watched Verity crumble before us.

“Every, fuckin‘, time I make a decision for myself, one of ye butts in” She choked, her shoulders shaking violently but her tears yet to fall. “I finally make a decision, a hard one, that I think ‘s gonna make me happy and one of ye just storms in an’…”

“Fucks it all up” I whispered, cutting her words short and slicing my way seamlessly through Thomas and Sam, to crouch at her side. I thought I’d caught the scent on the way in, but I couldn’t be sure; however now it was taunting and teasing my nostrils. She still emitted the perfect mix of rolling tobacco and vanilla musk, a smell that sent me tumbling right back to Sheffield and her arms. “ ‘s not my intention, Vee. And from the looks o’ these two, I doubt ‘s there’s either”

“If ‘s not ye intention, then learn from ye mistakes, Oliver. Take note of what I tell ye. Don’t just keep doin’ this again and again. It’s not fair, ye knockin’ me down over and over”I reached for her hand hesitantly, snapping my elbow back against my side when she cowered away; a visible shudder running through her.

“Please, don’t…” I breathed, my words catching in a lump at the back of my throat. “I can’t have ye angry at me anymore. ‘s killin’ me to know that ye…”

“Ye told me ye wanted nothin’ to do with me, Oliver” She interrupted, straightening herself out against the arm of the couch. “This is your doin’. I’ve left ye alone, like ye asked in Paris. I’m movin’ on, like I should. Like you sh…”

“Don’t tell me I should move on, Vee” I protested, teetering gently on the tips of my toes. “I refuse t’ move on. The only way I’m movin’ on is if ye with me. We can move on”

“We can’t move on from somethin’ built entirely on the past…in the past”

“We’re gonna, uh…”

“We aren’t current, Oliver. We’ve got no present, jus’ the past…and look ‘ow shite that were. D’ye actually remember how we were? What we were like?”

“I’d never be able t’ forget” I assured, “I remember every little…”

“Ye’ve made us out to be some perfect match in ye head, Oliver. Ye’ve made our relationship out to be the best thing ever, and it wasn’t…doesn’ the state that we’re in now prove that?” She asked, her eyes wide and expectant as she watched my mouth fall open and snap closed in quick succession. “D’ye not think that if we we’re that great we’d be together now? We’d ’ave made this whole thing work, instead of tearin’ each other apart across the fuckin’ Atlantic?”

“I never tore ye apart, Verity”

“Ye did it for all the world t’ hear, Oli” She retorted, disgust flashing briefly behind her dark eyes. “Ye ripped into me in the most public way ye knew, so don’t tell me that ye’ve never…”

“I were young and naïve, I didn’ think about what I were doing when…”

“We were young and naïve when we were together Oliver, that’s exactly the point” She shrugged nonchalantly, “We couldn’ see it for what it really was. Just because it’s a first love, doesn’t mean it’s the only love”

Her dismissal of what I knew to be the love was like a kick in the teeth. True it had been Alex who’d suffered the punch, but it was me who’d now suffer its blow. She’d managed to steal the life from me in one simple sentence and that, along with my heart I now feared she’d keep, for someone’s dark amusement, if not her own.

“Ye keep telling me that we can save what we ‘ave, we can save what we ‘ave…” Verity blazed, “We can save what we ‘ave?” She paused, “What do we ‘ave, Oliver? What is it that ye so desperate to save? Because y’know what, from where I’m sitting ‘s nothing. There hasn’t been since I left Sheffield…we’ve ‘ad little to do with each other, Ol. We’re like…”

“Before ye say it, we’re not like strangers” I interrupted abruptly, “For fuck sake, Verity. We’re not like strangers, we will never be strangers. Not so long as you’re ‘ere and I’m ‘ere and we’re…”

“If that’s the case, you’ll believe that we’re strangers if I leave now, right ye‘d let us be strangers…if ‘m not…”

“I meant in the wider sense” I explained, watching in horror as she clambered to her feet from the couch. “Ye don’t need t’ be in this room, ye just need to be…y’know as long as the both of us are we will…”

“Have ye heard yeself , Oliver?” She asked, crooking her eyebrow to mock. “Ye sound rate mental, don’t ye think? Ye shouldn’t ‘ave to persuade someone to love ye! D’ye really think that we’re meant to be together, like ye say, ye‘d need to convince me that I‘m wrong an‘ that…”

“If ye truly thought I couldn’t convince ye, ye wouldn’t ‘ave come ‘ere, Verity”