If I Only Had the Heart

She arrived at the studio at around two thirty. She parked her car and climbed out, hitting the lock key twice. She slipped the keys in her purse and walked towards the studio. She opened the door, looking around for any evidence of who the band she’d be working with was. She found nothing, and continued farther into the studio. She heard music and followed it until she found the control room. She knocked and peeked through the little window, waiting for a sign as to when to come in. The producer, she assumed, waved at her to come on in. She opened the door and started to say hello when she saw a familiar lanky guitarist jamming out on his guitar, a familiar lead singer belting out some vocals, a very muscular bassist player, and a certain drummer with perfect teeth doing his thing.

The producer, David Bandeth, smiled at her. “You must be Kylie!” he exclaimed, getting up to say hello. “The way Squire raves, you’d think you were his own kid.” The older man winked and she tried to smile, but was having a hard time doing so.

“So, I’m Dave, and this is the band you’ll be helping me out with. After the way they’ve been acting the past few days I’m very grateful to have you to help me out.” Dave smiled at her, and she tried to return the smile. He called to the guys, “Come on out guys, I want you to meet someone.”

They all came out of the room where they were playing in slowly, and the look of realization all hit them at different times. Kylie rubbed her temples while Jack, Alex, Rian, and Zack all said simultaneously “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

She turned to Bandeth quick and said, “Can we have a minute? They haven’t gotten over the shock of how strict I was with Squire,” she joked and the producer laughed.

He nodded and walked out of the control room. Kylie turned to the boys, and when they all started to speak at once, she put her hand up to silence them. “Okay, honestly? This is clearly a big shock to all of us. I didn’t know I’d be working with you guys, and you can blame Squire for any awkwardness that will follow in the next couple of weeks.”

The guys all looked from one to the other, until they all turned back to Kylie. Rian spoke first. “Ky, we wanted to tell you. But, we had this deal and we couldn’t.”

Kylie rolled her eyes. “If you’re referring to Matt Fuckface? I don’t want to talk about it. I’m still really upset, and I left LA to come out here and try and get my mind off of it. Clearly, that’s not happening. But the least we can do is not talk about it, ok?”

Rian shrugged. Alex shook his head. “Kylie, he’s our TM… he’s in Baltimore right now, but he’s coming back in a few days. You’re going to run into each other. And then what?”

Kylie frowned. “We already did run into each other Alex; it’s a thing I wouldn’t like to repeat, but what-the-fuck-ever. I don’t have a choice. I’ll get over it,” she told them, not really believing it herself.

The guy’s shrugged, and Dave came back in the room. Kylie put her best fake smile on while he said, “Everything okay?”

She, along with the guys, nodded. “Everything’s great.”

“Alright, let’s get back to playing guys.”

***

Lucky for Matt, he was currently on his way to Baltimore. Not only was he going to do some business at home, but one of his older sisters were in town. They barely got to see each other, so he decided to take a visit home. After close to three hours of driving, Matt was pulling in to his parents’ driveway. He smiled at the sight of his sister’s silver Audi, parked behind it, and got out.

When he walked inside, there was no “WELCOME HOME” banner hanging in the kitchen or anything of the sorts. He was surprised his mom hadn’t ordered a plane to fly over the house, writing “WELCOME HOME AUDREY” in the sky. “Mom?” he called out, wondering where everyone is.

He heard various murmurs coming from the living room, so he followed the voices until he found who he was looking for. His mom, his older sister Audrey, his dad, and Audrey’s boyfriend were all sitting around talking about, what Matt assumed, was all things Audrey. “I heard my sister was back in town,” he said, getting everyone’s attention.

Audrey smiled. She got up and hugged him. “Hey little brother. And of course you heard; mom probably told everyone within a five to ten mile radius,” she smirked at her mother who rolled her eyes.

“Now shush; it’s not make fun of your mother time,” Candace Flyzik said, walking over to hug her son. “Welcome back, sweetie,” she said, kissing his cheek.

“Thanks, mom.”

Matt tried to escape all the questions from his family, but he didn’t have much luck. Instead, his sister grabbed his arm, exclaiming they needed a few minutes to bond and catch up. The two walked out onto the porch and took seats on the couch out there. Matt knew what his sister wanted to question him about. Two weeks ago, Audrey had called him up to tell him she’d be in town; while on the phone, Matt had told her all about Kylie. She had instantly picked up that her younger brother just might be falling in love with the girl.

Now that he was home though, she was curious where this girl was at. “So, Matthew, you went on and on and on about Kylie, and now you show up at home without her? What the hell?”

The younger Flyzik sighed. “We broke up.”

Audrey gasped. “You didn’t!”

Matt just nodded.

Audrey, being the nosy older sister, continued to ask questions. “What happened? When we talked the other week, you seemed in love. Now, you just… break up with her?”

He sighed. He didn’t want to get into this with her. “I don’t want to talk about it, Aud.”

Audrey sat and pouted. She tapped her black-ballet-flat-clad foot on the ground and crossed her arms over her chest. She figured if she pouted long enough, he just might give in. Of course, Matt had grown up watching his older sister pout to get her way. He was never going to give in. So, the two sat in silence.

After five minutes, Audrey groaned. “Just talk to me.”

Matt rolled his eyes. “We broke up, Audrey. It happens all the fucking time. Why does it have to be such a big deal?”

Audrey sat back and stared at her brother. “Someone’s a little touchy,” she observed, causing Matt to grunt in response. “Ok, fine, it’s no big deal. But if it’s no big deal, why are you getting so pissy about it?”

Matt was silent for several minutes. Audrey sighed and got up to leave, and that was when he finally spoke up. “Because we had sex, said we loved each other, and then the next morning I left. No note, no goodbye. I just left. And now she’s in New Jersey staying in the same fucking hotel as we are, and I’m causing her that much more pain just because she knows I’m there, right across the hallway.”

Audrey gasped. “You did what?” she screeched, smacking him on the arm. “You left her there? Are you fucking serious?”

Matt sighed. He stood up, mumbling “This is why I didn’t want to talk about it,” as he walked past her.

She grabbed his arm to stop him. “Okay, I’m sorry. Can we talk about this now?”

Matt shrugged. “Can you go back in time, tell me not to leave her in the morning, and make sure I don’t break her heart?”

Audrey sighed. He knew she couldn’t, even though she really, really wanted to.

“Exactly. So no, we can’t talk about this.” He walked off and back into the house, leaving Audrey alone.

***

Kylie tried to smile as she walked out of the studio with all of the guys, Bandeth right beside her. He was talking about something with the guys, probably the song they just started working on. Kylie couldn’t be certain because she couldn’t concentrate on any of the conversation going on around her. She didn’t want to seem to upset, so she pasted a fake smile on her face. She wanted to make a good impression with Dave, something she wasn’t used to having to do.

Everyone separated, Bandeth saying goodbye and jumping in his car, the guys walking towards their van, and Kylie walking towards her Jeep. Of course, the van was next to the Jeep so they all walked together towards their vehicles. Kylie started to get in, not saying anything to the guys, but Rian stopped her. “Hold on, Ky. We’re going to go grab a bite to eat. Come with us.”

Kylie rolled her eyes, wanting to say no but then realizing she had nothing better to do. “Ok,” she said quietly. “I’ll follow you?”

All the guys nodded, jumped in the van, and the two cars pulled out of the parking lot. Kylie had an internal debate with herself the whole ride to wherever she was going to be eating at. She wasn’t sure if she should be eating with the guys. They weren’t supposed to be friends. They were Matt’s friends first, and in the rules of a breakup, if one partner has friends and the couple breaks up, said partner gets his or her friends, not the other partner who met the friends through his or her girlfriend or boyfriend. Meaning, they were Matt’s friends first therefore she should back off. Wait a minute, she thought to herself, Matt dumped me. Why am I trying to be nice and shit? I hate him right now! Screw the rules! She smiled triumphantly and pulled into the parking lot of a diner where they were apparently going to be eating at.

She turned the Jeep off and climbed out, smiling at the guys as they were doing the same. Rian walked over and slung his arm around her shoulder. “Come on, Ky, we have some talking to do.” The three others followed them as they walked into the diner.

They took seats at a big table, arranging themselves until they were happy with the seats. After they ordered their drinks, Kylie sighed and placed her head in her hands. She looked up at the four guys staring at her and said, “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

Rian shrugged. “Too bad, we have some stuff to say.” The other guys nodded. “Like how we had no power over this happening, and even if you and Matt want to rip each others’ heads off, we are still friends. You’re still our friend, Ky, whether he likes it or not. Okay?”

She shrugged. “That’s not going to make this any easier.”

The guys smiled. Jack spoke next. “Kylie, we were friends before he started fucking you y’know? So technically we win this battle.”

Kylie’s smile disappeared as soon as the word “fuck” came out of Jack’s mouth. “He told you?” she said, angry.

Jack looked around, confused. “What?”

“He told you that we slept together and then he left the next morning? Good to know he was bragging about it,” she mumbled to herself.

“Wait, he did what?” Alex asked.

Kylie looked at the four faces surrounding her and realized Jack was just being himself when he made his stupid comment. She wanted to smack herself. “He didn’t tell you?”

“Kylie, I know you hate him right now and I understand, but you know as well as I do he would never ‘brag’ about sleeping with you,” Rian told her, making air quotes around the word brag. She knew he was right. At least, she had hoped he was right. But after Matt’s little “leaving” stunt, she really wasn’t sure anymore. She hated that; she hated not being sure of Matt, because before everything happened he was one of the only things she could be sure of. If she couldn’t be sure of him, who could she be sure of?