Don't Blame Me for Being Me

Chapter 65
Hello home, Hey LA! When some love comes crashing down who's ready to party? (Let the good times roll, you can let it go)
Being at home is a wonderful thing. A month apart is enough to miss it. The rest of the day we returned I spent cleaning the house and doing MY laundry. Dasha refused to speak with me and after a bath she took she went straight to her bad in our room. I tried to help her notwithstanding her constant “it’s-your-fault”-ing me.
“Dasha, I can call him and explain everything. You did nothing criminal!” I told her when I got a chance.
“NO! Not in any case! Ira, I already explained to him. He doesn’t believe. ‘cause he’s fucking sure I have a crush on Mikey”, she said.
“Bullshit”, I cursed.
“Not very much”, she mumbled. “Mikey have feelings to me and he doesn’t care to hide it, dammit!” she threw her hands up in a frustrations.
Well, here my help was over ‘cause it’s difficult to help when she asks to leave her alone and curses you, her aid.
So I spent my lonely evening in front of a screen of my laptop chatting with my friends in different spots of the world AND talking with some other ones over the mobile simultaneously.
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Day by day office work and uni studying have started to take much time. I was feeling like I began forgetting about my summer adventures. Usual life was more real now than all the summer events. I didn’t have much free time to contemplate numerous photos of that wonderful time. Plus, I haven’t talked to any of my tour and fest buddies since the leaving.
Dasha was still in blues all days. We live in one house, but our interactions are narrowed to minimum. I can’t agree to her apathy and indifference to that situation with Pete. She thinks I’m not sorry for and don’t feel pity to her break-up.
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Having a dinner with some of my colleagues in the company’s canteen, I got startled by my loud mobile. ID showed it was Patrick.
“Pat!” I grinned playing with my fork. “I’m sooo glad to hear from you!” I couldn’t hide my joy.
“Hello! How are you, Ira? What’s new?” he asked with his soft pleasant voice.
“Oh, nothing much”, I replied.
And it took good 15 minutes to me to talk to him about so-called “nothing new”.
“And you, guys? Where are you now? You’re supposed to end your tour soon, right?” I asked.
“Yeah. We’re leaving Boston tomorrow, then we have two shows in LA. And I think we should meet”, he said.
“Oh, what a tempting suggestion. What do you think about little home party?” my mind went working on ideas for this event.
“I meant you just might come to the show…”, Patrick paused. “But your idea sounds better”.
We lightly laughed.
“Whom will you drag to my place?” I asked.
“Whom you want to, dear”, he chuckled.
I giggled.
“Well, I can invite some people myself, you know. I can invite many people, actually”, I added after a little thinking.
“So you don’t need my help?”
“Probably, no”.
“Then Pete and me will make a surprise for you”, he intrigued me at once.
“Okay. I’m absolutely positive about your surprises, guys. And by the way, am I still invited to come to your show?”
The rest of that day I was far off from any working. Thoughts about forthcoming meeting a big bunch of friends filled my mind completely. Also I thought that Dasha should know about my plans for us. So I texted her – “when FOB come 2LA, we’ll have prt at ours. I’m inviting MCR, tai&….”. But she was less enthusiastic about it than I could expect. She texted me back – “don’t even count on me. i cant meet Pete. I’ll leave the house for then”.
“Okay. Anyway I won’t let your problems burst my happy bubbles”, I said to myself and began typing a message for Frank Iero.
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My happiness for upcoming events didn’t end up on that. Checking my e-mail at the evening, I saw a letter from my Belarusian friend. Her name is Lena. We studied together in Belarus, then I left for London. As it was found out some time ago, she moved to Moscow to work at some investment company. So now she sent a note telling me she’s gonna come to LA as the company she works at has some business here. So she has planned to stop at me. Of course, I was up for that idea of hers and I was glad for her coming. I answered her giving my home address and cell phone number. I was supposed to see her in my place tomorrow afternoon.
And really, after I was done with my lectures and returned home, there she was, Lena, my long-time friend, leaning against a front door of a rental Mazda. Well, the reunion passed with a loud outburst of a pure joy to see each other again after so much time. I led her into the house unlocking a front door, as Dasha was still at her work. I showed Lena her room, she left her suitcase there and then we established ourselves at my kitchen having a dinner. Chatting the whole way we caught up with each other’s lifes and were pretty satisfied at that part.
As Lena had a meeting in Wells Fargo company along with some of her colleagues and boss at 4 p.m., we had some more spare time. So we started watching a huge amount of photos I have on my laptop – watching my “how’s everything going” in pictures xD. And how I could pass by my summer adventures? There was no way.
“Oh gosh! It’s My Chemical Romance? It’s My Chemical Romance! And it’s you there! Lucky bastard”, Lena exclaimed. “And Fall Out Boy? It’s Pete Wentz. Exactly”, she said as I slid to another photo. “He’s hugging Dasha”, she looked at me quizzically.
I just showed her the next picture smiling and being ready to watch her reaction. She looked back at the screen.
“Sh… He’s kissing her!”
I couldn’t curb from laughing but was merciful enough to give her an explanation.
“Don’t freak out like this tomorrow. Not that I expect this from you, anyway”, I said to her as she watched a photo with me and Gabe Saporta.
“He’s beautiful”, she stated with a dreamy voice. “What did you say?” she finally took her eyes off of him as there was the next picture.
I gave her a crazy look.
“I said you should act usual around these people tomorrow night. I have a party here, so you’re invited, actually”, I smiled. “And I will need your help”.
“You mean all of them will be right here tomorrow?” she asked.
“I can’t promise all of them. Some of them can’t come. I called and –“, and I was roughly interrupted by her.
“You have their numbers?”
“I’ve spent pretty much and good time with them, so yeah. But this information will never be leaked out to anywhere from me”, I smiled.
Lena took a deep breath.
“What a sweet life you have”, she said.
I was quite acquainted with this phrase. Pals in Net, pals in the univer – anybody who saw some pictures in Internet (not uploaded by me or Dasha) and heard me admitting I know these famous rockstars personally – periodically come up with these words. As if this is the one that matters in my life.
“Just because I know them?” I pointed on the screen with a photo of Patrick and me at FOB bus. “Lena, I live in a foreign and strange country, far fucking away from my family, I study and work for the whole days, I pay bills for this house and it’s not small amount of money. I need to pay for groceries I pick in supermarket. I need to buy clothes. It’s not sweet at all. And it’s much bigger part of my life than hanging with them. I’m glad that I know them, that I’ve met friends in some of them, I’ve met love in some of them. And that’s all. None of them study or work instead of me or pay for my things”, I let off of my chest those wistful thoughts and rush to say sorry for such impolite words and behavior.
“It’s me who sorry. I’m an asshole”, Lena said.
I smiled and told her that she’s not at all.
“Just seeing them so close to you is… too much for once”, she admitted.
“Just be yourself tomorrow. Be yourself and enjoy the night”, I advised.
She nodded as we continued go through my extensive photo gallery.
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The evening Dasha, Lena and me spent in a movie theatre watching Twelve with Chace Crawford, 50 Cent, Kiefer Sutherland among the others in the cast. I must admit that night Dasha was more talkative than for the whole previous week. She even shared a can of popcorn with us. After the movie we chilled in a pub near. Lena and me were unsuccessfully batting our eyelashes for an adorable bartender xD. Dasha was drinking down Margarita after Margarita. After sharing a huge load of news to each other and rejecting a couple of boys to take seats next to them as they were obviously trying to hook us, we called it a day and drove our intoxicated bodies to our house.
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the whole next day was busy for all of us. Lena has been in the city since 11 a.m. Dasha and me returned home at the afternoon and began cleaning the house stuffing our private things away from eyes of our forthcoming guests. Dasha also packed some her overnight stuffs as she decided to have a night in her friend’s place. when Lena returned we all took a drive to a local supermarket and loaded good four carts of food, snacks and drinks. Girls I’d invited arrived at 3 p.m. I introduced Lena to all of them and they accepted her very friendly. My kitchen got filled with people and smells of cooking dishes. I’ve decided to pay more attention to the food at the party. Drinks, no doubt, are important, but I can’t prepare as big variety of them as I can do this with cooking. And I want my party to be remembered by its cuisine, too xD. Keeping an eye on everything that was going in the house, I saw Dasha off with her overnight bag, as that friend of hers drove to take her.
“Are you sure you’re not staying here?” I asked her in a doorway.
“NO. I almost feel like my old self. But I can’t be with someone else in front of him. I just can’t see him right now at all. And he doesn’t wanna see me. So it’s good to go now”, she replied referring to Pete, whom else.
“Okay. I understand. It’d be very awkward for you two. Just you’ve never missed such fun”, I smiled.
“Then it’s my first time doing so”, she said pressing her lips together. “And the last one”, she added already grinning.
I returned her a smile and got back in the house.
****************Soundtrack – Noel by All Time Low*****************
I helped girls – Andie, Sam, Jane – to move furniture to make more space in the living room. I attached my SonyPlaystation to my TV and left some games near. We brought from the garage a plastic mat and a spinner for playing Twister at a backyard of my house. Such a simple way to get much fun xD. After returning to the kitchen I checked how my lasagna (the second part already. A typical skillet is less than enough) was going in an oven. And it was going pretty great xD. While I was making some salads and giving all possible help to the girls, my phone was ringing constantly. Apparently, each of our guests felt as they should get us know at what part of their route to my house they were. And with my knowledge of LA I could tell that TAI company was coming first. This bunch of guys included Will, Adam, Butcher and Tony (we got along pretty good back then and it would be rude not to invite him). It got me and the girls hurrying to arrange tables with snacks. And as I soon received one more call from TAI saying their arrival was a deal of some minutes, I rushed in my bedroom to dressed up. Thinking about my outfit for tonight during past two days, my choice was a little black dress (fuck ALL HOODIES I had worn the summer FOB tour xD), Roman style sandals of a silver color, much of silver accessories and make up needed for smoky eyes. No special attitude to my hair and I was ready. I looked at my reflection in a full length mirror and I really liked myself then and there.
Will this evening be just good hanging out with good people or something more? Something more unexpected?
“I wanna fuck myself”, I commented my own attire and grinned at my silliness.