Seuss!

Gerard was able to swim to the surface easily since the water was not moving fast, but before he could make his way to shore, he collided with something that felt like a tree planted right in the middle of the water. He looked up and realized it was no tree.

“Hm? Oh, sorry. I thought you were a fish,” said a voice from above his head. A strong, snakelike something wrapped around him and lifted him out of the water with ease, and he found himself staring into the face of a smiling elephant. He almost screamed.

“What…you…talk?”

“Of course! I’m Horton the Elephant,” said the elephant, laughing. “And you look like you could use some help.” Horton slowly picked his feet up out of the water and walked to the riverbank, depositing Gerard safely on the mossy ground. He stood, shaking, and looked wildly around. Brilliant greens and turquoises met his vision, broken only by the sparkling expanse of the river before him. He heard birds singing high in the sunlit canopies of the trees and saw ropey vines hanging down from them, but the scenery did nothing to set his mind at ease. He was hardly equipped to be anywhere outside his home; black jeans, a black t-shirt, and heavy, flat-soled shoes were useless in a steaming summer jungle. He realized with a feeling of added nerves that the Cat was nowhere to be seen.

“Who are you?” asked Horton, tilting his head to one side and blinking his bright eyes. “I’ve never seen anyone like you around here before.”

“Oh…uh…my name…I’m Gerard,” he said with difficulty, trying to brush himself off. It was hopeless; he was sopping wet, and it was a miracle he wasn’t covered in as much mud. He sighed and silently prayed his day wouldn’t get any worse. “Where am I, anyway?”

“You don’t know?” Horton asked in astonishment. “This is the Jungle of Nool! Hmm, you really do need some help…” Horton scrutinized him, looking to be deep in thought, then gasped. “I know!” He coiled his trunk tightly and took a huge breath.

“No, that’s not really nece-”

But before Gerard could finish, Horton had blasted all the air through his trunk and aimed it straight at him, drying him thoroughly with the distinct sound of an elephant’s trumpet. His ears were still ringing when it was over, but at least he was dry.

“Wow,” he said in numb shock. “That’s louder than any concert I’ve ever been to.”

“Thanks!” Horton said proudly, puffing out his chest. He stood that way for a moment before collapsing in a gray heap back to his normal stance. “But I don’t know what that means.”

“Well, you see-”

“Shh!” Horton whispered, suddenly clapping his trunk over Gerard’s face to silence him. “Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” Gerard muttered as he pried the elephant’s trunk off of him, frowning.

“That!” Horton cried, still trying to keep his voice down. He stamped around wildly in a small circle, flapping his enormous ears every which way. “That sound! It’s a cry for help!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Gerard said indignantly. He sniffed the air slightly and recoiled, realizing he now smelled of rancid peanut butter thanks to Horton’s ‘help.’

“Wait…maybe I can find it…” Horton squinted, studying everything in his line of sight, then gasped again. “There! That little speck of dust!” He pointed with his trunk to a spot in midair, hovering just over Gerard’s head. Gerard looked up toward it, but he couldn’t see anything. “I’ll get it!”

Horton ran forward a few steps to jump up onto the riverbank. Before Gerard could get out of the way, the elephant ran right over him and stopped while he was still trapped between Horton’s huge feet. He quickly scurried away in an attempt to get to safety, but seconds later, Horton was following him again.

“It’s going towards you!” the elephant cried. “Catch it, quick! Before they get hurt!”

‘They?’ Gerard wondered silently, still looking futilely for whatever Horton was talking about. “I still don’t-”

“Don’t. Move.” Horton’s eyes were locked onto Gerard’s skull, and it was making him nervous. “It’s on. Your head.”

“What is? Get it off of me!” Gerard cried, furiously brushing his hands through his hair. Horton let out a high-pitched squeal Gerard wouldn’t have thought possible.

“Stop! You’ll break something!” he shouted. Horton wrapped his trunk around Gerard, restraining his arms and picking him up into the air. “I think I see it…aha!” He spotted a small, pink clover growing near the edge of the river. Dropping Gerard unceremoniously on the muddy ground, he delicately plucked the flower from its place and caught the white speck of dust just before Gerard would have swatted it away with one hand.

“Have you lost your mind?” Gerard asked. He quickly shook his head. “Better question: Have I lost my mind?”

“You’re safe now, little guy,” Horton whispered, smiling. “Or…girl…well, I hope you don’t mind pink, it was all I could- what’s that?” He lifted the small flower closer to his ear. “Hello? Is anyone there?”

Gerard found the entire situation very strange, so he quietly backed away from the scene and made his way along the riverbank. Few streams of light were able to illuminate the jungle floor, and he tripped over rocks and protruding tree roots often enough that it become a serious hazard for him to continue moving. He gave up and leaned against a tree, and he had just started to recover his normal breathing rate when he heard a series of rhythmic, thumping footsteps.

“Hmph! Horton’s gone crazy again!” said a sour voice as its owner bounded toward him. He looked and saw a tall, purple kangaroo standing next to him, glaring straight at Horton. A little kangaroo poked its head out of her pouch, fuzzy ears focused on the elephant as well.

“Why, mama?”

“Just look at him, talking to a flower like that! It’s disgraceful!” the kangaroo cried.

“Yeah, it is kind of strange,” Gerard admitted quietly. The kangaroo glanced at him and only frowned more deeply.

“And what are you supposed to be?” she asked sharply. He wasn’t sure what to say. “Well?”

“I…uh…I’m Gerard,” he stuttered. The kangaroo looked him up and down.

“Hmph! You’re the strangest thing I’ve ever seen. What are you?”

“Maybe he’s a monkey!” the young kangaroo said with a giggle. A string of raucous laughs and shouts met Gerard’s ears, showering down from the tops of the trees.

“That’s no monkey!” one voice called. Two furry hands grabbed his arms and hoisted him up into the trees, dangling him in midair. “He’s got no tail!”

“He sure is strange,” said another. Gerard looked around and saw hundreds of monkeys surrounding him, draped over tree branches and hanging by their tails with ease. His eyes widened.

“Look, fellas! We scared him! Let’s give our new friend a better welcome,” another called. Before he could do anything, one of the monkeys stuck a banana in his mouth. The two that were holding on to him started to swing him back and forth. He tried to tell them to stop, but he could barely say anything other than a few jumbled syllables. They let go of him, and he flipped through the air before being caught upside down by two monkeys on another tree branch. He struggled in their grasp, unsure whether he should focus more on getting away from them or keeping his shirt where it was.

“Oh, the kid wants down? Alright, boys, let him have it!” one sneered. Gerard assumed it was the leader, but before he could figure out which one it was, the monkeys holding on to him let him go, and he crashed into the jungle undergrowth. He pulled the banana from between his teeth and angrily looked up at the jeering monkeys, then managed to get to his feet. He sighed.

“You should leave,” the kangaroo declared, folding her arms and turning up her nose.

“Probably not a bad idea,” muttered Gerard, who quickly made his way farther down the length of the river. He didn’t get far before he heard several voices giggling from above him. At first he thought it was the monkeys again, but they sounded lighter and more feminine. He almost didn’t dare to look up.

“What do you think that is, girls?” asked one of the voices. He finally glanced up and saw four of the prettiest birds he’d ever seen. Their long, colorful tails swept through the air as they flew down towards him. The purple one landed on his head and bent over to look him straight in the eye. “He almost looks like a monkey!”

“He does look funny,” said the orange bird as she perched on his shoulder.

“He’s kinda cute,” giggled the yellow one, landing on his other shoulder.

“You’re not from around here, are you?” asked the green bird. Gerard shook his head, sending the other three birds fluttering away from him in a flurry of high-pitched laughs.

“What have we here?” called a fifth bird as she landed as well. She was colored a brilliant, flamboyant red, and the feathers of her tail and crown seemed especially impressive. “What are you?” she asked, looking him up and down as much as a bird could.

“I’m a human,” Gerard answered sheepishly. The birds giggled with a musical lilt to their voices.

“I’ve never heard of a creature like that,” said the purple bird.

“Don’t get your feathers ruffled,” the yellow bird said. “He’s not so bad. What’s your name?”

He sighed and answered them, already sick of hearing his own name so much in one day. The group squawked and laughed at him again.

“Well, I would assume you already know who I am,” the red bird said, shaking out her luxuriant tail, “but since you seem to be new here, I’ll tell you anyways. The name’s Mayzie LaBird, and don’t you forget it.”

He just nodded listlessly. He heard the quiet flapping of wings from nearby and saw a little blue bird land on a rock a few feet away from him.

“Hi, girls!” she called in an excited, slightly nasally voice.

“So sorry to run, Gee, but I’ve got places to be,” Mayzie said quickly as she flew off, closely flanked by the other birds. At first Gerard thought she was talking to him, but the blue bird animatedly waved one wing after them.

“Okay, I’ll see you around!” she called. As soon as the birds were out of sight, the smile fell from her beak, and she sighed sadly. When she noticed Gerard studying her closely, however, she managed to give him a little half-smile.

“What’s your name?” Gerard asked, mildly intrigued.

“Gertrude McFuzz,” the blue bird answered, “but you’ll probably forget it. Everyone does. Especially Mayzie.”

“She doesn’t seem very nice,” he noted.

“Well, she’s not, but she has such a fabulous tail…” Gertrude sighed wistfully. “I wish I had one like it.”

“I don’t really think it matters,” Gerard said, trying to sound reassuring. “You’re a lot less mean than her.”

“No one will ever notice a bird with a one-feather tail,” she insisted. “Especially not…well, it doesn’t matter. It’s nice to meet you, um…”

“Gerard,” he finished. “Has your tail always been like that?”

Gertrude nodded. “Ever since ever. I’ve done everything I can with it, but it’s always the same.”

“Maybe you should see a doctor about it,” he suggested. It seemed entirely absurd, but so had everything else that had happened to him, and it only seemed to make sense.

“Really? I never thought of that,” she said thoughtfully. “I know where one is…but it’s so far away…”

“I’ll go with you,” Gerard said. “Anything to get away from those crazy monkeys.”

“Alright, let’s go!” She flapped her wings and fluttered into the air, but all Gerard could do was stare up at her. She realized he wasn’t following and quickly landed back on the ground. “You can’t fly?”

He shook his head. “Nope.”

Gertrude landed on his shoulder, and he began picking his way through the jungle undergrowth, climbing over tree roots and shoving fern leaves out of his way. Gertrude had to flutter away when he would trip and fall, and even though she wasn’t laughing at him, he was fairly sure she was considering it.

“What are you doing here, anyway?” Gertrude asked after several minutes of watching Gerard humiliate himself. “You don’t look like anyone I’ve ever seen.”

“Well, I’m not really sure, to be honest,” he said, taking the chance to sit on a rock and rest. Gertrude perched on his knee and looked up at him curiously. “I was at home, going through some stuff from when I was little, when this cat showed up…”

“A cat?!” Gertrude gasped and hid her face with her wings. “How awful!”

Gerard gave a short, dry laugh. “Yeah, pretty much.”

He stood and progressed deeper into the tangled trees. After some time, Gertrude asked him to stop and flew up to see how far away they were.

“I think we’re almost there-” Before Gertrude finished what she was saying, she let out a terrified squawk and scrambled to hide in the trees. Gerard glanced up as a shadow eclipsed the sun for a brief moment, and a dark shape descended towards him. It was a vulture almost as tall as him. It landed on a tree branch just above his head, shook out its tattered storm-gray feathers, and eyed him warily.

“You are not kangaroo,” it said gruffly with a thick Russian accent. It sounded annoyed. “Where is kangaroo?”

Gerard blinked. “Uh…that way,” he mumbled, pointing back towards where he had been. The bird stared at him for a few moments before taking flight again and disappearing. Gertrude flew back and rested on Gerard’s shoulder. “Who was that?”

“Vlad Vladikoff,” she answered, cowering behind her light blue wings. “He’s scary and really mean.”

“Why did he want to know where that kangaroo was?” Gerard asked with a sickened feeling in his stomach. He hoped he hadn’t put the creature in danger, sour as she had been.

“Oh, the kangaroo is always asking him to do stuff for her,” said Gertrude. “Now, if you can just go up that tree right there…”

Gerard quickly learned that he had no skill useful in climbing trees. He had always had enough problems scrambling up trees with low-hanging branches, let alone the slippery, mossy trunks too wide for him to attach himself to. Whenever it seemed like he would make a little headway, his shoes slid down the wet moss and forced him to fall back to where he started. He gripped a few ropey vines to help and finally managed to haul himself up onto a reasonably thick branch. He found a wall of planks forming a building sitting atop the trees. It looked no bigger than a child’s tree house, with a few windows crudely cut into the sides. Gertrude waited for him to stand up, and he opened the door to the structure, ducking forward to go in.

Much to his surprise, the tree house was bigger on the inside. A regular-sized doctor’s office had managed to squeeze itself between the wooden walls, and it looked about as modern as it could. Paintings were hung on the walls at odd, ridiculous angles, and many of them seemed to be of no particular subject matter. Gerard thought a five-year-old must have finger painted most of them.

He heard the sounds of several things crashing to the floor. He hoped no one had gotten hurt and hesitantly stepped towards the far wall, wondering if he should open the door. He looked at Gertrude, then glanced back in time to see the door open and watch the Cat in the Hat fall through it.