All We Had to Keep Us Safe

Eyes still wide with shock, I lifted my delicate fingers to touch my lips. When I pulled my hand away, red, sticky blood coated my fingers. I stared at it for a while in disbelief, not knowing what to do; not knowing how to feel.

I was sitting on the while carpeted floor in my room with my back against my bed. I couldn’t believe he’d hit me, but I couldn’t ignore the stinging on my lips or the blood. I wanted to pretend it hadn’t happened. I sat very still, my mind frozen.

Mark was gone now. I’d heard him storm out of the room and into the garage, driving away. He’d probably gone out to meet up with his friends. That was okay with me, not that he needed to ask me. He was free to go wherever he pleased.

I loved him, and I knew he loved me too. Sometimes I did stupid things though, and he yelled at me. He’d been verbally abusing me for a little over three years now. It started a little bit after I married him when I was twenty-two. That was four years ago. I wasn’t sure it really should’ve been called verbal “abuse.” He really only yelled at me for what I needed to be yelled at for.

My cell phone started ringing in my pocket. I pulled it out with my clean hand and saw that it was Bob, my best friend. My only friend. I would’ve liked to have other friends, but Adrienne had died, and all of the old ones had gradually grown apart from me after I married Mark. New ones soon learned to avoid me, but I could never really figure out why. I’m sure I was too dull for them.

Bob hung around, though. Maybe it was because we’d been there for each other when his wife – my former best friend – Adrienne dies five years ago. Bob was the one person who made me feel as if I was special. Mark only made me feel how I really was: useless.

Mark hated Bob. He always talked bad about him right in front of me, and I was ashamed to admit that I never defended him. I just didn’t want to upset Mark. In fact, Bob was what our recent fight had been about. Mark had asked me if Bob was more than a friend after Bob dropped me off at home. I’d replied with the truth and said no, but Mark didn’t believe me. He’d yelled at me for almost an hour, calling me bad names, swearing at me, and telling me I was stupid.

For the first time ever, I didn’t sit there and take it. I didn’t see what I’d done wring this time. All I did was go to see my friend, and he immediately assumed I was unfaithful. So I’d opened my stupid mouth and told him that Bob was my friend, and he was going to have to deal with that. And then he’d hit me and left. I couldn’t believe he’d actually laid a hand on me.

I took my time answering the phone. I needed to compose myself first. However, I was still a little shaky when I answered, “Hey, Bob.”

He heard the uncertainty in my voice right away. “Jade, what’s wrong? Did he yell at you again?”

“Don’t say it like that,” I snapped defensively. “He only yells at me when I deserve it.”

Bob was silent for a while. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Mark seemed pretty pissed when I dropped you off, and I know it was because of me.”

“No, it’s not your fault,” I assured him, my voice softening instantly. “It’s just me. I didn’t tell him I was going to see you this morning.”

He sighed. I heard the annoyance in his voice when he said, “He doesn’t own you, Jade. You shouldn’t be required to tell him everything.”

Anger sparked in me. “I’m not required to tell him anything. It’s just easier if I tell him things. Then he doesn’t get mad at me. Do you have a problem?”

“No, no, I’m sorry,” he apologized genuinely. “I didn’t call to lecture or argue with you. I called to make sure you were alright.”

“Well, thanks,” I retorted.

“He’s gone now, right?” Bob asked brightly.

“Yeah,” I confirmed. “He probably won’t be back until late tonight.”

“Want to come over again then, since the only reason you left was because you realized you forgot to tell him where you were going?”

I bit my lip and then hissed at the fresh pain from where it was split open.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, concerned.

“Nothing. I stubbed my toe,” I lied, buying some time to think about what my answer to his request would be. “Um, how about you come here? Chloe is napping right now, so I can’t go anywhere. It’ll be easier if you just come over.”

“Okay,” Bob agreed. “I’ll be over in half an hour.”

When I hung up, I remembered my bleeding lip and swore under my breath. I knew I needed to hide it from Bob. I stood up and went to my bathroom.

I looked at myself in the mirror in dismay. My lip was swelling as well as bloody, although it had stopped bleeding. My black wavy hair was in disarray. I washed my face, iced my lip for a few minutes, brushed my hair, and then plastered on as much makeup as I could to hide my lip. It wouldn’t fool him, though, so I made up an excuse. Now I could only hope he would believe me.

Just as I finished cleaning the little drop of blood off my bedroom carpet, Bob knocked quietly at the front door, knowing that Chloe was napping. I ran downstairs to let him in. He gave me a hug even though I’d just seen him that morning.

“How are you doing?” he asked.

“Great,” I replied, but even as I said it I saw him frown and squint at me.

He reached out to touch just below my split lip. “What happened here?” he inquired curiously.

Avoiding his eyes, I laughed nervously and answered, “Oh, I’m just clumsy. I was reading in my bed. When I got up too quickly, I lost my balance and hit my lip on my dresser.”

Still scowling, Bob pulled his hand away. “That’s unfortunate,” he said. The look in his eyes told me that he wasn’t buying it, but he didn’t confront me about it.

“What do you want for dinner?” I asked uncomfortably, trying to change the subject.

“Pizza is fine,” he replied, still prying at me with his eyes.

“Pizza it is, then,” I stated, looking away from him and pulling out my cell phone.