Lie Like You Mean It

I started up the game and as the cut scene started rolling, Zero sat just behind me on my bed. I felt myself tense at his close vicinity but I quickly forced myself to relax. “Hey… are you sure my touch doesn’t disgust you?” He asked quietly. I turned to him out of shock. I don’t think I would even let him be close to me if I hated his touch like I hated Cody’s and Sherry’s.

“I don’t know why… but it really doesn’t.”

“Then…” He slowly reached a hand towards my face. Surprisingly, I didn’t flinch, but I waited for the feel of his hand on my cheek. His fingers extended to my temple while his palm covered my cheek. His hand was warm against my own skin as his fingers found their way into my hair, combing it softly and gently. “… this isn’t a bad touch to you?”

I shook my head under his hand. “No, it’s not.” I whispered. But I wouldn’t admit to him that it was almost soothing. That maybe it was more than just not hating his touch, but actually liking it. And I found myself leaning into it, willingly. Not forcing myself, not trying to keep my flinching under control.

“Nicolas…?” I heard him breathe my name. I looked back up at him, his hazel eyes meeting my gaze. I hadn’t been looking at him before, but his eyes had always been on me. Always. I believe that’s what made me realize that for a while now, I’ve been the only one he looks at, the only person he gives a second thought to. “Can I kiss you?”

That was new. He’d never asked before, he just did what he wanted. The person he’d left behind all those years ago was starting to break through. Was it because it was me he was with? Did I… do this to him?
I knew he was just the person he was right now; all this meant was that he was changing; he was readopting the traits he’d had before his mother died.

But his volatile, explosive side was also there, and I hoped it would always be there. Because that was the Zero I knew best, the one I could fight with and argue with and not feel guilty about it later. But I liked the kind side of him too. I wouldn’t admit it to him, but it made me feel special because I knew I was the only one he treated with such a tenderness.

“Yeah… you can.” I said, trying to swallow my pride and objections. He scooted over to me, ruffling the blankets on my bed as he did so. I waited for him to take the lead as he always did. But then something unexpected happened, as he reached towards my face, his hands were shaking. I noticed it and grabbed them. But I knew that’s not what I would’ve normally done. Where was his shyness coming from? And what about this newfound dominance I’m using? Why didn’t we act like ourselves around each other?

“You’re shaking.” I stated, not taking my eyes off of him. He suddenly looked away from me, his hair covering his face. Like a shy schoolgirl. He wasn’t acting like himself.

“I-I… I know it’s stupid but I… I can’t help it.” He whispered. “I mean, I never actually prepared you for that and I… it makes me nervous how you just sit there waiting.“’

“B-but now you have my consent…“ I breathed, trying to keep my voice low.

“Maybe because the impulse is taken out of it.” He tried. I looked away from him as well, as if I were trying to turn away from the awkward silence.

“Can I… try again?” He asked a few minutes later. I assumed that in that time he was trying to regain his courage.

When he wasn’t arrogant or self-confident I have to admit, he was almost, and I mean almost cute. The shyness was new, but welcomed, it made him seem more human and less cold.
But surprisingly, I wasn’t the shy one this time. I wasn’t really all that afraid of the impending kiss.

“Uh… yeah…” I consented. I didn’t think I could hate him anymore, not that I ever did. But if there was any hatred towards the way he treated me it was all gone. In its place there was a strange feeling, a weak longing for his touch. A very weak longing, but I could feel it growing and it scared me. I didn’t want to be bound, but at the same time I did if it was him.

He slid one of his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him until our chests touched. With no space between us, he slowly leaned in towards my lips until his own were pressed against them. Then he pulled back and leaned in again, touching our lips together. He repeated this motion quite a few times, but his movements were subtle and gentle, trying not to scare me off. Not that I would’ve been.
Maybe he was checking for any signs of emotion in my eyes whenever he pulled away. He mumbled my name in his breathlessness.

For some reason, I may have taken that as a cue to actually start kissing him back. So I did, for once. It was the first time I’d ever applied any pressure into a kiss, so I just awkwardly pushed up, pressing my lips a little harder to his, meeting him halfway. I wasn’t just dealing with it, but I was reacting to it. I found myself stretching my arms up towards his neck and wrapping around it.

Then he stopped working on my lips and left a trail of kisses from the corner of my mouth, leading down past my jaw line and to my neck. His lips were warming up over my skin now with inevitable blush. I heard him audibly swallow, but he continued to attack the flesh on my throat, covering it with kisses. Even though I say ‘attack’, his actions were gentle. It was just the speed the he used to work on my neck. But then he hit a spot on my collarbone where he decided to bite down.

So I hit him on the head with a fist. “Fuck! What the hell! That hurt!” I hissed, rubbing my neck as he sat there, staring at me with an apologetic expression.

“I-I’m sorry…” He whispered, covering his mouth with his right hand.

“I… No, it’s fine. Just don’t pull that shit again. And that better not leave a mark! Mom might think I’m doing shady things, if you know what I mean.”

He laughed a little at that comment. “Then don’t do dirty things.” He said mockingly. I just glared at him, in a strange playful way though.

“So, about what you were laughing at earlier?” I tried, remembering the conversation from downstairs.

“Oh! Right… Let’s just say that you’re uncle’s going to be in for a surprise when he meets Michael.” He grinned.

I felt my expression turn serious and worried at the same time. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked carefully, almost not wanting to know the answer.

“You know how Mina is right? Walking around calling us cute and all?” He rolled his eyes and for a second, I could see less-than-kind side of Zero; the one that hadn’t appeared since we’d gotten in our room. Regardless, though, I nodded.

“Michael’s ten times worse and bisexual to add to the problem. Though I doubt he’d do anything to hurt Mina – relationship-wise.”

“He… he wouldn’t tell anyone about…” I trailed off, not really knowing how to word it.

“Nah, he’s really a good guy, he’s just more of a fangirl than Mina.” He stated, nodding. My eyes widened in shock at Zero’s choice of words.

“Y-you just... complimented someone?” I stuttered, unsure of what I had just heard.

“Well, we grew up with Michael.” He explained, his eyes never leaving mine. “But you need to stick with me at all times.”

“Huh?” I tilted my head at him in confusion.

He ran his hand over my cheek and let it brush past my hair. “Sometimes Mina has Michael make out with other guys.”

“But she-”

“I know she wouldn’t do that to you, but I just…” He paused and sighed. “I don’t want anyone else touching you.“

“I-” I felt my hand mechanically moving up to grab the arm that held my face captive.

“Can I kiss you again?” He asked in a sincere manner.

“Are you going to bite me again?”

“No, I promise. I won’t do anything you don’t want.” He never seemed to have a problem with doing whatever he wanted before, but I guess I didn’t care anymore because I let myself nod, giving him permission.

It took him a second to comprehend that I had given him the okay to kiss me. But when it got through, he put his other arm around my neck and pulled my face to his. And I found myself meeting him halfway again. I was returning the force he was applying equally.

He pulled away again and then dove back in for my lips. Without fail, I was meeting him with kisses of my own. But when he pulled back this time, he angled his head so he could get his mouth to my jaw line. He continued a trail of soft pecks down my neck and I didn’t stop him. I figure that if he bites me again I’ll just kick him. He hit the tendon of my neck that was just to the left of the hollow of my throat. There was a strange shock of feeling that jolted through my stomach.

“Nnh…” I moaned softly. But I didn’t catch myself in time so to cover up my mistake. I jolted back, pressing my hands over my mouth. I silently hoped he hadn’t heard that moan. I wasn’t supposed to be moaning. I wasn’t supposed to be enjoying this.

“Did you just-” Oh, God, he had heard it.

“No! No I didn’t!” I panicked. But, of course, that only made things more obvious. He smiled meekly and proceeded to tousle my hair, causing me to tense up.

“Okay, fine, I’ll believe you. This time.” He smirked.