Lie Like You Mean It

“Screw that guy, I’ll teach you to ski myself.” Zero growled, angrily stomping towards the rental booth to get two pairs of skis.

“D-do you even know how to ski?” I asked nervously. I already knew the answer was no.

“No. Of course not; but I can learn if it’s for you.” He told me, grinning back at me as the guy at the booth ducked behind the shelves to pull out the two pairs of skis for us.

Zero took them both and led me to the bench next to the ski lift to put them on me, tightening the bindings around my feet. “I really hate that someone said something so vulgar to you. You shouldn’t have to deal with that.”

He pulled the glove off of his hand so that he could reach up and cradle my face with it. That simple gesture made my heart jump and my breath freeze. Slowly, I reached up with my other two hands and covered his.

That warm touch; I loved that warm touch. I shut my eyes as I realized that, blush creeping over my face. I loved it; I loved his touch, his hands, his kisses, his warmth, everything. Everything he gave me, I loved. I loved it…

Love? I froze as I realized the words I had been thinking to myself. I opened my eyes to see his face. I loved his fierce hazel eyes, his mischievous grin, his newly-dyed blue-black hair, everything about him including and especially his insane version of loyalty to me.

In a simple phrase… I loved him. Since when had this liking turned into love? How? For how long? Why didn’t I notice it sooner? Why couldn’t I notice it sooner? Then my train of unanswered questions stopped as his hand was removed from my face.

I almost hurt from the loss of contact between us. But that had always been there since that very first time we held hands under the table. But now it was more intense.

How could one touch unveil the love I had been suppressing for him? I didn’t know, but it had made me realize that calling what I felt for him ‘intense liking’ was only a cover-up for ‘I love him’.

Was that right? It sounded right; it sounded so right to me because I loved him, I loved him so much that it hurt.

Suddenly, in a blur of motion he had taken my hand and pulled me towards the nearby ski lift. The guides were giving us instructions on how to board the lift, but I couldn’t hear it, I was too focused on our linked hands and how it infuriated me that I couldn’t feel his skin on mine.

“Ugh… I hate heights.” I groaned, looking at the rickety seats of the lift.

“It’s okay, you can hold on to me.” Before we awkwardly fell back onto the approaching seat. That scared me because was afraid that I’d sit too soon and get hit in the head with it or something. But it was all one smooth action as we took our seats on the lift.

Automatically my arms wrapped around the one that belonged to him that was closest to me. I tried to squeeze tighter, hoping to convey my thoughts to him that ones that screamed I love you! I love you! I love you so much…

But words don’t work with telepathy. But I wanted him to know; I didn’t want him having to wait.

“Nicolas, are you cold?” He asked with his warm voice. I loved that voice; why didn’t I realize it sooner?
Admitting to myself that I loved him only made things worse because I couldn’t just come out and say it. I couldn’t and I didn’t know why. I don’t understand myself at all and that made me wonder why Zero could understand everything.

“Yeah…” I whispered, snuggling in closer to him, praying to feel his warmth through his thick coat.

“You’re terrifyingly affectionate.” He stated, giving a chuckle. The slight laugh or full laughs he would only let me hear, I loved those too.

I sat there, latched onto his arm as his warmth pierced through his coat to distribute to me. I grinned into his arm, happy to have that.

He was right, I was being affectionate. That should tell him something, right? “Mhmm…” I mumbled into the fabric.

“Usually you would be rejecting that; are you so cold you can’t argue with me?” He asked and I could see him smirking even though my eyes were covered with the fabric of his parka.

Then, the most terrible thing that could happen, happened. The lift stopped just as we were going over a depression in the hills. I squeaked and clutched to him and he held me back.

“It’s okay… it’ll be fine, Nicolas.” He tried to assure me.

And then I remembered what the snowboarding instructor said about the two main prominent homophobes here; the ski instructor and his buddy at the lift. That recollection suddenly made me sick to my stomach.

I suddenly jerked my face upwards to look at Zero. I think he was starting to remember the same thing I was.

“Y-you don’t think-”

“Yeah, maybe…” He answered before I could even really begin. “I can’t believe those insolent pricks would actually go this far.” He growled.

“H-hey… as long as… um, as long as we’re stuck up here... d-do you wanna…” I trailed off, too embarrassed to say anything more. But I hated the distance that our coats put between us.

He grinned mischievously as he realized where I was going with this. “I’m fine with doing anything you want to do.”

“Just be careful; I don’t really feel safe up here.” I whispered as his fingers lifted my chin up.

“Tell me to stop if you start to get scared.” He said, his eyes boring into mine with a seriousness I couldn’t escape.

Slowly, he leaned in, pressing his lips to mine and the warmth returned just like that. I started moving my mouth with his as he mimicked my movements exactly. Then he pulled back, only to come trail light kisses down my throat as far as the scarf would allow him. He started sucking on a spot that was just below my jaw line and I didn’t stop him. In fact, I let my hand attach itself to his neck, letting out a tiny moan as he bit lightly at my own neck. He ran his tongue over it when he was done and went back up for my lips, catching a glance at me as we both closed our eyes again.

This time, his tongue ran across my bottom lip and I let him into my mouth without hesitation. The warm muscle searched and explored my mouth, being the first time I let him be the dominant one.

He ran his tongue along the insides of my cheeks before coming back to my own tongue and rubbing against it. Then it went into the trench between my teeth and my lower lip and then up to the roof of my mouth before we had to pull away for air.

Both of us were panting, breathless.

“H-hey Zero…” I whispered when I was less out of breath.

“Hmm…?” He asked, cupping my cheek with one of his hands.

“I…” I tried to move my lips to say the rest of it. I love you. But my mouth rejected the words I was telling it too put out. “I…”

“You what?” He questioned, not comprehending what I was trying to say.

I wanted him to know, he had a right to know.

“I…” I kept trying to force it out, but I only sounded like a broken record. I couldn’t do it so I just said, “Never mind…”

He bent his eyebrows in a way that said he was confused but he wouldn’t press it further since I wasn’t comfortable with it.

Suddenly the lift jolted back to life, nearly making me jump and grab onto Zero. I was thankful that the lift was moving again but I hated that I missed a chance to tell him. Although my mouth was pretty much incapacitated when it came to that phrase.

Why was I so awkward and stupid? Why couldn’t I just say it like he had? Where the hell did he get that courage?

By now the sun was setting and it was getting to be too late to set out on a skiing expedition. “Those fucking morons…” He growled. “They ruined our skiing trip.”