Lie Like You Mean It

After the lift ride back, it was dusk, the sun setting in the hills. Almost everyone had retreated back to the resort to rest I suppose since there wasn’t anything to do at night (except for the hot tubs). Zero handed the rental attendant the skis we borrowed and then began walking back to the resort hotel.

Until I grabbed his coat and dragged him into a fairly secluded area. “A-about what I was… umm… t-trying to say… on the lift…”

I waited for him to catch on and nod at me, which didn’t take him too long to do (he was a straight-A student, remember?).

“Yeah, what about it?” He asked, looking puzzled.

My gaze dropped to my feet as I fidgeted nervously. I couldn’t help but stall my reply.

“I umm… I…” I started shyly.

“You’re stuttering again.” He said, lifting my face to look at him, tearing my eyes from the ground. His stark, hazel eyes glinted in the dark from the nearby light of the hotel.

Just fucking say it! My head was screaming, urging me to speak. Just tell him you love him!

My chest tightened, constricting my voice. When had I started loving him so much and to this extent to where my chest hurt because I couldn’t tell him? How did I love him this deeply?

“I-I…” I tried again, but my mind froze and I couldn’t get the words out.

What the hell was so bad about letting him know? He already loved me; he’d taken the first step, so why and I still so unsure about telling him?

His face contorted into a pained frown. “You know… whatever it is, you can tell me.”

I love you. I thought, trying to convey it to him telepathically. But of course, that didn’t really work out.

I clutched the fabric of his coat between my gloved hands, trying to keep the tears of frustration from falling. I love you so much… The thought burned fiercely in my mind as I buried my face in his coat.
His hands seized my arms. “Hey, you’re shaking.” He whispered and then pulled me into his arms and then lifting me up like a toddler while I wrapped my legs around him. I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face there. ”Are you cold?” He asked.

I nodded and then placed a kiss onto the side of his neck. “Tell me again…” I whispered into his skin.

He immediately understood what I was asking and breathed, “I love you…” into my ear before kissing it.
I love you too I thought in response. I love you too… so, so much….. Again, it was frustrating not being able to say it. The words would just die on my lips, not even fully formed.

Zero never lied to me, ever. When he said, “I love you” to me, he meant it. I knew that. It wasn’t fake, and it wasn’t a lie. He really loved me with everything he had. That included both his fake personality and his real one; the one he showed only to me. The one I made him remember he had.

“Are we heading to the hot tubs?” He asked, walking with me in his arms to the hotel door.

Inside was warm, and it was a relief from the cold weather we’d been out in all day. “Umm... do you actually want t-”

“Nicolas! Zero! We haven’t seen you two at all since we got here.” I recognized the speaker as my uncle Blake as I turned to face him, jumping from Zero’s arms to stand on my own.

Dominick was at his side, giving us his famous half-smile.

“Hey… we were just about to go to the pool area.” I announced.

My uncle grinned. “So were we.” He told us.

“Let us change and we’ll meet you at the hot tubs.”

Then my uncle gave me a funny look. “I thought they had strict rules against minors in the hot tubs?” He asked cautiously.

“Didn’t Nicolas tell you?” Zero spoke up, smirking. “We’re married.”

My uncle laughed at that, even Dominick gave a slight chuckle. “Right. We’ll meet you there.”

It didn’t take too long for us to get changed after we peeled the layers of winter clothing from ourselves.

“C-carry me…?” I asked quietly to Zero. He grinned and nodded, helping me onto his back with the help of the bed. I wrapped my arms around him and then snuggled into his neck, letting the warmth of his bare upper-body collide with mine.

*~*~*~*

“You guys got here fast.” Blake said from the hot tub. Zero pulled me into the hot water with him and sat me on his lap while placing his head on my shoulder.

“Yeah…” I agreed, swimming away from Zero so that I could swim around the concrete pool.

“Hey, I’ll be right back.” Zero announced, standing up. I hastily grabbed his arm, not wanting him to leave me.

“Wh-where are you going…?” I asked in a hushed tone.

“I just need to pick something up from the room.” He told me reassuringly. I nodded and reluctantly let go as he stepped out of the hot tub to wrap a towel around his waist and disappear through the double doors to the hallway, all the while I was watching him.

When he was completely out of my sight, I turned back to sink into the warm water. But I was greeted with a face of shock from my uncle.

“What was with that face?” Blake asked. I can’t believe he noticed. I submerged myself in the water up to my nose to hide the blush.

“Th-the way you… that you stared at him.” Dominick clarified nervously.

I tried to wait it out, but they kept persisted with their questioning looks until I had to come up from the water and ask, “What…?”

“I’ve never seen you stare at anyone like that, Nicolas.” Blake told me. “Granted, I’m not always around so I can’t say you never stared at anyone like that but still…”

“Do I have to tell you…?” I whispered.

Blake sighed and Dominick just half-smiled at me. “No, of course not. But I think you should.”

There were a few minutes of silence before I finally spoke. “He said... that he, um, he loves me.” I admitted, my face heating up again.

“He… that guy? He really said it?” My uncle asked. I nodded slowly at him.

Dominick cut in, shyly adding, “Did you… s-say it back…?”

I looked away. “Do you love him?” Blake coaxed.

I wanted the questions to stop, because I wanted answers to my own first. “I… I’m p-pretty s-sure th-that… I do…” I whispered nervously. It was weird talking to them about loving Zero. My cheeks were on fire because of what I had just admitted aloud. I think it was easier to tell them because they weren’t Zero.

When I looked up at them, my uncle’s face had softened and Dominick tried to ask again, “Did y-you… tell him?”

I bit down over my lip, hard, shaking my head. “After I realized it, I tried to say it but I couldn’t and now I don’t know what to do because, because… because…” I said it all so fast that it came out jumbled until I trailed off. “I can’t say it…”

“Oh… it’s that kind of problem.” My uncle said, nodding to his boyfriend. “Sometimes you just need some reassurance. Saying that isn’t very easy, I know. But… how is he going to know how you feel if you don’t tell him?”

“Telepathy?” I tried, thinking of my past attempts to tell him I loved him with my mind. My uncle just burst out laughing at that, Dominick chuckled a little too.

“Once you say it, it’s much easier to say again. It’s not always going to be this hard.”

“What isn’t?”

I froze as Zero’s voice rejoined us. “N-nothing…” I whispered, looking up at him.

“Hey, are you ready to go back? The pool’s going to close in ten minutes.” He announced, extending a hand to me. I took it automatically and wound my fingers through his as I stood up and climbed out of the hot tub, waving to my uncle and Dominick as we walked away.

“Did you get warm enough?” He asked, wrapping a towel around my shoulders before wiping at my hair with it to rub it dry.

I nodded, taking his hand in my own before we continued to the hallway and up to our room. AS soon as Zero was inside the room, he started walking towards the bathroom to take a shower to get rid of the chlorine.

“Wait!” I yelled to him. “Zero, I…”

Just do it. Say it. My mind urged.

I clutched at the fabric of my swimming trunks. “I lo-” My voice broke on the way out. He looked puzzled by what I was trying to say. But I was getting closer to saying it so I didn’t want to stop. I had to say it to get my chest to stop hurting because of my inability to say it. “I… lo-love… you…”

He looked frozen at those words and for a second I was scared to death. What if he didn’t want me anymore because I’d made him wait too long?

“Do you… mean that…?” relief washed over me when he started speaking again. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms tightly around him.

“I love you… I love you…” I repeated over and over like a broken record, like I had to make up for lost chances and time.

“I love you too.” Zero whispered into my hair and he cradled my body to him. Then he pulled away and tilted my face up so I could see him.

Then he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. I let my hands wind up in his hair, getting tangled in it to deepen the kiss. He moved his lips with mine and then I slipped my tongue into his mouth, letting it mesh with his. I didn’t explore his mouth; I just massaged his tongue with my own muscle. Zero moaned into the kiss as I let my teeth rake lightly over his tongue.

I felt myself being lifted by him to better accommodate our gap in height so he wouldn’t have to lean over and strain his back.

Then I left his mouth and trailed kisses down his neck to a reasonable spot where I bit down hard. He moaned in response and gripped my legs tighter. I kept sucking at it and nipping at it until I was sure it left a big, dark mark.

He was mine. Zero was mine.

“I love you…” I breathed into his neck.

I felt him smile as he said, “I love you too… so much.”

I’d said it; I’d told him I loved him. And I meant it.