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The Pros and Cons of Loving
Part 41
Eric’s POV
We made our way into the house and I squeezed Aiden’s hand, feeling slightly nervous. As much as I loved him, this was awkward for me. Knowing that soon we would be having sex—making love— it scared me. It really scared me and I felt as if I could have an anxiety attack over it.
“Are you hungry or anything? I mean, we can go out or…” Aiden began.
“I’m not hungry.” I said quietly, chewing on my lip. I wrapped my arms around him from behind in a hug, burying my head in his back. He turned around and slid his arms around me.
“Are you alright, hon?” he whispered, kissing the top of my head.
“Yeah.” I looked up at him and smiled. “I mean, I’m great… we’re married. It’s just… it’s like an emotional roller coaster and I’m still shaken up from crying. But yes, Aiden… I’m alright.”
Aiden smiled at me. “Okay.” He rubbed my back comfortingly and I felt myself relaxing and almost melting into his arms.
“I’m going to get us some ice cream, okay? Well, I’ll get me some and if you want some you can.”
“Alright.” I let go of him and followed him into the kitchen. While he put some chocolate ice cream into a bowl I climbed onto the counter and sat, kicking my legs out and watching him.
I couldn’t describe what I was feeling. I was scared… scared about tonight. But I was so happy and so in love. I was married to Aiden. He was mine. He is the most amazing human being on Earth and he… he chose me to be with forever. Until death do us apart.
I trust him, I do. I’m just scared.
In my head, I know that he would never hurt me. Everything would be fine and I would be like ‘Why was I so scared?’ but... it’s scary. I was raped… and here I was contemplating sex.
Yes, but to the man I married. The wonderful man who is looking at me curiously, asking me if I’m sure I’m alright.
“Yeah.” I hopped down and we headed up to the bedroom.
The bedroom, where sex happens.
Oh God. Oh God, oh God, oh God.
I followed Aiden farther into the room and he plopped on the bed, sitting Indian style and placing the bowl between his legs. He dug the spoon into the ice cream, and then shoved an entire rather large spoonful of chocolate into his mouth.
“Fuck, brainfreeze.” Her moaned a few seconds later.
I couldn’t help but laugh at him. Sometimes he really acted like a little kid. You would think it would be annoying, most especially at a time like this when I was stressed out. I thought it was adorable though and it made me calmer. It made Aiden appear less likely to hurt me. This was Aiden, who acted like he had the mentality of a five year old at times. It’s unbelievable that he’s married. Hell, it’s unbelievable that I’m married. Let alone that we are married to each other.
I put way too much thought into things. Sometimes I wish my mind would shut off and then I realize thinking that requires thinking as well.
“Here, eat some.” He said a few seconds later. “I don’t wanna eat it all and get…” he trailed off and grinned. “Just eat some.”
I took a spoonful of his chocolate ice cream and licked the spoon clean. I then grinned. “Ice cream is definitely comfort food.”
He nodded and laid down, tugging his tie off and grunting.
“You look very nice today, Aiden.” I said, taking in my husband’s—my husband’s appearance.
“You do too.” He smiled and sat up. “You know…” he sighed and bit his lip. “I’m really glad we’re doing this… getting married, you know? I just… I know that lately things have been off for us…” he squeezed my hand.
“They have been.” I nodded. “But remember, on our walk at the lake? We said we would get married and never divorce like our parents. Well I don’t lie, Aiden… and neither do you.”
He smiled at me once again, then leaned over and gently pressed his lips to mine. After pulling away he stroked my cheek with his cold fingers. “I love you so much, Eric… I really do love you.”
“I love you too but… I’m kind of sick of all this mushy talking. Can we just kiss now?”
Aiden laughed, put the ice cream on the nightstand, and gently laid me down pressing his lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around him, kissing him back passionately.
It was odd, kissing him like this and knowing we are married.
On one hand, it’s thrilling. It makes me excited—in more ways than one. On the other hand there’s this voice in the back of my head saying, ‘Kissing leads to fondling, fondling leads to foreplay, foreplay leads to sex.’
Like I said: I think way too much about things.
I ran my hands up and down Aiden’s back and he arched, moaning quietly. His lips made their way down my neck and he pushed my jacket off of me.
“A-Aiden… Aiden, I…” I pushed him off weakly and sat up, shaking. “I can’t right now I… I just…”
He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me onto his lap and placing my head on his chest. I took in his scent and closed my eyes, listening to his heartbeat.
“I’m sorry…” I kissed his neck, trying to make up for pushing him away and having a mini freak out. “I’m sorry.”
“Hey, we talked about this. When you are uncomfortable, we stop. We stop until you’re ready. If that is in a few minutes, hours, or days then that is fine.” He said in an understanding voice. “I don’t need to have sex with you tonight to make it a… a real wedding night or something. All I need is you here with me…”
“Aiden…” I whimpered, pressing my lips to his. I felt tears in my eyes again. “I love you so much, Aiden…”
He laughed quietly. “I love you too, baby.”
I nuzzled him and took a deep breath. “Okay… okay, I’m good.”
“Yeah?” he asked, smirking in this sexy way I’d never seen before.
“Yeah.” I grinned back.
He began unbuttoning my shirt, kissing down my jaw.
I ran my fingers through his dark hair, sighing contently. Then I began unbuttoning his shirt too, running my hands over his smooth skin. This boy was everything to me and… I was filled with this fear and this lust. At the same time.
He pushed my shirt off of my shoulders and I began to feel self conscious. I looked down and noticed every bit of pudge on me. Every freckle that was shaped weird, every flaw on my body which suddenly seemed to disgusting for anyone to look at.
I must’ve looked odd because Aiden quit kissing me and asked me what was wrong quietly.
“I… It’s nothing…”
“Eric, this will be easier if you talk about it…”
“It’s not that.” I shook my head quickly and blushed. “I just feel… kinda fat and ugly.”
He kissed me on the lips, and then kissed down my jaw and neck. I titled my head wondering how this could feel so good? More so than usual, I mean… we made out all of the time. It was all we did when we first started going out… so how was it so much better?
I pushed his shirt off slowly, looking down at him. He was like… some hunk. That was the only way to describe it really. He was beautiful. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t gained back all of his weight yet. He was absolutely gorgeous. He had pale skin; he had perfect random freckles, his body was almost perfectly sculpted because he had played a lot of football a while back. He sometimes even liked to play with Asher now, who was on the football team.
I trailed my hand slowly up his bare chest and then down his stomach, resting on his waste line. I bit my lip again—I seemed to be doing that a lot tonight, it was a new nervous habit— and looked at Aiden in the eyes.
He put his hands over mine and moved mine away, unbuttoning his pants and pulling them off. I was grateful because my hands were now shaking too much to do it.
I looked down at Aiden, clad in only his boxers. Soon it would be my turn to be only in my boxers and that terrified me. I looked at him again, my eyes wide.
Luke touching me.
Luke hitting me.
Luke raping me.
I felt tears in my eyes, threatening to fall.
“Oh no, Eric… shh, don’t cry. Come here.” Aiden quickly pulled his shirt on and wrapped his arms around me. “Are we going too fast?”
I nodded, beginning to cry. “I’m just so scared about this and I don’t know why… I love you and I trust you, so I don’t know why I can’t just do it.”
“Having sex for the first time is hard… having sex for the first time after being raped as a child is a whole other story, Eric… this is going to take time.”
“C-Can’t you just do it and get it over with?”
“Our first time is not going to be with you crying and wanting to get it over with, Eric!”
I nodded and took several deep breaths.
“You are… Eric… I don’t know how to say this and… say it right.” He took a deep breath. “You’re the most important thing to me in the world and I want you to know that first. I just… I want to protect you from everything and I can’t stand to see you so torn up… why don’t we go to bed and—.”
“No!” I exclaimed. “NO! It’s our wedding night!”
“I know it is, sweetie. But you’re well-being—.”
“My well-being is fine… Aiden, please. Just kiss me again like you were. I want to do this.” I felt myself shaking. I had to do this tonight, I had to. I had to face this. “Kiss me and I’m going to take your shirt off now.”
Aiden looked unsure, but helped me take his shirt off again before pressing his lips to mine. He was giving me gentle loving kisses and hesitantly running his fingers up and down my back.
I pulled away and began, with shaking hands, unbuttoning my pants. Aiden helped me and soon I was in only my boxers as well.
I took a deep breath before lying down on the bed. Aiden lay on top of me, kissing down my neck. I wrapped my arms around him, running my fingernails gently up and down his back.
Aiden began gently sucking on my neck and I closed my eyes, my hands resting on his lower back. I felt myself relaxing as he stroked my sides and kissed on my neck.
He then began planting little sucky kisses down my stomach, causing me to giggle. He looked up at me, smiling.
“I love you, Eric.”
“I love you too, Aiden.” I giggled.
Aiden’s POV
I smiled at Eric, wondering how it was he was so damn adorable. I watched him as I kissed farther down his stomach, then stopping when I reached the waistband of his boxers.
He looked down at me and bit his lip, blushing slightly. I pressed my lips to his belly button, smirking and running my hand back up his chest.
“I love you.” I said, lying on top of him.
“I love you too… again.”
“You’re going to hear that a lot for the next few days.” I took in his appearance as he lay there, only in his boxers. He no longer look nervous, but calm and relaxed.
I felt pretty nervous myself. I really didn’t want to hurt Eric and I had never had sex with a virgin… I always had sex with people who were older than me, more experienced. There was a time when I didn’t care who I was sleeping with. I would get high and fuck the first person to greet me. I regretted that now.
I wish Eric and I could be losing our virginity together. But thanks to my stupidity and Eric’s father being a dumb ass, we can’t.
“How much am I gonna hear it?” Eric asked, giving me this adorable look. I had to face it; Eric was definitely the adorable one in our relationship.
I stroked his cheek. “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…” I began.
He giggled, pressing his lips to mine.
“I love you, I love you, I love you…” I gasped and kissed him back. “I love you a lot, I love you a lot.”
He pressed his nose against mine, biting his lip shyly. “I love you too.”
“I know.” I smiled and ran my hand up and down his stomach again several times. He smiled contently, tilting his face into my hand that was still stroking his cheek.
I got off of him and grabbed a camera, quickly taking a picture of him.
His eyes opened at the flash and he smiled. “What?”
I showed him the picture. “See how beautiful you are? Not only to me, Eric… you’re gorgeous.”
He reached his hand up and took the camera from me, turning it on me. I grinned at the camera and he took a picture, giggling quietly. I loved seeing him laugh because it meant he wasn’t so nervous anymore. I had calmed him down and he was having a good time, like he should be on our wedding night.
“Yours is better.” Eric laughed as I darted forward to look.
“No it isn’t. I look like a complete moron.” I laughed as well.
“But you’re my complete moron.” Eric smiled at me once again.
I took the camera from him, laid my head by him, and held out the camera taking a picture of us. When I turned the camera around I smiled, touching the small screen.
“We’re so cute.” I said, almost squealing.
“We are, aren’t we?” Eric kissed my cheek, lacing his hand with mine.
The phone began to ring and I jumped, looking around madly for it. It was on the floor so I grunted and answered it. “Hello?”
“Aiden, kid! Frank or Gerard there?” Brian asked.
“No.”
“Well what are you doing?”
“Trying to spend time with Eric.” I said pointedly.
“Where are your dads?”
“Dunno.”
“Okay, well then… moody teenager stage, huh? I’ll see you later, kid.”
“Kay. Night.” I hung up, shaking my head. “Brian. Have you met him yet?” I asked Eric, sitting up straight.
“No.” he reached out his hands and I took them, and then got into his arms. We snuggled together for a while, just lying there. Nothing sexual, just a few kisses.
The few kisses eventually, however, turned into making out.
I didn’t know what to do… did I just make out or try to take it farther and possibly ruin it?
Eric’s hands went up to my hair and I slid mine down his sides, causing him to moan slightly and arch.
His tongue massaged mine as I slid my hand up his thigh, causing him to shiver beside me.
He pulled away from our kiss and whispered shakily, “I don’t know i-if I can… I’m getting nervous again…”
“Hey, don’t worry.” I pressed my nose against his. “I’m not going to let anything happen that you don’t want to happen.” I kissed down his neck.
I felt his hand on the back of my head, stroking my hair. I kissed down his shoulder and gave him a small hickey, wondering where the word hickey even came from.
Eric tastes really nice, by the way. Some people don’t taste good, but Eric is definitely not one of them.
I voiced this and succeeded in making him laugh quietly again. He put his hands on either side of my face and guided it towards his. Out lips collided in a passionate kiss and I climbed on top of him, running my hands up and down his chest. One of his hands began stroking my sides and I closed my eyes, this time shivering myself.
Eric hesitated—probably shocked at my reaction—before he began stroking my side again. I opened my eyes and willed my hands to move because I wanted to just fall over then and there because his hands felt so good on me.
I ran my hand down his stomach, stopping again at the waistband of his boxers. I could tell he was ‘excited’ already and it made me ‘excited’ too. “Can I?” I whispered in his ear.
He nodded and gasped as I slid my hand into his boxers. I wasn’t sure if he hadn’t understood what I had been asking and was shocked or if he was shocked at the sudden hand going down his boxers, but it didn’t matter. I took him in my hand and slowly began stroking him.
A look of pure pleasure filled his face. He titled his head back, letting out a small moan and he hardened in my hand. I began getting harder too, just at the thought of Eric horny. I looked at his head tilted back and took in his appearance. His blonde bangs were plastered to his face from where he was beginning to sweat, but the rest of his hair hung down. His mouth was in the shape of an “O” and his beautiful gray eyes were closed.
Just seeing him like that was enough to send all of the blood in my body rushing to my penis.
I began to quicken my pace, but then remembered that I didn’t want to make him come. If he had an orgasm he might fall asleep and we wouldn’t be able to have sex on our wedding night… I knew it meant a lot to him, loosing his mental virginity tonight.
I pulled my hand from his boxers and led Eric’s hand down and into mine. Eric’s eyes met mine and he looked unsure of himself or what to do. His eyes widened when he seemed to realize exactly what was going on and he bit his lip, something he’d been doing a lot tonight.
“I… how…” he said quietly. He then shook his head. “Am I… how…?”
“There’s no right or wrong way.” I told him quietly and I felt his soft hand wrap around me. I closed my eyes, moaning slightly. Feeling his hands on me was driving me mad. I hadn’t been touched like this in forever and I was beginning to wonder why I hadn’t missed it.
Eric touching me though was different.
With anyone else, the first time had been weird.
Eric though… it’s not weird, him touching my penis. It had never been weird kissing him, making out… it just felt natural because we were meant to be.
“Am I doing… it right?” Eric asked quietly.
“Y-yes.” I moaned out. “You’re doing fiiine.”
He continued to stroke me until I knew if he didn’t quit, I would come. I began kissing down his neck, distracting him. His hands left my boxers and ran up my chest, seemingly exploring my body.
I was still breathing hard as I sat up. “Are we… uh… do you wanna see…” I said awkwardly.
Eric nodded, sliding his hands down to the waistband of my boxers. I gave a small nod and he slid them down my legs, exposing me in all of my naked glory. His eyes widened in shock, making me feel self conscious.
“Y-you… are… wow.” Eric said, cocking his head to a side.
“Its not deformed! Don’t stare like that!” I whined
He giggled quietly. “It’s not bad a-at all. I’m just kinda wondering h-how that fits in m-me.”
“If you want, baby… I can be on the bottom.” I said quietly. “I know this is hard and I… I just want it to be easy for you. I don’t mind being on the bottom.”
“B-but… that’s… its not right, Aiden… and I don’t even know w-what I’m doing back there. At least you have some clue.” he said nervously. “I… no, I don’t wanna… no.”
“Are you sure?” I stroked his cheek.
“Y-yeah… I’m sure.” he nodded slowly. “I guess I, uh… should… off…” He then glanced down, blushing.
I smiled, following his gaze.
He shyly pulled off his boxers and then bit his lip, looking at me expectantly.
I tackled him playfully, straddling him and kissing him passionately. He returned my kiss hungrily, running his fingers once again through my hair.
After a few minutes of kissing, making both of our erections worse (at least mine, I’m assuming his was too), Eric pulled away from our kiss and panted, “I… I’m… ready, Aiden…”
“Are you sure?” I asked quietly.
“Yes… yeah, I’m ready now.” He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and after a few seconds opened them and nodded. “I’m ready.”
I grabbed the small bottle of lube that was on the drawer by the bed and smiled at him. “We aren’t going to have sex yet, don’t worry. I just didn’t want to have to get up and get it later.”
“No, I… I really think I’m ready.” He said.
“Y… you’re sure?” I asked, unsure of this. I didn’t want Eric to feel pressured at all; I just wanted to take our time. We had all night, it didn’t matter.
“Yeah, I feel better about it I think…” he nodded.
“If you’re really sure… if not, I won’t be mad.”
“No, I’m sure… let’s do this.” He laid flat on the bed and took another deep breath. I could already see him beginning to get nervous because now his smile was faltering and his hands had began to shake.
I pressed my lips to his forehead. “I love you.”
“I love you.” He nodded.
I squirted some lube onto my hands and got between his legs. “Are you ready?”
“Yeah.” He nodded, biting his lip and closing his eyes.
I made sure my index finger and middle finger had lube on it before looking at Eric, square in the eye. “You are going to have to relax or t his is going to really hurt.”
He had opened his eyes and he nodded, taking in several deep breaths.
“Are you sure about this, hon?”
“I’m sure…. I’m sure, I’m ready…” he said, obviously trying his hardest to relax.
I massaged his side gently and felt him relaxing under my touch. I smiled to myself as his eyes closed and his mouth slightly opened.
Eric’s POV
I closed my eyes, feeling relaxed. Aiden’s hand continued to stroke my bare side and I laid still, reveling in the feeling of his hands on me.
“Okay I’m going to now.” Aiden said, breaking me from my thoughts. “Are you ready?”
I nodded, grabbing onto the sheet below me. My face contorted in pain when I felt one of Aiden’s wet fingers sliding into me. My eyes widened in shock and I gasped at the sudden feeling.
Tears filled my eyes, though it wasn’t that painful. It was just the shock of everything… what he was preparing me for, what he was doing… his finger was inside me, preparing me for… for sex.
“Are you okay?” Aiden asked.
“Yes.” I whimpered. “I… It’s just… it feels awkward.”
“It doesn’t hurt too badly?”
“No, it doesn’t.” I shook my head, willing my tears away. I took a deep breath, wincing.
“I need to slide another finger in, alright? So it doesn’t hurt you so bad when we make love.”
I felt myself smiling. ‘Make love.’ That sounded so much better than ‘have sex.’
Sex is what I had with Luke, making love is what I’m getting ready to do with Aiden.
What I am doing with Aiden.
That was the major difference here. Aiden loved me. He was worried about me and it was obvious he was trying to take this as slow as possible, so I was completely ready.
A second finger slid into me and I felt his fingers stretching and closing… scissoring me. Ouch.
I winced again. “This isn’t s-so bad… I guess.” I gasped out, managing a weak smile.
He was focusing on what he was doing, trying to make it hurt as least as possible. “This is the easy part…” he said, his eyes looking up and meeting mine. “It’s not so bad, no… none of it is, really, after its over.”
That didn’t make me feel a whole lot better but I nodded.
“Ouch.” I suddenly whimpered, raising my hips so it would hurt less. It didn’t work and I whimpered again.
“Shh, don’t move.” Aiden whispered, sliding his fingers out of me. He began sliding them in and out slowly, causing me to moan out. This definitely felt better than him scissoring me, I decided arching slightly as he hit a spot in me.
“Fuck…” I moaned in shock.
He leaned up, fingers still in me, and kissed me passionately. I kissed back, breathing hard. I couldn’t believe someone fingering me could feel this… this good. This felt…
Like nothing I’d ever felt before, that was for sure.
“A-Aiden… oh fuck…” I said, sweat matting my forehead.
With Aiden’s spare hand he reached between us and took my penis in his hands. I titled my head back and moaned out as he began to stroke me again.
I felt his thumb slide down my shaft and begin to play with my head. I bit my lip hard, arching and my hips bucked.
“B-babe…” I panted, pulling away slightly. I smiled at him almost shyly, running my hand down his body. He moaned out quietly, pulling his fingers out of my entrance and pushing them back in again slowly. It was one of the best feelings in the world and I felt myself getting harder. It was painful now, I knew for a fact I’d never been this hard. It was uncomfortable, I didn’t like it.
My breathing got heavier and I was covered in sweat. I closed my eyes, feeling a twitch in my lower stomach.
“Aiden, I feel… I… Oh my god.” I groaned out as I came into Aiden’s hand loudly. I then collapsed against the bed and he pulled his fingers out of me, looking at me. “Wh… wh…” I panted, my eyes wide.
“Are you okay?” Aiden asked, also breathing hard. I knew he still had his little problem.
“I just… yeah…” I shook my head, swallowing. I felt like I wanted to cry, but whether from relief or nerves I didn’t know. I was weird tonight, that was odd… it had reminded me of the rape and I didn’t know if I’d come then or what, but right after I had come I felt as if I’d been raped… I felt like I’d felt, lying there and shaking.
“What?” he asked, sitting by me and rubbing my back.
“I thought about Luke.” I whispered, wiping one tear that fell from my eye. I swallowed again and looked at him. “I don’t want to think about him when you do… that. I want to think about you and how good it feels… and it did feel good and I was fine… but then I came—I think I came— and… I remembered after it happened…” I looked down, ashamed. I almost felt like I had cheated on Aiden or something, just by thinking of Luke.
“Honey, eventually you’ll be able to have sex and… and hand jobs and anything without thinking about Luke. Just how you were scared to make out because of Luke and we got past that, didn’t we? We make out all of the time now.”
I forced a small smile and looked up. “I want tonight to be special and I’m so… I’m so inexperienced. I keep stopping you and crying… I’m too shy to do hardly anything to you and… I feel like you deserve someone better.”
“First, Eric… the fact that you don’t know what to do makes it more special. Because that means that you waited and whether because you were scared or what… it means that I get to share this with you. And that is special to me… not how good you are or how… I don’t know… this is everything I thought it would be.” Aiden kissed my cheek, right by my lips.
I turned my head up, catching his lips with mine. “I love you. I really do, Aiden.”
“I know. I love you too.” He whispered, kissing me back.
I pulled him down so he was lying by me and not leaning over me. Then I kissed him passionately, running my hands down his body. I know it sounds clichéd, but in that moment I wanted to memorize every dip, every curve.
This was one of the moments, I realized, that living was for. Making love to the person you knew was meant for you. No fooling around with Aiden, this was the real deal. And what if it wasn’t? What if we only lasted a while, got a divorce?
I knew it would never happen but even if it were to… I know this is love now and that’s what matters. Only Aiden can make me feel like this. He showed me that I was worth something since the first day I ever met him. He makes me smile when I feel bad, he’s my entire family. He loves me enough to be my entire family. Though I’m older, it most certainly seems like Aiden is, how he takes care of me.
And God, he’s gorgeous. I ran my hands down all of his muscles, his sculpted torso, and down to his penis. I smiled, noticing he still had a little problem. Which didn’t happen to be little at all, if you catch my drift.
I took him in my hands, wanting to ‘finish the deed’, as rude and unromantic as that may sound. I wanted to make him come like he’d made me come. I wanted to make him feel that good. And at least he wouldn’t cry afterwards.
Then I looked at him and smiled cheekily, running my fingers up and down the inside of his arm. “I really like your elbow, Aiden.”
“Thanks. Your knee is pretty cool too.” He laughed, pulling me up to lay with him.
I lay next to him, curled into his side with him rubbing my back.
“Aiden… are you ready?”
“If you’re sure you are.” He answered, kissing my cheek after leaning over me.
I rolled to face him and nodded. “I am… I’m ready.”
“Okay.” He climbed on top of me, kissing me passionately. I arched into him, wanting to feel his body on mine. It was the safest feeling in the world. “If you need to stop, tell me.” He panted, pulling away from our kiss.
“I-I’m okay.” I nodded.
He reached over, grabbing the bottle of lubricant. I watched him coat himself with it, a nervous feeling in my stomach.
I reminded myself that soon it would be over and I would wonder why I’d been so worried. That helped a little bit and I was able to take a deep breath and smile.
There was a moment of silence before Aiden kissed me gently and then positioned himself between my legs. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and waiting… I knew it was coming and I was scared, petrified…
Suddenly I felt Aiden pushing into me. I gasped, wincing slightly. I felt Aiden kissing my face and neck and heard him telling me he loved me. My hand found his and I squeezed it, closing my eyes.
Aiden withdrew from me only to thrust in again. He was being slow and gentle and I was surprised to find out that it wasn’t even that painful. I didn’t know if it was because I was sort of relaxed or if it was because Aiden had prepared me earlier, but it didn’t hurt. It felt awkward, but I didn’t want to cry in pain like I thought.
“Are you okay?” Aiden asked.
I opened my eyes and looked into his blue ones nodding. “Yeah.” I wrapped my arms around him, running my fingers down his back.
He continued gently pushing into me and pulling out. Each time he went in a little further, until finally I felt the pain.
I cringed and let out a whimper, my nails unintentionally digging into Aiden’s back.
“I’m sorry.” He gasped. “Do you want me to stop?”
“No.” I gasped out, shaking my head. “No, I’m okay.”
He nodded, thrust in again. I winced once again, but this time tried to hide it from Aiden.
Here’s the pain they told me about. Here’s why I was scared.
I just had to wait it out, like Aiden said. I would wait and soon I would the best pleasure ever… soon enough…
“Oh my G-God.” I felt myself shudder as Aiden hit a spot in me, sending a pleasant shock through out my body. I felt my muscles tightening around Aiden and he moaned loudly. I decided that was the most beautiful noise I had ever heard. “Aiden, I love you.”
“I love you too.” He panted. His dark hair was matted to his forehead with sweat, his mouth slightly open.
He began to thrust faster and quicker, sliding a hand between us and beginning to stroke my penis which had already hardened. He stroked me quickly, in time with his thrusts.
I moaned out. This was the good side to sex. So this is what I’d been missing.
I felt my breathing become progressively harder. It came out in sharp gasps and I felt the blood in my body racing. This was by far the best I’d ever felt. This didn’t compare to Luke raping me, this was… this was love.
Suddenly I felt that feeling in my stomach again. I knew I was having my second orgasm… two in one night… this marriage stuff really is amazing. Aiden and I should have got married when we first met, damnit.
“Aiden, I’m going to… I think I’m…” I gasped out before coming into his hand.
He thrust into me two more times before he came inside of me as well. I felt him pulling himself gently out of me and we collapsed in a sweaty heap on the bed. I snuggled into him and he wrapped his arms around me, burying his head in the crook of my neck.
“Wow…” I whispered in shock, still shaking.
Part of me wanted to cry in relief, but I was too tired. So I lay there with Aiden, who was breathing hard as well. After a few minutes he sat up and I did too, wincing slightly.
“W-We just had sex.” He said slowly.
I nodded shyly, looking down at my thighs and feeling self conscious again. “I-I’m sorry I’m not… good…”
“What do you mean, you weren’t good?” he laughed. “You were just fine, baby. It’s not only your first time but with your past… baby, I didn’t know if we were even going to be able to do it tonight but you did. And I’m really proud of you.”
I smiled shyly. “Thanks… y-you’re really… I mean, that was… that was nice.”
“It was beautiful.” He nodded in agreement.
“Aaah I had sex.” I squealed, throwing my hands into the air.
Aiden raised a shock eyebrow, then laughed and pulled me into his arms. “I love you so much, Eric. This is going to be the best thing that ever happened to us.”
“No. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. The marriage just means you’re stuck here forever.” I smirked.
Aiden laughed quietly, rubbing my back gently.
“I’m glad we got married.” I said, feeling my eyes start to droop. “I was scared, Aiden… but I know I did the right thing. I trust you.”
“I’m glad we got married too.” Aiden whispered, and I felt him kiss the back of my neck. “We’re going to have a long and happy life filled with sex and food… because that’s all we really need. And each other.”
I nodded, and felt myself drifting to sleep with his lips on my cheek and hearing him whisper that he loved me.
We made our way into the house and I squeezed Aiden’s hand, feeling slightly nervous. As much as I loved him, this was awkward for me. Knowing that soon we would be having sex—making love— it scared me. It really scared me and I felt as if I could have an anxiety attack over it.
“Are you hungry or anything? I mean, we can go out or…” Aiden began.
“I’m not hungry.” I said quietly, chewing on my lip. I wrapped my arms around him from behind in a hug, burying my head in his back. He turned around and slid his arms around me.
“Are you alright, hon?” he whispered, kissing the top of my head.
“Yeah.” I looked up at him and smiled. “I mean, I’m great… we’re married. It’s just… it’s like an emotional roller coaster and I’m still shaken up from crying. But yes, Aiden… I’m alright.”
Aiden smiled at me. “Okay.” He rubbed my back comfortingly and I felt myself relaxing and almost melting into his arms.
“I’m going to get us some ice cream, okay? Well, I’ll get me some and if you want some you can.”
“Alright.” I let go of him and followed him into the kitchen. While he put some chocolate ice cream into a bowl I climbed onto the counter and sat, kicking my legs out and watching him.
I couldn’t describe what I was feeling. I was scared… scared about tonight. But I was so happy and so in love. I was married to Aiden. He was mine. He is the most amazing human being on Earth and he… he chose me to be with forever. Until death do us apart.
I trust him, I do. I’m just scared.
In my head, I know that he would never hurt me. Everything would be fine and I would be like ‘Why was I so scared?’ but... it’s scary. I was raped… and here I was contemplating sex.
Yes, but to the man I married. The wonderful man who is looking at me curiously, asking me if I’m sure I’m alright.
“Yeah.” I hopped down and we headed up to the bedroom.
The bedroom, where sex happens.
Oh God. Oh God, oh God, oh God.
I followed Aiden farther into the room and he plopped on the bed, sitting Indian style and placing the bowl between his legs. He dug the spoon into the ice cream, and then shoved an entire rather large spoonful of chocolate into his mouth.
“Fuck, brainfreeze.” Her moaned a few seconds later.
I couldn’t help but laugh at him. Sometimes he really acted like a little kid. You would think it would be annoying, most especially at a time like this when I was stressed out. I thought it was adorable though and it made me calmer. It made Aiden appear less likely to hurt me. This was Aiden, who acted like he had the mentality of a five year old at times. It’s unbelievable that he’s married. Hell, it’s unbelievable that I’m married. Let alone that we are married to each other.
I put way too much thought into things. Sometimes I wish my mind would shut off and then I realize thinking that requires thinking as well.
“Here, eat some.” He said a few seconds later. “I don’t wanna eat it all and get…” he trailed off and grinned. “Just eat some.”
I took a spoonful of his chocolate ice cream and licked the spoon clean. I then grinned. “Ice cream is definitely comfort food.”
He nodded and laid down, tugging his tie off and grunting.
“You look very nice today, Aiden.” I said, taking in my husband’s—my husband’s appearance.
“You do too.” He smiled and sat up. “You know…” he sighed and bit his lip. “I’m really glad we’re doing this… getting married, you know? I just… I know that lately things have been off for us…” he squeezed my hand.
“They have been.” I nodded. “But remember, on our walk at the lake? We said we would get married and never divorce like our parents. Well I don’t lie, Aiden… and neither do you.”
He smiled at me once again, then leaned over and gently pressed his lips to mine. After pulling away he stroked my cheek with his cold fingers. “I love you so much, Eric… I really do love you.”
“I love you too but… I’m kind of sick of all this mushy talking. Can we just kiss now?”
Aiden laughed, put the ice cream on the nightstand, and gently laid me down pressing his lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around him, kissing him back passionately.
It was odd, kissing him like this and knowing we are married.
On one hand, it’s thrilling. It makes me excited—in more ways than one. On the other hand there’s this voice in the back of my head saying, ‘Kissing leads to fondling, fondling leads to foreplay, foreplay leads to sex.’
Like I said: I think way too much about things.
I ran my hands up and down Aiden’s back and he arched, moaning quietly. His lips made their way down my neck and he pushed my jacket off of me.
“A-Aiden… Aiden, I…” I pushed him off weakly and sat up, shaking. “I can’t right now I… I just…”
He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me onto his lap and placing my head on his chest. I took in his scent and closed my eyes, listening to his heartbeat.
“I’m sorry…” I kissed his neck, trying to make up for pushing him away and having a mini freak out. “I’m sorry.”
“Hey, we talked about this. When you are uncomfortable, we stop. We stop until you’re ready. If that is in a few minutes, hours, or days then that is fine.” He said in an understanding voice. “I don’t need to have sex with you tonight to make it a… a real wedding night or something. All I need is you here with me…”
“Aiden…” I whimpered, pressing my lips to his. I felt tears in my eyes again. “I love you so much, Aiden…”
He laughed quietly. “I love you too, baby.”
I nuzzled him and took a deep breath. “Okay… okay, I’m good.”
“Yeah?” he asked, smirking in this sexy way I’d never seen before.
“Yeah.” I grinned back.
He began unbuttoning my shirt, kissing down my jaw.
I ran my fingers through his dark hair, sighing contently. Then I began unbuttoning his shirt too, running my hands over his smooth skin. This boy was everything to me and… I was filled with this fear and this lust. At the same time.
He pushed my shirt off of my shoulders and I began to feel self conscious. I looked down and noticed every bit of pudge on me. Every freckle that was shaped weird, every flaw on my body which suddenly seemed to disgusting for anyone to look at.
I must’ve looked odd because Aiden quit kissing me and asked me what was wrong quietly.
“I… It’s nothing…”
“Eric, this will be easier if you talk about it…”
“It’s not that.” I shook my head quickly and blushed. “I just feel… kinda fat and ugly.”
He kissed me on the lips, and then kissed down my jaw and neck. I titled my head wondering how this could feel so good? More so than usual, I mean… we made out all of the time. It was all we did when we first started going out… so how was it so much better?
I pushed his shirt off slowly, looking down at him. He was like… some hunk. That was the only way to describe it really. He was beautiful. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t gained back all of his weight yet. He was absolutely gorgeous. He had pale skin; he had perfect random freckles, his body was almost perfectly sculpted because he had played a lot of football a while back. He sometimes even liked to play with Asher now, who was on the football team.
I trailed my hand slowly up his bare chest and then down his stomach, resting on his waste line. I bit my lip again—I seemed to be doing that a lot tonight, it was a new nervous habit— and looked at Aiden in the eyes.
He put his hands over mine and moved mine away, unbuttoning his pants and pulling them off. I was grateful because my hands were now shaking too much to do it.
I looked down at Aiden, clad in only his boxers. Soon it would be my turn to be only in my boxers and that terrified me. I looked at him again, my eyes wide.
Luke touching me.
Luke hitting me.
Luke raping me.
I felt tears in my eyes, threatening to fall.
“Oh no, Eric… shh, don’t cry. Come here.” Aiden quickly pulled his shirt on and wrapped his arms around me. “Are we going too fast?”
I nodded, beginning to cry. “I’m just so scared about this and I don’t know why… I love you and I trust you, so I don’t know why I can’t just do it.”
“Having sex for the first time is hard… having sex for the first time after being raped as a child is a whole other story, Eric… this is going to take time.”
“C-Can’t you just do it and get it over with?”
“Our first time is not going to be with you crying and wanting to get it over with, Eric!”
I nodded and took several deep breaths.
“You are… Eric… I don’t know how to say this and… say it right.” He took a deep breath. “You’re the most important thing to me in the world and I want you to know that first. I just… I want to protect you from everything and I can’t stand to see you so torn up… why don’t we go to bed and—.”
“No!” I exclaimed. “NO! It’s our wedding night!”
“I know it is, sweetie. But you’re well-being—.”
“My well-being is fine… Aiden, please. Just kiss me again like you were. I want to do this.” I felt myself shaking. I had to do this tonight, I had to. I had to face this. “Kiss me and I’m going to take your shirt off now.”
Aiden looked unsure, but helped me take his shirt off again before pressing his lips to mine. He was giving me gentle loving kisses and hesitantly running his fingers up and down my back.
I pulled away and began, with shaking hands, unbuttoning my pants. Aiden helped me and soon I was in only my boxers as well.
I took a deep breath before lying down on the bed. Aiden lay on top of me, kissing down my neck. I wrapped my arms around him, running my fingernails gently up and down his back.
Aiden began gently sucking on my neck and I closed my eyes, my hands resting on his lower back. I felt myself relaxing as he stroked my sides and kissed on my neck.
He then began planting little sucky kisses down my stomach, causing me to giggle. He looked up at me, smiling.
“I love you, Eric.”
“I love you too, Aiden.” I giggled.
Aiden’s POV
I smiled at Eric, wondering how it was he was so damn adorable. I watched him as I kissed farther down his stomach, then stopping when I reached the waistband of his boxers.
He looked down at me and bit his lip, blushing slightly. I pressed my lips to his belly button, smirking and running my hand back up his chest.
“I love you.” I said, lying on top of him.
“I love you too… again.”
“You’re going to hear that a lot for the next few days.” I took in his appearance as he lay there, only in his boxers. He no longer look nervous, but calm and relaxed.
I felt pretty nervous myself. I really didn’t want to hurt Eric and I had never had sex with a virgin… I always had sex with people who were older than me, more experienced. There was a time when I didn’t care who I was sleeping with. I would get high and fuck the first person to greet me. I regretted that now.
I wish Eric and I could be losing our virginity together. But thanks to my stupidity and Eric’s father being a dumb ass, we can’t.
“How much am I gonna hear it?” Eric asked, giving me this adorable look. I had to face it; Eric was definitely the adorable one in our relationship.
I stroked his cheek. “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…” I began.
He giggled, pressing his lips to mine.
“I love you, I love you, I love you…” I gasped and kissed him back. “I love you a lot, I love you a lot.”
He pressed his nose against mine, biting his lip shyly. “I love you too.”
“I know.” I smiled and ran my hand up and down his stomach again several times. He smiled contently, tilting his face into my hand that was still stroking his cheek.
I got off of him and grabbed a camera, quickly taking a picture of him.
His eyes opened at the flash and he smiled. “What?”
I showed him the picture. “See how beautiful you are? Not only to me, Eric… you’re gorgeous.”
He reached his hand up and took the camera from me, turning it on me. I grinned at the camera and he took a picture, giggling quietly. I loved seeing him laugh because it meant he wasn’t so nervous anymore. I had calmed him down and he was having a good time, like he should be on our wedding night.
“Yours is better.” Eric laughed as I darted forward to look.
“No it isn’t. I look like a complete moron.” I laughed as well.
“But you’re my complete moron.” Eric smiled at me once again.
I took the camera from him, laid my head by him, and held out the camera taking a picture of us. When I turned the camera around I smiled, touching the small screen.
“We’re so cute.” I said, almost squealing.
“We are, aren’t we?” Eric kissed my cheek, lacing his hand with mine.
The phone began to ring and I jumped, looking around madly for it. It was on the floor so I grunted and answered it. “Hello?”
“Aiden, kid! Frank or Gerard there?” Brian asked.
“No.”
“Well what are you doing?”
“Trying to spend time with Eric.” I said pointedly.
“Where are your dads?”
“Dunno.”
“Okay, well then… moody teenager stage, huh? I’ll see you later, kid.”
“Kay. Night.” I hung up, shaking my head. “Brian. Have you met him yet?” I asked Eric, sitting up straight.
“No.” he reached out his hands and I took them, and then got into his arms. We snuggled together for a while, just lying there. Nothing sexual, just a few kisses.
The few kisses eventually, however, turned into making out.
I didn’t know what to do… did I just make out or try to take it farther and possibly ruin it?
Eric’s hands went up to my hair and I slid mine down his sides, causing him to moan slightly and arch.
His tongue massaged mine as I slid my hand up his thigh, causing him to shiver beside me.
He pulled away from our kiss and whispered shakily, “I don’t know i-if I can… I’m getting nervous again…”
“Hey, don’t worry.” I pressed my nose against his. “I’m not going to let anything happen that you don’t want to happen.” I kissed down his neck.
I felt his hand on the back of my head, stroking my hair. I kissed down his shoulder and gave him a small hickey, wondering where the word hickey even came from.
Eric tastes really nice, by the way. Some people don’t taste good, but Eric is definitely not one of them.
I voiced this and succeeded in making him laugh quietly again. He put his hands on either side of my face and guided it towards his. Out lips collided in a passionate kiss and I climbed on top of him, running my hands up and down his chest. One of his hands began stroking my sides and I closed my eyes, this time shivering myself.
Eric hesitated—probably shocked at my reaction—before he began stroking my side again. I opened my eyes and willed my hands to move because I wanted to just fall over then and there because his hands felt so good on me.
I ran my hand down his stomach, stopping again at the waistband of his boxers. I could tell he was ‘excited’ already and it made me ‘excited’ too. “Can I?” I whispered in his ear.
He nodded and gasped as I slid my hand into his boxers. I wasn’t sure if he hadn’t understood what I had been asking and was shocked or if he was shocked at the sudden hand going down his boxers, but it didn’t matter. I took him in my hand and slowly began stroking him.
A look of pure pleasure filled his face. He titled his head back, letting out a small moan and he hardened in my hand. I began getting harder too, just at the thought of Eric horny. I looked at his head tilted back and took in his appearance. His blonde bangs were plastered to his face from where he was beginning to sweat, but the rest of his hair hung down. His mouth was in the shape of an “O” and his beautiful gray eyes were closed.
Just seeing him like that was enough to send all of the blood in my body rushing to my penis.
I began to quicken my pace, but then remembered that I didn’t want to make him come. If he had an orgasm he might fall asleep and we wouldn’t be able to have sex on our wedding night… I knew it meant a lot to him, loosing his mental virginity tonight.
I pulled my hand from his boxers and led Eric’s hand down and into mine. Eric’s eyes met mine and he looked unsure of himself or what to do. His eyes widened when he seemed to realize exactly what was going on and he bit his lip, something he’d been doing a lot tonight.
“I… how…” he said quietly. He then shook his head. “Am I… how…?”
“There’s no right or wrong way.” I told him quietly and I felt his soft hand wrap around me. I closed my eyes, moaning slightly. Feeling his hands on me was driving me mad. I hadn’t been touched like this in forever and I was beginning to wonder why I hadn’t missed it.
Eric touching me though was different.
With anyone else, the first time had been weird.
Eric though… it’s not weird, him touching my penis. It had never been weird kissing him, making out… it just felt natural because we were meant to be.
“Am I doing… it right?” Eric asked quietly.
“Y-yes.” I moaned out. “You’re doing fiiine.”
He continued to stroke me until I knew if he didn’t quit, I would come. I began kissing down his neck, distracting him. His hands left my boxers and ran up my chest, seemingly exploring my body.
I was still breathing hard as I sat up. “Are we… uh… do you wanna see…” I said awkwardly.
Eric nodded, sliding his hands down to the waistband of my boxers. I gave a small nod and he slid them down my legs, exposing me in all of my naked glory. His eyes widened in shock, making me feel self conscious.
“Y-you… are… wow.” Eric said, cocking his head to a side.
“Its not deformed! Don’t stare like that!” I whined
He giggled quietly. “It’s not bad a-at all. I’m just kinda wondering h-how that fits in m-me.”
“If you want, baby… I can be on the bottom.” I said quietly. “I know this is hard and I… I just want it to be easy for you. I don’t mind being on the bottom.”
“B-but… that’s… its not right, Aiden… and I don’t even know w-what I’m doing back there. At least you have some clue.” he said nervously. “I… no, I don’t wanna… no.”
“Are you sure?” I stroked his cheek.
“Y-yeah… I’m sure.” he nodded slowly. “I guess I, uh… should… off…” He then glanced down, blushing.
I smiled, following his gaze.
He shyly pulled off his boxers and then bit his lip, looking at me expectantly.
I tackled him playfully, straddling him and kissing him passionately. He returned my kiss hungrily, running his fingers once again through my hair.
After a few minutes of kissing, making both of our erections worse (at least mine, I’m assuming his was too), Eric pulled away from our kiss and panted, “I… I’m… ready, Aiden…”
“Are you sure?” I asked quietly.
“Yes… yeah, I’m ready now.” He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and after a few seconds opened them and nodded. “I’m ready.”
I grabbed the small bottle of lube that was on the drawer by the bed and smiled at him. “We aren’t going to have sex yet, don’t worry. I just didn’t want to have to get up and get it later.”
“No, I… I really think I’m ready.” He said.
“Y… you’re sure?” I asked, unsure of this. I didn’t want Eric to feel pressured at all; I just wanted to take our time. We had all night, it didn’t matter.
“Yeah, I feel better about it I think…” he nodded.
“If you’re really sure… if not, I won’t be mad.”
“No, I’m sure… let’s do this.” He laid flat on the bed and took another deep breath. I could already see him beginning to get nervous because now his smile was faltering and his hands had began to shake.
I pressed my lips to his forehead. “I love you.”
“I love you.” He nodded.
I squirted some lube onto my hands and got between his legs. “Are you ready?”
“Yeah.” He nodded, biting his lip and closing his eyes.
I made sure my index finger and middle finger had lube on it before looking at Eric, square in the eye. “You are going to have to relax or t his is going to really hurt.”
He had opened his eyes and he nodded, taking in several deep breaths.
“Are you sure about this, hon?”
“I’m sure…. I’m sure, I’m ready…” he said, obviously trying his hardest to relax.
I massaged his side gently and felt him relaxing under my touch. I smiled to myself as his eyes closed and his mouth slightly opened.
Eric’s POV
I closed my eyes, feeling relaxed. Aiden’s hand continued to stroke my bare side and I laid still, reveling in the feeling of his hands on me.
“Okay I’m going to now.” Aiden said, breaking me from my thoughts. “Are you ready?”
I nodded, grabbing onto the sheet below me. My face contorted in pain when I felt one of Aiden’s wet fingers sliding into me. My eyes widened in shock and I gasped at the sudden feeling.
Tears filled my eyes, though it wasn’t that painful. It was just the shock of everything… what he was preparing me for, what he was doing… his finger was inside me, preparing me for… for sex.
“Are you okay?” Aiden asked.
“Yes.” I whimpered. “I… It’s just… it feels awkward.”
“It doesn’t hurt too badly?”
“No, it doesn’t.” I shook my head, willing my tears away. I took a deep breath, wincing.
“I need to slide another finger in, alright? So it doesn’t hurt you so bad when we make love.”
I felt myself smiling. ‘Make love.’ That sounded so much better than ‘have sex.’
Sex is what I had with Luke, making love is what I’m getting ready to do with Aiden.
What I am doing with Aiden.
That was the major difference here. Aiden loved me. He was worried about me and it was obvious he was trying to take this as slow as possible, so I was completely ready.
A second finger slid into me and I felt his fingers stretching and closing… scissoring me. Ouch.
I winced again. “This isn’t s-so bad… I guess.” I gasped out, managing a weak smile.
He was focusing on what he was doing, trying to make it hurt as least as possible. “This is the easy part…” he said, his eyes looking up and meeting mine. “It’s not so bad, no… none of it is, really, after its over.”
That didn’t make me feel a whole lot better but I nodded.
“Ouch.” I suddenly whimpered, raising my hips so it would hurt less. It didn’t work and I whimpered again.
“Shh, don’t move.” Aiden whispered, sliding his fingers out of me. He began sliding them in and out slowly, causing me to moan out. This definitely felt better than him scissoring me, I decided arching slightly as he hit a spot in me.
“Fuck…” I moaned in shock.
He leaned up, fingers still in me, and kissed me passionately. I kissed back, breathing hard. I couldn’t believe someone fingering me could feel this… this good. This felt…
Like nothing I’d ever felt before, that was for sure.
“A-Aiden… oh fuck…” I said, sweat matting my forehead.
With Aiden’s spare hand he reached between us and took my penis in his hands. I titled my head back and moaned out as he began to stroke me again.
I felt his thumb slide down my shaft and begin to play with my head. I bit my lip hard, arching and my hips bucked.
“B-babe…” I panted, pulling away slightly. I smiled at him almost shyly, running my hand down his body. He moaned out quietly, pulling his fingers out of my entrance and pushing them back in again slowly. It was one of the best feelings in the world and I felt myself getting harder. It was painful now, I knew for a fact I’d never been this hard. It was uncomfortable, I didn’t like it.
My breathing got heavier and I was covered in sweat. I closed my eyes, feeling a twitch in my lower stomach.
“Aiden, I feel… I… Oh my god.” I groaned out as I came into Aiden’s hand loudly. I then collapsed against the bed and he pulled his fingers out of me, looking at me. “Wh… wh…” I panted, my eyes wide.
“Are you okay?” Aiden asked, also breathing hard. I knew he still had his little problem.
“I just… yeah…” I shook my head, swallowing. I felt like I wanted to cry, but whether from relief or nerves I didn’t know. I was weird tonight, that was odd… it had reminded me of the rape and I didn’t know if I’d come then or what, but right after I had come I felt as if I’d been raped… I felt like I’d felt, lying there and shaking.
“What?” he asked, sitting by me and rubbing my back.
“I thought about Luke.” I whispered, wiping one tear that fell from my eye. I swallowed again and looked at him. “I don’t want to think about him when you do… that. I want to think about you and how good it feels… and it did feel good and I was fine… but then I came—I think I came— and… I remembered after it happened…” I looked down, ashamed. I almost felt like I had cheated on Aiden or something, just by thinking of Luke.
“Honey, eventually you’ll be able to have sex and… and hand jobs and anything without thinking about Luke. Just how you were scared to make out because of Luke and we got past that, didn’t we? We make out all of the time now.”
I forced a small smile and looked up. “I want tonight to be special and I’m so… I’m so inexperienced. I keep stopping you and crying… I’m too shy to do hardly anything to you and… I feel like you deserve someone better.”
“First, Eric… the fact that you don’t know what to do makes it more special. Because that means that you waited and whether because you were scared or what… it means that I get to share this with you. And that is special to me… not how good you are or how… I don’t know… this is everything I thought it would be.” Aiden kissed my cheek, right by my lips.
I turned my head up, catching his lips with mine. “I love you. I really do, Aiden.”
“I know. I love you too.” He whispered, kissing me back.
I pulled him down so he was lying by me and not leaning over me. Then I kissed him passionately, running my hands down his body. I know it sounds clichéd, but in that moment I wanted to memorize every dip, every curve.
This was one of the moments, I realized, that living was for. Making love to the person you knew was meant for you. No fooling around with Aiden, this was the real deal. And what if it wasn’t? What if we only lasted a while, got a divorce?
I knew it would never happen but even if it were to… I know this is love now and that’s what matters. Only Aiden can make me feel like this. He showed me that I was worth something since the first day I ever met him. He makes me smile when I feel bad, he’s my entire family. He loves me enough to be my entire family. Though I’m older, it most certainly seems like Aiden is, how he takes care of me.
And God, he’s gorgeous. I ran my hands down all of his muscles, his sculpted torso, and down to his penis. I smiled, noticing he still had a little problem. Which didn’t happen to be little at all, if you catch my drift.
I took him in my hands, wanting to ‘finish the deed’, as rude and unromantic as that may sound. I wanted to make him come like he’d made me come. I wanted to make him feel that good. And at least he wouldn’t cry afterwards.
Then I looked at him and smiled cheekily, running my fingers up and down the inside of his arm. “I really like your elbow, Aiden.”
“Thanks. Your knee is pretty cool too.” He laughed, pulling me up to lay with him.
I lay next to him, curled into his side with him rubbing my back.
“Aiden… are you ready?”
“If you’re sure you are.” He answered, kissing my cheek after leaning over me.
I rolled to face him and nodded. “I am… I’m ready.”
“Okay.” He climbed on top of me, kissing me passionately. I arched into him, wanting to feel his body on mine. It was the safest feeling in the world. “If you need to stop, tell me.” He panted, pulling away from our kiss.
“I-I’m okay.” I nodded.
He reached over, grabbing the bottle of lubricant. I watched him coat himself with it, a nervous feeling in my stomach.
I reminded myself that soon it would be over and I would wonder why I’d been so worried. That helped a little bit and I was able to take a deep breath and smile.
There was a moment of silence before Aiden kissed me gently and then positioned himself between my legs. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and waiting… I knew it was coming and I was scared, petrified…
Suddenly I felt Aiden pushing into me. I gasped, wincing slightly. I felt Aiden kissing my face and neck and heard him telling me he loved me. My hand found his and I squeezed it, closing my eyes.
Aiden withdrew from me only to thrust in again. He was being slow and gentle and I was surprised to find out that it wasn’t even that painful. I didn’t know if it was because I was sort of relaxed or if it was because Aiden had prepared me earlier, but it didn’t hurt. It felt awkward, but I didn’t want to cry in pain like I thought.
“Are you okay?” Aiden asked.
I opened my eyes and looked into his blue ones nodding. “Yeah.” I wrapped my arms around him, running my fingers down his back.
He continued gently pushing into me and pulling out. Each time he went in a little further, until finally I felt the pain.
I cringed and let out a whimper, my nails unintentionally digging into Aiden’s back.
“I’m sorry.” He gasped. “Do you want me to stop?”
“No.” I gasped out, shaking my head. “No, I’m okay.”
He nodded, thrust in again. I winced once again, but this time tried to hide it from Aiden.
Here’s the pain they told me about. Here’s why I was scared.
I just had to wait it out, like Aiden said. I would wait and soon I would the best pleasure ever… soon enough…
“Oh my G-God.” I felt myself shudder as Aiden hit a spot in me, sending a pleasant shock through out my body. I felt my muscles tightening around Aiden and he moaned loudly. I decided that was the most beautiful noise I had ever heard. “Aiden, I love you.”
“I love you too.” He panted. His dark hair was matted to his forehead with sweat, his mouth slightly open.
He began to thrust faster and quicker, sliding a hand between us and beginning to stroke my penis which had already hardened. He stroked me quickly, in time with his thrusts.
I moaned out. This was the good side to sex. So this is what I’d been missing.
I felt my breathing become progressively harder. It came out in sharp gasps and I felt the blood in my body racing. This was by far the best I’d ever felt. This didn’t compare to Luke raping me, this was… this was love.
Suddenly I felt that feeling in my stomach again. I knew I was having my second orgasm… two in one night… this marriage stuff really is amazing. Aiden and I should have got married when we first met, damnit.
“Aiden, I’m going to… I think I’m…” I gasped out before coming into his hand.
He thrust into me two more times before he came inside of me as well. I felt him pulling himself gently out of me and we collapsed in a sweaty heap on the bed. I snuggled into him and he wrapped his arms around me, burying his head in the crook of my neck.
“Wow…” I whispered in shock, still shaking.
Part of me wanted to cry in relief, but I was too tired. So I lay there with Aiden, who was breathing hard as well. After a few minutes he sat up and I did too, wincing slightly.
“W-We just had sex.” He said slowly.
I nodded shyly, looking down at my thighs and feeling self conscious again. “I-I’m sorry I’m not… good…”
“What do you mean, you weren’t good?” he laughed. “You were just fine, baby. It’s not only your first time but with your past… baby, I didn’t know if we were even going to be able to do it tonight but you did. And I’m really proud of you.”
I smiled shyly. “Thanks… y-you’re really… I mean, that was… that was nice.”
“It was beautiful.” He nodded in agreement.
“Aaah I had sex.” I squealed, throwing my hands into the air.
Aiden raised a shock eyebrow, then laughed and pulled me into his arms. “I love you so much, Eric. This is going to be the best thing that ever happened to us.”
“No. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. The marriage just means you’re stuck here forever.” I smirked.
Aiden laughed quietly, rubbing my back gently.
“I’m glad we got married.” I said, feeling my eyes start to droop. “I was scared, Aiden… but I know I did the right thing. I trust you.”
“I’m glad we got married too.” Aiden whispered, and I felt him kiss the back of my neck. “We’re going to have a long and happy life filled with sex and food… because that’s all we really need. And each other.”
I nodded, and felt myself drifting to sleep with his lips on my cheek and hearing him whisper that he loved me.