Unfamiliar Ceilings

I remember waking up, thinking that everything was a dream. I thought I was back home, at my mother’s house, in my old bed with my old boring bedroom. I thought meeting Dean and Johnny was a dream, and the dinner he planned for us, his dad collapsing and being taken to the hospital.

And Dean telling me he loved me.

I opened my eyes and smiled widely, seeing the blood red walls covered in posters and photos. It was no dream, and that I was thankful for. I spread out, feeling the soft black fabric between my fingers and realising that the bed was completely empty apart from myself. Where did Dean go? I panicked for about a second before I heard his voice coming from another room. I got out of his bed and picked up one of his shirts. I put that on as I left the room.

“No, I don’t want to see you,” he said, annoyed. I walked to the end of the landing, following his voice, and saw him in Johnny’s bedroom, pacing the floor. I stood in the open door and waited for him to finish his conversation.

“Because I don’t bloody like you! Fuck off!” He slammed his phone shut and threw it onto the bed, before swivelling around and spotting me standing there. He walked over to me and smiled wide, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my lips lightly.

“Who was that?” I asked.

“Nobody important.”

“You sure?” You sounded angry.”

“It’s fine,” he smiled. “Just someone who didn’t get the message first time around.”

I just smiled and nodded. Again, my instinct told me to dig deeper and again I ignored it. We stood and held each other for a little while longer before he suggested that we go get some breakfast. I said I’d sort it out, and he smiled and went back into Johnny’s room, grabbing his phone and saying he just had to ring his mum and see how everything was.

I busied myself in the kitchen, looking through the fridge and cupboards for something I could actually cook. It ended up being just scrambled egg on toast – nice and simple. I beat the raw egg in a measuring jug before putting that into the microwave for two minutes, then pushed down four slices of bread in the toaster. I was bending over with my weight on my elbows, peering through the microwave door while I watched to see when the eggs would be finished when I felt something slap my arse.

I shot upright and glared at him. “Pig.”

He laughed at me and stood behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and laying his hands on my stomach, stroking a small circle with one finger. “I’m sorry.”

“Better be,” I smiled as he kissed my shoulder.

“You look good in my shirts, by the way.”

I blushed and slapped his hands away from my stomach so I could tend to our breakfast. I pushed the release button on the toaster and took the measuring jug of eggs out of the microwave, while Dean placed two plates on the side for me. I stirred the eggs with a fork to break them up, then placed some on each plate, completing that with two pieces of toast per plate.

“Did you get through to your mum?” I asked, handing Dean a plate and following him into the living room.

“Nah,” he said, sitting down heavily on the couch and picking up the television remote. “Her phone was off.”

The clock on the wall said it was 2.30PM. Dean and I ate our food, spent a good few hours bickering about what was on the television, another couple of hours kissing on the couch and me trying to make myself disagree with having sex on the family couch, and then we settled for a while longer, watching some films.

We were nearly half way through something I forgot the name of when his phone rang from the coffee table. He practically pounced on it and answered it without checking out the caller ID.

“That’s fantastic” he said, the corners of his mouth curling up in a smile. I watched the television screen while he spoke with his mother. He was idly stroking my knee, which was flung over his legs.

“Good news?” I asked once he was done.

“Very,” I could hear him smiling. “Dad’s going to be home this evening. They said he was just severely dehydrated when he collapsed.”

I smiled and leaned up to kiss the corner of his lips. “That’s brilliant, Dean.”

He lengthened the kiss, cupping the back of my head in his hand and pulled me against him. Our kisses started out all sweet and light, but eventually turned fierce, longing after a couple of minutes without breath. I could feel his hands gripping at any part of my body they could reach and I knew I was probably doing the same thing. His hand slid across my stomach and he started to push me onto my back.

“Not here,” I mumbled into his lips, my own swollen from kisses.

Dean nodded and stood up, picking me up afterwards and slinging me over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. I squealed and giggled the whole way up to his dark bedroom, where he flung me onto the bed and immediately dived on top of me after my landing.

“I love you,” Dean mumbled as he kissed my neck, speaking into my skin. He was making me take these short, raspy breaths in and out just by kissing my neck. Dean found himself a place between my legs and was caressing my right leg and kissing me heavily when his little brother walked in.

I felt Dean freeze and I stopped too. Johnny just stood there at the door while I looked at him. He gaped back at us in disbelief. I could tell when he came to his senses because he got all shy and jumpy.

“Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to-shit, sorry, I’ll go,” he said, quickly leaving the room and closing the door. Not before giving Dean a look. Saying what? No idea. Dean groaned and let his head drop just over my shoulder.
Cock block? Indeed.

“I’ll go talk to him,” Dean muttered, resting his chin on my stomach and looking up at me. “Why don’t you go home and I’ll come see you later?”

I nodded, even though I really didn’t want to go. Dean climbed off of me, holding out his hand to help me get up. I stood and put my dress back on from the night before, leaving his shirt folded on his bed. Dean handed me his pale yellow hoody once we got to the front door, because it was cold. I slipped it on and gave him a kiss goodbye before making my way back to Mark’s house, already decided on what I was going to do.

*****

The first thing I did once I got inside was run upstairs and take a shower. I let my hair dry naturally and put on a pair of sweatpants and a shirt. I tried to mentally prepare myself for what I was about to do, but there wasn’t really a way to do it. As I walked into the living room – Mark and Stephanie were watching some sitcom on television – I twisted the end of my top between my fingers and fiddled with anything I got my hands on.

“Dad?” I said. “Can I talk to you? And Stephanie, you too?”

My dad looked at me and pressed mute on the television remote. “Of course, what is it?

“I was wondering,” I said. “Would it be possible for me to stay.”

“What do you mean?”

“Stay here...for college and everything.”

Mark raised his eyebrows slightly before they knitted together and he sighed. He looked at Stephanie who was smiling at me, before looking back at me. He said, “Leila, college for you starts in just over a week. What would your mum say?”

“I can talk to Mum about it,” I said. “And I could try get in somewhere here.”

“You could try, but I doubt it’d be very likely.” Mark scratched a patch of stubble on his skin and Stephanie’s smile faltered a bit. “It’s not that we wouldn’t love to have you live with us, I just don’t know how we can make it work on such short notice.”

I sat there and pleaded with my eyes. Stephanie knew – or at least had an inkling – why I wanted to stay here. We sat in silence for what seemed like forever before I looked at my dad again, already preparing for disappointment.

He sighed again. “You’ll ring your mother, tell her what you want and she might let you.”

I beamed my little face off and jumped up to hug my father, saying my thank yous, before rushing off to use his house phone. I picked up the receiver and frantically dialled Caroline’s number. I rang eight times before she answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“It’s me, Leila.”

“Oh, hello sweetheart!” I’m certain she was drunk. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I wanted to know...what would you think about me staying here for college? I’d be out of the way and stuff.”

“Did your dad put you up to this?” she asked sharply.

“No, he didn’t,” I said. “It was my idea.”

She was quiet for a while before she blew up. She started raving on about how I was being a pain in the arse and we argued for a while before she said I could do what I wanted. Apparently I was old enough to learn from my mistakes. I went back and told Mark that my mother said it was okay, leaving out the argument.

“Where are you going now?” Mark asked as I rushed back down the stairs, fully dressed in a pair of skinny jeans, a white v-neck and my leather jacket, headed towards the front door.

“I won’t be long, just nipping next door,” I said, beaming as I swung the front door shut behind me. I practically ran down the path, down the street and up to the house next door in my excitement. There was a car back in the driveway, so I assumed that Mr Owens was back home. I knocked on the front door, finally composing myself though I waited impatiently before Dorothy answered.

“Oh, hello dear,” she smiled at me. “Dean’s upstairs with Johnny.”

I thanked her and made my way slowly up the stairs. My excitement was still there, but it turned more into apprehension as I got closer to Dean’s bedroom door. It was open slightly, and I could hear Johnny’s voice inside, raised a little bit.

“You’re a complete fucking idiot, Dean,” he said, angrily. Should I have gone in? Yes. Did I? Obviously not.

“I already know I am. You don’t know how bad I feel, Johnny-boy,” Dean spoke, sounding torn to pieces. My motherly mode kicked in and I wanted to know what was wrong and what I could do to fix it, but I suppressed that and stayed quiet outside his bedroom door.

“How could you do that to Leila?” Johnny almost shouted. “You know how she fucking feels about you!”

“I know! I know,” Dean growled. “It hardly even matters, we weren’t together then!”

Ouch. What happened?

“Dean, you were messing with her then, get it through your head. You do not do that. To anybody, especially if they bloody love you!”

“Johnny, shut the fuck up, before I make you.”

“Why, Dean? Because you can’t handle everything I’m telling you? Everything you could’ve destroyed, the single, good thing you have going for you? Am I showing you the sheer enormity of what you’ve done? What you’re going to lose?”

I heard a crack, and I knew Dean had punched Johnny in the face. I was frozen, like millions of tiny little vines had tied my feet and rooted them to the spot.

“I won’t lose her.”

“Dean, you will,” Johnny groaned. “You can hit me all you want, it doesn’t change what you’ve done to her.”

“Shut up.”

“No! I’m finished pretending nothing’s wrong! I care about Leila, obviously more than you do, and I will not let you fuck around with her.”

“What the fuck are you going to do about it?!” Dean shouted. I pushed the door open and it swung back slowly, revealing Dean and Johnny. Dean had backed Johnny into the wall and Johnny had blood on his lip from where his brother punched him. I cleared my throat and they both looked at me. They both looked shocked, but Dean looked guilty too. I stared at him, my eyes narrowed, waiting for somebody to speak.

“Why would you lose me, Dean?” I said, my voice surprisingly steady. “What have you done?”

“I – Nothing.” He looked down at the floor.

“You’re lying to me.”

Johnny just stood there and stared at the both of us, before excusing himself and leaving. Presumably to clean his face off.

“Come on, what’s happened?” I pushed, staring at Dean. He mumbled something that I didn’t quite catch, so I just raised my eyebrows at him.

“I slept with Jay.”

And my entire world shattered with those four words.