You Belong With Me

Alex’s P.O.V.

After the funeral, some of our family and friends came back to our house for food and beverages. For the most part, they just stood around talking about Eric and some funny memories they had of him. It was nice to know that so many people remembered my brother in such a positive way. He had so many friends that I know he won’t soon be forgotten.

As I was talking to some of his other friends, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Holly standing alone in a corner with a beer in her hand. Half the bottle was already empty and we had only just gotten back home. I decided that I should go over and talk to her. There were a few questions I had for her anyway.

“Hey,” I said, giving her an awkward one-armed hug since I was also holding a drink in my hand.

“Hey yourself,” she said quietly. “Where’s Taylor? I’m not used to seeing you without her.”

“She’s helping her mom set up the food since my mom can’t. The only thing she does any more is lay in her bed. Everything reminds her of him. Anyway, how have you been?”

She laughed bitterly. “How do you think I’ve been?” she asked.

“Yeah I guess that was a pretty stupid question. Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but why did you leave my brother if you claim to have loved him so much?”

“I was being stupid. I’ll never stop regretting what I said to him the last night I saw him.”

“What happened?”

“I had a really stressful day at school. I found out that I failed one of my midterms, which pretty much means that I failed the class because I failed other things in that class too. When I came back to the apartment that night, everything was a mess and Eric was sitting there on the couch watching football and not making any effort to help clean it up. I blew up in his face about it and said that I couldn’t live like this anymore and that, if he wasn’t going to help me around the house, then maybe we shouldn’t be together. It was the stupidest reason to break up with someone, but, at that point, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I threw all my clothes in a suitcase and stormed out. All throughout the next day, I couldn’t get our fight off my mind. I decided I was going to go over and apologize to Eric the first chance I got. The problem was that I would not be able to make it back home until after 10:00PM because I had a night class that night. I got the call from your mom when I was in the car on the way home to our apartment. I n-never m-meant for any of this to h-happen.” She finally broke down and I took her into my arms as she cried.

“I know you didn’t,” I whispered in her ear.

“I should have known what was going on with him though,” she responded once she calmed down a little. “I was living with him, yet I didn’t even know that he was having trouble in some of his classes. As his girlfriend, that is something I should have known.”

“There is no way you could have known if he didn’t come and talk to you about it unless you went through all of his stuff, which would not have been fair.”

“But, then why didn’t he feel like he could come to me?” she wondered. “We had been together for a long time and we were living together. I thought he felt like he could tell me anything.”

“Maybe he just didn’t want to worry you. He didn’t tell me either and I’m his brother. He probably thought he could get through it on his own. He never really liked having to ask for help. His ego was too big.”

“I just wish I would have known. Maybe if I hadn’t been such a bitch to him that night and maybe if I had stayed, none of this would have happened.”

“You can’t think like that. It already happened and now we just have to accept it. I know that you would have never done that if you knew that it would lead to this. He knew that you loved him and that’s all that matters.”

“But he also knew that I was angry with him. When I was yelling at him and saying all these horrible things about him, he wasn’t even fighting back. He wasn’t even making an effort to defend himself. In fact, he wasn’t saying anything, which is what made me even angrier. He just stood there and accepted it without a word, almost as if he felt that he deserved it. How I could have let him think that is beyond me. I don’t think he was aware of just how wonderful he was.”

“Holly, everyone has a bad day and takes it out on another person. It’s just a part of life. You can’t blame yourself for this. Eric never showed any signs of being depressed, so how would you have known what he was planning to do? He never let anybody see when he was upset, not even you or me. That’s just how he was.”

“I just wish it was different,” she responded helplessly.

“I think we all do.”

Other people started coming up to each of us, so we got distracted. I talked to friends and relatives for the next hour or so. It wasn’t until later that Katelyn had come to find me. She went to the funeral and was there every step of the way with me. When I told her about Eric, she came over to my house and stayed with me for as long as I needed her to. I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

“How are you doing?” she asked as she came over and gave me a short kiss on the lips.
“I’m hanging in,” I responded. “At this point, I’m just trying to do the best I can to keep it together.”

“I can’t even imagine what this must be like for you. I hope you know that I’m here whenever you need me. Just say the word and I’ll do anything.”

“The only thing I really want to do right now is just crawl under my covers and never come out again, but I know that’s not possible at the moment. You have no idea how much it has helps me to know that you are here for me, so thank you.”

“Of course, Baby,” she said smiling at me. “I would expect you to do the same thing for me. By the way, your song sounded amazing. I can’t wait to come to one of your shows and hear you sing a full set.”

“Thanks. I wrote it when I couldn’t sleep the other night.”

“Why couldn’t you sleep?”

“I was just thinking about things. I haven’t been able to sleep a full night ever since it happened.”

She gave me a concerned look. “That’s not good. You need your sleep.”

“I’m sure it will pass soon,” I shrugged.

“You could have called me. I hope you know that.”

“Of course I do. I just didn’t want to wake you up or worry you with my problems.”

“”Alex, I want to know what’s going on with you. You’re my boyfriend and I love you.”

“Yeah, I know that and I love you too and I appreciate you being so concerned, but I’m really fine.”

I noticed that Taylor was standing about ten feet in front of me talking to my grandparents. When I said, “I love you too” to Katelyn, she turned around as if someone had called her name. She studied my face for a second with this odd look in her eyes. It was almost like, after spending these last few days with me, she was surprised to know that I still loved Katelyn. Then, she turned back around and continued her conversation as if nothing had happened.

“I hope so,” said Katelyn. “I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you.” She put her right hand on my left cheek and rubbed it looking me straight in the eyes the whole time.

Her phone must have been vibrating in her pocket because she took it out and looked at it.

“Oh shoot,” she said. “I have to go home. My mom is sick so she needs me to make dinner and take care of her. She gets mad if I’m late. I’m so sorry, Alex.”

I shook my head. “No, no it’s fine, I understand. Go take care of your mom and call me later.” She gave me a kiss goodbye and I watched as she walked out my front door.

It took a long time for everyone to leave, but they finally cleared out around 8:00 that night. Of course, Taylor and the Swifts stayed behind to help my dad and I clean up after all the guests.

“That went pretty well considering,” said Taylor as we walked around my living room picking up trash.

“Yeah, I guess so,” I responded. “Everything went as it was supposed to at least. I’m just glad to have gotten it over with to be completely honest.”

“I know what you mean. Now we don’t have to worry about planning anything or putting on a show for anyone. We can just try to get on with our lives somehow.”

“Speaking of which, can I talk to you about something?”

“Sure thing.”

“I know you saw me with Katelyn today.”

When I said this, she dropped what she was doing and gave me her full attention.

“I did,” she said.

“Listen Taylor, I don’t want my feelings for her to get between us again, but I really have strong feelings for her and I don’t think that’s going to change any time soon.”

“I realize that. You already know that I don’t really like Katelyn, but my feelings for you or dislike for her isn’t worth losing a friendship over.” She paused for a second and then looked me directly in the eye. “Look, Alex, I’m not going to make you choose between me and her, if that’s what you are hinting at. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Thank you.” I breathed a sigh of relief. “These past few months have made me realize that you are too important for me to lose, but Katelyn has become important to me too and I guess I don’t want to risk losing either one of you.”

She nodded and was about to turn her attention back to picking up trash, but I gently grabbed her arm and turned her back around.

“One more thing,” I said. “I know I’ve already said this, but I am so sorry for the heartbreak I’ve caused you. I hope you know that I never meant to hurt you. When you kissed me so suddenly, it really freaked me out and I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I ran. There hasn’t been a night since then that I don’t wish I had handled it in some other way.”

She looked at me for a moment and then answered, “On the night that Eric died, I told you that I hoped she hurt you just as bad as you hurt me because maybe then it would teach you to appreciate what you have. I never dreamed that those words would come back to bite me. When Eric died, our whole world turned upside-down. Even though this experience has been the worst thing I have ever been through, it taught me that I shouldn’t live my life being angry with people. No one ever knows when life is going to end, so I don’t want to live my life holding a grudge. These past few months have been the worst and I feel like have been stuck in a giant rut that I couldn’t get out of. I’m sick of it all. I don’t want to be mad at you anymore, Alex. It’s time to just move on and appreciate what we have.” She gave me a hug and rested her head on my chest. “I’ve missed this.”

“Me too,” I said. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed this.”

Once we were finished cleaning up, we went up to my room. I gave her a shirt and a pair of shorts to change into and later sleep in. After that, we decided to watch a funny movie just to get our minds off everything going on in our lives. We decided to go to bed around 11:00 because we were both exhausted from the day.

“Remember when you slept over my house the night before we started senior year?” she asked when we were finally settled in bed.

“Yeah, what about it?” I wondered.

“That night, we were comparing our relationship to that of Peter Pan and Tinker Bell. Lately, I’ve been thinking about how there’s a part in the movie where Peter and Tink have a fight. Tink flies away, but Peter stays with Wendy. Later, Tink accidentally drinks poison, but Peter comes back to her and saves her by telling her he believes in her. Now, the relationships are even similar than we had initially thought.”

“What do you mean?”

“When Eric texted me about performing with you, I was in a pretty bad place and I really did not want to see you. Then, he said that you wanted me to meet you here on Wednesday. Now that I think about it, that was pretty much a dead giveaway. You were the one that reminded Eric about the promise we had made to him.”

“You’re right. After Katelyn kissed me and I saw you standing there with that look in your eyes, I knew I had to do something about it. When Katelyn and I got inside, I ran upstairs and gave him a call.”

“So what I’m saying is that Peter saw that Tink was in pain, so he came back for her and did everything he could to save her. You saw that I was in pain and did the same thing for me in a way.”

“What can I say?” I laughed and pulled her close. “I do believe in fairies, I do, I do.”