Without You, I'm Just Me

So I was spending an extra week on tour with Patrick, much to my mother’s dismay. It wasn’t that I so desperately needed to be here that I had begged him to let me stay another week, it was quite surprisingly, the other way around. Ever since I had told Patrick that I was pregnant, he felt obliged to fulfil my every need and to keep my away from any potential harm. He treated me as if I would break at the slightest touch, and as much as I loved him, it was beginning to get on my nerves. With his behaviour, it wouldn’t be long until the other were suspicious, although I wouldn’t surprised if they were already.
In my momentary lapse in concentration, I forgot about the cereal box in my hand, now spilling across the floor. I blushed, as I felt a half dozen eyes on the scene before me. Patrick was the first to react, rushing over to where I stood and grabbing my wrist. He looked me up and down before putting his overheated hands to my forehead. He frowned before speaking in a low voice. “Are you feeling alright? Do you need to sit down or something?” I opened my mouth to shrug off his overreaction, but he was already leading me to the table. “Here, sit down. I’ll make your breakfast for you. Do you want anything to drink?” I shook my head glumly and sat in silence. I was starting to feel like some kind of invalid who wasn’t capable of looking after myself. I mean, I haven’t even experienced any of the symptoms of pregnancy yet and so far I haven’t even gained a pound. If only Patrick could realise these things.

“But I don’t understand why I can’t do it, I mean it’s not like it’s a big crowd or anything.” I complained. Patrick let out a sigh, before holding my face in his hands. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be in the crowd, I mean look how small you are, and you’re so fragile right now. I’d never forgive myself if something happened to you.” I didn’t bother pressing the point, and turned to walk away. “Angie?” I turned around to meet Patrick’s lips. “If you really want to be out in the action, you can sit backstage. That way I wouldn‘t have to worry about while I play.” Being backstage wouldn’t be as much fun as being in the crowd, but I didn’t want Patrick to worry the entire time. “You know what? I think I’ll just hang out on the bus, maybe catch up on some sleep I’ve been missing lately. Good luck tonight baby.” I faked a smile before returning to the bus.

I found myself sighing loudly as I thought over my situation for what felt like the millionth time this week. Instinctively, Patrick sat up to look at me. “Are you feeling alright?” I let out a deep breath and smiled. “Yeah, I’m fine. You need to stop worrying so much.” I ran my fingers down the side of his face, bringing my lips to his. Pete and Joe coughed loudly, but I ignored them. I pulled myself closer to Patrick, just inches between us. He shot me his heart-melting smile, and I felt my heart beat faster. It felt like a decade since I’d seen him smile like that. I took advantage of his good mood, and pulled him onto the couch on top of me. Immediately, he flinched away so he wasn’t laying on me anymore. Patrick shot me an conflicted glance before turning away. “I don’t think that’s a good idea Angie, I could hurt you.” I ignored his protests, and climbed on top of him. “Why would you? You’ve never hurt me before.” This time he didn’t entirely pull away, and I found myself smirking in triumph. “That’s because you weren’t-” he bit his lip when he realised everyone else was still in the room, although obviously not listening. “It wasn’t the same before, I don’t what could happen to you. It’s better for both of us f I don’t take the risk.” I couldn’t take his reasoning anymore. I climbed up, and sat at the opposite side of the lounge, hugging my knees. “God damn it, Patrick! I can’t take this anymore! When are you going to start treating me like a person again, rather than some kind of invalid who needs to be waited on hand and foot?”
Patrick bit his lip, he looked hurt. “I’m only trying to help you, I don’t want something to happen to you.”
I have to confess, I did feel a little guilty for hurting his feeling and bursting like this, but I couldn’t stop. “Did you ever think about actually asking me whether or not I needed your help? I haven’t changed Patrick, look at me, do I look any different than I did when I first came here?”
“No but-”
I put my finger to his lips. “Do I weigh anymore than I did last week? Can you even tell from the outside, that anything has changed?”
He let out a sigh. “That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be careful.”
I let out a sigh in reply. “I know, but you’re being way too extreme in all of this. Nothing has changed yet, and when it does, you’ll be the first to know.” He smiled and pulled me towards him. Everything felt perfect again. That is, until Pete decided to ruin everything again. Pete jumped between us, and held his palm in front of each of our faces. “Whoa, back up a minute and tell me, what’s going on here? Because it’s pretty obvious there’s something you’re not telling us.” Joe and Andy turned towards us, waiting for a reply. Patrick and I exchanged glances. “If we tell you, you have to promise to not tell anybody, alright?”
Everyone nodded quickly in agreement, obviously eager to hear our news. I could feel a knot forming in my stomach. Patrick gave me a reassuring smile before continuing. “Angie is pregnant.” Pete unexpectedly jumped off the couch, in a exaggerated springing motion. “Wait, you guys did it? Patrick, why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Patrick and I both turned bright red in embarrassment. Pete stood back, and stared at us in awe. “So wow, you guys are gonna have a baby. Angie’s gonna be a mommy and Patrick’s gonna be a daddy.” We both nodded, looking down at my stomach in unison. Somehow, for the first time since I’d found out about my pregnancy, did it truly feel like everything would be ok