Without You, I'm Just Me

Ever since my last conversation with Sarah, I’d been overanalysing Patrick’s every move. Did I feel guilty? Yes. Did it prove anything? Only the fact that he has the worst taste in girlfriends and deserves someone far better than me. The only thing that did redeem my behaviour was the way he’d been sneaking out quite often, with nothing but a lame excuse of needing to see Pete as his lie. What were his real intentions? Did I even want to know what was going on, or was I far better living in an ignorant bliss? I sighed, and Patrick was instantaneously at my side. “Are you alright, Angie?”
If I was going to be suspicious, I might as well give him reason to explain himself first. “Sarah said something last week about a secret, a secret she wasn’t allowed to tell me, but I figured out it came from you.”

Patrick’s face fell. “Fuck, I knew I shouldn’t have told her.” he muttered to himself.
“Is it that bad?” I failed to hide the worry in my voice. Patrick threaded his arms around my waist. He smiled and pulled his lips to mine, but after a minute I pulled away, pouting. “You didn’t answer my question.”
He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “I was hoping to get some more time to plan out what I was going to say to you. Umm, stay here and close your eyes, I’ll be back in a second.” And with that, he was gone from the room. I closed my eyes for the sake of being polite, and awaited his return. Sure enough, a few seconds later, he had his hands on mine. “Ok, you can open your eyes now.”
I suspiciously shifted one eye open the slightest fraction. “Do I want to?”
He looked to the floor. “I’m not sure.” He seemed nervous enough already, so I opened my eyes slowly. From where I stood, it didn’t look as if anything had changed. Patrick motioned towards the couch, and I followed, feeling completely baffled. He let out a deep breath, before beginning. “Do you remember the night we told your parents you were pregnant?” I shuddered at the memory, but nodded all the same. That had not been a fun experience. Patrick continued. “Well I was thinking about something your father said.”
The knot in my stomach grew taut. Patrick looked up, to meet my eyes. “When he said that we should’ve done it the ‘right’ way.” I knew exactly what he was talking about, the memory was so vivid.

I sat at the dining table, gripping Patrick’s hands with all my strength. I knew it must have been uncomfortable, but he didn’t seem to mind. My father still stood there, completely speechless. He must be furious, I thought to myself. My mother was still sitting across from us, her sobs subsiding. I wanted so desperately to reach out and comfort her, to tell her everything was ok, but even I knew that was a stretch from the truth. Without any warning, my father swung his arm across the cabinet, hitting my mother’s favorite vase. My mouth gaped in horror as it fell to the tiles, shattering into a million pieces. Mom’s sobs started up again with a hysterical scream. That’s when he began his rant. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done? Do you have any idea how this is going to look? We are going to be the source of gossip Angie, people are going to start looking down on us because of you. You’ve tainted our reputation in this town. You-” he gripped his head in his hands, balling up his fists. “You should have done this the right way, you should have waited a few years until you were both out of high school, you should have gotten married, THEN had children. This is all wrong, what am I meant to say to everyone ‘Oh, my seventeen year old daughter is pregnant with her eighteen year old boyfriend’s baby so she won’t be finishing high school.’? This is all wrong, how could you ever be so stupid? I- I need to get out of here, I can’t even stand looking at you right now.” I felt a stab of hurt deep in my chest as my father stormed to his car, reversing out of the garage without another word. My mother’s sobs continued as she left the dining room, retreating to her bedroom. This time I didn’t hold back the tears, I let myself succumb to the misery I’d held inside me throughout the last hour. Patrick firmly placed his arms around my middle, pulling me to his chest. We sat there together in silence until I finally fell asleep.

I shook the memories from my head and saw Patrick anticipating my reply. “What exactly do you mean?” I realised his hands were shaking a little as he reached into his hoodie pocket. A crease form between my eyebrows as he pulled out a small box. “I know you’re still seventeen and this is definitely not how you expected your life to turn out, but I wanted to do the right thing. I love you Ange. I always have and I always will. I’d like to think you feel the same way about me. So-” he opened the small box to reveal a silver ring complete with a band of diamonds and a small round sapphire in the centre. I couldn’t stop my jaw from dropping. “Will you marry me Angie? I mean, it’s technically not legal yet, and I know you probably won’t feel up to it for a while so this is probably more of a promise ring, but-” I put my finger to his lips and smiled at his babbling. He was so cute when he was nervous. “Is this what you’ve been hiding from me?” He blushed before nodding sheepishly. I smiled even wider. “I was so scared, I thought you were going to run out on me. I was having these nightmares…” He looked even more embarrassed. “I’m sorry if I gave you that impression, I was just so nervous about asking you. I didn’t know whether I should take you out somewhere romantic before I asked, or if I should just do it like this. So how about it? Will you marry me Angie?” I placed my left hand in his. “Of course I will, nothing in this world would make me happier.” I grinned, causing him to grin back. He took the ring out of the box and placed it on my left hand. I held my hand up to the ray of sunshine coming through the front window. The light danced of the diamonds as I marvelled at how perfect it looked. (Author’s note: Does your husband know the way that the sunshine gleams from your wedding band? Haha.) Patrick looked pleased with my reaction, and intertwined our hands. He ran his fingers across the band of the ring. I smiled and pressed my lips to his. Everything about this moment was perfect, it meant that we could be together forever and I knew in my heart that nothing would ever change. Patrick closed the space between us and ran his lips across my neck. I felt Patrick’s phone begin vibrating as he pulled away. He blushed quickly, before answering the call. “Hello?” A smiled played across his face. “No I don’t think that’s a good idea, I’m busy right now.” He mouthed Pete to me and I nodded knowingly. It was so typical of him to call at all the wrong moments. “Yeah, I’m with Angie- no I don’t think that’s a good idea either, she’s pregnant remember? Of course she couldn’t go.” He shook his head before laughing. “Well now that you mention it, yes I was but she’s actually not my girlfriend anymore.” He frowned. “What does that even mean? Wait, don’t tell me, I have a feeling it’d be better if I didn’t know.” He paused, obviously listening to Pete’s explanation. “Stop! Ok, I get the picture. We are not…that, but as I was trying to tell you before, Angie just agreed to marry me.” he listened for a minute. “Yes, that does make her my fiancée I guess. No! I told you before we’re bus-” he dropped the phone in defeat before looking up at me. “Pete’s decided that he’s organising an engagement announcement party for tonight. He left to call everyone for a ‘surprise party’ at his place.” I ran my hand down the side of his face. “I’m sure it’ll be heaps of fun, don’t worry about it.” He nodded before standing up. “We might as well start getting ready. He said it starts in an hour.” I kissed him goodbye as her left for his house. I couldn’t help but marvel at the ring again. How was it possible that he knew the exact engagement ring I’d dreamed of without ever asking about it? He was a lot more observant than I gave him credit for.

Even a block away from Pete’s house, you could hear the distinct thudding of the bass from his expensive sound system. Patrick and I gave each other a look before we parked on the curb. He stopped the car, before quickly moving to my side to open the door for me. I gave him a quick peck on the lips before we made our way to the door hand in hand. I had to admit it, I never gave Pete enough credit for his organisational and creativity skills. He’d managed to put up streamers and balloons and even organised a few platters to choose from on a large table in his lounge room. “Hey, you guys made it!” He made his way over to us, and enveloped us both in a bear hug. I laughed though Patrick looked a little embarrassed. “It wouldn’t be much of a party if we didn’t show up right?” he laughed, before finding some guests to come congratulate us. It was hard for me and Patrick to feel comfortable being the centre of attention, but I think we managed quite well. Instead of everyone being suspicious at our early engagement, they welcomed it as if it was our happily ever after. And maybe it was.