Life Isn't Like Fairytales

I stared into her hazel eyes and laughed at the meaningless joke that spilled from her plump rosy lips, envy beginning to circulate my system. Everything about her was so beautiful- so magnificent; she was the type of person people would be incapable of imagining sitting next to a fool like me, even if they watched as a painter dared to brighten his canvas by adding her after wasting his time blackening it with an image of me.

The metallic buzzing is interrupted with a monotonous voice once again: "We've already warned you, feelings like these are irrelevant."

Another joke, and a touch to my hand as she laughed in sync with me. Butterflies is not the term to describe the fluttering feeling that invaded my rounded stomach; it felt more like a stampede of rhinos giving piggy-backs to elephants - and I enjoyed every heart pounding second of it. I shook my head to show her I found her hilarious, and her eyes glistened in return.

Escaping thoughts that clouded my smitten mind, I realised she was gesturing to leave the small pub. I smiled and nodded slowly, knowing my instinct of nodding frantically and shouting 'yeah' would have probably scared her off. Every move had to be carefully determined before being carried out, that would be the only way to keep her near.

"Recall the time."

I had glanced at the clock in a flurry of silent panic; I didn't know how late it would have to be to seduce a goddess like her. Half eleven in the evening didn't seem right, so after slipping on our coats I took her for a walk in the moonlight. Even in the dark her skin glowed with an eeriness so unreal that I believed she couldn't be human...

"Where did you go?"

The summer air was cool and goosebumps rippled up her skin. It was the perfect opportunity to wrap her in my arms, allowing me to breathe in the heavenly scent no perfume expert could capture in a million years.

The speaker crackles slightly under the intensity of the question. "Where did you go?"

She smiled up at me at this point, and I melted there and then, knowing that she was the one. We talked and laughed at passers by, walking through the dimly lit city streets at the envy of every person to cast their eye on us. A perfect dream.

"What did you do after this?"

Standing outside her home I saw a new side to her - a humble side. How she couldn't live in a palace of her own I didn't understand. The world isn't like fairy tales.

Sadly enough, it was a film which gave me the confidence to do what I did. Hitch. The man taught that if a woman wanted you to go away she'd pull out her keys straight away and go inside. She didn't. She played with them whilst listening to my apparently amusing spiel, and I knew I was in with a magical chance. Once in a lifetime had always seemed like a regular statement - one thrown around easily in this modern day and age. But at that moment I understood its true meaning.

"We've warned you."

I grunt.

She opened the door and I moved suddenly, grabbing her attention, and I pulled a line about coffee. Panic hit the air as I found it difficult to breathe, and dear God did my heart stop when she said 'yes'. That three letter word will ring forever in my memory...

I pause contemplating the events that followed.

It was on the wall. The pick axe. Don't look so shocked in your safe little cubicle, you should have known that if you were half as good as you say you are. It was hers, and it sat on the wall. Shame we'll never find out why she put it there of all places.

"You didn't ask?"

I smile.

Curiosity strikes you now? Shame. It'll have to eat away at you then because no, I didn't ask. Somehow asking how the weapon of choice ends up in the victim's home is not a great way of breaking the ice. No. At the time I merely smiled at the object and followed her down the narrow hallway and into the kitchen. The kettle was turned on and left to boil. But something clicked at that moment, and she kissed me. Breaking away for a second, she looked into my eyes and I into hers, both wondering whether that was the right thing to do.

Returning to the same position, the second kiss was full of passion and I was overcome by the power behind it. She was determined to win dominance over me, and we took turns in trying to trump the other's last lustful movement. A magical evening no doubt, and even without what happened after, we would have been left with bruises.

A silence emanates through the tinny noise as an awkwardness falls on the men in the other room. A reluctance in the speaker's voice as he begrudgingly asks: "Where in the house did this occur?"

You should know shouldn't you? I saw the vans of forensics... But if you must get me to answer, it was in the kitchen. I asked if she wanted to go somewhere more comfortable, but as I've already said, she wasn't going to fall for that. It would have been weak of her to accept and I would have won. Though I did concede and let her win eventually, she was too good. But this made her cocky. And that wasn't funny. She felt that we should try different arenas, and that she'd beat me in every single one. I questioned her on the idea that she'd actually consider fucking me in every part of the house, but she seemed to be more willing than I, so who was I to say no?

I have the bizarre feeling you can join the dots yourselves officers, as I know dot-to-dot is one of your favourite pass times. But yes, seeing as it was the closest 'arena', we tried the hallway with just the same amount of fire within us as we did the first time. Though, I'm not exactly the most athletic man in town, and the first 'round' seemed to have worn me out. Regardless of what I wanted to do, my body wouldn't allow it.

She ordered me to stand up. Kinky bitch, no? Fucking ridiculous is what she was. How she thought she could pull one over on me just because she's so fucking, stereotypically beautiful. No. I made a damn stand for everything I felt was right in that second and waited 'til she was occupied. And yes, I pulled that mesh of wood and metal into my pudgy hands.

You know what's funny though? She didn't seem scared at first, stupid cow. All the looks but no brains. Always the way, eh fellas? Once I struck the first blow-

"Why was it in the foot? Why not just kill her there and then?"

Well, I'm not sure if you've ever tried to swing a pick axe above your head and back down again into someone directly in front of you whilst inside of them, but it's bloody fucking difficult to get the right angle.

No. She screamed though. Such a wail was indescribable! My eardrums were ready to collapse. I couldn't believe that with such a simple bodily function she'd actually managed to top me cutting through her ankle. Fucking ridiculous!

I was furious with myself for letting her win again. New arena, new chance, and I fucking blew it. But even though she was struggling backwards on her elbows, she was still in the hallway. All was fair on my part then. We hadn't started a new round yet.

I pulled it above my head and back down again. Kinda like an old miner. And please excuse my smile. You don't know the immense pleasure that came to me from winning. And I'm sure you know it from there.

After finishing her off, I panicked, ran out the front door completely starkers, straight into the next door neighbour who had so nicely come round to check what the noise was all about. If I hadn't of left the front door open for all to see, may have gotten a little bit further before being caught and being thrown in here with a bunch of juvenile uniforms.

"Thank you for your eventual cooperation. Someone will be in shortly to escort you to your cell."

A rough looking man grabs my arm and half carries me out the door, through to a narrow corridor where they've situated a nice looking box for me. Throwing me inside, the officer pauses before closing the door. I tilt my head questioningly at him, and he looks up and down the hallway before whispering: "If you don't mind me interjecting, but you said you had won because she's dead?"

That I did. I got the final blow, therefore I win.

"But, you're now stuck in a jail cell for at least 20 years. Doesn't that mean she's won?"

And with that, he closes the door on me, leaving me to dwell in a sea of humiliation and shame.