Rollercoaster Ride

It was 3.45 and I still couldn’t sleep. John’s face that was near my shoulder reminded me of three years ago. Staring at his sleeping figure, my mind thought about how many times I had been there for him even though I was hurting inside.

I thought about how he smiled, how he laughed, how he was upset; all of his expression. Even when he cried.

I thought about how he protected me from jerks, perverts, and dickheads.

I thought about how he was being protective of me when we went to a carnival 5 years ago, even though he was only 12 back then, and how he was so excited that he won me the bracelet that I was always wearing.

I thought about how much he liked Morgan back then, and how bad I hurt when I listened to all of his rambles about her.

I thought about how he landed his lips on me, but Neyla had them on hers too. Along with Morgan.

That though made me wanting to cry. I gulped back tears that were starting to glisten my eyes as I got up and went to the porch, and sat on the cushioned sofa swing.

It was 4 AM in late October, so you could imagine how cold it was. I wrapped my arms around my body as I lifted up my legs to sit Indian style. I could see my own breath as my eyes wandered up. The stars were blinking, sprawled across the dark blue sky.

The door slid open and I felt the seat next to me sunk. I looked to my right, only to see John’s brown eyes looking into mine.

“What’s wrong?” he whispered as he laid his palm on my cheek and caressed it with his thumb.

I sniffed, looking down. I could see a drop of water falling down to my pants.

“Hey, hey… what’s wrong?” he asked again even softer this time, placing his other palm on the other cheek and lifted my face up. “Don’t cry, love.” He wiped the tears with his thumb. “Don’t cry, don’t cry,” he repeated.

“I’m not crying,” I sniffed, slapping his hands away. “Something’s in my fucking eye.”

He pulled on a smile of relief as I rubbed my eyes.

“Which eye?” he asked, pulling my hands.

“Right.”

He leaned close to blow my eye. I blinked.

“Don’t blink!” he reminded, blowing more. He kept on blowing, from soft blows to hard blows by every blow.

“John, stop!” I giggled. He smiled but kept blowing my face. I giggled again, “Stooop!” He didn’t. “Stop it before I kick your balls!”

He instantly stopped, staring at me with a shocked look in his face.

“Oh, you wouldn’t.”

“Try me,” I growled.

He smiled, staring deeply into my eyes. Still holding both of my hands, his smile was slowly fading as his eyes were getting deeper.

He leaned in closer and I felt the cold clouds of his breath hit my face. He was getting closer and our lips were just an inch away.

Suddenly the image of Morgan flashed into my mind.

I turned my head away and he kissed my cheek, just a few centimeters away from the corner of my mouth.

I could feel his eyes staring at me in confusion.

“I’m gonna get a drink,” I said, getting up and went to the kitchen.

I opened the cupboard, and felt someone wrapped his long arms around my body.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed to my hair, weighing his head on mine.

“What for?” I questioned, stopping myself from taking a glass.

“I realize I have been spending less time with you.”

I didn’t reply.

“What’s wrong with you?” he murmured.

“What’s wrong with me?” I asked back.

“You seem to be so absent-minded these days.”

I turned around to face him. “More like what’s wrong with you. You had been ignoring me since Morgan came back! What am I to you all these years, an escape?! You know how I like you John; you know how I’m crazy about you! You gave me hope, you showed me affection, you made me feel like I was the luckiest girl in the world; hell, I felt like I was the only girl in the world! But I should’ve known that Morgan wasn’t staying in Australia forever, so I won’t be hoping for too much!

“What am I to you, John?” I whispered, fighting back my tears. “A best friend? An escape? Someone that’s just too huggable? I feel so stupid.”

He didn’t say anything but he locked his eyes on mine all the time.

I turned away to go back to the basement. I was walking a few steps but he held my wrist and pulled me back to him, fiercely colliding his lips into mine.

Not giving him any more crap, I pushed him away and ran back to the basement.

I couldn’t sleep until 5. I didn’t feel John’s presence beside me until I was fully asleep.