Will You Catch Me If I Fall?

Addison's POV

His hands were on my skirt, ripping the fabric apart and I could feel his breath, hot with alcohol on my neck. I shivered but he had me pinned down. I opened my mouth to scream, to scream for Frank-E, to scream for Trace…someone needed to help me, to get him off me. But I found I could not speak, my voice had disappeared along with my will. And along with my voice went my ability to control my own body.

I was frozen, like I was captured in a block of ice as he scratched my skin with his nails, as his mouth, wet and disgusting trailed over mine. All I could do was cry silent tears, that fell down my cheeks in mournful waterfalls, kissing my lips clean with their saltiness.

And then as he removed that last item of clothing and bore down upon me, my ability to fight returned. I began to scream, and I swore I must have torn my throat, I screamed so loud. I flailed about underneath him, pushing him off me, hitting him scratching him, trying to retain any bit of modesty that I had left. But he was stronger, and he pinned me down again. And all I could do was scream and cry out for those I loved as he destroyed me.

“Addison! Addie, baby! Wake up, please wake up Addie!”

My eyes opened from the nightmare I believed was real, and I looked into the frantic eyes of Trace who was bent over me in the bed, holding me as I cried out. I continued to scream, my mind still trapped in the nightmares of sleep and I thrashed in his arms. But he held me, not cruelly like the man of my nightmares, but gentle and calm, shushing me, soothing me…

Finally, I realised that he was Trace, my Trace and he wouldn’t hurt me. He loved me, he had saved me. Trace would never hurt me like that.

I calmed down, my ragged breaths stilling as I collapsed into sobs that caused my slim body to heave. I rocked sideways, burying my head into his colourful chest. I flinched as my swollen face made contact with his skin, and whimpered slightly between the sobbing but Trace shushed me, his hand running through my hair and he rocked me back and forth gently like a baby.

“Was it the same dream?” he whispered softly in the dark and I only nodded my head. Ever since the incident at Frank-E’s three nights ago, I’d awoke screaming, sweating and tangled in the sheets, Trace’s soft voice and touch pleading with me to wake up and realise I was safe. I was being haunted by what had almost happened, and I couldn’t make it go away. And everytime I looked in the mirror, it made it worse. My eyes were black and blue, I had a gash across my nose and another on my cheek from where I had been repeatedly been hit. My legs and arm were bruised with hand marks and I flinched, even when Trace ever caressed me.

I knew I had always been weak, especially after Stephanie but now, now I felt helpless…I was crumbling from fear, and shock and this time it had nothing to do with Stephanie. This time, the reasons were because of Justin. I shivered, and continued to shiver until Trace wrapped us both in the duvet again, laying us down so my head was cradled on his chest. I clutched to him, my hands digging into his bare skin to remind myself over and over that he was here, he was real and he was with me, keeping me safe and warding away the bad dreams.

“Sleep now Addie. Sleep easy, I’m here...nothing’s going to hurt you,”

“So take one word, you said
You put it in your bed
You rest your tiny head on your pillow

You wonder where you're going next
You've got your hair pushed to my chest
And now you're hoping
That someone will let you in”

I closed my eyes as he began to sing to me, and I allowed the words to hit me. They caressed me like a blanket, pulling me closer to him, and finally I began to relax.

“Well, I swear I'll let you in
You know I'll let you in
Oh Addie, you

So don't let anyone scare you
You know that I'll protect you
Always, now through the thick and thin
Until the end

You better watch it
You know you don't cross it
Because, I'm always here for you
And I'll be here for you”

My hands unclenched around his chest, and I began to breathe a little bit easier. His hands wrapped themselves tighter around me and he gently took my head away from his chest and lay it down on the pillow. I half opened my eyes, sleepily looking at him, and I squeezed his hand as it trailed past my own.

“I know, I know, I know
I know how it feels
Believe me, I've been there
And I know, I know, I know
I know what it feels like
Tell me, Addie

And I'll swim the ocean for you
The ocean for you
Whoa, Addie”

The words began to drift around me, swooping in and out so I caught some words but not a full sentence but I took comfort in them, they were like a bullet proof vest. They kept me safe, he was here, he was singing for me.
He ran his hand down my face, his fingers so gentle on my bruises I didn’t even feel any pain. He kissed my lips softly, lingering for a moment in a way I hadn’t been able to let him do since that night. And they he stopped singing, and began whispering the lyrics he had written for me,

“So let me say, that I love you
You're all I've ever wanted
All I've ever dreamed of to come
And yes you did come”

I smiled at him, and as I finally drifted back to a peaceful sleep, one hand weakly holding his, I heard him repeat the words to me, so I slept with them in my head, “I love you. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. All I’ve ever dreamed of.”

“And you know that I’ll protect you, through the thick and thin. Because I love you, Addie, I love you.”

And he healed me.
With those words, those gestures, I was able to wake up the next day and actually get out of bed, shower, ignoring the pain of the water on my bruises. I was able to walk out the door with him hiding my hand, and I was able to look past the people who stared at the injuries on my face. I had never felt quite so weak but I know I’ll be able to survive anything now, as long as I had him. Because if I didn’t have him, I’d die. I know that now…I need him. He’s like the very air I breathe. I need him to be a good person, to look after me, to pick me up when I stumble. He’s like my stepping stones across a river.

I need him.
He can never ever leave me alone.