Moving On Up

Three Years Later

Emptiness. That was all I had been feeling since graduation from High School; emptiness. As if I had no real purpose, that nothing could make me feel completely happy and I knew why, but I chose not to think about it.

I had no clue what had become of Nick; absolutely no clue. I hoped he’d made something of himself, because I knew how much he was capable of. Jay and I hadn’t lasted long after graduation which was to be expected. I had a dream one night where basically Jesse said, “Charlene, to be blunt you have been a bit of a slut.” Ouch. I woke up the next morning and broke up with Jay immediately. I had dated one guy during University, Ben, who not surprisingly looked very similar to Nick and I tried to force myself to feel for him the way I did Nick but I just couldn’t.

I had come out of University with top honours in English Literature with Law and was now studying for my Masters Degree because as my parents always said, I always had to go further than everyone else. I enjoyed University; it gave my mind a focus which I desperately needed. Plus I shared a flat with three of my other close friends who were at University as well. It helped to curb the loneliness.

As I had said, I hadn’t returned to the States and only saw my friends and family when they came over here. Sara and Henry were still going strong and had moved in together in an apartment in New York. I could not have been happier for them. Opposites really do attract.

“Charlene.” There was a light knocking on my door. “We’re all going out for pizza. You want in?”

“Urm, yeah sure.” I said, pushing back from my desk full of books and over to my door. It was like always, a cold and blistery day in Oxford; the sun having gone in for the next few months. Much to everyone’s delight there was some light snow that trickled down into the city and began setting a light cover over the streets and buildings. The beauty of Oxford was something I could never get over. I hoped to live here permanently after I’d finished my Masters, perhaps settle down or remain a lonely spinster my entire life. I chose to leave it to fate as always; although it wasn’t really working in my favour at the moment. I couldn’t decide if I missed Nick as my love interest or just as a companion. I missed him, that’s all I knew.

“Come on Charlene, brighten up a bit.” Olivia smiled, nudging me.

“Sorry, I’m just buried alive with study at the moment.”

“Aren’t we all.” She sighed, taking a bite of her pizza. “But it’s Friday. It’s like a rule to chill out and do sod all on a Friday night.”

“Fine, consider me to be doing sod all tonight.” I took a sip of my coke, tucking into another slice of pizza.

“Anyone up for a movie night?” Greg asked. We all made some sort of incoherent response through our mouthfuls of pizza.

So we find ourselves in the local blockbuster, having arguments about what to get.

“But romantic comedies will brighten our spirits!” Olivia squealed.

“And make me physically sick.” Tim complained and Greg agreed.

“How about an action one?” I asked. “Like James Bond or something.”

“Yes; in with the Bond.” Greg smiled, high fiving me. “You are a true genius Miss Howard.”

“I know, I know.” I grinned, picking up three Bond films and carrying them over to the cashier.

“Ok, that’s £8.50…” The cashier dragged on, his eyes bulging out when my friends threw loads of junk food onto the counter.

“All of this too.” Greg said loudly, smiling at the cashier who was barely visible behind all the huge bags of popcorn.

“So much for not gaining loads of weight in winter.” I laughed. “Oh, sorry how much do I owe you now?” I asked once all of our items were bagged.

“I’ll cover the cost if you let me take you to dinner.” He smiled, staring at me with his sultry eyes.

“Oh I urm, I don’t think-” Olivia stamped on my foot, whispering into my ear.

“Charlene go for it. He’s cute and you haven’t dated anyone since Ben which was like a year and a half ago.”

“Two years.”

“My point exactly.”

I turned back to the cashier who was waiting anxiously for my reply. “Is Wednesday ok?”

…

“So, Charlene has got a little date.” Tim smiled as he poured the popcorn into a bowl. The other two were in the living room setting up the DVD and I had a feeling it was going to be a nice, relaxing Friday night.

“Yeah.” I smiled, popping open some redbull.

“Charlene, why don’t you date?” He asked softly. I looked away from him and out of the window as the snow began to fall again. “I know you always say ‘it’s a long story’, but we want to hear the story. All of us want you to be happy and we can’t help you until you speak to us.”

“I am happy.”

“Really?” I nodded, not looking in his eyes because he knew I was lying. He sighed and picked up the bowls of popcorn. “You can lie to me and the others, but you can’t lie to yourself Charlene.”

I sighed and stared out of the window, watching everyone below; all of the children beginning to make snowballs and then being yelled at by adults when they threw them at passerby. I chuckled and then remembered the first and only Christmas I spent in the States.

Four years earlier

“The snow is beautiful.” I sighed, cuddling into my duvet as I sat on the window seat. It was the countdown to Christmas and Nick and I were on the phone to each other since we couldn’t be together. Our parents insisted we both spent the mornings with our families and could then spend the rest of the day together. Plus Frankie was very pushy about everyone watching him open his stocking and Nick was no exception to his rule. My family always went for a boring Christmas walk before any presents were opened so that was how I would be spending my Christmas morning. Neither Nick nor I were happy about the arrangement.

“It reminds me of you.” Nick sighed into the phone.

“Why because it’s heavy and cold?” I chuckled.

“No, because it’s stunning and everything it touches becomes beautiful.” I blushed and bit my bottom lip, glad he couldn’t see the way he still affected me. “Are you blushing?” He said and I knew he was grinning.

“Maybeeee.” I laughed. “5 minutes until Christmas.”

“I wish I was with you right now.” He sighed. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too which is really bad considering we’ve only been apart 3 hours.”

“3 whole hours.” Nick whined. “Ugh, I have to go, apparently other people are trying to sleep.”

“Ok, Happy Christmas in advance. I love you.”

“I love you too.” He said quickly before hanging up. I cuddled into my duvet and stared out of my window, smiling at how truly beautiful everything looked. There was a screeching of wheels from outside and I jumped up and ran to the window that faced the front of the house. I squealed and ran quickly from my room and down the stairs. I flung open the door and ran across the snow covered lawn which Nick was running up. I jumped into his arms and hugged him tightly. There was a countdown coming from a house down the street.

“4, 3, 2, 1. Merry Christmas!” They yelled. Nick squeezed my legs which were tightly around him and he pulled my head gently back with his free hand.

“Merry Christmas baby.” He whispered. I smiled softly and gently connected our lips, running my fingers through his snow covered hair. We continued to kiss despite the snow falling heavier with every passing second. “You’re freezing, let’s get you inside.” He breathed and the air coming from his mouth was visible due to the freezing conditions. I jumped from his arms and took his hand, running inside and quietly up to my bedroom. I giggled as he shook his hair and snow fell everywhere. I ruffled his hair and even more fell out.

“Man, I love you.” I giggled at how cute he looked with his little red nose and ears as a result of the cold.

“I love you so so much.” He smiled, lifting me up and carrying me over to my bed. We continued to kiss for a while before Nick shivered. I pulled away and then noticed how wet his clothes were from the snow. I slid out from underneath him, grabbing his hand and taking him with me over to my wardrobe.

“Whoa, how many pyjamas do you have here? Take your pick.” I laughed. He changed into his pyjamas as I picked up the duvet from the window seat and carried it over to the bed. as I was laying it out Nick jumped on top of me, both of us falling onto the bed.

“Nick!” I laughed. He quickly covered my mouth with his hand, telling me to be quiet.

“Ssh, we don’t want to wake your parents.” He whispered whilst trying not to laugh.

“Your fault.” I shrugged, climbing under the covers. Nick followed lead and pulled me flush against him, his finger wrapping around a strand of my hair.

“This is already the best Christmas I’ve ever had.” Nick whispered, rubbing his nose over mine.

“And why is that Mr Jonas?” I grinned, dragging a finger down his chest.

“Because I have the best present of all time; you.” He whispered. We lay together for hours, just appreciating each others company. We were going to be shattered.

“You have to go soon, it’s just gone 5:30, and your family will be waking up shortly.”

“True, Frankie is always up at this time on Christmas.” Nick smiled. “I don’t want to leave you.” He pouted and I couldn’t help but pop his bottom lip and smile at the noise. “You are so easily amused.” He laughed.

I sighed and ran my hands down his chest, smoothing down his pyjama shirt. “I’ll see you at 1 ok? So that’s just over 7 hours.”

“Ugh, I’d rather spend time with you than my fucking family.”

“Nick.” I warned, since together we hardly ever swore.

“Sorry, I’m just so peeved.”

“It’s only 7 hours.” I laughed. “Not years.”

“I know. I can’t even imagine my life without having you by my side.”

“Me neither. I love you Nicky.”

“I love you too beautiful.” He whispered before settling his lips on mine, proving this was the best Christmas I had ever had.

…

But I didn’t have to imagine. I really was living a life without him by my side. I sniffled and wiped under my eyes as I continued to stare outside, the vision blurring.

“Charlene, it’s starting!” Olivia called. I shook out of my daze and sniffled, quickly picking up the bowl of m&m’s. I plonked myself next to Tim who I knew was obsessed with m&m’s.

“Yes, in with the junk food.” Greg laughed, throwing a hand full on chocolate into his mouth.

Everyone settled into the film but I couldn’t get Nick off my brain, it was like he was purposely tormenting.

“You ok?” Tim whispered. I looked up at him and just by the look in my eyes he knew I wasn’t. “I’m here if you need to talk. We all are.” He whispered, rubbing my arm.

“I know.” I whispered back.

“Guys please, I love this bit!” Greg whined. I looked at Tim and laughed. Tim opened his arms for me and I smiled, turning and resting my back against his chest. Lying in Nicks arms always gave me a different feeling compared to other guys. There was just something about his embrace that always made me feel so loved and protected and I missed that.

I missed everything about him, in fact there wasn’t one thing I didn’t miss. From his soft and gentle curls to his adorable giggle. His sarcastic sense of humour to his sensitive side. I missed really random things as well like the little twitch he often got in his left eye when he didn’t quite understand something. I saw it a lot in History. The list went on and on and I often found myself going through it in my mind; trying to remember everything about him before he slipped from my memory.

I missed him; end of.