Moving On Up

Fifteen minutes later and I could feel no part of my body apart from my lips which were being kept warm by Nicks. As if he could read my thoughts, Nick pulled back slightly, keeping his forehead on mine and allowing his breath to fan my face as he spoke.

“Do you want to go inside?” He asked quietly, stroking my face. I looked into his brown eyes and nodded, letting him lift me up and hold me close as he carried me inside.

“God, you’re freezing.” Nick muttered, rubbing his hands up and down my arms. “I’ll run you a bath.” With my hand in his, he walked us upstairs and into the bathroom where he ran the warm water and sat on the side of the bath and pulled me onto his lap.

“Are you ok?” He asked, gently stroking my hair. I turned my head to look at his worried face and smiled weakly before nodding and settling my head under his chin. I could feel his heavily beating heart and pulled my head back again and looked at him.

“Are you ok?” I asked him, brushing some remaining snow from his hair.

“I’m amazing.” He smiled and kissed my cheek, staring at me with loving eyes.

I awkwardly looked away and saw the rising water. “I guess I’d best hop in then.” He continued to stare at me and I had to raise my eyebrows for him to get the hint.

“Oh right, yeah, I’m meant to leave.” He slowly lifted me from his lap before standing up, kissing my forehead and walking out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him. My eyes stayed fixed on the door, my emotions completely out of whack. I remained in my position, jumping slightly by the knock on the bathroom door.

“Urm Charlene, I left my shampoo in there. Are you decent?” Nick asked from outside the bathroom. I turned behind me and picked up his shampoo and walked to the door, opening it to reveal Nick.

“Here.” I whispered, smiling softly up at him. “We don’t want your curls losing their bounce now do we?”

“Certainly not.” He smiled, taking the shampoo from me and looking down at me, slowly leaning in and kissing my lips softly. He pulled back and smoothed my hair softly, tilting his head to one side. “Now get in that bath, I don’t want you getting sick.” He smiled and walked down the stairs to the other bathroom.

I stayed in the bath well after the water had gone cold, certainly not helping my growing chill.

“Charlene, is everything ok?” Nick called from outside the bathroom, clearly worried as to why I had taken so long.

“Yeah.” I said weakly, climbing out of the bath and wrapping myself in a towel. On my way out of the bathroom my reflection caught my eye and I couldn’t help but stop and stare. The bags under my eyes were so visible that no amount of concealer could conceal the emotional torment I was living.

“Baby?” He called once more. I shut my eyes, remembering all the times he had called me that during happier times. I didn’t know what to do but I knew every move I made would be hurting someone and I hated that.

“Hey.” I whispered, opening the door to again see a worried Nick. He had always been such a worrier.

“You were starting to scare me.” He let out a deep breath, relief spreading across his face. He reached out and touched my cheek, his eyebrows knotting together. “You’re still so cold.”

“I’ll go and get changed into one of Marks big hoodies.”

He cringed at Marks name.

“You can wear one of mine. You always liked my hoodies.”

“Honestly its fine, I’ll just wear one of Mark’s, he’s used to me stealing his clothes.”

“Charlene.” He pleaded, placing his hand on my shoulder. He was testing me and my heart. I pulled from his grip and walked to Mark and I’s bedroom and got changed, refusing to look back at him. Again my reflection caught my eye, I didn’t recognise myself. This wasn’t the Charlene I knew or wanted to be. I was a good person.

I walked out and toward the stairs, taking only two steps down before turning and walking into Nick’s bedroom and making my way over to his closet. As expected his closet was an absolute mess, no different to when we were teenagers. I chuckled and suddenly spotted a navy hoody that I recognised. Though his surname was a little faded on the back, I could never forget his high school football hoody. He had always said it had brought him luck and I loved the fact that he still had it. I slipped into the jumper, hoping he wouldn’t be angry I had chosen to wear something so special to him.

Walking down the stairs, silence met my ears and I frowned wondering where Nick was. In the lounge sat Nick, his head in his hands as he sat on the couch, head down with his back to me.

“Nick?”

He slowly pulled his head up and crossed his fingers together but remained looking forward. I walked around the couch until I could see his face. He slowly raked his eyes up my body and stopped on my hoody. A smile was now on his face by the time his eyes had reached mine.

“I can’t believe you still have this.”

He stood and walked towards me, carefully taking me in a hug. “It’s always reminded me of you.” He whispered. I closed my eyes to stop myself from crying and hugged him back, burying my face into his neck.

“It smells the same as it did in high school.” I said quietly into his neck, inhaling his scent.

“I swear I have washed it since then.” He said quickly. I chuckled and tightened my grip on his neck, smiling to myself.

“I didn’t say it was a bad thing. I’ve always liked your smell.”

“Its prada.”

“No.” I laughed again at how oblivious he was a lot of the time. “I mean your smell.”

“Wait, you like it?”

“Yep, always have.” I sighed, removing my arms from his and smiling up at him as he smiled at me. “But that doesn’t mean you should stop washing.” I grinned.

“Ha ha.” He said sarcastically, making me laugh. He took my hand and led me to the couch, falling down on it and bringing me into him. He picked up my hand and placed it against his own, probably looking at the huge size difference. His eyes were focused on our hands, giving me and opportunity to look up at him, analysing everything I could see. I saw the boy I had fallen in love with in high school, the boy that I had wanted to marry, the boy I had shared everything with and the boy that broke my heart. Tears welled in my eyes as I looked at him, my emotions finally coming to the surface. I pulled my hand quickly from his, his head flinging up and his eyes curious and panicked. I whimpered and stood from the couch, watching as he quickly stood and reached for me. A loud sob fell from my lips and I fled from the room and ran for the stairs.

“Charlene!” Nick quickly chased after me and I could hear him only a few steps behind me on the stairs. I ran for Mark and I’s room at the end of the hallway, my crying now unstoppable. I slammed the door shut just as Nick had reached it and slowly slid down the other side of the door, shaking uncontrollably.

“Charlene honey please let me in. Please talk to me.”

I sobbed and buried my face into my hands and continued to shake, my body already aching.

“Please Charlene.” He croaked, making me cry even harder. I heard his body slump down and I knew he was also sitting against the other side of the door.

“I know its my fault you’re hurting right now so please talk to me and let me help you.”

“You weren’t meant to happen.”

“What?”

“You were never meant to happen to me again. You were never meant to come back into my life. You were never meant to make me discover my feelings for you still exist.”

He was silent.

“Do you hate me for it?” He finally spoke.

“No! And that’s what scares me the most! Then to make matters worse, you turn out to be one of Mark’s closest friends! It’s the ultimate sign that fate hates me!”

“Fate?” He spoke calmly whereas I was close to erratic. “I never believed in fate before I met you, but you made me believe that everything happens for a reason. Charlene we were brought together for a reason. What are the odds for stuff like this happening? A billion to one. You always said you can never run from fate, well why don’t you follow your own advise for a change?”

I stood and walked away from the door, no longer listening to what he was saying. The mirror showed a stranger, a bitch, an enemy. Was I confused? Confusion would be one kiss and feeling guilty. I had kissed Nick far too many times and where was the guilt? The guilt was all over my lying, cheating face.

This was never meant to happen. Nick was meant to simply be a figure of my past, a love I had to block from my mind. Given, I could never forget him and everything he had made me feel, but I was trying and typical, just as I move on and find a prince charming, Jonas decides he doesn’t want to play game and pops into my life again. He’d never been one to play by the rules, he’d always made a point of changing the rules.

I spent the rest of the afternoon sitting on the window sill simply staring outside, waiting for something to come along and tell me what to do. At just gone six Mark pulled into the driveway and that’s when it clicked. I was going to tell him.

It took 2 whole minutes for Mark to track me down.

“Baby?”

I cringed at the name, the same thing Nick had always called me.

“Why’s the door locked?”

I pushed myself off the window sill and walked over to the door, slowly opening it and allowing him inside. I closed the door behind him and he turned and his face fell when he saw my face in the shadows.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong? What’s happened?” He scooped me into his arms and again I began to cry. “Charlene, talk to me.” He carried me over to the bed and set me on his lap, his warm hand stroking my face. I clung to him and cried for what felt like hours, releasing everything I had been holding in. “Its ok, I’m here now, I’ll always be here for you, please just talk to me.”

“I don’t deserve you.” I whispered.

“What? Seriously, you are going to give me a heart attack if you don’t tell me what’s got you so upset.”

I pulled back enough to clearly see his face, the beautiful man that I loved with everything in me. He didn’t deserve me. He deserved a princess who was perfect…not me. I mentally prepared myself as much as I could, knowing things would never be the same in this household.

“Mark.” I let out a deep breath, knowing it was now or never. “I’ve been lying to you.”