Moving On Up

‘Men need sex.’

I sighed as I flicked through my new issue of cosmopolitan and noticed how many articles there were about sex, and the male need for it. I had become increasingly aware that everyone practically assumed we had been together sexually since getting back together. People almost seemed in shock that we hadn’t.

As I read the articles, I began to get butterflies in my stomach at the idea of making love with Nick.

‘All men will push for sex. If they don’t, they’ll be getting it elsewhere.’ Ok, some articles were very cynical but it definitely got me wondering. I knew Nick was faithful but I wondered why he hadn’t pushed for it. Not at all. He claimed to have not slept with anyone since we broke up which personally, I found hard to believe considering he is a man after all. But it’s the fact that he hadn’t even hinted at the idea that got me paranoid. Was it me?

It was 8pm on a Thursday night and Nick had been at practice all day. Spring was finally here, but the weather did little to suggest this, with the heating in the apartment needing to be on full blast and the rain pouring down outside, making the apartment particularly cosy.

I was snuggled up on the couch reading Cosmopolitan, Bella snuggled against me, when Nick finally came home, raindrops dripping from his curls. His back was to me as he grabbed a bottle of lucozade from the fridge. I dragged my eyes up and down his body, butterflies forming again at how magnificent he was.

He turned and walked into the living room, a wide smile on his lips.

“Hey Babe.” He grinned, walking over and pressing a long kiss to my lips. “I missed you today.”

“I missed you too.” I smiled, pressing a final kiss to his lips before pulling back. “Go and get showered. I don’t want you getting a cold.”

“Yes m’am.” He chuckled, walking from the living room and into the bathroom. In the past he would have suggested I join him, but not now. It just didn’t make sense to me. He was 22 years old and didn’t desire sex? Surely not.

I walked over to the kitchen, Bella in my arms, and wondered what to make for dinner. I opted for a pasta bake and got to work on preparing the meal which thankfully didn’t take long. Within 15 minutes it was in the oven and already smelling amazing. I heard the shower turn off and within minutes Nick appeared with a white towel hung low on his hips; very low.

“Perving are we?” He laughed as he saw me drooling over his chest. He scooped me up, my legs hooking behind his waist as he placed me on the counter.

“It’s not my fault you have such an amazing body.” I smiled, running my hand through his hair. He pulled my hand down to his chest and lay it over his tattoo, his beating heart under my fingers. I frowned and traced my finger over his skin, my eyebrows knotting together.

“Hey.” He lifted my chin and held my eye contact, question in his eyes. “What’s on your mind?” When I didn’t answer he pushed again, knowing something was up. “Baby?”

“I just love you a whole lot.” I smiled weakly, hoping to throw him off his scent. He looked at me sceptically and I knew he was aware there was more to it but he also knew when not to push.

“I love you too.” He said, looking at me intently, his expression unchanged. “I”m going to go and get into some warm clothes.” He pressed a kiss to my hand and then turned and left the room. I sighed and stared down at my hands, wanting to know what was on his mind and what he wanted. All these years later and I still didn’t understand men.

After checking the dinner was still looking good, I scooped Bella off of the ground and walked through to the spare room and settled on the bed, gazing out onto the quiet fields below. Bella whimpered and nudged my chin, begging to be stroked. I brought my hand up to her tiny head and scratched behind her ears, smiling as her eyes closed and she leaned into my touch.

“What are you doing in here?”

I turned my head to look at Nick leaning against the doorframe, his large body blocking out most light from the corridor. He wore basketball shorts and a thick hoody, his face sporting the 5 o’clock shadow. He was gorgeous.

“It’s relaxing in here.”

Turning my head back around, I continued stroking Bella but stared outside of the window, always finding peace in the surroundings of this apartment. The bed dipped and sure enough I felt Nick spoon me and pull my back into his chest.

“Talk to me.” He said quietly before pressing a kiss to the back of my ear. “Please.”

I stayed quiet for a little while and I heard him sigh softly just before I spoke. “Nick.” I turned to face him and Bella whimpered at the loss of contact. “Do you miss sex?”

He jerked his head back and his eyebrows flew up his forehead in shock. “What?” He almost laughed at the bluntness of my words.

“I mean...you’re a man, you’re genetically bound to love and need sex. I just wonder how you can go from being once a sex crazed guy to someone who doesn’t even want it in the slightest.”

“What makes you think I don’t want it?” He frowned. Bella squeezed between us both and Nick lifted her and placed her on the floor before turning back with a serious look on his face. I wondered if Nick feared what I would do if he pushed for intimacy, if he thought I would reject his passes. Was this a pride issue?

“You don’t push for it. Most men would.”

“What do you want me to do? Shove my hand down your underwear all the time?” I tried to roll away from him but he gripped onto me and held me tight.

“You’re just being crude and mocking me now.” I muttered, trying unsuccessfully to move from his grip.

“No I’m not. I just want to know what has brought this on and why you think these things.”

“You don’t touch and hold me like you used to. You touch me with caution and wariness. I just don’t know why and I feel like it’s something that I’ve done wrong.”

He snaked his arms under mine and around to my back to hold me still against him and to prevent me rolling away from him. “First things first; I’m a guy which therefore means I love sex. Secondly, I don’t ever want you to feel as if I am using you or your body. So many guys use their girlfriends purely for sex and I never want you to feel like that.”

“But if you love sex, how have you gone so long without?”

“Because it’s not just about sex anymore. It’s the emotional side just as much. I only want to make love with you and no one else. What was the point of sleeping with random girls I don’t care about? I mean, I obviously didn’t go completely without...”

“Huh?”

He smirked and raised his hand.

“Eww, Nick.”

He laughed and smiled wide; a sight I absolutely loved. “I’m a guy!” He protested whilst laughing. “But if it helps...I always thought of you.”

“Ok, ok, enough of this self pleasuring talk already.” I said quickly which caused him to laugh again. His laughter was one of the cutest things I’d ever heard.

My laughter stopped when I looked into his smiling eyes but saw something else. There was more to it.

“And...”

His smile faded and his eyes were once against swamped with seriousness. “I wish you didn’t know me so well sometimes.”

“Nicky...please speak to me.” I whispered, pressing a kiss to his nose.

“I’m scared.” He let out a deep and ragged breath whilst slowly bringing his eyes up to mine. “I’m scared I won’t be good enough.” Another deep breath and he continued. “It’s been so long that I fear I won’t know what to do. I fear you’ll be disappointed and compare me to Mark.” He stared at me long and hard before speaking slowly. “I fear I’ll let you down.”

“Nick.” I whispered, only to have him place his finger on my lips.

“When we were together in high school, not meaning to sound big headed, but I was a bloody professional. I knew exactly what to do and how to make you feel. I’m so scared of falling short of your expectations, both because of our past and what you shared with Mark.”

“Nick-”

“You have no idea how much I have wanted you since I saw you again back in New York. Physically, all I have wanted is you. Whenever I held you I’d have to control myself to stop me jumping you right there and then. It’s taken all of my self control and I’m completely drained from it.”

I stared up into his eyes, wanting to laugh at the irony that a huge sex icon was scared of disappointing in the bedroom, but instead I felt a tear roll down my cheek which he quickly wiped with his thumb.

“Nick, you can never disappoint me. I thought the idea of having sex with me put you off.”

He smiled weakly and brushed some hair from my face. “Never.” He brushed his nose against mine and chuckled, putting on a posh, British accent. “Darling, you my dear, are the hottest thing on this planet earth. Sex bomb if you will.”

I laughed and nuzzled my face into his neck. He was a total dork around me, but I loved how comfortable that showed he was.

“Nick, since we’re being honest with each other, I think you should know something.”

He pulled back slightly so he could see my eyes and he smiled softly to encourage me, but I also saw fear and curiosity in his eyes.

“I haven’t slept with Mark for months.”

“What?” He whispered, confusion evident.

“I knew my heart was elsewhere and it wasn’t fair to either of you. Besides, by the time he came home, I’d usually be asleep. I didn’t want to make love with him whilst thinking of you the entire time.”

“Really?” His soft voice made me melt and curl into him, allowing him to bring me in.

“Yeah.” I whispered back, feeling the love radiating between us as if nothing could break us; nothing could tear us apart.

“Charlene, I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Ditto Nicky; ditto.”

...

Later that evening, Nick and I were cuddled up on the couch as ‘classic’ American Football games showed on television. It was amazing to see how truly passionate about the sport he was, which was just another thing I loved about him.

To be honest, I didn’t really understand what was going on in the game but I was just happy to spend time with Nick and try to grasp it as he explained it to me. He was surprisingly patient despite my complete lack of knowledge. I would have given up straight away.

“Ok, so what position is this guy?” Nick asked as a huge player appeared on screen; the sheer size of the man was intimidating.

“Wide receiver?”

Nick turned his head and grinned. “That’s my girl.” He smiled before kissing me softly, my toes curling in pleasure as he did so.

I settled my head back on Nick’s shoulder and saw the same man on the screen. “He’s so scary looking.”

“He’s one of my best friends, Fred.” Nick laughed but I knew he was being serious.

“Fred? How can a guy that scary looking have a name like that?”

“No one mocks him though. Only an idiot begging for a black eye would.”

I pulled my head back and looked at him as he wore a strange yet amused expression. “Nicholas Jonas, were you an idiot?” I smirked, knowing full well he had been on the end of Fred’s knuckles.

“It was before I became friends with him. I thought he was an arrogant dickhead and he thought the same of me. We were pulled into a room after months of feuding and surprisingly, to both us and everyone else, we settled our differences and are now pretty tight. He’s a good one to have on your side.”

I sighed softly and smiled as I brushed Nick’s hair from his forehead. “Trust you to go and challenge the biggest guy in the NFL.”

“I’ve never been the brightest of people that way.” He said before smiling at me. He looked at me and his expression changed as he stared at me and pulled my hand from his hair and placed a kiss on the inside of my wrist. He pushed the sleeve of my hoody back further and pressed another soft kiss further up my arm and then again, his soft lips sending tingles up my arm.

Without looking away he reached for the remote and switched off the television, throwing the remote to the far end of the couch. He pulled me into his lap and removed my hoody before taking my arm again and continuing his way up with soft caresses.

We held eye contact the whole time, neither of us daring to look away from the passion building in our eyes. He reached my shoulder and he lightly grazed his teeth along my collar bone before sucking softly at the suprasternal notch. I sighed gently and tugged slightly on his hair, feeling my entire body lighting on fire.

“Nick.” I moaned softly and then opened my eyes widely as I felt a certain part of him suddenly more prominent than before. He too froze and then pulled his head back slightly, his eyes hooded and glazed with lust. I doubted my eyes looked any different. A silent communication passed between us and we both knew what was ahead of us. It felt too natural to fight.

“I don’t have a condom, Charlene.” Nick’s voice was raspy and filled with lust, along with his entire body.

“I’m on the pill.”

A smile of pure male appreciation appeared and he pulled my face down to his and connected our lips. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” I smiled and pressed my lips to his, swiftly guiding my tongue into his mouth where it met his. He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist and stood, holding me firmly against him whilst I gripped my legs around his broad frame. He carried me through to the bedroom, not once weakening the kiss as his lips made an aggressive assault on my mouth. Placing me back on my feet, he quickly shed of his shirt, the sight of his chest once again making me weak. I shimmied out of my pyjama bottoms as he removed his jeans, leaving him in just his boxers whereas I was in my underwear and pyjama top which I was now very wary of removing. He saw my lack of movement and went to remove my shirt himself but I clammed up and held it down.

“What’s wrong? Is this too soon?” He asked softly, hurt and worry in his eyes. I shook my head. “Then what?” He reached up and hesitantly stroked my face, his eyebrows now close together.

“I’m not like the other women you are always around.”

He frowned and his silence showed his confusion.

“You’re always having women throw themselves at you and flaunting everything they’ve got. The football cheerleaders have the bloody biggest breasts I think I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m not like that.”

“Baby-”

“I don’t want to disappoint you.” I whispered, feeling my eyes welling up. Thanks to my mother, I had never been gifted in the breast department and as a result, I had been self conscious ever since I turned 13 and all of my friends had begun to change, but I hadn’t. Sure, I had breasts, but they were nothing like the one’s Nick was used to having shoved in his face by desperate women.

Nick’s face fell and he reached for me the way he always did; the way he always had. His voice was so velvety as he spoke into my ear, his lips gently brushing. “You are perfect, Charlene. I love everything about you, both inside and out. I know how self conscious you’ve always been about this, but to me...they are perfect; because they are you. Everyday all I see are women who invest far too much in surgery and you’re a breath of fresh air compared to them. I don’t want a plastic barbie doll, I want you.”

He pulled his head back and wiped softly beneath my eyes, a sad smile on his face. As I stared up into his eyes I realised that no one would ever compare to Nick. I would never love anyone or anything the way I did him. He was more me than I was. Taking a small step back from him, I reached down for the bottom of my pyjama top and noticed my shaking hands. My eyes caught Nick’s which were penetrating my soul, his eyes refusing to drop the eye contact between us. He reached forward and placed his hands over mine, rubbing his thumbs over my hands to calm me; helping me gain courage as we lifted my shirt together. I gulped when his eyes eventually left mine and travelled over my body which was only covered by my underwear. Then his eyes were on my breasts and a delicate smile grew on his face.

“You’re so perfect to me.” Was all that he whispered before looking back at me and pressing a delicate kiss to my lips. He brought his hands up to my face and cupped my cheeks as he brushed his lips repeatedly over mine; his soft lips like a drug to me. My hands slid up his chest, my finger revelling at how firm his muscles were, which were tightening under my touch. Slowly my hands crept up to his hair and I knotted my fingers in his curls whilst moving his head to the side to gain better access to his mouth. He lifted me up once more and walked warily towards the bed, carefully laying me down in the middle of it and then climbing on top; our kiss still in tact. I whimpered as he removed his lips from mine, but it quickly turned into a gasp as his lips became reacquainted with my breasts. His lips slowly travelled down my body to my naval where he smiled at my piercing.

“You always said you wanted it done.” He chuckled quietly, pressing a kiss to my stomach and continuing down. His eyes travelled up my body until they landed on mine. His fingers grasped the side of my underwear and his eyes held question; checking I still wanted to go through with this. I smiled softly, giving him all of the encouragement he needed as he slipped the material from my body, his gaze softening.

He pressed a kiss to the inside of my thigh before moving up onto his knees and removing his boxers and crawling back on top of me.

“I love you.” I whispered as he pressed his face into my cheek, his breathing heavy and full of anticipation.

He pulled his head back and brushed his nose against mine, his eyes now closed. “I love you too.” He whispered back, his breath fanning my face. His lips brushed mine before he moved slightly to readjust himself. I released a quivered breath, knowing how overdue this union between us had been. 5 years overdue.

His face lowered to mine again and I gazed up into his beautiful eyes as I felt the slight contact in my lower body.

“Fuck.” He whispered, freezing and allowing his eyes to roll back. His teeth dug deep into his bottom lip and I watched in amazement.

“Nicky?” I said quietly, bringing my hand up to his soft cheek. His eyes opened slightly and I noticed how dark his eyes now were.

“I’d forgotten how good this felt.” He mumbled, brushing his nose against my cheek. I chuckled softly and laced my fingers behind his neck to bring his lips to mine, slowly readjusting to deepen the contact. He cursed into my mouth and I smiled at how tense his shoulders were.

“Baby, relax.” I whispered over his lips, wanting this moment to be just as special for him as it was for me.

He stared into my eyes and slowly pushed further into my body, the emotion in his eyes completely overwhelming. He stilled when he filled me and nothing but pure lust and passion passed between our eyes. Pressing his lips softly to mine, he slowly began to move, but the kiss turned more hungry as he began to pick up speed, sending both of us to pure ecstasy.

We moaned each other names, clinging to each other as we worked together the entire time, wanting nothing more than to satisfy the other. Together we pushed each other to the edge, again and again way into the early hours, leaving no body part untouched with pure adrenaline.

Without question it was the best night of our lives.

...

The next morning I awoke to a nose pressed into my hair and curls tickling my face which instantly brought on a massive grin.

“Nick, what are you doing?” I chuckled, my voice full of sleep. He moved back and lay his head on the same pillow as me, a cheeky smirk on his face.

“You sound so sexy in the mornings.” He grinned, pressing a big kiss to my lips. I laughed and shimmied closer to him until our bodies were pressed together, though I was definitely wary of his manhood that was inline with my leg. I doubted the contact he desired was with my knee which would definitely not have been nice for him or any man for that matter.

“Someone has sex on the brain.” I smiled, brushing my lips against his adams apple. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and held my chest flush against his.

“Last night makes it impossible for anything else to be on the brain. It was incredible, Charlene.”

My smile turned delicate and I saw his had too, which made my heart swell so much that it was almost painful. We could not have felt closer than we did right there and then.

“Nick, for someone who hasn’t been intimate like that for 5 years...you could have fooled me.”

“Really?” He whispered, linking his fingers through mine and bringing it between us. I nodded and bit down on my bottom lip, still blown away from the events of last night. No one could make me feel the way Nick did. “I love you so much.” He said with his forehead pressed to mine, him warm body shielding me from the draft.

“I love you, Nicky; so much that it scares me.” I breathed, brushing my lips gently over his. Several minutes later he pulled his lips back slightly and gave me an Eskimo kiss which always made me giggle.

“You do know what this means though?” He asked with a grin.

“Hmm?”

“I’m going to be jumping you 24/7 now. Boink central here we come!”

I laughed and playfully slapped him, pushing him off of me. “Way to ruin the moment loser.” I scoffed and sat up, looking down at him lying there with a huge smirk. I then noticed the duvet had fallen to my waist, revealing my bare chest. He wrapped his arms around my lower waist and pulled me over on top of him before flipping over and covering my whole body with his.

“Yes, but I’m the sexiest god damn loser you’re ever gonna meet.” He said gruffly against my neck which caused a loud laugh to leave my lips. I felt him smile against my skin before he pressed a kiss there and then lay his head on my shoulder.

“Loser isn’t really my type, but I’ll make an exception for you, Jonas.” I grinned, looking past his head to his exposed chest which made it very hard to keep my hands back. Loser and Nick certainly didn’t go together. Try sex and god and you’ve got it.

“I appreciate that, Howard.” He said with humour and looked up at me with those beautiful brown eyes and I felt my heart soften whenever I looked at him. He truly was my soulmate. “Come here beautiful.” He said with a handsome smile, holding me close and pulling my body down so my head fit snuggly under his chin, his body once again covering mine.

I held my lips to his adams apple, feeling his large hands sliding down my back and landing on my behind which he squeezed softly.

“Is this what it’s going to be like now? Groping like there’s no tomorrow?” I laughed and he nodded and winked before joining in with my laughter.

Sliding my hands down his body, I watched his face change when I slowly grasped onto his lower part. I bit down on my lip and gently stroked him, internally laughing at his tortured face. My power over him quickly vanished when he groaned deep in his throat and flipped me over, evoking a scream of surprise. He held himself up by his elbows but the rest of him was firmly pressed against me, leaving nothing to imagination. He was definitely easily aroused.

“So Miss Howard, what do you say we make up for lost time?”

Bringing my hand to his face, I trickled my fingers down his cheek, watching with adoration as he leant into my touch and pressed a kiss to my palm.

“That’s a lot of time we have to make up.” I whispered.

“Well there’s no time like the present.” He said whilst brushing his lips delicately over mine, his hands now cupping my face with the most loving touch I had ever experienced. “I’ll always take care of you, Charlene. I’ll do everything I can to make you happy.”

“Just be with me. You are all I need.”

“I will never leave you; ever. You are my princess.”

And with that we made love slowly, carefully, beautifully. Nothing could have made this moment in time any more special, so we held onto it with all of our might, never wanting anything to change. But we both knew that drama would always be around the corner and that there was nothing we could do to stop it...