Except One

In a night now quiet with settled thoughts and reassured hearts, Regan flew gently with the soft breeze to her beach.

She had said she was going home, but suddenly Regan wondered, where exactly was home?

She flew down to the beach below her, and felt the familiar comfort of the sand under her feet. She had missed this beach, above all things. She had missed here, this had been her home.

There were new cottages along the cliffs, big cottages, that were more houses. Regan looked up to them, her body and face lost in the night’s mystery shadows. In one room, lit by lamps and the flickering glow of a television, she could see a middle aged couple sitting on a deep red couch. The man’s arm rested casually across his wives shoulder, and she rested in the crook of his arm, taking comfort in the strength of his shoulder. They seemed perfectly safe in their own cocoon of happiness. Regan smiled, her eyes drifting upwards to what were obviously the children’s bedrooms. A perfect family home.

Something she would never have.

If Regan left now, and flew to the land of unbroken promises, of living dreams, she would also be leaving behind the chance of a normal life. Now she had moved on from her past demons, faced them and won, she could perhaps, try living like a normal human being. She would never have to hide again, feel ashamed, spoiled…broken.

She could find a husband, a husband that looked like Peter. She could have children, many children. Her own lost boys and girls who of course, would never actually be lost because they would have a mother who was a loving woman, a mother who would kiss away every tear on their face, hug away every bruise. She would be a fantastic mother, the mother she herself had never been given.

Tears rolled down her face as the spirits of her unborn children danced around her. One had cornflower blue eyes like Peter, another golden hair the colour of wheat on a sunny day. She reached her hand out, desperate to touch them, tell them she was here, she was waiting for them, but with a final laugh and skip, they vanished into the unknown, where they would stay.

Regan slumped to the ground, her heart tearing in two. She needed Peter, as now Peter needed her too. She needed him for joy, excitement. She needed him to remind her of why everyday was worth living, why everyday was another adventure.

Peter would never be a man, he would never be a husband. So if she stayed, she would be leaving him behind for good. She could never come back. She could never fly to see Neverland again, because she would be grown up.

Felin fizzed up from the hole he had been digging in the sand and Regan smiled at him as he landed on top of her head, and bent over so he was in her eye view. He made a silly face, so she would laugh- his favourite noise in the whole wide world.

Regan moved, her body slumping onto the sand, her hair spilling like silvery golden blood around her head. She swept her open hand across the sand, closing her eyes and breathing in the smell of the sea. Felin rested on her neck, dozing to the rhythm of her pulse.

Regan’s eyes flickered as she dozed, her mind jumping back and forth to a thousand splendid days with Peter to hundreds of shorter ones with a family. They were both what she wanted, what she needed.

In a world of normality, her family called to her.
In the world of magic, Peter called out for her, to her, again and again.

“Regan,”

She could even hear his voice in her ears, that delicious voice that sounded and tasted like a million laughs all in one.

“Regan, are you alright? Are you hurt?”

Regan opened her eyes abruptly to stare at Peter, and gasped. “Peter! What are you doing here? You know I needed to be alone!”

But her heart was singing at his arrival.

Peter cast his eyes down, shamefaced, “I’m sorry Regan. But…I can’t let you go.”

Regan blinked, “What do you mean Peter?”

His hand shot out, catching hers, and he looked down at them, tracing small circles onto her skin with his finger, “I mean…I let Wendy go. But I’m not letting you leave me Regan. I don’t care, I don’t care if you want to stay here and get married and…and…grow up! I’m staying with you.”

Regan took a shaky breath, “Peter…I..,”

“Regan. I’ll grow up. I’ll grow up for you Regan. I swear it. I’ll never go back there, I’ll never go back to Neverland with out you.”

Regan’s head began to whirl, her mind an explosion of thoughts. Peter wanted to grow up. All she wanted, her family, her children…could all happen now. She could do it.

And then she really looked at him. His wide innocent eyes, his mouth curled ina permanent smile. What would happen to him if he grew up? He’d get a job somewhere, wear a suit. He’d learn to frown, and to balance cheque books. He might even forget to fly.

And the faeries, Tink and Felin. They wouldn’t be able to survive here. And they wouldn’t be able to survive in Neverland without their laughs, their children. They would be too lonely. They’d die of broken hearts.

Regan smiled slowly, and sadly. “No, Peter. You will not grow up.”

Peter’s eyes widened, and filled with tears he refused to shed, “But Regan. I will grow with you, to be with you!”

“And that’s exactly why we will not grow up. You’ve proven your virtue, your maturity with that statement Peter. But the world needs Peter Pan, they need the boy who smells of a thousand playful summers, who has defeated James and William Hook. We all need you. I need you…and I plan to never leave you.”

Peter smiled, “Regan?”

Regan began to drift upwards, Tink and Felin already zooming home, giving privacy. She held out her hand. “let’s go home boy.”

Peter laughed and turned to take her hand but then stopped. He looked away from her, across the empty cove and before Regan’s eyes something changed. He appeared taller, broader. His hair thickened, his hands enlarged. And he turned to her, as a young man, his eyes dark with something he’d never felt, love…and lust.

He took her hand, but with a tug, brought her into his chest, stronger than ever. He tucked a piece of hai behind her ear, and when Regan looked up to the new Peter questioningly, he smiled, and the trace of the old Peter could still be seen in that mischievous smirk. “Do you think,” he whispered softly, “we could grow up…for just one night?”

Regan stepped closer, breathing him in, “Just one night?”

Peter nodded and then bent his head, catching her lips upon his, kissing her deeply. They pulled away as Peter lowered her onto the sand and ran his hand up her leg. Regan gasped and then smiled, “Just one night…”

And she allowed Peter to kiss her as they had never kissed before.