Harder Than You Know

Nightmare’s POV:

For the last two weeks everyone had gotten along so well it was kind of scaring me. Vengeance and Frank were so happy together. Craig had met a new girl that he was kind of hiding from us. He said it was early in the dating game to introduce her too us all. I was hoping she would be the one for him. I hated hurting him the way I did. He was just too great a guy. Gerard and Craig had become fast friends. Hell everyone was friends. I was sitting on the speaker on the stage just reliving everything that had happened since joining this tour. I was so lost in my thoughts I never heard Max walk up. “Nightmare, you ok babe?” I looked up and smiled at Max. “Yeah, I’m good.” He sat next to me and put his arm around me. “I’m so sorry things happened like they did. I’m just glad everything turned out.” I smiled “Max, I’m really sorry too. I want us to be friends for forever and always. I really do love you guys.” He smiled “Only if I can be your boy toy.” I laughed the hardest I’ve laughed in a very long time. “Maxi-Bear! You are the boy toy of tour. And we all love you. So have you found anyone yet?” Max’s eyes dropped to his feet. “No. Hell I’m a boy toy. I don’t have time for one woman. I just…” He trailed off. I hugged him. “Max, you need a woman that knows how wonderful you really are. I hate seeing you get drunk and heading out with fan girls. You need better than that.” He smiled and hugged me tighter. “Yeah, well the best of the bunch of you are taken. Don’t get me wrong girl. I think you and Gerard are perfect. Hell, I even think Frank is perfect for Vengeance but, I still miss her a lot. She’s one of a kind.” That she was. I was racking my brain thinking of any single friends I might have that would treat Max right when Gerard walked in on us.

“Should I be a jealous man or what?” Gerard stood with his hands on his hips. Max snuggled into my arms and gave Gerard a wicked smile. “Hey Gee; it’s the lip rings that drives them crazy.” I slugged him and pushed him away. “No Green, it’s the hair.” He laughed as I made my way into Gerard’s waiting arms. He placed a kiss on my lips. I ran my fingers through his hair. “Hey baby. I missed you. Where have you been all day?” He kissed me again. “I had to go get a woman at the airport.” I raised one eyebrow. “What? I’m not enough for you Way?” Before Gerard could answer Max jumped in “Hell she’s enough for me.” I laughed when Gerard lunged at him. Max backed off laughing “Kidding dude. She knows I’m available if you bail.” I gave Max a shut up look. Gerard laughed “Max trust me I keep her more than satisfied.” He turned his attention back to me. “No sugar, I picked Patrick’s daughter up. Seems she’s finishing up with you on tour.” Max light up at the mention of a new female on tour with us. I held back a giggle. “Patrick’s daughter as in Cody? Cody is here?” Gerard looked at me puzzled. “Yeah, I think that is what her name is. Do you know her?” “Do I know her? Hell yeah I know her. Where is that crazy bitch?” I’ve known Cody for a couple of years and she is a funny wild girl. Gerard pointed towards the buses. “Sugar, I don’t think it’s the time to go see her. Patty Cakes is one pissed off father right now. Something about a stolen car and police. I think your friend is in some trouble with her father.” I just busted out laughing. “She’s always in trouble with Patty Cakes. She only does crazy shit like this to get his attention.” I quickly kissed Gerard and left him with Max who wanted to know everything Gerard knew about Cody. I was in search of my old friend.

I could hear the yelling coming from Patrick’s bus that he uses as band ground zero. I didn’t bother with knocking I just jumped through the door yelling “Band Fucking Ho! Get your sleazy ass over here and hug your friend!” Cody turned and squealed in delight. “Queen Fucking Bitch that runs Hell…How the hell are you Nightmare? Damn you look good.” We launched ourselves at each other. We were bouncing in circles laughing and squealing when Vengeance joined us. “Fuck me shit! Look at what the tour is coming too. Get your ass over here!” Patrick cleared his throat. “Do you ladies mind? This is a moment between me and my daughter...” I hugged him and smiled “No Patty Cakes we don’t mind at all. In fact we will see you later. Come on Cody let’s make the rounds.” We dragged Cody out of the bus. We didn’t stop until we were near the stage. Cody smiled “Thanks! Dad’s on a save Cody from the fiery depths of hell mission again.” Vengeance smiled “What did you do this time Cody?” I nudged Vengeance “She stole a car again.” Cody laughed “That’s the least of it. The car belonged to a cop.” We all busted out laughing. We were all really wild girls until we joined our band and well we calmed down and Cody didn’t. Cody’s head snapped up. “Who is that? Damn! Tour won’t be so bad after all.” I looked to where she was gazing. “Max Green, bassist for Escape The Fate. Hell he is even single. Come on.”

Gerard’s POV:

I was still standing on stage talking to Max when the girls came up. I saw the new girl I had just picked up staring at Max. When I looked back at him he was looking her up and down. I laughed when I saw the look on Nightmare’s face. I knew that look. She was going to play matchmaker. I didn’t know if it was a good idea or not. Patrick doesn’t like rock stars that he works with being too personal with anyone but him. She is his baby after all. After all the drama from the beginning of the tour till now I was afraid he wouldn’t like his kid being with anyone of us. Nightmare introduced everyone and Max and Cody hit it off in an instant. They were talking like they had known each other for years. Nightmare smiled and winked at me. I know my cues. It was time to take my woman out of here. I put my hand on Max’s shoulder. “Dude. I know you got this under control so I’m taking my woman for some Gee time before she goes on stage.” Max winked at me and Cody smiled an evil grin at me. Vengeance went in search of Frank so I tossed Nightmare over my shoulder and headed for our bus with her laughing all the way.

Once on the bus I headed to the bunks knowing Frank and Vengeance would not be there and Mikey was on the ETF bus playing video games with Bryan and Robert. I set my girlfriend down and started rubbing my hands up and down her sides, slowly moving under her shirt. I was so turned on right now I thought I would burst through my pants. They were getting tighter by the minute. “Sugar, I love you. I want to try and make a baby with you.” Nightmare tensed up and pulled away. “What? Uhm…I have to do sound check right now.” She lunged for the front of the bus but I grabbed her arm and held her there. She had tears forming in her eyes. What did I just do? “Nightmare! Baby, I’m so sorry. I just…I love you. I want us to be together forever and well, I want our life back. The one I ruined.” Now I felt the tears in my eyes. She looked up at me and brushed a tear away. “I know Gee. I’m just not ready. I love you with all my heart but I can’t do that again. It…it’s just…too hard.” She ran off the bus and right into Max. He didn’t have Cody with him so he ran after her. I fell to the couch and let the tears I was trying to hold back flow.

I looked up and Craig and Mikey were standing in front of me. Mikey sat next to me and put his arm around me. “What happened Gerard? We saw Max chasing Nightmare.” Craig looked at me with what looked to be anger in his eyes. I looked back at my brother “Mikey. I fucked up! We were getting all hot and I asked her to make a baby with me. Like the one I fucking killed. I scarred her. I fucked up so bad Mikey. What am I going to do?” Craig sighed and the anger changed to sympathy. He spoke first. “Gerard, give her time. She loves you man. And stop saying you killed your baby. Shit happened! Nobody tried to kill a baby. She just needs time to get used to the two of you being together again. She’ll come around.” I couldn’t believe Mabbitt was being so damned nice to me. The two of them talked to me for the next two hours before Frank and Vengeance came in. Mikey told them what had happened. Vengeance looked at me with fear in her eyes. “Is she alone?” I shook my head “No Max went after her.” Vengeance smiled “I hope he stops her.” We all looked at her “What do you mean stop her?” I barley spoke. “Gerard, when she gets upset like this she drinks. A lot! I mean more than you did back in the day.” I felt like I was going to vomit. An hour later we heard Max yell for help.

Max was carrying my very drunk girlfriend up to the bus compound. “Fuck! What happened Max?” I couldn’t believe my eyes. “Gerard, dude! I am so sorry. I couldn’t stop her so I wasn’t going to leave her drinking like that. She is fucking strong when she wants to be.” I knew what he was talking about. I’ve never seen Nightmare this bad before. It was always me drunk in a wad on the floor.

Patrick was pissed. Cody was shocked. Angel and Sunshine kept their mouths shut. Bryan and Robert sat there staring. Craig was looking down with mixed emotions, hate, sympathy, pity, confusion, but most of all love. Max didn’t want to leave her after seeing how much she drank. Frank and Mikey were talking to Vengeance and Mikey walked up “Bro, you need to take care of her tonight. I’ll play bass and Max can do the new song that I don’t know yet.” I nodded. This sure is turning the tables on me. Cody asked if I needed her to help. I told her no, that she should go watch the show.

Everyone left to do their things. I got Nightmare into her Pj’s and got the trash can. I had a bowl of water and wash cloth at our side along with a bottle of water. After she threw up everything in her system I made her sip the water and take the aspirin. I stripped down to my boxers and crawled into bed with the woman I loved so much. I ran my fingers through her hair and whispered into her sleeping ear. “I love you Sugar. I loved our baby and I’ll love our next. I want to marry you so much. I love you.” I fell asleep and about two hours later woke up to her vomiting again. I held her hair and wiped her face with the cloth. “Nightmare baby, I love you. You are going to be fine. I promise.” She looked at me bursting out into tears. “I want our baby back Gerard. How could I kill our baby? I loved our baby and I killed it.” She was shaking all over. I held her tight. “No baby, I killed our child. You didn’t do anything.” She calmed down and snuggled closer to me. All night in her sleep she kept crying and screaming out for the baby we lost. What the hell have I done to this amazing woman?