Hidden Within

I stare at Lynn blankly as those six words play on repeat through my head like a broken record. The six little words that I never thought would spill from her lips.

“I told her you’re dating Brian.”

“You told her what?” I ask in disbelief, hoping and praying that I was just hearing things; that she didn’t just tell me that she told her mother that I am dating one of the boys I hate more than anything in the entire world.

“I told her that you’re dating Brian,” she repeats softly, looking up at me nervously as she bites her bottom lip, her hazel eyes appear to be apologetic.

“Why, Lynn? Why out of all the people in the world would you tell her I’m dating Haner? Why not someone I actually get along with like… Like… Jimmy?”

“I don’t kn-- Wait, do you like Jimmy?” she asks with wide eyes.

“No, I don’t like Jimmy!” I exclaim in frustration. “I was just saying him because I actually get along with him. I could stand to be out on a fake date with him. But Haner? Lynn, you know how much I detest that boy. You know how much we hate each other. We can’t even hold a civil conversation with one another! Why on Earth would you even think of him?”

“I don’t know…” she trails off with a shrug, nervously scratching the back of her neck. “I guess it’s because he’s, like, Zacky’s best friend and all so he was the first guy to come to mind. I’m sorry, Lana, I know that you don’t like him and all, but maybe it’ll be fun.”

“Fun? Lynn, this isn’t going to be fun. This is going to be anything but fun. This is going to be a fake date from Hell!”

“I’m sorry, Lana. But maybe you’ll have a good time…”

“I highly doubt that, Lynn. Just please tell me that your mother’s never met Haner before. Maybe then we can just have someone I get along with pretend to be him…”

“She met Brian this summer,” she says softly. “She thinks that he’s a sweet guy and totally approves though. When I told her that you are dating him she got the biggest smile on her face and said that you two must be the cutest… couple,” she mumbles the last word, looking down into her lap.

I glare icily at her, not happy to hear what she’s just said. I love Lynn’s mom, really I do; she’s a sweet woman and has treated me like her own, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive her for saying that Brian and I must be the cutest couple. The thought of dating him alone makes my stomach churn. I doubt we’d be so cute if she could see just how much the boy repulses me.

“Now we just have to get your parents to give the okay and we can start having these dates,” she tacks on, looking up at me with a hopeful smile.

“Dates? As in more than one?” I choke. I’m sorry, but I was led to believe that this was just going to be a onetime thing. Go on one “double date” and then everything goes back to normal.

“Yeah, I mean it’s not like you guys would have to do this for forever; just until my mom stops being so strict and lets me and Zacky go on dates on our own.”

“I don’t know, Lynn…” I trail off, biting my bottom lip. “You know that Haner and I can’t stand each other. We’ll probably end up killing each other if given the opportunity.”

“Then I guess I won’t give you the opportunity,” she replies with a grin.

“Lynn…”

“Lana, please? Do this for me? Just a few dates that’s all; I promise,” she swears, looking up at me with those big hazel eyes.

I bite my lip as I look at her, unable to tear my gaze away from the pitiful look in her eyes and that pout on her face. I want to tell her ‘no’. I want to tell her tough luck and she should just ask one of the other girls to do these stupid double dates for her. But then I remember that she’s my best friend and has been since we were little kids. I can’t just bail on her like this when she really needs me. If I were to do that then what kind of friend am I?

I release a heavy sigh and chew on my bottom lip for a couple seconds, still debating exactly what I should do, what I should tell her. Should I just tell her that I can’t or should I just cave in and do my duty as her best friend, suck it up, and go out on this ‘date’ with Brian.

“Fine,” I mumble with a small nod of my head. “I’ll do it.”

“Oh my God, thank you so much, Lana!” she practically squeals, launching herself forward and wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug. “You have no idea how much this means to me!” she says as she pulls away.

“What are best friends for?” I ask with a small shrug of my shoulders. “You’ve done so much for me; it’s the least I can do.”

“You’re the best, Lana! Really, you are! I love you so much!” She embraces me in yet another huge hug.

“I love you, too, hun,” I tell her with a small chuckle as she lets go of me. “So, when were you planning on doing this?”

“Well, we’re going to the spot tomorrow so Zacky and I were thinking of going the day after. But it all depends on how your parents and Brian’s parents react to everything.”

“Oh yeah… So… What are we going to tell them anyway?” I ask her, biting down on my bottom lip again. I really do not like the idea of telling my parents that I’m going on a date; and I really don’t like the idea of telling them that I have a boyfriend.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it all figured out in my head. You’ve got nothing to worry about. You probably won’t even have to say much at all.”

“Okay,” I reply, eying her warily. “So, what are you going to do if my parents say no?”

“I don’t know… I never really thought about it since I really doubt that they’re going to object to you going out on a date. I mean, you’re fifteen, Lana. It’s not like you’re a little kid anymore.”

“I guess you’ve got a point there… What about Haner’s--”

“Could you please stop calling him by his last name all the damn time?”

“Fine…” I grumble, rolling my eyes at her. “What about Brian’s parents? What are you going to do if his parents say no?”

“Them I don’t know about. I’ve only seen them a couple of time, but they seem like really cool people. They live right across the street, you know,” she adds on casually.

“Do they?” I ask, feigning ignorance as I run my fingers through my dark hair.

“Yeah, they live right across the street. Zacky took me over there a couple times to walk with Brian to the park and stuff. Do you not pay attention to the people who live in your neighborhood?”

“I guess I don’t because I had no idea. When did that happen?” I ask, trying to ignore the fact that Lynn had been right across the street from me and didn’t even stop by to say hi or anything like that. Maybe she’s not the best friend that I think she is…

“This summer if I remember right. Maybe at like the end of May after we finished school; I really don’t know. It’s why he is able to go to Huntington instead of having to go to Lakewood.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, he’s really glad that his parents decided to move because he was going to be seriously bummed being away from the guys. It’d be like sending you and me to different schools, ya know?”

“Yeah, that would suck to be away from your friends and all… Too bad it means that he’s around to torment me though.”

“Lana… He hasn’t been that bad… And he even came up with a cute nickname for you.”

“Cute? Is that what you call that stupid name he calls me? Because I find it irritating as hell.”

“Well, yeah, I think it’s cute. I mean, Sunshine is a cute nickname. It’s like you’re the light of his life.”

The light of his life? Because that’s what a boy would call the girl he hates more than anything in the world. It’s almost as if he’s read my mind because I’ve actually started thinking of calling him Superman because he swoops in and saves me from danger. Where the Hell does she come up with this shit?

“Whatever, Lynn. Haner just--”

She clears her throat and I roll my eyes, expelling a heavy sigh.

“Brian just calls me that because he knows it gets on my nerves. It’s not a sweet thing at all; it’s a stupid, shameful, and despicable way for him to just get on my nerves and he knows it because he’s an asshole,” I mutter, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Brian’s not that bad, Lana. I mean it; he’s a really nice guy now.”

“Yeah, you’ve told me that quite a bit for the last couple of days, but for some reason I’m not biting.”

“I know that there’s bad blood between you two or whatever you wanna call it. But I really do mean it, Lana. I wouldn’t lie to you about something like that. Just try to tolerate him, please? For me?” she asks with a tiny, hopeful smile pulling at her lips.

“I’ll try my damnedest, I promise,” I tell her as sincerely as I can. “But be warned, if he starts something I’m not going to hold back.”

“And I don’t expect you to. Which is why I’ve had Zacky tell Brian that he has to be civil.”

“Han-- Brian be civil? That I’d like to see,” I say with a small smirk.

“I don’t know,” she starts with a tiny smile. “I heard that he was pretty nice to you yesterday in Gym class.”

“What do you mean by that?” I ask, nervously twisting a section of hair around my index finger.

“Well, there are these girls in my first hour class who were talking about you today. I was going to tell them to shut up at first because I thought they were talking bad about you, but it turned out they were just talking about you and Brian.”

“Me and Brian? What about me and him?” I ask, knitting my brow together and biting down on my bottom lip.

“They said that you had tripped during Gym and he helped you up.”

“That was nothing. I fell and he was right behind me and helped me up,” I mumble, cutting out the fact that I had passed out since she seems to be completely oblivious to that fact. And I’m grateful for it.

“So he didn’t rush over to you to make sure you were okay?” she asks, raising an eyebrow at me.

“No, he didn’t rush over to make sure I was okay.” I look down in my lap, starting to feel even more uncomfortable than I did at the beginning of this conversation.

“And he didn’t stay by your side for the rest of the class period?”

I bite the inside of my lip momentarily as my eyes take in the smirk that’s playing on her lips. “He did, I guess.” My eyes flicker to her and her smirk grows into a full-blown smile. “He was only doing that because he had promised you, Danni, and Laney that he’d be nice to me.”

She looks at me for a moment, almost as if she’s trying to read my face for any hint of deception. “I’m sure that’s the reason,” she says with a small nod.

“So… Is this the only reason you came over today? To convince me to go on this silly date?”

“Of course not, Lana. I’ve missed hanging out with you like we used to. It’s just that I needed to let you know before I--”

“Lana, Mom says that dinner’s ready,” Kris says, poking his head in the doorway.

“Thanks, Kris. We’ll be down in a little bit,” I tell him with a small smile.

He nods his head and quickly turns on his heels, probably heading straight downstairs so he try to take a stab at dinner before everyone else. I stare at the doorway where my brother was standing and an awkward silence blankets the room.

“Well, I guess we should head on down there then,” I sigh, glancing over at Lynn.

“Okay… But you’re-- You’re not mad at me are you, Lana?” she queries, biting her lip nervously.

“Of course I’m not mad,” I tell her, trying my best to smile.

I just wish that I could feel like I’m your best friend, not someone that you can use just so you can spend more time with your precious boyfriend…

“That’s good. I would hate to have you think that I don’t wanna hang out with you. I really do miss hanging out with you; I just really needed to ask you this before bringing it up to your parents. Don’t wanna give you a heart attack or anything like that.”

“Yeah, I totally understand.”

I get up from my bed and Lynn does the same, following me out of the room and down the stairs to the dining room. Everyone’s already sitting at the table and I see my mom placing the last of the food down onto the table. I suck on my bottom lip as my eyes survey all the food on the table. Food that I would love to eat, but just don’t have the appetite for.

“There you two are,” Mom smiles as we take our seats at the table. “Would you two like something else to drink besides water?”

“Nah, water’s fine, Mom.”

“Yeah, water’s fine with me, too.”

“Are you sure? We have Coke and Sprite if you’d rather have that.”

I simply nod my head.

“Yeah, it’s fine, Mrs. Benton,” Lynn says as she lifts her glass of water to her lips and takes a sip.

“Alright; but if you want anything else just let me know.”

“Okay,” we chorus before starting to get our food on our plates.

I anxiously glance around the table, looking at what everyone else is taking, noticing just how much they’re eating. I don’t want to make so much that it’ll be noticeable if I don’t eat all of it; but I also don’t wanna take too little to where Henry asks about a damn eating disorder again. It was bad enough dealing with my parents’ concern yesterday; I doubt I’d be able to handle it today in front of Lynn.

“So, how have you been doing, Lynn?” Henry asks. “What have you been up to lately? We haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I’ve been good. I’ve just been hanging out with my boyfriend this summer,” she answers after chewing a mouthful of her food.

“Boyfriend? Your mom’s letting you date?” he asks. I can hear the surprise in his voice.

“Well, kinda. I can hang out with him as long as his parents are with us. But she is going to let me go on double dates…” she trails off a bit and I feel my stomach start to knot as I push my food around with my fork; I know what she’s going to say, and I doubt that it’s going to be received very well at all.

“Oh, double dates can be fun! Have you been able to go on one yet?” Mom queries.

“No, actually, I haven’t. But I was hoping to go on one day after tomorrow with Lana and her boyfriend,” she replies, grabbing her glass and taking a long drink of water.

Everyone goes silent and I can feel their eyes fall onto me. I chew on the inside of my lip and stare down at my food, not wanting to make eye contact with any of them. I don’t want to see the looks on any of their faces right now. My heart starts to beat faster, my pulse pounding harshly in my ears as I imagine what must be running through their minds.

“Lana and her what?” Mom and Sandi exclaim.

“Her boyfriend,” Lynn repeats matter-of-factly, a tiny hint of nervousness tingeing her voice. “Didn’t she tell you guys about him?”

“No, she didn’t,” Henry replies slightly irked.

“Who is it, Lana?” Mom asks softly.

I look up and across the table where my mother is sitting, looking at me intently with a hurt look in her eyes. I usually never keep important stuff like this away from her. I tell her everything. I’ve always been able to confide in her, to talk to her, and here she thinks I’ve kept away a major part of my life; my first boyfriend.

Imagine just how hurt she would be if she finds out what I’m really keeping from her; what I’m keeping from everyone. How hurt would she be to know that I have kept something like that from her? How disappointed would she be to know that her daughter’s damaged; that I’ve been broken to the point that I don’t think I can ever be repaired? How would she feel to know that I can’t trust anyone anymore? How would she feel knowing that I can’t even trust my own family to protect me?

“Lana, sweetheart, who is he?”

“His--his name is Brian,” I reply softly, glancing down at the table once again.

“Oh… And how long have you been seeing him?”

“He asked me to be his girlfriend yesterday and I said yes…” I mumble, letting my eyes flicker up to my mother once more.

“No.” I look over at Henry to see his arms crossed over his chest and his brow furrowed. “You’re too young to have a boyfriend.”

“Henry--”

“No, she’s too young to be dating.”

“Henry, she’s fifteen. She is old enough to have a boyfriend. You’ve let Sandi have boyfriends.”

“I didn’t let her have boyfriends; she just called them boyfriends. Their idea of a date was walking to the drinking fountain together. Alana is asking to go out with this boy. A boy that we don’t know. Hell, she hardly knows this guy!”

“I highly doubt that she would have said yes to a boy she hardly knows, Henry. She’s not stupid.”

“It was the first day of school, Emma; of course she doesn’t know him.”

“I’ve known him for a long time actually,” I pipe up nervously, causing my parents to tear their attention from each other back to me. “And I really like him. Please, Dad, can I go out with him?”

He looks at me for a moment and I’m surprised to see that he actually looks like he’s thinking it over. That or he’s thinking about the best way to do what he thinks would be letting me down. Part of me wants him to tell me no so I don’t have to subject myself to pretending to be Brian’s girlfriend. But then I also want him to tell me that I can because I know how much this means to Lynn and I don’t want to let her down.

“Your mother and I need to think it over, Alana. Lynn, you will have an answer sometime tomorrow.”

“Okay,” we reply softly.

I quickly glance at Lynn to see a disappointed look on her face. Apparently that didn’t go the way she had planned at all. Maybe I should have let her do all the talking…

~

“I’ll see you tomorrow at school,” I tell Lynn with a small smile as we walk to the front door.

“Yeah, I’ll see you then. And remember; let me know as soon as you can if you can go or not, okay?”

“Don’t worry, I will.”

“Alright. Thanks for having me over, Mr. and Mrs. Benton,” she tells my parents with a smile.

“Thanks for coming over, Lynn,” Mom smiles. “We’ll see you soon.”

She nods her head and starts to open the door, stepping outside. I can see her mom’s car waiting in front of my house. She runs off to the car and I close the door as she disappears inside the vehicle. I turn to face my parents, nervously biting down on my bottom lip as I look at their faces. It’s clear that Henry’s still upset about the news about my “boyfriend”; and my mom… Well, I can’t help but see that she still feels bad that I didn’t tell her about Brian.

“Kris, Sandi, will you two please go up to your rooms? Your mother and I need to talk to Alana in private.”

“Yes, sir,” my siblings say with small nods of their heads, making their way up the stairs to their rooms.

“Sit down, Alana,” he tells me, gesturing to the couch once the sound of Sandi and Kris’ footsteps have disappeared. I do as he says and look up at him and my mother expectantly, unsure what they are going to say to me. “Lo--”

“Why didn’t you tell us that you have a boyfriend, sweetheart?” Mom asks, effectively cutting Henry off before he even has a chance to start.

My eyes meet hers and I bite my lip, guilt eating away at me when I see the disappointment there. She’s clearly taking the fact that I didn’t tell her about this to heart. I wish I could just tell her that it’s not really a date; that I don’t really have a boyfriend and Lynn’s just going all out with this so she can go on a date with Zacky, but I can’t do that to my best friend. But do I really want to keep lying to my mother?

No, I don’t.

“I just didn’t know how you guys would take it. I mean, I know that I’m kinda young and all that… I wasn’t sure if you guys would be okay with me dating Brian…”

But I have to…

“Sweetie, we don’t have a problem with you dating Brian,” she assures me with a warm smile, sitting down next to me.

“You may not, Emma; But I sure as hell have a problem with this,” my step-father interjects. “You are too young to be dating, Alana. You just turned fifteen and you have no idea what runs through a teenage boy’s head.”

“Oh, Henry, are you really using that tired old excuse?” Mom practically cries out.

“It’s not an excuse. It’s the truth! Boys only want one thing at that age and I will be damned if I let this Brian boy take advantage of her because he’s able to lay down a couple smooth lines.”

I almost want to laugh at what he’s just said. I want to laugh at the fact that he really thinks that Brian’s able to lay a couple of smooth lines. I guess they could be smooth if you think that calling a girl a fat ass something flattering that makes girls swoon. But most of all I want to laugh at the fact that he is doing all of this to protect me from being taken advantage of. Where was that man this summer? Because he sure as hell wasn’t around when the person who calls himself my cousin did what he did to me. He wasn’t around to keep me safe from the danger that was lurking in our own home. Why try to protect me now?

“Do you really think that Lana’s that stupid, Henry? She’s a smart girl; she knows better than to fall for a stupid line that’s fed to her from a cute face.”

“I know she’s not, but even the smartest girl can throw all logic and sense out the window when it comes to a boy that she’s head over heels for. Especially if the boy is determined.”

“I know better than to fall for a stupid line, Dad,” I tell him as I look up at him from what I’m sitting. “I like Brian, but I’m not going to rush into anything with him. You don’t need to worry about that.”

“Lana,” he stops and sit down in a recliner across from the couch and rests his forearms on his thighs. He lets out a heavy sigh and looks at me. “I know that sometimes you must think that I don’t care about you as much as I do Kris and Sandi; but I hope that you know that I love you as if you were my own.”

“I know you do, Dad,” I tell him with a small smile. “But, you have to realize that I’m growing up. And I’m going to date. It’s not like I’m going to run away to Vegas and get married. I just want to go on one date with my boyfriend. Please, Dad?”

He draws his lips into a thin line and inhales deeply. His eyes flicker from me to my mom and I can only imagine the look on my mother’s face, encouraging him to say yes.

“Okay,” he sighs. “You can go out with him.”

“Thank you so much!” I exclaim with a grin, a forced grin.

“But, I have to meet him first,” he tells me as I start to stand up.

“What?”

“I have to meet him first. I’m not letting my daughter go out with just any guy. I have to approve of him first.”

“Okay… Um, when do you want to meet him?”

“Tomorrow would be preferred. I want to know what kind of guy you are dating.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to him tomorrow at school and ask him if he can come over tomorrow.”

“Alright; I look forward to meeting him. You can go to your room now.”

“Okay,” I whisper softly, turning myself to start the short trek up the stairs.

I walk down the hallway and into my room, closing the door behind me as I let out a soft, but audible, sigh. My eyes quickly dart to the window to see what is going on across the street and I’m almost disappointed when I don’t see Brian in his room. I take a few steps towards my bed and sit down, not sure what to do.

A soft knock comes on my door and I call for them to come on in. My mom pokes her head in the door and I smile at her.

“Is it okay that I come inside, sweetheart?” she asks.

“Of course, Mom,” I tell her with a nod of my head, scooting up a little bit more onto my bed and crossing my legs. “What is it?”

“I just… I wanted to talk to you about you and your boyfriend,” she says as she gently shuts the door behind her. She walks over to the bed and sits down next to me. “I didn’t really get to say much downstairs; I was mainly there to make sure that Henry was being reasonable with you. He can get a tad too overprotective at times.”

“You noticed that too?” I query with a small chuckle.

“Just a little bit,” she smiles. “But I really wanted to talk to you about this.”

“What is it, Mom?”

“Why didn’t you tell me about this boy, Lana? I didn’t know you were dating anyone. I didn’t even know that you like someone. I thought you knew that you could talk to me about anything.”

“I know I can.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me about Brian? I didn’t even know that you had a crush on him and now I hear that you’re dating him. Did I do something wrong to where you don’t think you can confide in me anymore?”

“Of course not, Mom. You know I trust you more than anything. It’s just… With Brian… I don’t know… I just didn’t know how to even bring it up to you. And I hadn’t seen him since school had let out last year. I didn’t even think I would be seeing him again because I thought he would be going to Lakewood…”

“It’s okay, sweetheart, I understand. You thought that your crush would pass when he went to a different school.”

“Yeah,” I reply softly, nodding my head. There’s no point in arguing with her about it since I don’t know what I should be feeling. If only I didn’t have to lie to her about all of this. If only I didn’t have to pretend that I’m dating Brian Haner of all people.

“Well, I think that it’s great that you have a boyfriend, Lana,” she smiles, gently tucking a section of my hair behind my ear. “So, tell me about him. What’s he like?”

“Um… He’s… Something else…” I reply nervously, not really sure what to say about him.

“Is he cute? I bet he’s cute,” she grins widely.

“Umm… Well, I guess he is…” I scratch the back of my neck as my face starts to heat up. I really wish I didn’t have to do this right now. I don’t know what to say about him. It’s not like I know much about him at all.

“You guess?” she asks, her smile still on her face as she raises her eyebrows at me.

“Yes, he’s really cute,” I tell her. I guess he’s cute. I don’t know; I’ve never really bothered to pay attention to what he looks like. It’s hard to see if he’s attractive or not when he’s got such a huge ego and is just a total asshole.

“And what does he like to do?”

“Well, he…” I bite my lip and notice my flute stuffed away in my backpack. “He plays music,” I pipe.

“He does? Is he in band?”

“No, he’s not. But he likes to play guitar,” I reply, recalling what I saw last night. “And he’s just amazing at it. It’s just beautiful when he plays; you can’t keep your eyes off of him.” A small smile tugs at the corners of my mouth as I remember the way he played. He may be an ass, but he seems to have a passion for music and that is probably the only level I’ll ever be able to respect him.

“You really like him, don’t you?”

I look up at my mom and see the smile on her face. I wish I could tell her the truth; I want to tell her that I hate him, but I can’t do that.

“Mmhmm,” I nod.

“Well, I’m glad that you found a boy that makes you so happy, sweetheart. I’ve worried about you, but Brian seems to be good for you.” She gently cups my face in her hand and she runs her thumb across my cheek. “I’m so happy that you’ve found someone that makes you happy, and I can’t wait to meet him tomorrow.”

“I can’t wait for you to meet him,” I tell her with a tiny, and nervous, smile.

“Well, I’m going to let you get ready for bed. I’ll see you in the morning, sweetie. And remember, you can talk to me about anything. Even Brian.”

“Okay,” I chuckle slightly. “Goodnight, Mom.”

“Goodnight, Lana,” she whispers, pressing her lips to my forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Mom.”

I hug my mother before she gets off of the bed and I watch her as she walks out of the room and closes the door. I bite my bottom lip, chewing on it as the guilt for lying to her builds up inside of my stomach. I hate keeping stuff from her; and God knows that I’m keeping enough away from her as it is. Now I have this to add to the list.

I sigh and stand up, making my way to my dresser. I notice something out of the corner of my eye and look out of my window to see Brian in his room. I stop for a moment, watching him as he moves around the room, waiting in hopes that he’ll be picking up that acoustic of his.

“Whatcha looking at?”

I jump at the sound of my sister’s voice, letting out a shaky laugh as I turn my head to see her standing in my doorway. I guess I didn’t hear her when she opened the door.

“I thought I saw a spider on the window, but I guess I was wrong,” I reply with a small smile. “What are you doing here, Sands?”

“I just wanted to talk to you about something,” she says as she walks into my room and takes a seat on my bed.

“What is it?”

“Why didn’t you fucking tell me that you’re dating someone?” she chuckles. “I don’t know if I should be hurt of if I should smack you for lying to me yesterday.”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on, you’re not going to try to tell me that this Brian isn’t the same one that you told me you hate. I bet he is! Why would you lie to me like that? I thought we told each other everything!”

“I wasn’t really lying… He was always mean to me when we were younger and I wasn’t really happy with it. But it turns out you were right. He only picked on me because he likes me and… Well, he’s really cute.”

“Aww, I told you that when a guy likes you he will pick on you!”

“I hate to admit it, but yeah… It doesn’t make any sense to me though. Why pick on a girl that you like instead of being nice to her?”

“I don’t know, sis. It’s just a guy thing. They’re confusing as fuck and you know it.”

“Yeah, they really are…”

“So, when will I get to meet this guy?”

“Um… Tomorrow I guess… I’m going to ask him to come over and meet Dad.”

“Awesome! I can’t wait to meet your boyfriend! I’ll finally get to do my protective sister talk I’ve been practicing!”

“What talk?” I ask, knitting my eyebrows together.

“The whole, ‘You-break-my-sister’s-heart-then-I-will-cut-your-dick-off-and-make-you-eat-it’ talk. Duh.”

I can’t help but laugh at her, grinning from ear to ear. I really wanna be there to see the look on Brian’s face when she tells him that. “You’re the best, Sands.”

“I know I am,” she smiles. “Oh, so, how hot is he? Is he like just cute or is he smoldering like that Matt guy that was on the bus?”

“Umm… He’s pretty hot,” I lie. “He’s got, like, the greatest smile ever,” I add on, not really sure what else to say. Hell, I don’t even know what Brian’s smile looks like. All I know is that he’s got that stupid smirk of his that makes me want to punch him in the face.

“Leave it to you to get a hottie,” she smirks. “Oh, so, truth time; is he the one that you’re trying to buy the expensive skateboard for?”

“Yeah, he is,” I admit softly, feeling relieved to finally tell the truth about something.

“Aww, that’s so cute! Are you like gonna give it to him for like Christmas or something?”

“Mmhmm,” I nod. “What better way to say Merry Christmas to your boyfriend than to give him a new skateboard?”

“I’m sure he’ll love it! And if you ever need any help on the cash, I’ll be more than happy to help you out, okay?”

“Alright. Thanks, Sandi.”

“Not a problem, Lana. Well, I’ll let you get back to getting ready for bed and I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Alright. Night, Sands.”

“Night, Lana,” she smiles as she gets off of my bed and disappears out of the room, closing the door behind her.

I bite my lip and start to get ready for bed. I close my blinds and quickly change out of my clothes into my pajamas, a pair of dark purple sleep pants and a black tank top, and I pull my hair up into a messy ponytail. I head out into the bathroom and quickly brush my teeth and wash my face. I amble back into my room and shut the door, crossing over to my nightstand where my lamp is sitting and I turn it on before walking back towards the door and turning off the main light.

I start to walk to my bed, but stop when I get in front of the window. I gently gnaw on the inside of my mouth and slowly reach out for the rod to open my blinds. I can see Brian’s house as I open up the blinds and my eyes immediately go to his room. I smile when I see him sitting down with his guitar in his hands, strumming away. I rest my head against the window frame and continue to watch him as his fingers glide over the frets with such fluidity and ease.

A few more minutes pass by and he stands up, his guitar in his hands, and he walks over to where I remember he has set the instrument down before. He runs his fingers through his hair as he makes his way to his lamp and turns it on. He heads towards the door and turns off the light like he did last night. And just like last night he pulls his shirt off, tossing it onto the floor.

My mouth grows dry and I lick my lips at the sight of his body, silently cursing myself for doing so. I shake my head and quickly close the blinds, hoping that he didn’t notice me. I huff loudly and lay down on my bed. I turn off my lamp and bring my gaze up above me, staring up at my ceiling.

I wish that I knew what Brian was playing… I wish I could hear just how beautiful it all sounds.

But most of all, I wish that I could stop watching him all the damn time.