Seasons.

I woke up to the sounds of boys screaming in the hallways. I opened my eyes slowly, the little bit of light coming through the small window in my room. I looked up seeing Stephen still sound asleep cuddled up to a pillow. I looked to my other side to see that Jess had must have already gotten out of bed. I sighed, putting my head back on the pillow just for one more moment.

I shut my eyes, trying to block out the sun. I didn’t know what time it was, but for all the boys to be up, it may be pretty late in the afternoon. I don’t know why, but I like sleeping in the day more then I do during the night. I sighed, opening my eyes one more time. I think it may be a good idea just to get up and get going. I’m pretty sure we need to get to the venue sometime this afternoon.

I moved my right arm over myself, pushing on Stephens shoulder. He groaned lightly, “Yeah, yeah Jordan.” He sighed. “I’m up. . .sort of.”

I lifted myself up from the bed, looking around the room. I stood up on my feet awkwardly, trying not to fall over. I held onto the wall as I hopped off the bed. I noticed that I was sweating quit a bit because I fell asleep in Stephen’s sweater last night. I sighed, moving my bangs out of my face.

I opened the door of my room, not hearing the boys voice’s coming from anywhere anymore. I could hear some stomping coming from upstairs. My dad must be happy to be at work all day long because he doesn’t have to be here to put up with all of this. I sighed, turning to my right, walking down the hallway. I looked into the living room that was pretty much trashed, but there was still someone in there.

I smirked, looking at John sound asleep on the couch hardly wrapped in the blanket. I walked around the couch and stood in front of the one that he was laying on. I kicked the side of the couch a little bit with my knee making him turn the other way, but he didn’t wake up. I sighed, shaking his arm and he shot his eyes wide open jolting up from the couch almost falling over on the ground.

He put out his arm, catching himself on the coffee table. I laughed looking down at him, while he opened his eyes all the way one more time. “Holy fuck!” John sighed looking around the room to remember where he was. I don’t know what was up with him. “That was the worse form of waking up ever.”

“John,” Stephen said appearing from the end of the hallway. “You always do that. Even when I’d go to wake you up for school when we were younger you’d fucking freak out if I even pushed you a little bit.”

“I’m sorry. . .” I apologized. “I didn’t know.”

John shook his head with a chuckle. “It’s alright. I was just startled.”

“What time is it?” Stephen asked.

John looked at the watch on his left wrist. “Shit. We better go home and get changed. We need to leave to the venue in an hour or less.”

I watched as Stephen shoved his wallet and his cell phone in his pocket. John pulled the little bit of blanket off of himself and stood up straight. He was wearing the same thing that he was wearing the night before. I’m guessing him and Taylor didn’t get to sleep until really late last night. I walked around the coffee table and around the couch that Taylor had slept on. I walked over to the end of the stairs and began to walk up them.

I walked into the dark staircase, until I came to the white door that I have been seeing a lot of. I looked down the stairs to see Stephen and John waiting for me to move. I opened the door and walked into the bright hallway of the second floor. I moved back quickly bumping into Stephen when I saw Brian dashing down the hallway.

Seconds later I saw Taylor come down the stairs and turn the sharp corner with a spray bottle full of water. “Fuck you Bdales!” He screamed at the top of his lungs, trying to catch up with Brian. I laughed looking back at Stephen.

“Are they always like this?” I asked.

He nodded. “Most of the time.”

I walked down the hallway and into the kitchen where everyone else was, eating some lunch. I looked at the clock and noticed that it was two in the afternoon. I’m guessing that we were leaving for the venue at three. I sighed walking over to the fridge. I opened the door and grabbed an ice cold water bottle from one of the shelves.

“We’re going to go home and get changed. . .” Stephen said to everyone. “Brian do you need a ride or something like that?”

Brian had his forearms over one of the kitchen table chairs as he leaned over out of breathe. Across the table was Taylor looking at him with an evil grin. “Yeah,” Brian nodded. “I need to get out of here before Taylor fucking eats me alive.”

“I need to go too,” Taylor nodded. “I need to get all the shit packed up so we can put it in the trailer when you guys come to pick me up. Are we all going to be able to fit in the van?”

Josh nodded. “I’m pretty sure.”

“Oh well,” John cut in. “We’ll squeeze if we don’t have any room.”

“Are you going to go home or something?” Josh asked Jess.

Jess looked over at me. “Jordan, is it alright if I borrow something to wear? I’m sorry, but I took most of my clothes home since you needed that room. My house is the farthest and stuff, and I don’t have that much time.”

I nodded with a smile. “I don’t mind. I have too much clothes anyways. But, I’m going to go and take a shower, so I’ll talk to you guys when I’m done.”

“Bye Jord. . .” John smirked as I was about to leave the kitchen.

“Bye John.” I smiled, waiting until I left the room for the redness to appear on my face.

-

I stood in front of my mirror, wondering why I looked like this. I don’t know how this all works out. I mean, I do, ‘cause I learned it in school. I wondered why I was picked to have these parents I have, and why I look the way I look. I wonder how life would be if I were the same person, just different parents and different looks. What if I acted the same and everything, just a different image.

I always wish that I could change my image and I didn’t know why. I’m done on myself a lot but I’ve been doing something’s to get better at self confidence and the way I look hasn’t been that big of a problem with me as it was before. I just wish I looked different sometimes to impress certain people. And as I look at myself right now, the person that I’d like to impress the most is John.

I know liking someone isn’t all about their looks. But I would just like it if someone noticed me for what I looked like sometimes. I’ve been given compliments before, but not ones that I wish I could. I get the one’s like “You’re so easy to talk to,” or something like “You make me smile all the time.” Sometimes I even get called cute but that’s not what I wish I could get. I might sound self conceited, but I’m not. I just want more.

I’ve heard tons of girls that I know get called beautiful. Or sometimes when I’m hanging out with Carson he says that someone is just so gorgeous to him that he can’t even speak and that he looses his words sometimes. I don’t know how that could happen, because it hasn’t happened to me yet, but I wish some guy said that about me. I’ve heard it enough about these random sluts that weren’t even worth time by some of the nicest guys.

I just wish I was one of those girls that were called that all the time and they didn’t even care. It was something new to them. But just once, if someone were to say something so great like that to me, I’d be happy. Even if we weren’t dating, even if it was a stranger - I’d still be happy hearing those words because I think they’d make me feel important.

That’s why I look at myself in the mirror and wonder things. What if there’s one little thing that could mess up my chances with John. I don’t know. I’m hoping that I’m that girl that will take his breathe away. That girl that he could possibly date and make myself his because he doesn’t want to look at anyone else. I know I couldn’t be that great. I couldn’t be that perfect, but I’d like to pretend sometimes in my head.

I grabbed the flat iron from the desk that Jess had left on and ran it through my hair lightly. I looked at my bare face in the mirror, knowing why guys didn’t look at me. I was plain. I didn’t wear make up. I had a fair completion. It was pretty much your plain Jane kind of deal. I just wish I could look different. So guys actually looked at me and tell themselves that, that girl is someone that I’d like to get to know.

I turned off the flat iron and put it on the table. I stood up looking at my whole outfit in the mirror. I smiled. I don’t know, but I liked my outfit. I was wearing dark washed skinny jeans with a hole in one knee. A red tank with a cardigan on my bed I would take in case I needed it later. I pushed my bangs to the side and walked over to my bed and picked up the cardigan.

I walked across my room and opened the door of my room. I walked into the dark hallway, knowing that everyone is probably outside right now. I jogged down the hallway and to the staircase. I jogged up the dark staircase trying not to trip on myself. I opened the door and shut it behind me. I walked to the entrance, and slipped on my white tom’s quickly and looked at myself one more time in the mirror. I don’t know why I’m being like this. I’m never like this; always looking at myself in the mirrors around me to know that I look just right. It’s weird.

I opened the door and walked out onto the porch. It actually wasn’t as hot as it usually was when I walked outside so far this summer. I walked down the two steps, noticing a white van in the drive way with a white trailer on the back of it. I noticed that John and Stephen had come back down, all cleaned up and wearing different clothes. Right when I began to walk down the path, I noticed Brian driving up on the curb.

I walked onto the driveway, and walked over to the van. I noticed that the boys were helping Jess put her drums in the trailer. I’m guessing that they were the ones she used in the basement. Stephen walked by me and smiled with his bass case in his hand. He turned and walked into the trailer to set it down.

“Are we leaving?” I asked.

“Yeah. . .” Josh nodded with a smile. “We need to pick up Taylor and the merch, but then we’re ready to go, I’m pretty sure. Are you excited to hear us play tonight?”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “John showed me some of your stuff last night.”

“What the fuck!?” Carson exclaimed. “Josh wouldn’t show me shit. He said that I had to wait ‘till tonight until I got to hear any of their music, because if I heard them on record I might think they suck ass on stage.”

“John you fucking idiot!” Josh turned around to look at John. “You weren’t supposed to show her any of our stuff until tonight. We went over this already. It was supposed to be some sort of surprise I guess.”

“Oh shut up,” John groaned. “You’re just on your fucking time.”

“Shut up you fucking idiot.” Josh groaned back at Josh. “I’ll pull your precious little curls out of your big ass head.”

“Is this how it always is with them?” I asked Jess.

She looked up at me and then back at John and Josh. “Oh no,” She shook her head a little bit. “This is just a normal day.”

“Great. . .” I sighed.