Seasons.

She sat there, looking around the house in the most disgusted face that I’ve ever seen. John and I sat on the couch across from her, and he held tightly onto me. Whenever her eyes would cross us, I could see a disappointed and sick look on her face. I think it’s because she didn’t want to believe any of this. She didn’t want to believe that I had friends who cared about me, or a boyfriend who loves me. She didn’t want to wrap her mind around the fact that I’m happy for once.

Everyone ended up leaving, and Jess and Carson were the only one’s that began to pick up things around the house. They weren’t in the room right now though, they were in the back yard picking up some thing’s. It wasn’t as messy as I thought it was going to be. My mother thought that the house was disgusting. I told her that we had a party, but she just scoffed and walked into the living room.

I’d probably ask her why she was here, but I was too scared to even say anything. She sat there with that look on her face. I don’t know how she got here. My mother always complains about the fact that she never has money, but she could drive all the way to Arizona just to come and see me for no reason? I just sighed and laid back in John’s chest. I looked to my left, Taylor sitting beside John. On the arm of the couch was Josh and on the other one was Brian. Then, Stephen walked down the stairs and sat down beside me. We all just sat there and looked at my mom. It was an awkward situation.

My mother was dressed in the low cut red shirt and black pants. I don’t know why, but for her age, I don’t know if she should be wearing stuff like that. When she looked around the house, she seemed a little pissed off? I think it’s because she knows that if she wasn’t an asshole to my dad, that she could be living here right now. She wouldn’t have no money. She’d have a great husband and her daughter wouldn’t hate her.

“Um,” I said awkwardly.

“You want to know why I’m here?” My mom asked rudely. “Is that what you want to know? ‘Cause I’ll tell you if you want to know.”

“Well, you can’t just show up here for no reason.” Stephen pointed out.

“Excuse me, whoever you are.” My mom looked at Stephen. “You cannot tell me what I can and cannot do.” Stephen just sat there, glaring at her. I think it’s because he knows how much she hurt me growing up and he knows that she deserves to be hated.

“Why are you here?” I asked.

“Well, your father called me for some reason the other night.” She replied. “I happened to be home, so he was filling in on what you guys have been doing around here. Then he mentioned something about hearing you guys talking about some sort of fucking tour you want to go one. Are you guys seriously in a band? Are you kidding me?”

“They’re in a band mom.” I said. “Stop acting so fucking surprised.”

“Well, you’re not going on tour with them.” She shook her head. “You’re coming home. I don’t want you here anymore. I’m serious Jordan. You’ve got friends now, so what. You’re coming back home, same with Carson. You’re packing your shit and moving in with Carson. And your graduating at your own school. Non of this touring across America junk. You’re not going to make a living off of that.”

“Who cares about money?” I replied. I could feel John’s hand tighten around my waist. I looked back at him. He looked really worried. “I have friend’s mom. Don’t you wish to know what that feels like? I know I have, and it feels great. I’d rather have then to make money. And what are you talking about? You have no friends or money. There’s no way that I’m turning out like you.”

“You can’t talk to me like that.” She shook her head. “Your dad should be home soon. I’m going to go around town or something. You better be packed by the time that I get back. I’m not kidding Jordan. I’m getting you out of this place. Now.”

My mother got up from the couch, walking across the room. I could hear her high heel’s click off the floor as she held her black purse in her hand. I tried to hold myself back from what I didn’t want to do, but I felt it coming. When my mom entered into the entrance area and I couldn’t see her anymore, I let it happen. Turning back and falling into John’s chest, I let the liquid tears of salt drop from the chocolate eyes and hit the material of John’s shirt.

I felt John’s warm arm’s around me. I held onto him closely, because I never wanted to let go. I know that my mom will make me go with her. She wasn’t kidding. I knew that she was going to ruin something, but I didn’t know that it’d be this early. I know that my dad didn’t know not to tell her, he didn’t know how nasty she could get. He’d come home and try to fight with her on letting me stay, but it wouldn’t work. She has custody of me and she’d use that against me.

It’s me. It’s me that gets these thing happening to them all the time. I thought that I could be happy for once. I could be with my friends and be happy. I could actually like who I was for once, but then it has to be gone. I have to spend my senior year all alone since Carson was already out of highschool. I’d be with some of the people that hated me the most. I’d be away from the people that love me the most. John would be swarmed with different girls every night and they’d forget me.

All I cared about right now was the fact that John’s arms were around me. I could hear conversation around the room that made me feel sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to leave. Everyone knew that. I understood it the most. I don’t think anyone could ever understand how much it meant to me to have people that could talk to me for hours, and make me laugh with everything that they do. No one would ever understand that.

“Babe. . .” John lifted my face from his shirt. I looked down at his shirt to see the tear stains on his shirt. “It’s going to be alright. She can’t break us apart.”

“She can.” I sobbed. “And she’s going to.”

“No she won’t.” John shook his head. “This may be goodbye for now, but it’s not going to be good bye forever. I know, I won’t be able to stand being away from you, but we’ll be together. Maybe it’s a good thing y’know? I got jump starting the band and you got senior year. But when you move out, you can do whatever you want.”

“That’s true.” Stephen nodded. I looked over at him, he looked torn into pieces. Before he could even finish his sentence, I reached over and pulled him closer to me. I don’t know how I was going to bare without him or Jess. They were the people that I could talk to for hours about anything in the world. That’s why I loved them so much.

I pulled away from Stephen and looked at Brian. He smirked at me, but I could see the sadness dying under his facial features. I sighed, getting up from John’s lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held onto him tightly. I felt bad for him because he’d go back to the getting made fun of stage and I wouldn’t be there to help him. To stand up for him and he needed that. I knew Brian was strong though. He’ll stand up for himself one day and they’ll stop being dicks to him. I know it. And he know’s that even though they make fun of him, they still love him to death.

I turned around to see Jess and Carson standing in the door way. Jess had no expression on her face. She looked at me and tears began to pour out of her eyes. I knew that she’d miss having me around because she liked having a girl around. I was the girl that she could relate too. Jess liked getting away from the guys for a bit and just have time with me and not be exposed to what the guys want to do and talk about all the time. I sighed, tears falling more out of my eyes when seeing her cry. I grabbed onto her tightly - I felt like I never wanted to let go. She was my best friend that was a girl.

Pulling away from Jess, she whipped the tears away from her face. Carson still looked shocked. He looked like he was going to miss having the guys around. I don’t know how Carson and I are going manage. We haven’t really talked, and I don’t know how that’s going to affect our friendship, but apparently I was going to move in with him. I don’t know how that’s going to affect us, the way we are right now. He turned to me and frowned because I was crying. Out of no where, he grabbed onto me. In my ear he whispered, “We’re going to be okay. We’re going to be together with them soon. We just need to get through your senior year. It’ll be alright, Jord.”

That was the Carson that I missed. I knew that we could never be mad at each other. Ever. Then I turned to see Josh standing there. I knew that I could always find everyone else through Josh because we were family, and nothing could break that. He wrapped arms around me, and I dug my head into his chest. He took this goodbye like a man, and I knew he would. He pulled away and ruffled my hair. “I love you kid.”

I smirked, the best that I could. “I love you too.”

Taylor sat there on the couch right beside John. I didn’t look at him first, I looked at John. He didn’t want anyone to see, but he was letting tear by tear drop on his face as he looked at the ground. It broke my heart to see him do this, but it broke his heart to see me leave. Taylor stood up from the couch and pulled me into a hug.

John’s hand went up from his lap and he whipped the tears falling down his pale face. He got up from the couch and looked at me with a sadness in his eyes that made my heart want to crumble into pieces inside. “I think I’m going to go and help Jordan pack. You guys can keep cleaning the house or whatever.” John said. The tone of his voice made me break. I sighed, walking over to grab his hand and hold it tight in my hand.

I turned around, walking past Jess who was still brought to tears. I frowned, walking past her and out of the arch way of the livingroom. I turned a right and looked at the white door of the basement. I looked at the door, knowing I wouldn’t see it for the longest time. The basement door that lead to the place that I’ve had the most fun in, in the short time that I was here. I sighed, grabbing onto the handle of the door. I turned the handle, the white door opening in front of John and I.

The stairs were dark like always, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything right now, I just cared about spending time with John before I had to leave. I walked down the stairs in the dark, my hand still attached to John’s. I would never let go until I had to. I wanted to stay like this forever. I wanted to hold onto him. I wanted to see that smirk, or smell the smell that intoxicated me. I wanted his soft touch and the way he could make me smile by doing the simplest things. I wanted it forever.

I turned at the bottom of the stairs. Behind me, I could hear John’s nose sniffling from crying. I never took John as one for crying. I never did, and the sound of it made me break. I turned around and pushed him against the wall of the hallway. He licked his lips from the salty tears falling on them. I pressed my hands on his chest, and looked at his eyes deeply. I wanted him to remember. Remember the things we did together. Remember my face, and how much I loved him.

My pink lips touched his for a second, and then I deepened the kiss. It was the way that it needed to be. It was disgusting but beautiful at the same time. As our mouths danced, our tears collided together. It was a kiss of sadness, but it just felt so right. I could feel his hands dance around my back. He pulled away, no smile on his lips now like usual. I could hardly even smile, even if John tried his hardest to make me. I knew he wouldn’t smile right now though. It was a depressing state.

My hands ran down his torso, and on the side of his hips. I could feel him breathing heavily as he grasped his hands around my neck. I felt his head reach up and his lips touch the top of my head. It was a long kiss, because I knew he didn’t want to leave my reached. John suddenly broke down. I could hear the sobs and whines come out of his mouth and the water dripped, drip by drip. “I love you Jordan, I love you with all my heart. You need to remember that. You need to remember me.”

“I will,” I nodded, rubbing his chest with my hands. “John, I love you. I don’t know why she’s doing this but she can’t control me forever. Don’t forget me when you’re on tour. None of you guys can forget me. Ever. I won’t forget you. Remember that.”

“I won’t. I can’t. I’ll always remember you.” John let his tears drop. He didn’t care.

And this was how it was going to go. I knew this was how it was going to go. My mother was getting her way, and I was going back to how I was before. But I know that I was going to be with John again. I was going to be surrounded by people that love me, one more time in my life and I knew that. My dad would be devastated, but he knows how my mom gets. I’ll miss Arizona. In the winter, I’ll miss the heat. I’ll miss all of this. I’ll miss everyone. I love everyone with all my heart.

I’ll remember the moments I’ve had with them, and I’ll remember the boy I love. The seasons will change and I’ll change. The love in my heart for the people I’ve met, won’t change. I’ll be with them again and I know it. I’ll be laughing with the guys and talking the night away with Jess and Stephen again. I’ll be back in John’s arms and I’ll feel safe. I’ll be waiting all alone, waiting for that time to come. I’ll wait while the seasons change.